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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Posted by Katareen
Posted by Gratitude
Put me firmly in the "everything happens for a reason" camp. Just because you can't see it now, doesn't mean you won't.
I have to disagree.
A relationship ending, yes. Not getting a certain job/promotion, yes.
But what is the "reason" a child/young adult dies from cancer?
Or the reason a mother dies during childbirth?
The reason kids are gunner down in their classrooms?
Many things you might NEVER know until we die ourselves, I truly believe that.
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Posted 10/29/15 11:03 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Posted by Katareen
Posted by Gratitude
Put me firmly in the "everything happens for a reason" camp. Just because you can't see it now, doesn't mean you won't.
I have to disagree.
A relationship ending, yes. Not getting a certain job/promotion, yes.
But what is the "reason" a child/young adult dies from cancer?
Or the reason a mother dies during childbirth?
The reason kids are gunner down in their classrooms?
ITA with Katareen. 100%.
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| Posted 10/29/15 11:10 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
I feel like that is just a saying someone made up to make themselves or others feel better in a bad situation.
Like all those flowery quotes you see all over facebook about one door opening, another closing, if it's meant to be, it will find a way, etc
All smoke up your @ss bullshyt.
Message edited 10/29/2015 12:51:28 PM.
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| Posted 10/29/15 11:13 AM |
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tourist
Member since 5/05 10425 total posts
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
But let's be real here, horrible shit happens in life. I mean, really ******* awful things like people being chopped up into pieces and stuffed in the fridge for months - yeah, that doesn't happen for a reason. And it also wasn't God's will.
Exactly! and babies being born with horrible diseases. .
This topic came up often in cancer support groups I was in. The specific, "everything happens for a reason" and the general need of people to offer platitudes in challenging times. In the groups, our reaction to each others stories, was often "Man, that sucks" & and it can be really powerful just to have someone acknowledge that.
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| Posted 10/29/15 11:37 AM |
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Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Listen. If There was some awful and tragic and brutal death of my loved one -
Especially one of my kids- and some asshole came up to me or told me that "everything happens for a reason" and it will be revealed later on, I'd be sent promptly to jail.
There is no grand plan of why things happen. Now you may ask, "but eatingmyveggies, how can you KnOW for sure? None of us are
Dead yet. Maybe there IS a reason that will be revealed later." Well, there isn't. 
I'm pretty sure Jeffrey Dahmer's victims didn't get to pearly gates and then God was all, "oh hey what's up. Yeah - you being eaten by that freak? It was meant to happen. And let's forgive him and love him. That pain and suffering you endured when he ate you alive? Yep, part of my plan. Are you relieved now? It was my plan all along. Do you want to go give him a hug now? Because forgiveness."
People get raped. Tortured. Held against their will. They die in fires. In accidents. They are canabilized (so glad I don't know how to spell that !). Kids. Grown ups. Elderly. It's people committing horrible acts against others. It's purely accidental due to faulty scaffolding. It's simple things that can be prevented or its mental illness. It's due to poor decisions like if someone speeds. It's due to addiction. Any number of things that are mostly in our control somehow, either as perp or victim. But it is not god's (or the universe) plan. Sometimes it's act of nature - which is why I don't live near a volcano
But really ******* awful things can happen. and I can't imagine the big guy upstairs or anyone else has it as a plan or there's some giant reason why. It makes no sense to me.
But yeah. Some will disagree. And that's cool. But If anyone ever eats my loved one or something, don't you dare say that to me.
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| Posted 10/29/15 12:49 PM |
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Posted by tourist
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
But let's be real here, horrible shit happens in life. I mean, really ******* awful things like people being chopped up into pieces and stuffed in the fridge for months - yeah, that doesn't happen for a reason. And it also wasn't God's will.
Exactly! and babies being born with horrible diseases. .
This topic came up often in cancer support groups I was in. The specific, "everything happens for a reason" and the general need of people to offer platitudes in challenging times. In the groups, our reaction to each others stories, was often "Man, that sucks" & and it can be really powerful just to have someone acknowledge that.
Sometimes that's all it takes - someone acknowledging it. Not dismissing it. Or pointing out the good. Sometimes you just aren't ready for that. Sometimes just saying "I'm sorry, that sucks and it's unfair and if you need anything, I'm here" is so much better than "well there must be a reason why it happened." That's just so damn off the mark and condescending and clueless and disrespectful. If there IS a reason, let the victim sort it out or say it. Not someone else as a bystander, someone unaffected.
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| Posted 10/29/15 12:51 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
Listen. If There was some awful and tragic and brutal death of my loved one -
Especially one of my kids- and some asshole came up to me or told me that "everything happens for a reason" and it will be revealed later on, I'd be sent promptly to jail.
There is no grand plan of why things happen. Now you may ask, "but eatingmyveggies, how can you KnOW for sure? None of us are
Dead yet. Maybe there IS a reason that will be revealed later." Well, there isn't.
I'm pretty sure Jeffrey Dahmer's victims didn't get to pearly gates and then God was all, "oh hey what's up. Yeah - you being eaten by that freak? It was meant to happen. And let's forgive him and love him. That pain and suffering you endured when he ate you alive? Yep, part of my plan. Are you relieved now? It was my plan all along. Do you want to go give him a hug now? Because forgiveness."
People get raped. Tortured. Held against their will. They die in fires. In accidents. They are canabilized (so glad I don't know how to spell that !). Kids. Grown ups. Elderly. It's people committing horrible acts against others. It's purely accidental due to faulty scaffolding. It's simple things that can be prevented or its mental illness. It's due to poor decisions like if someone speeds. It's due to addiction. Any number of things that are mostly in our control somehow, either as perp or victim. But it is not god's (or the universe) plan. Sometimes it's act of nature - which is why I don't live near a volcano
But really ******* awful things can happen. and I can't imagine the big guy upstairs or anyone else has it as a plan or there's some giant reason why. It makes no sense to me.
But yeah. Some will disagree. And that's cool. But If anyone ever eats my loved one or something, don't you dare say that to me.
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| Posted 10/29/15 12:54 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
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Danielle
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
Listen. If There was some awful and tragic and brutal death of my loved one -
Especially one of my kids- and some asshole came up to me or told me that "everything happens for a reason" and it will be revealed later on, I'd be sent promptly to jail.
AMEN!
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| Posted 10/29/15 12:59 PM |
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JDubs
different, not less
Member since 7/09 13160 total posts
Name:
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by Katareen
Posted by Gratitude
Put me firmly in the "everything happens for a reason" camp. Just because you can't see it now, doesn't mean you won't.
I have to disagree.
A relationship ending, yes. Not getting a certain job/promotion, yes.
But what is the "reason" a child/young adult dies from cancer?
Or the reason a mother dies during childbirth?
The reason kids are gunner down in their classrooms?
ITA with Katareen. 100%.
ITA. I would never say this to someone because I feel the same. I have a DS that is special needs and yes it has been challenging, and there are some good days but there are also bad days where I just want to cry. I have had some people say to me "Everything happens for a reason and god gave you a special needs child because he knew you would be able to handle it" Like WTF.
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| Posted 10/29/15 1:06 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Posted by Paramount
I am going to read the article. However I am FIRMLY in the "everything does NOT happen for a reason" camp.
I believe people say it because they HAVE to find a reason in what, sometimes, is nonsense. (ETA: Things that cant be explained)
My father going for a pacemaker today did not happen for a reason.
My uncle falling off a ladder yesterday and ending up in the hospital did not happen for a reason. (he is fine and will recover).
My cousin didn't die for a reason.
but I am also someone who sees things for what they are. And I accept things. I learn, I cope, I move on. I accept that X happened and am able to move forward. (not saying that others cant).
I HATE that expression, but I see how others NEED it to be comforted in times of sorrow or grief.
I would never say it to anyone under any circumstances.
Agreed - Exactly, on all points.
I HATE the cliche saying (as I hate all cliche sayings) but this one really puts me over the edge. I get why people need to believe that, but I personnally, do not believe it.
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| Posted 10/29/15 1:25 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Posted by JDubs
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by Katareen
Posted by Gratitude
Put me firmly in the "everything happens for a reason" camp. Just because you can't see it now, doesn't mean you won't.
I have to disagree.
A relationship ending, yes. Not getting a certain job/promotion, yes.
But what is the "reason" a child/young adult dies from cancer?
Or the reason a mother dies during childbirth?
The reason kids are gunner down in their classrooms?
ITA with Katareen. 100%.
ITA. I would never say this to someone because I feel the same. I have a DS that is special needs and yes it has been challenging, and there are some good days but there are also bad days where I just want to cry. I have had some people say to me "Everything happens for a reason and god gave you a special needs child because he knew you would be able to handle it" Like WTF.
UGH. That would really annoy me.
The sad reality is, in life some people are just dealt a $hitty hand and there is NO explanation for it. Life is unfair and sadly, there are some people who have to endure and be put through so much while others seem to sail through life without a hiccup. Everything doesn't happen for a reason, there isn't a reason for why bad things happen to good people. There just isn't. It's a stupid saying for sure!
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| Posted 10/29/15 1:46 PM |
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
It's an opinion, so it simply doesn't have a categorical answer.
I look to take a lesson away from each situation I encounter; I can't bother with whether this bromide is true or false since if an answer exists, I won't know until I die. I'll just do my best to make it true in my life.
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| Posted 10/29/15 2:21 PM |
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bunnyluck
LIF Adult
Member since 1/14 3196 total posts
Name:
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Everything doesn't happen for a reason
I think you have to tread very carefully when you use this phrase.
Sometimes bad shit just happens and there is NO reason for it.
I don't find the phrase comforting I actaully think it can be highly offensive. I clearly don't believe in destiny or 'meant to be.' Sometimes life just sucks and is unfair. But everyone is different. I'd say even if you find it comforting don't assume someone else does and use it wisely.
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| Posted 10/29/15 2:55 PM |
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