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Can I ask a real and true question....why is yelling so "bad"?
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hunnybunnyxoxo
this is what it's all about
Member since 11/07 3321 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Can I ask a real and true question....why is yelling so "bad"?
Posted by rojerono
I don't like posting some answers in the forum because then you get people becoming defensive and thinking that my own ideology is somehow a personal attack on how they do things - so let me just say that I'm in NO WAY, SHAPE or FORM saying that 'my way' is the best way or the right way. I'm just saying it's how *I* do it. If anyone does it differently - more power to them.
So - that said - I try really hard not to yell at my kids. I'm human and I get frustrated and I snap and you WILL hear me lose my patience if you are around me often enough. I have even screamed my friggin' head off when pushed the the absolute limits of sanity. But I HATE that. I hate it because it means I've somehow lost control of the situation. I go from being the parent - the person my children look to as a role model and guide - to being some lady who yells because she doesn't know what else to do in the situation. There are ways to express displeasure without losing your voice. And I try so hard to find those methods.
I treat my children with respect. I treat them the way *I* want to be treated. I don't want someone yelling at me because they are annoyed with me or because I did something I should not have done. I try to take a minute and think "if that was me.. how would I want someone to handle this?"
I find it very hard to think of a single situation where yelling would be more effective than some other method.
And.. I want my kids to respond to me because they honor me.. not because they don't want to hear me freak out. Positive reinforcement was sooo much more effective for us. To this DAY my boys do things because they like to make me happy. Noah says it all the time "I love when you have that smile.." - and I know exactly which smile he means.
I know I sound like some crunchy granola freak.. but that's just how I feel.
Do I judge mom's who yell? No.. I figure they are just doing what they feel works for them and their families.
But - I will admit - that I will judge someone who curses at their child or uses abusive words to make them feel 'less'. That's inexcusable in my book.
this is me to a "t".
one of my little frustations is when dd won't let me get her dressed and we have somewhere to go.. rather than yell and lose control- which is what i want to do, i dial it back and try to be as calm and quiet as possible. i just dont want to fly off the handle b.c i feel that is what my child will learn and i dont want her to go to school doing what mommy does. i just want to be a good example.
this is not to say that i wont ever ever yell at my child...for the most part i want to be calm, cool, collective.
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Posted 10/8/10 1:10 PM  |
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