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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
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Re: Dilemma with my IL's....advice needed BIG TIME!
Posted by mitabtrfly
Posted by Tilde
Also, don't Jehovah's Witnesses use the same bible as Catholics?
I honestly dont know, but what I do know is that they refer to Jesus as Jehovah which is fine..but not what I was taught...and after she gave me a "watchtower" magazine and keeps told me several times "jehovah bless you" (knowing how I felt),..that is when it started to bother me. Whether we have the same bible or not.. doesn't really matter to me, it's the fact that she used quotes from it referring to Jehovah. May be silly..but it bothered and bothers me.
Also..I'm not sitting around waiting for her to apologize..I never expected or wanted it.
ooh i got ya - religion is always a touchy subject
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Posted 11/29/07 8:20 PM  |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
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BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: Dilemma with my IL's....advice needed BIG TIME!
Posted by nov04libride
Posted by Jennie0898
But here's what I'm thinking... You said they're Jehova, right? Don't Jehova's NOT celebrate anniversarys, birthdays and other things of the like? So I'm guessing in their world and religion this would never be something they'd do. It's sacreligious and I think asking them to do it would be wrong on both your parts.
Anniversaries are actually one of the few occasions that Jehova's do celebrate. One of my good friends is Jehova and she always makes a huge deal of her own anniversary. 
Ok, I stand corrected.
But nonetheless, I don't think it's a big enough issue to start a major family dispute over.
Thanks!
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| Posted 11/29/07 8:26 PM |
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LI-Joy
Member since 10/07 2910 total posts
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Re: Dilemma with my IL's....advice needed BIG TIME!
Sorry you have to deal w/all this BS. Try not to let it stress you out. I have learned that we are too important to let others upset us.
However, I can totally relate. DH's mom is also the religion as your DH's mom and she constantly tries to persuade me to join her religon and she also says quotes from the bible, knowing I am catholic. She also says How my church is evil.  I lost my parents 20 yrs ago. You would think when I was shopping for a dress for our wedding, she would have offered to help. (not a thing) When it came time for my shower, she should've offered to help. (she again did nothing). She could've even offered to help put up decorations (Not a thing) She is a cold fish and I've accepted it.
Message edited 11/29/2007 9:05:39 PM.
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| Posted 11/29/07 9:04 PM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
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Re: Dilemma with my IL's....advice needed BIG TIME!
THanks again..I'm taking everything into consideration. 
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| Posted 11/29/07 10:00 PM |
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Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!
Member since 6/06 14437 total posts
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C
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Re: Dilemma with my IL's....advice needed BIG TIME!
I know me personally would have to call them and speak to them just so I could sleep at night. Maybe speaking to her will help smoothe things out. You dont have to love the woman or even like her if you dont want, but you have to try and keep things civil. It still is DH's family.
I went through something similar only with my BIL and his wife. Eventually for us, time was the only thing that let the wounds heal, if they even did. Now we are civil, but not close. I think time helps to heal all wounds.
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| Posted 11/30/07 12:13 AM |
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yankinmanc
Happy Days!
Member since 8/05 18208 total posts
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Re: Dilemma with my IL's....advice needed BIG TIME!
If my husband has a to do with my parents, and on ocassion, he does, we do argue (even though we are on other sides of the world) I always MAKE him speak to my parents and that way they can see (and he can see too) how useful it is to talk about things.
IMO you should suck it up and put a call into them. It won't kill you. Out of respect for your husband and his relationship with his parents, you need to forget about everything. Its not as if you live next door to them.
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| Posted 11/30/07 4:27 AM |
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justthe4ofus
I hate hypocrites!!!!!
Member since 5/05 6905 total posts
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Re: Dilemma with my IL's....advice needed BIG TIME!
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
while their reaction isn't ideal, there are a few things that you might have done that could have made this alot easier on everyone
First, I know you communicate on email, but when there's an issue or grievance, email is NEVER the way to go. It leaves too much open to misinterpretation.
Second, if you both felt hurt - it should have come from him, not you. They're his parents. You can be married 10 years to 50 years - parents, no matter how close the relationship, tend to listen more and understand more when it comes from their child. If it was your parents - I would say you take the lead on talking to them.
Third, when this all went down, and they said to call them, and you didn't, you added to the fire because it was perceived that you blew them off. I'm not saying the package and all the Bible stuff was the right way to handle it. But, you or your DH should have collectively spoken to them at that point. You emailed them when you felt hurt. Now, they feel hurt and want to talk, and you appeared to blow them off.
What's done is done. I would now say the 4 of you sit down and have this out and diffuse it before it gets out of control. It's obviously not a dead issue if you feel you can't have a conversation with them without exploding. And above all, don't make DH a pawn between you and your IL;s/
My inlaws and I didn't always have a great relationship. It's better now- the fact that they too live in FLA helps.
But I will tell you even after 10 years I try never to discuss things with my MIL that she does that hurts me. I leave it to DH. Sometimes he will call her out on it sometimes he won't. It can frustrate me at the times that he doesn't, but he knows his family best and he knows how they react to this and that. Believe me I know when push comes to shove he has my back! But after the 10 years I have known my DH I have learned what goes on with them I have no opinion on unless it hurts me or my daughter directly and then again I still go through him.
My Mom is Jewish and my Dad is RC and I will tell you both my MIL and one SIL have made anti-semitic comments on more than one occasion. My MIL is infamous for sending jokes over the e-mail to my Mom and I that make fun of Jews. Some offend my Mom, none offend me- because I just don't open them anymore. It's not worth it. After 10 years I am done letting her upset me. The long reaching affects- how it affects my relationship with my DH and I is not worth it. She lives in FLA not around the corner.
They too usually call his cell and not the house- fine with me. If they call the house I will answer sometimes if not I tell him his parents are on the caller id, but sometimes I answer. They want to talk to THEIR son, I am not their flesh and blood I get that. I married their son I take care of their son and I have given them one grandchild and another on the way but I am NOT their flesh and blood, KWIM? They ask how I am they ask about the baby, they try and talk to my DD but I am NOT their blood. I am not offended.
My parents live here and my dh is very close with them. We seem them VERY often. Do I wish I had ILs that I had the same type of relationship with that my DH has with my parents, sure but it's not the case and it will not change so just accept it!
Stop the e-mails and letters and call them. You started this by stepping in so you need to be the bigger person and end it.
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| Posted 11/30/07 5:58 AM |
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karacg
Babygirl is 4!
Member since 5/05 17076 total posts
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Kara®
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Re: Dilemma with my IL's....advice needed BIG TIME!
Well I am no help as I don't expect anyone to celebrate or even remember our anniversary - except DH - although we BOTH forgot it this year!
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| Posted 11/30/07 6:11 AM |
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Kara
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Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
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Re: Dilemma with my IL's....advice needed BIG TIME!
Posted by mitabtrfly
I actually got over the whole forgetting of the anniversary thing...realized it wasn't a big deal..etc. etc. BUT..I just can't bring myself to call them. There were ALOT more things that were said that were told to me by BIL and right now I can't see myself calling them w/out bringing that up along with other things....
I have a HUGE decision to make. Thanks...
If you're over it, then why won't you call them?
Honestly, I think you are BOTH in the wrong here big time and one of you needs to step up. I made my feelings about your email (and how it was not appropriate) known when you first posted about this. To know that it's now grown this out of control really saddens me. Right now isn't about being right or wrong. This is family now and you get the good along with the bad. You guys need to clear the air. You being stubborn and refusing to call isn't helping the situation anymore than your IL's inappropriate responses to the whole thing. If you really want it over and behind you, why not just call and clear the air?
You have a way to try to fix it, but you won't do that? Why? B/c she won't do it? Then you're both to blame.
Message edited 11/30/2007 8:31:04 AM.
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| Posted 11/30/07 8:20 AM |
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Kara
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Re: Dilemma with my IL's....advice needed BIG TIME!
I would really like to know what your DH has to say / thinks about all this.
Remember, it's his family. Don't cause any more drama than absolutely necessary. They are his PARENTS.
I'll add that I have a SIL who nearly broke my family apart b/c I didn't call her on her birthday. (Nevermind the fact that I was in a practice bar exam ALL day and had never called her on her birthday (nor her on mine) EVER. There are 2 sides to every story. To let it go this far b/c they didn't remember your anniversary (something, IMHO, only you and your DH have to celebrate...) it ridiculous. Just be the bigger person for the sake of the family.
Message edited 11/30/2007 8:26:33 AM.
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| Posted 11/30/07 8:24 AM |
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Kara
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Re: Dilemma with my IL's....advice needed BIG TIME!
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
while their reaction isn't ideal, there are a few things that you might have done that could have made this alot easier on everyone
First, I know you communicate on email, but when there's an issue or grievance, email is NEVER the way to go. It leaves too much open to misinterpretation.
Second, if you both felt hurt - it should have come from him, not you. They're his parents. You can be married 10 years to 50 years - parents, no matter how close the relationship, tend to listen more and understand more when it comes from their child. If it was your parents - I would say you take the lead on talking to them.
Third, when this all went down, and they said to call them, and you didn't, you added to the fire because it was perceived that you blew them off. I'm not saying the package and all the Bible stuff was the right way to handle it. But, you or your DH should have collectively spoken to them at that point. You emailed them when you felt hurt. Now, they feel hurt and want to talk, and you appeared to blow them off.
What's done is done. I would now say the 4 of you sit down and have this out and diffuse it before it gets out of control. It's obviously not a dead issue if you feel you can't have a conversation with them without exploding. And above all, don't make DH a pawn between you and your IL;s/
VERY well said.
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| Posted 11/30/07 8:27 AM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
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Re: Dilemma with my IL's....advice needed BIG TIME!
Posted by Kara
I would really like to know what your DH has to say / thinks about all this.
Remember, it's his family. Don't cause any more drama than absolutely necessary. They are his PARENTS.
I'll add that I have a SIL who nearly broke my family apart b/c I didn't call her on her birthday. (Nevermind the fact that I was in a practice bar exam ALL day and had never called her on her birthday (nor her on mine) EVER. There are 2 sides to every story. To let it go this far b/c they didn't remember your anniversary (something, IMHO, only you and your DH have to celebrate...) it ridiculous. Just be the bigger person for the sake of the family.
DH sees my point and has stuck up for me, but he also sees their point which I understand. He doesn't agree with the fact that they choose to communicate through him, then complain about not being closer to me, and he's told them several times, but they continue to do what they do. He also doesn't agree or like that his mom continues to say/do things pertaining to religious beliefs and has said he will speak to her on it. He mentioned that they are taught to be VERY persistant and by my accepting the Watchtower magazine it showed a sign of opportunity to her. I took it because i didn't want to be rude.
I know they are his parents and I need to be the "bigger" person, and eventually I will. He asked me to call them, and I will..but when I am ready.
ETA: DH also doesn't agree with them feeling since I'm not their "blood" daughter, I have no say. He feels we are ALL FAMILY now and I agree 100%.
When we got married, they made it a point to tell me YOU ARE OUR DAUGHTER NOW TOO. Whether they meant it or not..is another story..but it was said...several times. I know that doesn't entitle me to anything..and I never looked at it like "I'm their daughter..so I can say this". I just said what I said..and that was that.
Message edited 11/30/2007 9:35:45 AM.
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| Posted 11/30/07 9:32 AM |
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