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Can't shake this sad feeling
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Lisa982006
Mommy of 2! Ty God
Member since 9/06 3107 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Can't shake this sad feeling
Posted by maybesoon
Posted by Lisa982006
Posted by jennarose023
If the comments from your family are bothering you then you should speak up for yourself. IMHO i can't understand how anyone can be disappointed because you are having a boy instead of a girl. Shouldn't you and your family be happy that you are having a healthy baby that will be happy and loved?
Isn't being blessed with the gift of bearing children enough???
I'm sorry please don't take me as being cold or rude, it's my opinion only and all i can say is be happy that your baby is healthy and all the naysayers in your family should take a step back and think before they speak.
Hang in there
I agree 100%
your post is not rude, it's thoughtless and much of it goes without saying.
what should I do, demand people be happy I am having a boy?? and yes most people should take a step back and think before they speak
 Now , I'm sorry if I am being rude but your post didn't help me at all.
So let me get this straight, you posted about this topic so that everyone could tell you what you wanted to hear? You didnt even take into consideration you may hurt the feeling of girls who have had a m/c or went through IF yet right now, you are stating that we should have been more sensitive to YOUR feelings? Seems to me like those of us who didnt agree with you were only trying to make you see the other side of this debate. Yes, maybe its disappointed BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE YOUR BABY IS HEALTHY.
Flame away. This post has made me never want to post on this board again anyway. 
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Posted 12/1/09 6:35 PM  |
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nicrae
He's here!
Member since 12/06 9289 total posts
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Mommy
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Re: Can't shake this sad feeling
Posted by Lisa982006
Posted by maybesoon
Posted by Lisa982006
Posted by jennarose023
If the comments from your family are bothering you then you should speak up for yourself. IMHO i can't understand how anyone can be disappointed because you are having a boy instead of a girl. Shouldn't you and your family be happy that you are having a healthy baby that will be happy and loved?
Isn't being blessed with the gift of bearing children enough???
I'm sorry please don't take me as being cold or rude, it's my opinion only and all i can say is be happy that your baby is healthy and all the naysayers in your family should take a step back and think before they speak.
Hang in there
I agree 100%
your post is not rude, it's thoughtless and much of it goes without saying.
what should I do, demand people be happy I am having a boy?? and yes most people should take a step back and think before they speak
Now , I'm sorry if I am being rude but your post didn't help me at all.
So let me get this straight, you posted about this topic so that everyone could tell you what you wanted to hear? You didnt even take into consideration you may hurt the feeling of girls who have had a m/c or went through IF yet right now, you are stating that we should have been more sensitive to YOUR feelings? Seems to me like those of us who didnt agree with you were only trying to make you see the other side of this debate. Yes, maybe its disappointed BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE YOUR BABY IS HEALTHY.
Flame away. This post has made me never want to post on this board again anyway.
If this makes you want to stay away....you should see some of the other topics that come up.
She never said she wasn't grateful for a healthy baby. There is nothing wrong with feeling disappointment. I am sure my DH was a little disappointed when we found out dd was a girl. It is a natural thing that some people go through.
The point is she was upset and posted about it. This topic comes up all the time and ends up with the same result.....some are understanding and some get on the wagon of you should just be grateful your baby is healthy.
Instead of flaming just ignore the post if it upsets you.
Message edited 12/1/2009 6:51:55 PM.
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| Posted 12/1/09 6:51 PM |
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Lisa982006
Mommy of 2! Ty God
Member since 9/06 3107 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Can't shake this sad feeling
Posted by nicrae
Posted by Lisa982006
Posted by maybesoon
Posted by Lisa982006
Posted by jennarose023
If the comments from your family are bothering you then you should speak up for yourself. IMHO i can't understand how anyone can be disappointed because you are having a boy instead of a girl. Shouldn't you and your family be happy that you are having a healthy baby that will be happy and loved?
Isn't being blessed with the gift of bearing children enough???
I'm sorry please don't take me as being cold or rude, it's my opinion only and all i can say is be happy that your baby is healthy and all the naysayers in your family should take a step back and think before they speak.
Hang in there
I agree 100%
your post is not rude, it's thoughtless and much of it goes without saying.
what should I do, demand people be happy I am having a boy?? and yes most people should take a step back and think before they speak
Now , I'm sorry if I am being rude but your post didn't help me at all.
So let me get this straight, you posted about this topic so that everyone could tell you what you wanted to hear? You didnt even take into consideration you may hurt the feeling of girls who have had a m/c or went through IF yet right now, you are stating that we should have been more sensitive to YOUR feelings? Seems to me like those of us who didnt agree with you were only trying to make you see the other side of this debate. Yes, maybe its disappointed BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE YOUR BABY IS HEALTHY.
Flame away. This post has made me never want to post on this board again anyway.
If this makes you want to stay away....you should see some of the other topics that come up.
She never said she wasn't grateful for a healthy baby. There is nothing wrong with feeling disappointment. I am sure my DH was a little disappointed when we found out dd was a girl. It is a natural thing that some people go through.
The point is she was upset and posted about it. This topic comes up all the time and ends up with the same result.....some are understanding and some get on the wagon of you should just be grateful your baby is healthy.
Instead of flaming just ignore the post if it upsets you.
I honestly wasnt trying to flame. Seriously. I only commented because I saw she quoted something a friend of mine wrote that I agreed with.
This topic has offended me as well as other topics on here and I have always refrained from responding because I didnt want to start anything because I knew one day Id want to be part of this board and I try to make as many friends as possible.
However, I have had a m/c and at this point in my life, since its my first child, I cant even begin to imagine gender disappointment. I understand everyones histories are different; when i got pregnant the first time, DH and I hoped it would be a girl, I wont deny that. But having a loss, for me, changes everything. I found out a month ago I was expecting again and I havent even been able to be happy. Many women dont realize how you are robbed your innocence so to speak when you have a m/c. Thankfully, everything with this pregnancy is good so far but all I can think about and pray about is having a healthy baby.
I realize the poster didnt say she was ungrateful and I dont really see where anyone was attacking her directly. For those of us that didnt agree were only trying to put a positive spin on it, that being that the baby was healthy.
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| Posted 12/1/09 6:59 PM |
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Re: Can't shake this sad feeling
Gender disappointment is a real thing. You don't want to post here because we might not tread lightly, then don't. I don't mean to be mean, but would you tell a woman who has severe PPD, a serious illness, not to post on parenting because someone might have had a loss or went through IF?
She was not asking for an opinion, she was venting. As I said before, if you have nothing constructive to say, don't say it.
I feel for everyone who went through m/cs and who struggled to get PG. I didn't have an easy time. The OP never said she wasn't grateful. She is just disappointed and that is okay. We can't sensor our feelings because someone might get their feelings hurt. The OP wasn't ragging on anyone else, she was just expressing her hurt.
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| Posted 12/1/09 7:05 PM |
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Re: Can't shake this sad feeling
Posted by Lisa982006
I honestly wasnt trying to flame. Seriously. I only commented because I saw she quoted something a friend of mine wrote that I agreed with.
This topic has offended me as well as other topics on here and I have always refrained from responding because I didnt want to start anything because I knew one day Id want to be part of this board and I try to make as many friends as possible.
However, I have had a m/c and at this point in my life, since its my first child, I cant even begin to imagine gender disappointment. I understand everyones histories are different; when i got pregnant the first time, DH and I hoped it would be a girl, I wont deny that. But having a loss, for me, changes everything. I found out a month ago I was expecting again and I havent even been able to be happy. Many women dont realize how you are robbed your innocence so to speak when you have a m/c. Thankfully, everything with this pregnancy is good so far but all I can think about and pray about is having a healthy baby.
I realize the poster didnt say she was ungrateful and I dont really see where anyone was attacking her directly. For those of us that didnt agree were only trying to put a positive spin on it, that being that the baby was healthy.
This is honestly why we all have to choose our posts wisely.
When you put it this way, I see what you mean that you are trying to give her another spin. But if you think about it, so were many of us-but it was said in a hurtful way.
I am not flaming you nor would I ever tell anyone to not come over to this board, because we are all generally supportive and friendly. But debates arise and people have opinions.
I am sorry you had a loss, but you have to see it from the eyes of someone else.
I hope you can find peace and enjoy your pregnancy.
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| Posted 12/1/09 7:10 PM |
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Lisa982006
Mommy of 2! Ty God
Member since 9/06 3107 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Can't shake this sad feeling
Posted by munchkinfacemama
Gender disappointment is a real thing. You don't want to post here because we might not tread lightly, then don't. I don't mean to be mean, but would you tell a woman who has severe PPD, a serious illness, not to post on parenting because someone might have had a loss or went through IF?
She was not asking for an opinion, she was venting. As I said before, if you have nothing constructive to say, don't say it.
I feel for everyone who went through m/cs and who struggled to get PG. I didn't have an easy time. The OP never said she wasn't grateful. She is just disappointed and that is okay. We can't sensor our feelings because someone might get their feelings hurt. The OP wasn't ragging on anyone else, she was just expressing her hurt.
Im not sure what PPD is and I wasnt trying to make a threat by saying I wont post on here. So if that came across snobby, then Im sorry that wasnt the intent.
I agree feelings cant be controlled and I cant control being initially offended. If we shouldnt sensor our feelings so other people wont get hurt then why am I being flamed for writing the things I wrote?
Just to clear things up, I understand that she never said she was ungrateful and I feel very badly for any woman who experiences gender disappointment since as we all know, healthy pregnancies are blessings and she should be enjoying her blessing instead of feeling sad and disappointed. I was just trying to offer another prospective. I would have said the same thing to my sister or BFF IRL had they come to me with the same scenario.
For anyone who hasnt suffered a loss, I pray to God they never do. I just feel since i have, I can offer some insight. Basically I was saying "be happy you arent one of us"
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| Posted 12/1/09 7:27 PM |
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Re: Can't shake this sad feeling
Posted by Lisa982006
Posted by munchkinfacemama
Gender disappointment is a real thing. You don't want to post here because we might not tread lightly, then don't. I don't mean to be mean, but would you tell a woman who has severe PPD, a serious illness, not to post on parenting because someone might have had a loss or went through IF?
She was not asking for an opinion, she was venting. As I said before, if you have nothing constructive to say, don't say it.
I feel for everyone who went through m/cs and who struggled to get PG. I didn't have an easy time. The OP never said she wasn't grateful. She is just disappointed and that is okay. We can't sensor our feelings because someone might get their feelings hurt. The OP wasn't ragging on anyone else, she was just expressing her hurt.
Im not sure what PPD is and I wasnt trying to make a threat by saying I wont post on here. So if that came across snobby, then Im sorry that wasnt the intent.
I agree feelings cant be controlled and I cant control being initially offended. If we shouldnt sensor our feelings so other people wont get hurt then why am I being flamed for writing the things I wrote?
Just to clear things up, I understand that she never said she was ungrateful and I feel very badly for any woman who experiences gender disappointment since as we all know, healthy pregnancies are blessings and she should be enjoying her blessing instead of feeling sad and disappointed. I was just trying to offer another prospective. I would have said the same thing to my sister or BFF IRL had they come to me with the same scenario.
For anyone who hasnt suffered a loss, I pray to God they never do. I just feel since i have, I can offer some insight. Basically I was saying "be happy you arent one of us"
First, I did not intend to flame you.
Second, I meant we have to be careful in responding to someone else's posts-I know you posted about this on TTC/PG after M/C and that's fine, please vent. Even if you wanted to make another thread. There is no perfect way of doing it. I guess if someone feels like the topic inflames them, best bet is not to answer it-KWIM?
And PPD-post partum depression.
I am sorry you are dealing with the aftermath of a m/c and I truly wish you peace and a happy go of it this time around.
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| Posted 12/1/09 7:41 PM |
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Lisa982006
Mommy of 2! Ty God
Member since 9/06 3107 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Can't shake this sad feeling
Posted by munchkinfacemama
Posted by Lisa982006
Posted by munchkinfacemama
Gender disappointment is a real thing. You don't want to post here because we might not tread lightly, then don't. I don't mean to be mean, but would you tell a woman who has severe PPD, a serious illness, not to post on parenting because someone might have had a loss or went through IF?
She was not asking for an opinion, she was venting. As I said before, if you have nothing constructive to say, don't say it.
I feel for everyone who went through m/cs and who struggled to get PG. I didn't have an easy time. The OP never said she wasn't grateful. She is just disappointed and that is okay. We can't sensor our feelings because someone might get their feelings hurt. The OP wasn't ragging on anyone else, she was just expressing her hurt.
Im not sure what PPD is and I wasnt trying to make a threat by saying I wont post on here. So if that came across snobby, then Im sorry that wasnt the intent.
I agree feelings cant be controlled and I cant control being initially offended. If we shouldnt sensor our feelings so other people wont get hurt then why am I being flamed for writing the things I wrote?
Just to clear things up, I understand that she never said she was ungrateful and I feel very badly for any woman who experiences gender disappointment since as we all know, healthy pregnancies are blessings and she should be enjoying her blessing instead of feeling sad and disappointed. I was just trying to offer another prospective. I would have said the same thing to my sister or BFF IRL had they come to me with the same scenario.
For anyone who hasnt suffered a loss, I pray to God they never do. I just feel since i have, I can offer some insight. Basically I was saying "be happy you arent one of us"
First, I did not intend to flame you.
Second, I meant we have to be careful in responding to someone else's posts-I know you posted about this on TTC/PG after M/C and that's fine, please vent. Even if you wanted to make another thread. There is no perfect way of doing it. I guess if someone feels like the topic inflames them, best bet is not to answer it-KWIM?
And PPD-post partum depression.
I am sorry you are dealing with the aftermath of a m/c and I truly wish you peace and a happy go of it this time around.
I did post about it on the other board because Im very close with those girls and i didnt want to do it on here because I didnt want to start anything. I tried to keep it vague and i FMed the ones who asked me as to not start any drama.
It was only when I read through all this again and saw the criticism towards posters who said things I agreed with that I felt compelled to defend them since I know where they are coming from.
I really feel bad things got to this point. I understand both sides of this debate and am going to just leave it alone.
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| Posted 12/1/09 7:50 PM |
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: Can't shake this sad feeling
Message edited 12/1/2009 8:08:04 PM.
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| Posted 12/1/09 7:55 PM |
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Lisa982006
Mommy of 2! Ty God
Member since 9/06 3107 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Can't shake this sad feeling
Message edited 12/1/2009 8:09:35 PM.
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| Posted 12/1/09 7:58 PM |
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RandiG
Love my Boys!
Member since 7/09 4440 total posts
Name:
Randi
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Re: Can't shake this sad feeling
I was sitting back and keeping my mouth shut, but for the record... I have had 2 miscarriages so please don't state the we on the pregnancy board don't understand. The begginning of this pregnancy was horrible for me and I lived in fear, bleeding everyday. I am happy to say I am now 27 weeks and I complain about my pregnancy all the time. Yes I do feel guilty at times knowing what I have gone through to get here. I also understand that everyone is entitled to feel however they'd like and I have sympathy for the original poster regardless of what I have been through. This thread should really be pulled and it is not nice to reference a post in another thread to point fingers. If you were really upset you could have FMed the OP and settled things that way. We are all going to be moms together and should supportive, not catty and nasty like we are in highschool!
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| Posted 12/1/09 8:07 PM |
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Re: Can't shake this sad feeling
Posted by Lisa982006
Posted by Porrruss
For those who are SO offended by others individual feelings about their own pregnancy- I certainly hope you don't complain to the board when you're feeling fat, hormonal, sick, achy, ugly, or any of the other myriad of other hellacious side effects that comes along with being pregnant.
Think of how you'd feel if instead of hugs and support you get, "Well you should just be happy you're pregnant....."
We're ALL grateful for our healthy babies, but at times pregnancy is not all rainbow ponies and fluffy kittens and THAT'S when this board is MOST valuable.
Why did you write this? I feel like everything was calming down and that I was calmly expressing my opinion and that the people I was talking to were understanding. This was over in my eyes so I dont understand why you felt the need to write this 
ETA: You will never hear me complain about being pregnant so that wont be an issue. If I feel fat or hormonal or achy or ugly, I will go seek comfort and support from those who love me not from a judgmental stranger like yourself.
I just wanted to say to this that please do not feel like you cannot come here to complain about pregnancy, which I agree with Randi and Amy is not all roses and peaches.
I am writing this again not to flame you but I want to say this now so when you are 26 weeks and in horrible pain and can't sleep at all you know you can come here and not feel ashamed. We all vent and cry and complain about pregnancy and it does not mean that we are ungrateful or worse, don't deserve to be pregnant. I pray that you get to the third tri, which I feel you will and can complain, because you will deserve it.
Pregnancy is a means to an end. Some love it, some hate it. But we are all going to love the end result.
So please, don't say you won't complain-come in and join us. Pregnancy misery is a badge of honor! Don't feel bad if you wind up doing it-I felt bad and the ladies here reassured me that it was okay!
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| Posted 12/1/09 8:13 PM |
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Lisa982006
Mommy of 2! Ty God
Member since 9/06 3107 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Can't shake this sad feeling
Posted by RandiG
I was sitting back and keeping my mouth shut, but for the record... I have had 2 miscarriages so please don't state the we on the pregnancy board don't understand. The begginning of this pregnancy was horrible for me and I lived in fear, bleeding everyday. I am happy to say I am now 27 weeks and I complain about my pregnancy all the time. Yes I do feel guilty at times knowing what I have gone through to get here. I also understand that everyone is entitled to feel however they'd like and I have sympathy for the original poster regardless of what I have been through. This thread should really be pulled and it is not nice to reference a post in another thread to point fingers. If you were really upset you could have FMed the OP and settled things that way. We are all going to be moms together and should supportive, not catty and nasty like we are in highschool!
I never said people on the pregnancy board dont understand m/cs. Please read what I have wrote before responding to me. I said that unless one has been through a m/c, they dont understand truly what its like. All of your fears in the beginning of your pregnancy are my fears right now.
Ive already said this, but I will say it again since I offended you, I am not criticizing the original poster for her feelings. I cant judge what I dont understand. As I also stated, I was offended when I read this for the first time but chose not to say anything UNTIL I saw that something I agreed with was flamed. That compelled me to defend myself.
I agree this has gone to far which is why instead of being defensive, I have spent the past hour explaining myself to all those who felt I was out of line. I have spoken with quite a few people openly and through FM so i think I have made it clear that I wasnt trying to hurt anyone but rather offering a different spin on the situation.
I am sorry for what you have been through and I am sorry if my comments upset you. Please try to understand my POV especially since you do understand what it feels like to go through a loss.
Im very happy your pregnancy has been happy and uneventful Everyone on here deserves happy, healthy babies and I pray that for those of us who havent been through a loss, never know that feeling
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| Posted 12/1/09 8:16 PM |
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Julianna07
LIF Infant
Member since 8/08 269 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: Can't shake this sad feeling
Being a IF/ M/C survivor - 5 pregnancies, 2 beautiful girls and 3 losses- I think we all have to understand that everyone has different experiences. Some ppl are very lucky and get pregnant easily, some ppl struggle a little and some people unfortunately struggle a lot. With that said, due to everyone's different experiences, people will have different concerns during their quest to get pregnant and during their pregnancies. For the original poster, at this moment, she is truly sad about the gender of her child and needed some support. She just needed to vent. I am sure she didn't mean to offend any of us who have struggled to get pregnant and suffered losses. Believe me, I remember those days of being sick to my stomach before every doctors appt fearing the worse. And when I posted about those fears, I was given support and love from these wonderful women. While some of these posts may get heated, the pregnancy board got me through some of the toughest moments in my pregnancy. I hope this post doesn't deter anyone...she just needed some support.
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| Posted 12/1/09 8:34 PM |
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MaMaTeenie
Party of 5
Member since 4/08 6489 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Can't shake this sad feeling
Posted by munchkinfacemama
I just wanted to say to this that please do not feel like you cannot come here to complain about pregnancy, which I agree with Randi and Amy is not all roses and peaches.
I am writing this again not to flame you but I want to say this now so when you are 26 weeks and in horrible pain and can't sleep at all you know you can come here and not feel ashamed. We all vent and cry and complain about pregnancy and it does not mean that we are ungrateful or worse, don't deserve to be pregnant. I pray that you get to the third tri, which I feel you will and can complain, because you will deserve it.
Pregnancy is a means to an end. Some love it, some hate it. But we are all going to love the end result.
So please, don't say you won't complain-come in and join us. Pregnancy misery is a badge of honor! Don't feel bad if you wind up doing it-I felt bad and the ladies here reassured me that it was okay!
Well said Michelle and I'd like to say to you Lisa, this happens to be one of the least judgemental boards I have been on within LIF. The ladies here are wonderful and you should not make your mind up about us based on this thread. This is a hot topic and I honestly don't remember the last time things got like this on a pregnancy thread. The women here are wonderful and supportive and are always their to reassure you. I have suffered 2 losses and am thankful every single day for the life I carry in my belly, but that doesn't stop me from hating my skin for looking like a connect the dot puzzle or the massive clumps of hair in the shower drain everyday or or the purple nips surrounded by big ugly goosebump looking pimply things or the hemroids that will inevitably grow on my azz (this was intended to make you laugh not criticize). Complain all you want it doesn't mean you love or want your baby any less. Oh and congrats!!! 
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| Posted 12/1/09 8:35 PM |
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Gatsbygirl
Please St. Therese....
Member since 10/07 8494 total posts
Name:
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Re: Can't shake this sad feeling
First of all these are your feelings and you are entitled to them and no one should make you feel badly in anyway about them!
I had a boy first and at first had no idea what to do and worried I would miss the girly things. He is a doll and total mommy's boy
This will take time to get used to, but you will be OK and you will find that a boy is joy- really
I had a falling out with a friend over this very topic and it's silly for anyone to judge something personal. Take time to grieve what you had wanted and expected.
Please FM if you want to talk because I have been there.
You may not believe this but, when I went for my level 2 for my  I was actually a little sad I didn't get to do all the  things again because a is that great.
Good luck
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| Posted 12/2/09 11:28 AM |
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