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jambalady
Is it summer yet?
Member since 8/06 7392 total posts
Name:
Holly
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Dh and his family adamant about not finding out sex of the baby
And I really want to find out as well as my family.
We've gotten into heated discussions about this and he and his family think that to do so would be to "completely ruin the only true surprise left in life". So much so that I even sense disdain when they talk about people who do find out.
This really upsets me because I really want to know. I want to plan the nursery and pick out cute clothes and daydream in pink and blue. Also, that they say it with such disgust.
I know at the end of the day I have the ultimate decision in this. I mean, really, how could he stop me from finding out. I just can't understand, how can someone feel so strongly about this and why is finding out so upsetting?
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Posted 9/5/07 1:34 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Kidsaplenty
Sister love
Member since 2/06 5971 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Dh and his family adamant about not finding out sex of the baby
I think you have to do what works for you. Maybe you could find out and DH could be surprised?
I found out with my other children and we are not finding out this time. It is so exciting to me, I can't wait until February now. I think it will be great to hear "Its a boy!" or "Its a girl!" once the baby is born.
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| Posted 9/5/07 1:36 PM |
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DancinBarefoot
06ers Rock!!
Member since 1/07 9534 total posts
Name:
The One My Mother Gave Me ;-)
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Re: Dh and his family adamant about not finding out sex of the baby
Posted by jambalady
I just can't understand, how can someone feel so strongly about this and why is finding out so upsetting?
Ummm, don't you feel just as strongly in the other direction????
As someone who totally did not want to know the gender I am completely heartbroken that I found out by mistake. The big moment I have been looking forward to in the delivery room when the doctor announces boy or girl is now completely meaningless.
As for whose decision it is . . . ultimately yours and DH's - not his family and not your family - but the two of you together. And yes, you can find out and not tell him, but you can't decorate in a gender specific color because that will give it away.
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| Posted 9/5/07 1:46 PM |
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DmarieK
My loves!!
Member since 1/06 9203 total posts
Name:
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Re: Dh and his family adamant about not finding out sex of the baby
I know someone who had the doctor write down the gender and put it in an envelope to take home. One looked and the other didn't. I think if you want to find out you have every right to know.
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| Posted 9/5/07 1:47 PM |
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DanaRenee
Fitness Junkie!
Member since 6/06 6470 total posts
Name:
Dana
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Re: Dh and his family adamant about not finding out sex of the baby
Posted by DmarieK
I think if you want to find out you have every right to know.
ITA...and then if you want, hold of on buying stuff so DH will not know. His family should have nothing to do with the decision, it should be between you and DH. And DH cannot force you to wait if you really want to know. IMO, there has to be some comprimse here...not just do what he wants.
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| Posted 9/5/07 1:59 PM |
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jilmadison
Another on the way!
Member since 3/06 1267 total posts
Name:
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Re: Dh and his family adamant about not finding out sex of the baby
Its a difficult situation! My DH wanted to wait, I wanted to know.
He gave in because i was more passionate about knowing than he was about not knowing.
Personally i do not think one can know and not the other!
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| Posted 9/5/07 2:01 PM |
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jambalady
Is it summer yet?
Member since 8/06 7392 total posts
Name:
Holly
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Re: Dh and his family adamant about not finding out sex of the baby
Posted by DancinBarefoot
Posted by jambalady
I just can't understand, how can someone feel so strongly about this and why is finding out so upsetting?
Ummm, don't you feel just as strongly in the other direction????
I feel strongly about wanting to find out for my own personal reasons but I don't judge or look down on others who don't want to find out. If they want to keep it a surprise that's totally fine with me and I think it's great. But for DH and his family to say "nobody in our family has ever found out and we're not going to change for this one" seems harsh to me. I never say anything negative to someone who chooses not to find out, so why do they have to make it seem like by wanting to find out, I am RUINING something for them? It's our baby, not theirs.
And I completely agree that this is a choice between me & DH. My family wants to know but couldn't care less if we didn't find out. And I probably wouldn't care as much either if DH and his family didn't make such a big deal out of it and INSIST that we not find out.
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| Posted 9/5/07 2:10 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Dh and his family adamant about not finding out sex of the baby
Posted by jambalady
And I really want to find out as well as my family.
We've gotten into heated discussions about this and he and his family think that to do so would be to "completely ruin the only true surprise left in life". So much so that I even sense disdain when they talk about people who do find out.
This really upsets me because I really want to know. I want to plan the nursery and pick out cute clothes and daydream in pink and blue. Also, that they say it with such disgust.
I know at the end of the day I have the ultimate decision in this. I mean, really, how could he stop me from finding out. I just can't understand, how can someone feel so strongly about this and why is finding out so upsetting?
I HATE when people say its ruining the only true surprise left...it irks me till no end. I found out and am so so glad I did. It was still an amazing surprise to look down and see my baby for the first time!
People need to really get over that and let you do what you want. Why people get disgusted over the thought of finding out is beyond me...isn't the baby what counts? Who cares when you know?
And I don't believe in one knowing and one not. I could NEVER have known and my husband be in the dark..in my opinion you both need to know together, whenver that may be. I'm sorry they are giving you trouble. I would purposely find out and tell them asap to pizz them off!!
Good luck!
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| Posted 9/5/07 3:37 PM |
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Kathy042806
LIF Adult
Member since 5/06 1416 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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Re: Dh and his family adamant about not finding out sex of the baby
Posted by jilmadison
Personally i do not think one can know and not the other!
I disagree...my dh was adamant about not knowing, since he wanted his moment to announce in the waiting room to others what it is, and says it's the best surprise...but i'm such a nosy person that i couldn't imagine not knowing, and like others have said, no one can stop me, it's my choice...so we talked and he said as long as i tell no one, then it's fine by him, b/c he doesn't want anyone else knowing before him, so i kept it up since april...anytime anyone would ask me if i know what i'm having i say no i don't, but my family and his family and all our friends know that i'm the only one that knows, and they all respect his decision that i not tell anyone, (including my mom, which was hard!). yes it was hard cause our nursery is neutral, but still cute...and for my shower everything was neutral...whatever i buy gender specific i tell him where it is so he doesn't look...if he does that's on him, but he so wants to be surprised that he won't dare peek! it is hard not sharing my secret with others, but this way both of us got what we wanted
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| Posted 9/5/07 3:54 PM |
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Kelly9904
Mommy to 2 amazing little boys
Member since 5/05 9306 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Dh and his family adamant about not finding out sex of the baby
Posted by jilmadison
Personally i do not think one can know and not the other!
I dont think I could do it however I do know someone who has done this and it worked fine for them.
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| Posted 9/5/07 4:06 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: Dh and his family adamant about not finding out sex of the baby
I will start by saying that I did not find out.
next, I would take the families out of the equation...its just you and your DH.
I totally know how your DH feels. It is a huge moment. Just like you are picking out blues and pinks ahead of time and that is how you imagine it to be...coming home with your baby in the perfectly set nursery....your DH imagines how perfect the delivery moment is going to be.
You will get your pink/blue nursery...just not right away. Your DH will never be able to get that moment he wants back.
ETA: my husband's big moment came in announcing the sex of the baby. He loved running into the waiting room to share the news. The pregnacy was all about me and I was happy he had that moment.
Message edited 9/5/2007 4:12:21 PM.
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| Posted 9/5/07 4:11 PM |
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DancinBarefoot
06ers Rock!!
Member since 1/07 9534 total posts
Name:
The One My Mother Gave Me ;-)
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Re: Dh and his family adamant about not finding out sex of the baby
Posted by jilmadison
Personally i do not think one can know and not the other!
Since DH & I are living this right now I disagree. I found out by accident (much to my disappointment - not with the result, but with knowing). I told DH I found out and he opted for me to keep it a secret from him (and everyone else).
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| Posted 9/5/07 4:17 PM |
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DancinBarefoot
06ers Rock!!
Member since 1/07 9534 total posts
Name:
The One My Mother Gave Me ;-)
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Re: Dh and his family adamant about not finding out sex of the baby
Posted by jambalady
Posted by DancinBarefoot
Posted by jambalady
I just can't understand, how can someone feel so strongly about this and why is finding out so upsetting?
Ummm, don't you feel just as strongly in the other direction????
I feel strongly about wanting to find out for my own personal reasons but I don't judge or look down on others who don't want to find out. If they want to keep it a surprise that's totally fine with me and I think it's great. But for DH and his family to say "nobody in our family has ever found out and we're not going to change for this one" seems harsh to me. I never say anything negative to someone who chooses not to find out, so why do they have to make it seem like by wanting to find out, I am RUINING something for them? It's our baby, not theirs.
And I completely agree that this is a choice between me & DH. My family wants to know but couldn't care less if we didn't find out. And I probably wouldn't care as much either if DH and his family didn't make such a big deal out of it and INSIST that we not find out.
Well, that is a diffferent story. I didn't realize DH's family was being obnoxious enough to say they're not going to change for "this one" - it has nothing to do with them. If you want to know - find out.
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| Posted 9/5/07 4:20 PM |
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Bklyngrl
luvmyfamily
Member since 9/06 5307 total posts
Name:
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Re: Dh and his family adamant about not finding out sex of the baby
Posted by jilmadison
Its a difficult situation! My DH wanted to wait, I wanted to know.
He gave in because i was more passionate about knowing than he was about not knowing.
Personally i do not think one can know and not the other!
we did this too only he didn't give in and i don't mind waiting now. i'm kind of glad i did. its a decision for only the 2 of you not his family
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| Posted 9/5/07 4:49 PM |
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