C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I had my second c-section 5.5 weeks ago. It was supposed to be a vbac and I just can't shake the feelings of disappointment and failure. I had very low fluid and there were other issues. I was over 40 weeks and couldn't be induced because of my previous c-section. My first section was planned because it was twins and one was breech.
So I have never gone into labor, never experienced pushing. Had 3 babies born in an OR, surgically removed from my body.
I am actually a little jealous every time I hear of a vaginal delivery. I can't watch shows like baby story anymore because I get so upset I will never have that experience.
I know the most important thing is that all my kids were healthy - is it normal to feel this way, or am I really weird?

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

Honestly, I never ever had any feelings of disappointment in having a C Section.
I did experience labor (15 hours) prior to C Section and let me tell you, it was not fun!
Vaginal birth scares the crap outta me!
Im actually looking forward to my scheduled C Section!

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

Sorry, I am having my 2nd schedule c/s in a few days and dont have those same feelings as you...however I am SURE its normal as I have seen plenty of posts saying very similar things over the past few years!

Just try to focus on the good and what you have gained in your life (through your c/s) instead of what you feel like you have missed out on!

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I had a cs, if there was ever another pg, i will have another cs. I have ZERO desire to have a vag birth. ZERO. I dont feel gipped, i dont feel like I missed anything at all.

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I was very disappointed about my emergency c-sect and hope to avoid it with the next DC but I know every pregnancy is different and nothing is guaranteed.

I think after a while you'll forget how they arrived and will just be able to enjoy their arrival. At least that's been my plan the past year.

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I agree with you! I think we are done and my twins were bone via c section and to boot I was under general anesthesia. I dreamed of giving birth and that moment when my baby(ies) would be born and I missed all of it! I often get sad about both...but then try to remember we are all healthy

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

DS was a c-section after 19 hrs of labor (he was breach) I was so afraid of surgery, i remember nothing of the surgery because they had me doped up on some awesome drugs. (to be fair i've never been i a hospital before that so i was very scared) I DREAD another c-section. whether or not my doctor will consider vbac may be the different between DS having siblings or being an only child. I know if i have another c-section they'll have to knock me out.

listening to the moms who have had v-births, i am a little jealous. their recovery was so much easier, they got to experience real birth, hold their baby right away, etc.

need less to say, i totally understand how you feel. i will probably feel the same way if i have another c-section

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I agree with you, my OB talked me into the c-section with DD because of 4th degree hemmeroids and how much of a horrible recovery it would be because pushing would make them 10 times worse and at the time i was in so much pain from the hemmeroids i agreed. After my c-section, i didn't get tp see DD for an hour because i was in recovery, so many people held her before i did and by the time i go to my room the nightmare lactation consultant threw her at my boob and didn't even give me a minute with her. I felt gipped out of the 'right after bith' bonding and sometimes i wonder if that was why did never breastfed well. Looking back on it, i should have just had a vaginal delivery and unfortunately this baby will mostly likely be a c-section as well due to complications with the placenta. I still wonder...

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I TOTALLY feel this way and hope that I can try VBAC one day.

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I think it is totally normal to feel this way. I had a vag birth for DD#1 and a c/s for DD#2 due to breech presentation. Despite the fact that the recovery was a horror show for my second birth, I also felt sad that I didn't push my DD#2 out. Sending you lots of hugs and congratulations!!

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

yes and no

i have never felt a real contraction, no clue what it feels like. in that respect, I do feel like I am "missing out"

honestly, all that matters is that my son is here, safe and sound and healthy but there is a part of me that wants that experience. to see what its like. perhaps i will try for a VBAC next time around

then again, maybe not

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

After 22 hours of labor I couldn't wait to get a csec. I don't have one ounce of regret! after my experience I wouldn't even entertain the thought of a vbac. In the end all that matters is your child is safe and healthy.

Message edited 4/15/2011 12:08:38 PM.

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I feel exactly the same way you do. And 5 years later, I still feel that way. DD#2 was also born via c/s. We had a lot of trouble conceiving her and DH would not even consider the VBAC after the doc explained the risks to us. Even though the risks are low, he felt it was not worth us jeopardizing anything. So I had the second (actually not planned...she came 2 weeks before the scheduled date)!

Everybody who had natural deliveries that I tell how I feel tell me that I am lucky, and it I did not miss anything. But there are several things I wanted to experience in my lifetime, and one of them was childbirth, and I just feel cheated out of a life-experience that I really wanted to have. I actually still think about it ALL the time..."if that covering doctor had just started pitocin instead of leaving me with minor contractions for 24+ hours maybe I could have delivered on my own and maybe...maybe...maybe" are the thoughts that go through my head at LEAST once a week (b/c I work in a hospital and dispense med to the DR).

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I was VERY disappointed when I had my c-section. . after being induced, in labor for about 2 days, pushing for 2 1/2 hours. . I just cried when they told me he would not come out. . I think I would be even more upset if I had not had the chance to push bc I feel like that gave me some of the experience.

My step-sister was so upset she literally joined a support group for women with emergency c-sections bc she wanted to give birth so badly. . so I don't think you are alone. . it is such a hard experience and it's not unique to feel like you missed something. .

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I am just happy that all my goods are still fully intact down there after 2 kids. The UP side to the c/s

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

Definitely normal to feel that way. Your feelings are very legitamate. I too had a c-section and was upset about it for a very long time. I felt cheated out of the experience of vaginally giving birth to my DS and it was especially hard bc I was so set, both in my mind and heart, that I wanted a v-birth. It seemed to me that it would be the ultimate bonding experinece between me and my DS. As time has gone on I no longer have those feelings as much but I too have trouble hearing about people's vaginal births, especially those that had similar complications to mine.

Time will help you work through those feelings. Don't let anyone invalidate your feelings - of course you know and agree that your children being healthy is the most important thing, but that doesn't mean you can feel and mourn the fact that your birth experience wasn't what you wanted/envisioned.

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I do not feel like I missed out on anything by having a c section. But it does get frustrating from a recovery standpoint.

Most of my relatives and friends had vaginal deliveries and their recoveries were so much quicker than mine.

I think many women feel the way you do though.

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

Yes. I feel this way still after 15 months PP. I hate the fact I had a C-section and think that had a lot to do with my PPD.

I hated my c-section, I felt very detached from my baby, I hate the scar, I hate the recovery, etc.

I pray for a V-bac with my next baby. I want that moment. I want all the hormones we naturally produce when we have a vaginal birth. I don't want another major surgery. I know if I have another c-section I will feel disappointed again.

Having a healthy baby IS the most important thing, but how we delivery the baby is very important for many women, and should not be discredited.

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I did not have a c/s but had a hard time "getting over" my birth experience so I just want to say that you are not alone and I think it is much more common than we think.

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I'm sorry you're disappointed. I'm sure it feels like its just one of those things good, bad or otherwise you were not given an oppurtunity to experience. You have wonderful children and I know youre happy they are healthy. But I can imagine it feels like a choice was taken away. It feels like there are too many 'what ifs' and 'if onlys'.

There will always be regret if you think of it this way. Not much can change that other than learning to see it differently but you have to want to. I think its still too close, too fresh.

I hope it gets better for you and to all those still suffering the pains of regret.


...

all that said.. I know I've been clear on my point of view. I never ever wanted a Vag birth. EVER. I would have lined up and offered up any amount of money to have avoided it. When she was breech I kept hoping and praying she'd STAY that way. I never wanted to push her out. I never wanted to feel the pain of a contraction. I had those contractions for 9hrs. I do believe that if I hadn't suffered that, I may have considered another child. I am so very glad she was c/s!!!!!!

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I had a bit of regret with my first c-section. Mainly because I labored naturally for 30+ hours, pushed for 3, and then had an emergency c-section because my BP was uncontrollably high and DS was having a hard time descending.

My regret really came when my nurse told me she believed if they had let me push for just another half hour he would have come out.

I had a repeat c-section 10 days ago. When I initially got pregnant I planned a VBAC instantly. Then I found out it was twins and my tune changed. I actually have no regrets this time.

I can understand where you are coming from completely. It's totally natural to feel like you may have missed out on an experience. But at the end of the day, you have 3 beautiful, healthy, children, who cares how they got here