difficult babies/high maintenance... when will it get easier?

Please tell me that it gets easier. Please. My son is 11 months next week.

My ds has been a very high maintenance, difficult, handful of a baby. For 3 months straight, he cried every time he was in the car seat while in the car (unless it was moving continuously and at a fast speed), after 3 months… he still cried, but not every time. Maybe every other. 2 weeks ago we turned the convertible seat front facing (yes I know, it’s a taboo thing to do before a year- but don’t judge until you’ve had this child in your car) and he still gets fussy. Probably about ½ of the car rides, my husband usually has to jump in the back to entertain him.

For the first 3 months, he screamed bloody murder at bathtime. He also hated being changed and would scream the whole time.

He’s been a horrendous sleeper since I went back to work at 3 months. We started CIO at 5 ½ months because he was getting up 5 times a night. 5 ½ months later and we’re still doing CIO because every time he gets sick (which has been quite a bit lately), all hell breaks lose and we have to start at square 1 all over again. So tired of it…

Will we ever win this battle of CIO? Will he ever be a good sleeper and STTN for more than just a day or two?

When he’s sick… watch out!!!! He is miserable, clingy beyond belief, cranky, cries all the time when he’s sick (when you change his diaper, when you give him a bath, when you try to feed him, etc) and it lasts the entire time he’s sick.

He doesn’t crawl and he’s not walking. Frustrating for both him and us.

If you name a problem that you’ve had with your child, I bet we’ve gone through it. I’m sure we’ve gone through every phase there is.

When he wakes up from naps/bedtime, he cries almost immediately. He has been fighting going to bed for a few weeks now. If he soaks through his overnight diaper and we go to change him, he screams bloody murder.

He’s a picky eater so far (table foods that is) and it can be quite frustrating.

He cannot fall asleep on his own. Meaning he has to be “put down” for naps. He will never just fall asleep on his play mat or anything else.

I could go on and on. Don’t get me wrong, for the most part, my son is a very happy baby. But he’s been a handful and very trying at times.

Everyone keeps saying it will get easier, but he’s 11 months old and it hasn’t gotten all that much easier so far.

Anyone else have/had a child like this? Please tell me it gets easier or that he’ll be an easy toddler. Something. Things have been so tough lately and his night time sleep is absolutely the worst… that my husband isn’t sure he wants another. Not that I blame him for thinking that because it has been ROUGH.

I just want to know... when will it get easier??

Re: difficult babies/high maintenance... when will it get easier?

My DD is younger so I don't have any suggestions, but I def. have heard that it gets MUCH easier once they are more independent and can crawl/walk/talk they are able to express themselves.


I hope it gets easier and quick!

Re: difficult babies/high maintenance... when will it get easier?

ali is it possible that he has an issue with tactile sensitivity? or sensory overload? i really have no experience but if it's that bad (and i am so sorry you have to deal with this ) maybe it's something more than DS just being difficult...

Re: difficult babies/high maintenance... when will it get easier?

Posted by headoverheels

ali is it possible that he has an issue with tactile sensitivity? or sensory overload? i really have no experience but if it's that bad (and i am so sorry you have to deal with this ) maybe it's something more than DS just being difficult...

Re: difficult babies/high maintenance... when will it get easier?

Posted by DRMom

As far as the car-does he have those hanging things that attach to the carseat? I bought my kids these little animals that have a nice sounding chime(like a bell) inside and they love them. It distracts them if they are fussy most times.

Re: difficult babies/high maintenance... when will it get easier?

Posted by headoverheels

ali is it possible that he has an issue with tactile sensitivity? or sensory overload? i really have no experience but if it's that bad (and i am so sorry you have to deal with this ) maybe it's something more than DS just being difficult...

Message edited 5/21/2009 10:37:33 AM.

Re: difficult babies/high maintenance... when will it get easier?

Ali,

I will say that things got better for me when Frankie started crawling. He has always been VERY strong-willed and I did notice that once he was mobile and able to do things for himself more, he got better.

He still screams bloody murder in the car even if it's a 5 minute ride to the supermarket or if he is in the stroller but I think it is because he wants to get out and be independent.

Restaurants are a nightmare because all he wants to do is crawl.

At home, I have noticed that if I let him self-feed in his highchair he will behave, but if you try to feed him, forget about it!

But, the flip side of that is, with the independance comes the tantrums when you try to prevent him from doing what he wants, or crawling where he wants to crawl.


His sleep has gotten a little better too because he is wearing himself out more with activity.

As for the CIO when he is sick, I think that's just something you may have to deal with. I'm sorry he's been sick so much this year.

Have you talked to his pediatrician?

Re: difficult babies/high maintenance... when will it get easier?

Posted by jambalady

Ali,

I will say that things got better for me when Frankie started crawling. He has always been VERY strong-willed and I did notice that once he was mobile and able to do things for himself more, he got better.

He still screams bloody murder in the car even if it's a 5 minute ride to the supermarket or if he is in the stroller but I think it is because he wants to get out and be independent.

Restaurants are a nightmare because all he wants to do is crawl.

At home, I have noticed that if I let him self-feed in his highchair he will behave, but if you try to feed him, forget about it!

But, the flip side of that is, with the independance comes the tantrums when you try to prevent him from doing what he wants, or crawling where he wants to crawl.


His sleep has gotten a little better too because he is wearing himself out more with activity.

As for the CIO when he is sick, I think that's just something you may have to deal with. I'm sorry he's been sick so much this year.

Have you talked to his pediatrician?

Re: difficult babies/high maintenance... when will it get easier?

Re: difficult babies/high maintenance... when will it get easier?

my infant was difficult.

from birth, he would cry if he wasn't held...all the time.

never went in a swing, bouncer...nothing. just my arms.

took all his naps on me till 8 mos old.

woke up a few times a night until 20 mos old (when we finally gave up and moved his mattress into our room)

did not eat anything until 18 mos old when I weaned him.

read the books, have a routine....its a joke.

I could never CIO...I knew it wasn't for him.

My marriage suffered so bad...I tried at 12 mos old to CIO...he broke my crib. The threw himself out of crib. So, to make a bad situation even worse, at 12 mos, he was in a big boy bed.

He was a climber beyond belief. Gates would not stop him.

For the first 3 months he would scream in the stroller. I would have to walk home pushing empty stroller.

The car was an crazy nightmare. SCREAMED every time he went in carseat...I think that lasted 9 mos.

But I would sit back there with him whenever possible.

Now that he is a toddler, he is VERY easy. He's a great eater, I think that's because he spent so many days not eating...that it became the norm. Now, I make something, if he doesn't eat it...fine...that's it. I know he will survive...but not picky at ll.

Bedtime, I gave up a long time ago.

We still do a routine. dinner, bath, book in bed. Then its a free for all. He was watching TV until he fell asleep, then I would move him.

Now I tell him stay upstairs, he plays on his train. There is no getting this kid to sleep unless he wants to. I hated ending all our days on bad notes of me yelling at him to get back to bed.

so that's it.

no tantrums, easy going, good eater, not a crier or a whiner, great in the car, just still not a sleeper

Re: difficult babies/high maintenance... when will it get easier?

DD was a VERY difficult/needy infant. VERY. She was a colicky infant. Always needed to be held, hated the bouncer, swing, etc. Constantly needed attention, consoling, etc.

Once she started crawling, and then walking, she became a whole new person...literally. She is just an awesome toddler (I know this can change at any time, but I count myself lucky for right now ).

I hope once your son starts being more mobile it will happen to him too!

ETA: I just went back and re-read your post fully. He sounds soooo similar to my DD back then (well, before she started crawling). Hated the car seat, hated baths for the most part, etc. So maybe, just maybe, once he starts crawling or walking, what I said above will happen for him too!

Message edited 5/21/2009 11:11:42 AM.

Re: difficult babies/high maintenance... when will it get easier?

Ali, I feel your pain....I truly do. Jack is so much like your son - we'll have lots to talk about next week

I can say that it does get better but they have their days. Trust me, there are definitely days where I seriously consider packing his things and leaving him at the fire department Jack is just a high maintenence child and I don't think *that* aspect of his personality will change. Instead we've learned to adapt to it and learn how to deal with it without ending up completely crazy.

Just sending you some hugs

Re: difficult babies/high maintenance... when will it get easier?

Posted by lorimarie
Trust me, there are definitely days where I seriously consider packing his things and leaving him at the fire department

Re: difficult babies/high maintenance... when will it get easier?

THANKS girls!!!!

As much as i don't wish this on anyone, it's nice to know that i'm not alone and that there is someone out there who understands how hard/difficult it's been.

Re: difficult babies/high maintenance... when will it get easier?

When are you planning on having #2? I kid, I kid...seriously, it must be very tough to have to go through it all, but I promise you that as soon as he is crawling and starts to walk, everything will get much better. Reading your situation reminds me of my nephew who just turned 1 in March. As soon as he started to walk, he started to entertain himself a little better, became a better sleeper since he would wear himself out with the crawling, playing and walking, and now things are slowly getting back to normal for my BIL and SIL...it was so tough on them, mentally and physically...it affected their relationship with each other and with others. But now seriously, things are a 1000X better. So just stick it out and it will get better!

Re: difficult babies/high maintenance... when will it get easier?

A lot of what you wrote I can relate to in some way....

Honestly a lot of these things he could grow out of, but it is worth reading up on sensory issues/defensiveness...

I don't say this to scare you at all...because SO SO MANY children have sensory issues and he very well may not. But the reason I recommend reading up on it is because a lot of therapies can do wonders for kids, especially as young as 11 months old going through some sensory issues. It just seems to me that reading about not liking baths, not liking being changed (being overly difficult about it), picky eating (prob due to texture avoidance..) he very well may have some slight sensory problems.

My son loved the bath, but hated getting changed. He wasn't a picky eater at first and then became that way. He also cried on and off a lot of the time, we would never know if it would be an easy or a hard day with him. Also, he NEVER slept in the car but he did ok in it. He just couldn't ever fall asleep easily...we rocked him to bed for months!!

When we learned Johnny had sensory issues, the immediate therapies really helped him out. Some deep pressure massaging, pressure on his joints etc...you'd be surprised how much it can help soothe a baby in a short time!

FM me with any questions, Im sure it'll get better soon...I do know how it feels though to have a tough baby! (Even though there are great and sweet parts to them as well! )

Re: difficult babies/high maintenance... when will it get easier?

Posted by MST9106

When are you planning on having #2?

Re: difficult babies/high maintenance... when will it get easier?

oh ali i don't have any suggestions but i wanted to say i'm sorry you've been dealing with this. i hope he gets easier soon!

Re: difficult babies/high maintenance... when will it get easier?

Just wanted to send some DS is 5 months younger but just wanted to say you are not alone, he keeps mommy and daddy very busy . Like you, the first few months it was very difficult putting DS in the carseat, he would scream to no end, and once the car was in motion that still didn't help, we would always have to sit in the backseat with him to play with him. Same thing for the stroller, on occasion I still have to push the stroller and carry him because he wants out and just wants to be held. He was also never a baby that you could just sit in the swing/bouncer/etc and he'd entertain himself for long periods of time, he likes being in them but not for very long at all, not once has he ever fallen alseep in the bouncer/swing or playmat. He just started sleeping through the night at 6 months, never thought I'd see the day because he used to get up every couple of hours during the night. He's also such a happy baby like your DS but that is just his disposition/personality. I can go on and on but I really hope it gets better for you soon once he is mobile and can start exploring his new world.