Re: Could use some suggestions on how to handle competitive SIL and siblings

I would handle it directly if these are people you see often and it sounds like they are. If you see them rarely, you can just brush it aside, but it's going to get hard to ignore their comments over time.

I would just say something to the point next time they ask "how many words is DC saying," say "why are you asking this exactly? Why do you ask this everytime I see you? Are you trying to imply something?" They will probably deny implying anything, but hopefully this will shut them up.

I honestly feel when parents compare and are overly boastful they are insecure about their children or themselves, so they probably aren't as pleased as they would seem. But I know, it doesn't make it easier to deal with.

Re: Could use some suggestions on how to handle competitive SIL and siblings

i'm with you...I feel it from friends and family members...the competitiveness is terrible. My SIL loved telling me how both her kids knew their ABC's by 18 months...my DS knew all his by 2 years...most kids dont know them till 2.5-3 so honestly it really made no difference, but it was annoying that she was always saying it. Meanwhile her 2nd DS didn't talk till he was almost 2 1/2 so I doubt he knew it at 18 months. and then my friend is always comparing my DS to her niece who is 4, she loves telling me how she walked so early (my DS was a late walker) and how she was potty trained at 18 months (my DS is 2 1/2 and not trained yet). In fact i called her up a little while ago to ask about diaper pails (I need a new one) and she kept saying over and over how I will prob need a certain one that holds smells good since i will still have 2 in diapers when the new baby comes She literally said 2 in diapers 7 times!!!! I find that b/c I experience it from so many people i have started doing it right back to them.

Re: Could use some suggestions on how to handle competitive SIL and siblings

I would say nothing. I would pretty much ignore them and act completely disinterested when they tell you what their DC is up to and eventually they will get the hint that you could care less what their DC is doing vs. yours.

I had a somewhat similar but different situation...my DS was the first born in my family and my siblings would always ask when he was going to do things and compare him to kids that were MUCh older than them b/c they didn't know any better. I mean literally - he was rolling from the day he came home but by three months they wated to know why he wasn't crawling and then when would he talk etc. etc. etc. it was like nothing he did was ever enough they were never impressed and always wanted to know why he wasn't doing x,yz. The funny thing is he did almost everything either very early or at the very least average age. But, then, one of my siblings had their first child and EVERYTHING changed. Their DC didn't do anything my DC did at each age and did everything MUCh later - well, you know what - now they ask NOTHING and say nothing - even when it is obvious he is advanced they ignore it completely AND, what is evern stranger is that NO ONE asks them anything either - its almost as if they recognize the difference and don't want to put them on the spot.

Anyway, my point is - it will all even out in the end...until then, just act like you could care less and basically ignore them.

Re: Could use some suggestions on how to handle competitive SIL and siblings

That would drive me nuts but I would prob just ignore it if it was my SIL. I did know a girl who was like this to an extreme. I just couldn't hang out with her anymore. She was constantly comparing, lying and being rude. I only knew her for a few months, so it wasn't tough to cut back on the time we spent together until it was next to nothing.

Re: Could use some suggestions on how to handle competitive SIL and siblings

you seem very angry and bitter about this, so maybe you need to have a talk with them and tell them exactly how you feel . Otherwise all you can do is to try and ignore them, tolerate them or avoid them (if you can)

Re: Could use some suggestions on how to handle competitive SIL and siblings

I would just say next time, "Well, no one ever went to college not able to roll over (sit up, stand, walk, etc., whichever milestone they're harping on)." And blow it off. Or, come right out and say, "Let's be clear here, all children develop at their own rate, and wouldn't you feel terrible if it turned out that there WAS something wrong with my child?"
I personally think the direct route is best. Be point blank. Here's what you're doing that's bothering me, you need to stop. Period. End of story.

Re: Could use some suggestions on how to handle competitive SIL and siblings

I tell them the Dr just declared DS a genius and hold him up and have him speak. His preferred line is "aunt suzy is a dingbat" and his voice sounds surprising like mine.

Re: Could use some suggestions on how to handle competitive SIL and siblings

A former co-worker told me this story: her mom had a very annoying neighbor/friend who constantly compared her own granddaughter to the co-workers daughter and always pointed out how much more advanced her own granddaughter was. Well, my co-worker's mom, a very spunky lady, got so tired of constant "my granddaughter is smarter than yours" comments that once, after yet another "Oh, Suzzy can already count to 100 all by herself" comment she calmly looked at the neighbor and said "Oh, your Suzzy IS so much smarter than our Maddy, but luckily Maddy is not going to need to be good in math or science because she is so much prettier!" The neighbor never made comments again!

Perhaps you can use this story as an inspiration!

Re: Could use some suggestions on how to handle competitive SIL and siblings

I would point blank say, "Is this a competition? Because I wasn't aware of it!" You need to call them out on it.

Re: Could use some suggestions on how to handle competitive SIL and siblings

I am so sorry that you have to deal with this.

I would recommend nipping this early so the cousins don't grow up resenting one another.

I have a few family friends whose parents CONSTANTLY compared us while we were growing up. I absolutely dread seeing them and their adult children. They STILL compare us and we are in our 30's. When we were young, it was who got potty trained first, who played better piano, tennis, took more AP classes, higher SAT scores, etc. Now that we are older, it's who went to the better grad school, has the better spouse, etc. Even if the kids were nice and never wronged me, I've always hated anything to do with them.

Re: Could use some suggestions on how to handle competitive SIL and siblings

Message edited 12/31/2009 7:17:18 AM.

Re: Could use some suggestions on how to handle competitive SIL and siblings

i can't remember for what reason, but one time i read that a good way to make someone back off when they're asking you annoying questions is to take a moment, look at them dead in the eye real serious and ask "why do you want to know?" i know i can be a noseyass person and if someone replied to me like that i would back the heck off! (variations can be why is it important? how does that concern you, just real direct questions to make them feel uncomfortable) maybe it'll work in your case? regardless, your SIL sucks i hate one uppers

Re: Could use some suggestions on how to handle competitive SIL and siblings

Message edited 12/31/2009 7:16:59 AM.