Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

Ehhh- as if going back to work FT after being home for almost 2 yrs isnt hard enough....

DS started daycare last Thursday- DH and I both dropped off- We gave a kiss, passed DS off to the teacher- we snuck out and DS was fine...

About 20min later DS realized we were gone- and started SCREAMING- I could hear him from my office which is quite a ways a way...

His day continued on and off like that until lunch time- he ate beautifully, napped beauitfully, woke up and had a fabulous rest of the day...

That night we went away for a little vacation... DS had a great time- kept to his normal schedule (for naps/bedtime) Slept wonderfully through the night (never waking to come into bed with us- which is a big surprise considering he was asleep in a pak-n-play and we were in a strange place)

Monday- it was back to work/school- Drop off was ok- We had to be there very early- DS had breakfast with me, and then went to his room like a big boy... He didnt cry once all day, he played with his friends, ate lunch, napped well... the whole nine- I was shocked - I thought 3 days with mommy would make Monday a little rough- but it wasnt...

Now since Monday DS has been extremely clingy to me- Like when I exit the room he has serious heart failure(he's always been a mommas boy- but this is very extreme) The other night we went to dinner with my IL's and DS wouldnt even go for a walk with FIL (whom DS LOVE LOVE LOVES!!!!)

Also- He has not slept through one night- he's up every hour, has to sleep with me or sometimes he's hysterical crying in his sleep.... Its just terrible!

Not to mention he hasnt eaten one full meal all week...:(

He had a well check yesterday- and all is clear, ears, nose, throat- so he has a clean bill of health therefore that isnt the problem!

Anyways... Tue he was with Grandma, Wed I was off, Thursday Grammy again, and then today back to daycare (RJ goes M,W,F) I stopped at dunkin donuts on the way- bought him munchkins to share with his friends (thinking it would give him a little push to want to go to class) However- no such luck...Today was horrible- drop off was disatorous, he cried on and off all day- Didnt eat good, didnt sleep good...nothing...

Now I am in and out sometimes during the day- since Im constantly touring the center with prospective children- I know it makes it hard for DS when I leave- but I think its also good because it will help him to understand that IM STILL THERE, just in a different room...

What really broke my heart was when I walked into his room on the tour- he took one look at me and just started sobbing, running to me crying... saying "momma vroom vroom" (like lets go in the car and get the hell outta here) The tears, his cries- they are taunting me....

Even DH who is oblivious to everything says to me (re: ds not eating, and ds not sleeping) "You notice this all started when he started going to school with you"

I dont know what it is- Am I not giving it enough time? Is he so overly exhausted from everything that he is just miserable over all?

Im sobbing writing this- I feel so helpless... and just want to give up! Im exhausted and very sad...

Please advise me on what to do....I really dont wanna seek advice from family, because they will automatically blame daycare for everything and I dont wanna jump the gun!

I asked one of his teachers today "Is he happy here- Please tell me the truth, because I can make other arrangements" She said yes- but Im not sure I was confident in her answer...

I did hear one of the other teachers get short with him on several different occasions (not nasty, just short) and I addressed it with her immediately- but of course Im just so concerned about him being so miserable.

Please some help me!!!

Message edited 7/6/2007 10:08:19 PM.

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

Awww....Marissa...I'm so sorry that you're going through this...
I'm not a day care mom but I guess that RJ needs to get adjusted to his new schedule and that it must take time.

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

Posted by Stefanie

Awww....Marissa...I'm so sorry that you're going through this...
I'm not a day care mom but I guess that RJ needs to get adjusted to his new schedule and that it must take time.

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

It's probably tough for him because you're skipping every other day. He's only been there for a week...I guess give it another week or two and see what happens. It's tough to see our babies cry...

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

no advice, just

It will get better, give him a few weeks to adjust.

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

I could change his sched. anyway Id like- but i thought by doing every other day- it would be a gradual change for him, making transition a little easier...

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

It will get better

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

Most people put their children in very early on. They adjust because they are not old enough to know the difference. My daughter went to daycare at 9 months and it was horrible for a while. Eventually she loved it but in the beginning she literally had to be removed from me every morning.

Hang in there. It will get better.

It may take a little longer because he sees you during the day but it will get better.

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

AWWW... so sorry to hear this Marissa.. I know this must be tearing your heart out. But, I think maybe him seeing you throughout the day is making it worse?

I know you think its good that you are so close and are just in the next room, but maybe he is still too young to understand that? He probably gets over your departure, then sees you again... then you leave again...it must be hard for him.

I would try to avoid the classroom on monday and see how he does. Maybe someone else can tour the prospective kids to HIS particular class when he is there.

I know that one day a week Jacob has been going to my neighbors house all day from 9am-6pm and he cries as soon as i put him down.. HYSTERICS.. I just kiss him, say I will be back soon and I love him and just leave.. they say he stops crying within 5-10 min..
And sometimes on those days DH will come home for lunch for an hour and WILL NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GO NEXT DOOR TO SEE HIM OR ALL HOLY HELL BREAKS LOOSE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!! It kills DH cause those days he leaves real early and comes home really late and doesnt see Jacob at all.. but he knows he cannot go there, it starts the hysterics all over again.

So maybe you can try that, and see how he does. He does also need to adjust and sometimes I heard that can be like 3-4 weeks.. Good luck.. FM me if you wanna talk more..

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

Posted by CheeChee

AWWW... so sorry to hear this Marissa.. I know this must be tearing your heart out. But, I think maybe him seeing you throughout the day is making it worse?

I know you think its good that you are so close and are just in the next room, but maybe he is still too young to understand that? He probably gets over your departure, then sees you again... then you leave again...it must be hard for him.

I would try to avoid the classroom on monday and see how he does. Maybe someone else can tour the prospective kids to HIS particular class when he is there.

I know that one day a week Jacob has been going to my neighbors house all day from 9am-6pm and he cries as soon as i put him down.. HYSTERICS.. I just kiss him, say I will be back soon and I love him and just leave.. they say he stops crying within 5-10 min..
And sometimes on those days DH will come home for lunch for an hour and WILL NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GO NEXT DOOR TO SEE HIM OR ALL HOLY HELL BREAKS LOOSE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!! It kills DH cause those days he leaves real early and comes home really late and doesnt see Jacob at all.. but he knows he cannot go there, it starts the hysterics all over again.

So maybe you can try that, and see how he does. He does also need to adjust and sometimes I heard that can be like 3-4 weeks.. Good luck.. FM me if you wanna talk more..

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

I'm not a day care Mom. I wish I had some advice for you but I don't. Just wanted to give you some hugs! Good Luck!!

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

I think your son needs a more consistent routine..staying at grandma and daycare is probably difficult for him to understand. I would do all daycare IMO. Also, I think you should NEVER go into his room during your tours. Ask the parents to go into the room and speak to the teacher and then speak to them outside the door or in another area. Just explain that your son is in the room and naturally he wants mommy when he sees you. People will understand.
Daycare takes time to adjust to and I think 2 weeks or a bit longer is normal.
HUGS...I know it is not easy. I am a working mom too.

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

just wanted to give you hugs

and what Michele said seems to make sense to me.
also when he was at the old school did he see you as much? or was he in his room and you picked him up when it was time to go home?

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

Posted by -DonnaMarie-

just wanted to give you hugs

and what Michele said seems to make sense to me.
also when he was at the old school did he see you as much? or was he in his room and you picked him up when it was time to go home?

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

It takes time for him to adjust. My DD goes to daycare 2X a week and loves it there BUT- my normally independent girl clings to me when I go to leave. I stay and play with her for a few minutes and it helps when the teacher engages her while I leave. I wave bye-bye, blow a kiss and leave. Change can be tough. Give him time, and try to avoid seeing him during the day as much as possible.

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

I think if you stick with the schedule, that he'll adjust. You need to be consistent.

My kids go through phases of clinginess - after 3 day weekends, if I have a dinner meeting.

Hang in there.

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

Posted by michele31

I think your son needs a more consistent routine..staying at grandma and daycare is probably difficult for him to understand. I would do all daycare IMO. Also, I think you should NEVER go into his room during your tours. Ask the parents to go into the room and speak to the teacher and then speak to them outside the door or in another area. Just explain that your son is in the room and naturally he wants mommy when he sees you. People will understand.
Daycare takes time to adjust to and I think 2 weeks or a bit longer is normal.
HUGS...I know it is not easy. I am a working mom too.

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

My friends son started daycare at 21 months and it was real hard in the beginning...took about 2 weeks to adjust and he showed similar behaviors at home like RJ is. Her son went Tues/Wed/Thurs and the schedule was very consistent.

I think going away for a few days, even though he did great, may have thrwon him off again. And I agree with the other posters....do not go in that room during the day, it will only make it so much harder for him to adjust. Show all the other rooms but have prospective parents go in that one on their own and tell them why, they will understand

ETA: Since you have no choice but to go in the room then just do it but just say You have to go and will be back later...no cuddling even though it will bre hard ad eventually he will get adjusted

Message edited 7/7/2007 2:12:56 PM.

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

Thanks everyone- I guess Ill see how next week goes...

Unfortunately- I really have no choice with the tours... its a brand new building, everyone wants to see everything, and they only are allowed to enter if escorted by me....

Hopefully things get easier!

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

I wouldn't change anything yet. I have always worked part time and from the age of 2 (20 months with my youngest), they attended daycare 2-3 days per week. I have found that the initial transition is hard, as is the switch to a new room, etc.

I would not put him in full time if you have the option and he is comfortable with his grandparents. I think its a gift for children to spend time with grandparents.

With regard to the argument that he needs full time to get use to the routine, I don't buy it. I think he just needs to get use to his routine (to which there have been many recent interruptions). I also would continue to go into his room if you are required to do so because this too will become part of his routine. If I were a prospective parent I would be uncomfortable with an employee telling me she couldn't go in because her child would cry and want her. JMO

Good luck and many

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

That is soooo sad I think it is probably harder for him knowing your so close and that he can't be with you. Like when you come in a room with clients, you know?? He is probably confused, I am sure in time it will get better.

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

Posted by 2girlsforme

I wouldn't change anything yet. I have always worked part time and from the age of 2 (20 months with my youngest), they attended daycare 2-3 days per week. I have found that the initial transition is hard, as is the switch to a new room, etc.

I would not put him in full time if you have the option and he is comfortable with his grandparents. I think its a gift for children to spend time with grandparents.

With regard to the argument that he needs full time to get use to the routine, I don't buy it. I think he just needs to get use to his routine (to which there have been many recent interruptions). I also would continue to go into his room if you are required to do so because this too will become part of his routine. If I were a prospective parent I would be uncomfortable with an employee telling me she couldn't go in because her child would cry and want her. JMO

Good luck and many

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

I am a preschool teacher so Ive been there so many times.

My boss has her son in one of the classrooms now. He turned 2 in March. At first it was really hard. He would do the same thing..scream, run to her, the works..but she just kept doing it...said mommy had to go but would be back later. We would take him and transition him back into activity.

It took about a month I would say before he actually got it. Now his mom comes in, shows the school, he waves from wherever he is and thats it. It really heartbreaking for the parent, I cant even imagine. But whatever your routine is, that is what he will get used to. I dont think he needs to go fulltime to get used to it, but back to back days seem to work better in adjustment.

I hope it gets better for you..it hurts the parent more than the child most times!!!

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

I am so sorry you are going through this! I think its his age too that is making this adjustment hard. After six months they know what is going on. Especially since you are in and out of there, he may not understand why he has to stay.

I think it will just take time- having every other day there makes the adjustment longer. Just realize you are close by and it will get better

Re: Day Care moms help- Im hysterical and dont know what to do!

Posted by Princessmaris

Posted by 2girlsforme

I wouldn't change anything yet. I have always worked part time and from the age of 2 (20 months with my youngest), they attended daycare 2-3 days per week. I have found that the initial transition is hard, as is the switch to a new room, etc.

I would not put him in full time if you have the option and he is comfortable with his grandparents. I think its a gift for children to spend time with grandparents.

With regard to the argument that he needs full time to get use to the routine, I don't buy it. I think he just needs to get use to his routine (to which there have been many recent interruptions). I also would continue to go into his room if you are required to do so because this too will become part of his routine. If I were a prospective parent I would be uncomfortable with an employee telling me she couldn't go in because her child would cry and want her. JMO

Good luck and many

So roughly how long until it gets better?