| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: [1] 2 3 |
maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
|
Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
Anyone else find these hilarious? (from old SNL episodes).
My favorite..
If God dwells within us like some say, I sure hope he likes enchiladas...cause thats what he's getting!
Feel free to add more, they make me laugh and I could use a laugh today!
|
Posted 2/19/08 1:04 PM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
My favorite:
"If you ever find yourself falling off the Empire State Building, just go limp, like a dummy, and maybe somebody will catch you because, hey, free dummy!"
ETA correct quote!
Message edited 2/19/2008 1:06:48 PM.
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:05 PM |
| |
|
Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
OMG Loved these...even have a book.
LOVE this one
"To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. ... I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad. ...
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:07 PM |
| |
|
Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
My other fav!!!
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:08 PM |
| |
|
maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
LOL!!!! LOVE both of those!!!
OK, another that I remember..
"Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here looking through your stuff".
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:09 PM |
| |
|
Stefanie
♥
Member since 5/05 23599 total posts
Name:
Stefanie
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
If you ever drop your keys into a molten lava..just let em go..cause man, they're gone.
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:09 PM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
I loved these!!!!!!!! 
Wish they'd bring them back!!!
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:09 PM |
| |
|
maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
Posted by Stefanie
If you ever drop your keys into a molten lava..just let em go..cause man, they're gone.
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:10 PM |
| |
|
Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
"If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone!"
and
"If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them."
Message edited 2/19/2008 1:11:12 PM.
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:10 PM |
| |
|
maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
One more. I am addicted..
"Dad always said laughter was the best medicine. Which is probably why some of us died of tuberculosis".
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:11 PM |
| |
|
Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
Posted by maybebaby
One more. I am addicted..
"Dad always said laughter was the best medicine. Which is probably why some of us died of tuberculosis".
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:11 PM |
| |
|
Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
Posted by Kara
"If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone!"
and
"If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them."
GREAT ONE!!!!!!!!!
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:11 PM |
| |
|
maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
Posted by Kara
"If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone!"
and
"If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them."
I totally forgot about these!!! Good lord I love Jack Handey.
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:11 PM |
| |
|
maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
Does anyone remember one with cricket boy? I forget it...
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:12 PM |
| |
|
Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
Here's another fav of mine!
"People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of the most beautiful things in the world. What they don't understand is, I mean a jellyfish with long, blond hair."
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:13 PM |
| |
|
Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
“It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.”
and... another of my favorites:
"I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.”
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:15 PM |
| |
|
maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
Found another i forgot i loved..
It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, and Angel gets set on fire.
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:15 PM |
| |
|
maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
K i found it, lol..
Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody called the "Cricket Boy", because I would have liked to stand up in class and tell everybody, "You can make fun of the Cricket Boy if you want to, but to me he's just like everybody else." Then everybody would leave the Cricket Boy alone, and I'd invite him over to spend the night at my house, but after about five minutes of that loud chirping I'd have to kick him out. Maybe later we could get up a petition to get the Cricket Family run out of town. Bye, Cricket Boy.
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:16 PM |
| |
|
Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
“I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.”
I'm having waaaaayyyy too much fun looking these up.
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:16 PM |
| |
|
Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
"If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason."
Message edited 2/19/2008 1:23:05 PM.
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:16 PM |
| |
|
Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
“We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.”
Message edited 2/19/2008 1:17:51 PM.
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:17 PM |
| |
|
Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
Posted by maybebaby
K i found it, lol..
Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody called the "Cricket Boy", because I would have liked to stand up in class and tell everybody, "You can make fun of the Cricket Boy if you want to, but to me he's just like everybody else." Then everybody would leave the Cricket Boy alone, and I'd invite him over to spend the night at my house, but after about five minutes of that loud chirping I'd have to kick him out. Maybe later we could get up a petition to get the Cricket Family run out of town. Bye, Cricket Boy.
LOL!!!
Great thread btw!
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:17 PM |
| |
|
maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
Posted by Kara
“I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.”
I'm having waaaaayyyy too much fun looking these up.
Keep em coming, I have been laughing for 10 minutes...(my son is napping and this is my mental therapy today, lol)
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:17 PM |
| |
|
Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
You asked for it...
“You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.”
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:18 PM |
| |
|
maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
|
Re: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.
|
| Posted 2/19/08 1:18 PM |
| |
|
| Pages: [1] 2 3 |
