Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

Posted by BethanyLynn

Honestly, I never ever had any feelings of disappointment in having a C Section.
I did experience labor (15 hours) prior to C Section and let me tell you, it was not fun!
Vaginal birth scares the crap outta me!
Im actually looking forward to my scheduled C Section!

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I was induced with DD and wound up with a c-section. I am upset that I didn't get the chance to experience normal contractions, that I didn't get to experience the "OMG let's rush to the hospital, my water broker or I am in labor" excitement. I am upset that after she was born I didn't get to see DD for hours because I was so tired I feel asleep during recover....I am upset about all those things....BUT...I had a wonderful recovery....I have a beautiful DD and I definitely do not feel like a failure and you absolutely should not feel like one either.

I think its normal to feel what you are feeling....i DO NOT want to give birth vaginally with any other kids I may have....but I do want to at least experiencing going into labor on my own and all the excitement that comes along with that.

Congratulations on the newest member of your family and lots of

to you/

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

Thanks everyone. IT is good to know I am not alone in these feelings.
I think part of it for me is that I am having a very difficult recovery this time.
Hugs to all of you!

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

Posted by BethanyLynn

Honestly, I never ever had any feelings of disappointment in having a C Section.
I did experience labor (15 hours) prior to C Section and let me tell you, it was not fun!
Vaginal birth scares the crap outta me!
Im actually looking forward to my scheduled C Section!

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I totally understand how you feel and I am so, so sorry you didn't have the chance to have a VBAC. I think it's normal to be sad and also normal to mourn the birth you didn't get to have.

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I only have 1 DC, but plan to have more in the future. I wasn't disappointed w/ my 1st c/s. I was just so grateful that DD was perfectly healthy. I asked if VBAC was possible and my dr said absolutely. So I will try with the next one, but if it doesn't go as planned, I don't think I would be disappointed, more curious than anything. But then again, I won't know how I will feel until it actually happens.

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I was extremely disappointed that I ended up with a c-section for DD.

I prepared a for vaginal, non-medicated delivery (took Bradley birth classes) and ended up on the opposite end of the spectrum.

It took me a long time to come to terms with my delivery.

One day, months later, I looked at DD and how beautiful and healthy and vibrant she is and realized that she is HEALTHY and HAPPY and the way I gave birth does not play into that.

I hope to have a VBAC for number 2 b/c I want to experience labor and delivery the way God intended. But I am so thankful that modern medicine exists, otherwise I may not have been around to enjoy DD.

It is tough, and I feel you 100%, but be thankful for your blessings too.

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

yes and no.

When I had my first, it was an emer c-section. She was born early, and while I was dilated, I never progressed past 4 cms. And it was more about getting her out safely.

But when I got pg with my second, I never thought that I'd "have" to have another c-section. I was unprepared for my OB to tell me that, and it upset me. But not enough for me to look for a new O who would support a VBAC. At least, not with my fistory.

But I was in labor with my first, I just didn't get a chance to push her out

And we are done, so I know that I will never push a baby out of me, but I'm ok with it because my girls are healthy and that's what matters to me.

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

Completely understand how you feel I had a V-birth with my DD and thought my son would be exactly the same. Instead after an hour of pushing(that was going really well and I was super excited about), his heart rate dropped and I was rushed into the emergency room. I was already doped up due to the epi and now they added a spinal block. I couldn't feel from my mid-waist down for 7 hours! It was terrifying. My DH had to hold DS just so I could try and breast feed. It was awful. Plus the recovery was just so hard and I was so uncomfortable. The only positive thing I remember was getting to spend almost a week with my DS in the hospital. That was just the most wonderful time.

I just remember the time after my DD as so joyful and wanted that experience again. I felt gipped for a long time and my new doc for DS was so c-section pro that for long time I thought he "pretended" that there were complications just to get the birth over with. Crazy I know.

I feel fine now and no longer have any regrets. I accept it and just thank God my child was born healthy. But it took a long time. My DS is 2 and I think only now do I have some perspective on it.

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I don't "regret" it per se....but sometimes I do feel like I missed something...the anticipation, the excitment, the surprise. I KNEW when my daughter's birthday would be. I didn't get to hold her right after birth...it was a few hours later. I wanted to have that "It's TIME!" moment. I wanted to know what a contraction feels like.

I still do. I still hope that I have a Braxton Hicks contraction or something so I can say I've felt it. But I don't have the desire to go fully into labor. I don't need to push something out of me to feel pride, accomplishment or like a "real mom." We're all real moms, regardless of how our DC's came into this world.

But I understand the feeling...I think it's natural...you imagine and dream about something being a certain way and when it is changed completely around through no fault of your own, it is difficult to accept.

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

Maybe because I had such great experiences with my 3 c-sections, but I don't feel like I missed out on anything at all...

I went into labor before my c with Lexi and that was NO fun, thats for sure..

I think if I had to be put under anesthesia and been completely out, that would bother me ( missing out on the whole "its a boy/girl" thing), but aside from that I am actually happy that I had the c-sections...Don't like the belly pooch, but at the same time glad that my girly goods were unscathed

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I had the same feelings after DS was born. I went into labor on my own and was progressing nicely. I got to the hospital and was 5cm but DS heartrate was dropping really low and wasn't coming back up.

I dilated to 7 before they rushed me down to the OR for an emergency c-section. (This was all in the matter of 25 mins) Luckily they didn't have to put me under general and DS stabilized enough that they could give me the spinal.

For weeks after I was home I felt like I was so close and wasn't able to do it. I felt like I was cheated out of something (no one ever thinks about being in labor and end up having a situation like that) I was dissapointed that I didn't get the labor "I thought I was going to have"

And then after a few months it got better and I realized how luck we were that DS was born healthy and that I did get to experience it (even if not in the way I had always imagined)

Now I'm pregnant with #2 and as bad as I want to go the vbac route I know I def. don't want another situation like my first.

I've finally come to terms that I'll have a birth story it just might be different that some others. But in the end the result is the same. I'll have a healthy baby and I can't complain or feel disappointed about that!

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

Message edited 4/15/2011 2:58:40 PM.

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

Althought for #2 I would like to have a vaginal just for the experience I don't regret my c-section.

I was induced for 2 days did not feel any strong contractions and ended up with a c-section because of failed induction. Honestly I had a perfect textbook c-section and I don't regret it at all. It is what it is....the only thing that mattered was that DD got here safe and sound and both her and I were OK during and afterwards.

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I broke my pelvis during a very long & grueling labor bc my OB was determined to deliver me "naturally". I couldn't walk for weeks and still have nerve damage. I wish I had t a C-section, to that point that I have nightmares about the birth.

Don't feel like you missed out, the grass always seems greener on the other side!

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I felt this way after my first DD was born (although I did the whole middle of the night "Honey, it's time" thing first). You know, when you're pregnant you watch all the Baby Story episodes and cry along with the delivery; it just seems so emotional--in a good way. I had to turn off the c-section ones a) because I'm VERY squeamish and b) because that would never happen to me. Guess whaaaat...? I HAAAATED my c-section experience. I had a panic attack on the table and it was SO not emotional...I was petrified. My first thought afterwards was, "I have to do this again one day?"

Well, I did...twice. Although I was scared to death throughout my 2nd pregnancy, I had actually come to terms with it emotionally.

At this point, I couldn't care less and frankly, the ripping and tearing of the nether region area doesn't sound like something I'd enjoy.

ETA: I think we grow up thinking birth is a certain way that is depicted in all the movies and when it doesn't turn out that way it IS very disappointing for some women.

Message edited 4/15/2011 4:57:06 PM.

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

No disappointment here at all.

I had a scheduled section bc ds was breech. At first i did have those feelings of disappointment bc of not being able to have the experience of physically pushing him out of my body. That went away as i realized how poorly i react to surprises (ie-water breaking unexpectadly at 3am)...lol!

I still had a great experience having a cs. I wasnt frantic, nervous, or in tons of pain. I didnt have anything to concentrate on and i didnt have a job to do. I was able to calmly enjoy with my dh our last moments of it being "just us"...i remember our conversation and what we laughed about until we shared our first moments with our son.

I have no regrets and not an ounce of disappoibtment.

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

You'll get both sides here. I had 2 c/sections..i had one vaginal delivery but that was my stillborn daughter and obviously more traumatic then my c/sectiom.

i'm dissapointed in not having a 'normal' vaginal delivery and I will always feel like I missed out on something. i'm thrilled my kids are all healthy but it is how I feel and thats that. It doesnt consume my thoughts, but yes i'm jealous of those things too.

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

Nope not one bit of disappointment or anything. I feel like my birthing experience was exactly the same as if I had a V birth.

I never had that feeling that i missed out. I had the most awesome c/s and it still was the most happiest moment of my life when I heard my DD cry for the first time!

Amazing experience!!!

I LOATHE when people say to me "but you didnt have a "regular"birth...Ummm excuse me !!!!

And the plus...DD#2 will be SCHEDULEDDDD

Message edited 4/15/2011 7:12:28 PM.

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

*maybe* once in a blue moon, but not really....I'm just happy DD was born healthy and there were no major complications (I had an emergency c/s for a cord prolapse)

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I have those feelings. I'm REALLY hoping to go VBAC with this one, but I still have to discuss it with my doc.
I'm sorry it didn't go the way you wanted


ETA: I was really out of it for my first c/s so I didn't have any of the "first moments" experiences everyone talks about.

Message edited 4/15/2011 7:42:21 PM.

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

You know how everyone says, "All you want is for the baby to be healthy" it's definitely the truth..that's what I wanted for my baby boy and when I delivered him, he had a fever and his lungs were filled with fluid, and he was swept away to the NICU, and had to remain there for a week...not exactly experiencing the same grief as you are, but when I really think about what happened, I get very very sad...I had some serious baby blues for the first 3 months and that is why...I wish that I could have had that perfect delivery, that perfectly healthy baby, enjoying the hospital stay with my baby in the room, leaving the hospital with my baby...I feel like I was robbed in a way, especially that first week that he had to spend in the NICU...your feelings are very normal, and I assure you that they will diminish, and you will find that you aren't even thinking of your situation as much, especially when there will be a million memories to make with your sweet children...I hope you feel better

Re: C-section moms - disappointment over not having a vaginal delivery?

I feel the same way and hope that if have another it can be a VBAC.