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jcbrownie
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/05 879 total posts
Name:
jennifer
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Explaining adoption to your child
At what age did you or plan on telling your child that they were adopted?
How did you tell them? Can anyone recommend any children's books that do a good job explaining adoption.
TIA
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Posted 10/2/14 1:58 PM  |
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KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination
Member since 5/05 4431 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Explaining adoption to your child
We never "told" our daughter. We were always upfront about it and she knew she was adopted from an early age.
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| Posted 10/2/14 6:56 PM |
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ml110
LIF Adult
Member since 1/06 5435 total posts
Name:
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Re: Explaining adoption to your child
well... my son is Korean/Asian, and my husband and I are both blond and pale- so its a little obvious LOL
my son is almost 4, so I'm sure pretty soon he'll really pick up on it and start asking questions, but so far he hasn't.
We don't hide it either, though... I talk to him about how he was born in Korea and how we went there on an airplane to bring him home. how he had a foster family there that took care of him ( and we show him pictures of them often). so I kind of feel like its something he will always know, and its not like we'll have a point where we sit down and tell him. I just plan on answering his questions honestly as they come up in the way that he can understand at that point.
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| Posted 10/6/14 3:25 PM |
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jcbrownie
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/05 879 total posts
Name:
jennifer
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Re: Explaining adoption to your child
DS was born in here in the states and he actually looks like us. The question of him looking different from us will never come up.
He's 2 right now so it has not come up. I was just wondering how to talk to him about it when he is a bit older to understand.
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| Posted 10/7/14 8:07 AM |
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ml110
LIF Adult
Member since 1/06 5435 total posts
Name:
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Re: Explaining adoption to your child
Posted by jcbrownie
DS was born in here in the states and he actually looks like us. The question of him looking different from us will never come up.
He's 2 right now so it has not come up. I was just wondering how to talk to him about it when he is a bit older to understand.
was he a domestic infant adoption? because I think Jamie Lee Curtis has a kids book out- Tell Me Again about the Night You Were Born. its about a domestic infant adoption where the parents get the call that their baby was born, go to the hospital, etc. That might be a good place to start when hes a little bit older.
Honestly, I think the best way is to just even at 2 kind of find ways to slip it into the conversation so he always grows up knowing it. Then it won't have to be such a huge conversation when hes older. Like "WOW! you're good at kicking the soccer ball! I wonder if your birth mom was good at soccer, too!" or if you have any pictures of the birth parents- just showing them to him once in awhile "wow! your birth mom is so pretty- She loves you so much!! She had you in the hospital, and then you came here to live with mommy and daddy!" I do this with pictures of my son's foster family- he was with them for 2 years so we'll look at the pics they gave us. "They took such good care of you when you were in Korea! You had so much fun with them! You were born in Korea, and they took care of you until mommy and daddy came and then we brought you to our house on the airplane!"
I mean is SUPER simplified for now... but it at least gets the basics of the story with what he can understand at 4... and I answer questions as he asks them.
Message edited 10/7/2014 8:44:20 AM.
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| Posted 10/7/14 8:42 AM |
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FranM
And so it goes....
Member since 9/05 2217 total posts
Name:
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Explaining adoption to your child
We always talked about it. DS was adopted from a Russian orphanage at 18mos. Its just part of his life story. We read books similar to the Jamie Lee Curtis book mentioned above, showed him pictures of the trips we made to meet him and bring him home. Now At age 11, direct questions come up now and then and we answer them honestly and with as much information as we have (which is very little). Its just always been a dialogue
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| Posted 10/7/14 8:29 PM |
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jcbrownie
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/05 879 total posts
Name:
jennifer
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Re: Explaining adoption to your child
Thank you ladies for your sharing your experiences.
DH and I have always planned on letting him know his background. We just weren't sure how to bring it up--he looks like us and he has always been with us so we are the only parents he's known. We were just wondering how to bring it up with him and at what age.
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| Posted 10/8/14 8:10 AM |
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KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination
Member since 5/05 4431 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Explaining adoption to your child
I think that is not really something you bring up to him. It should always be apart of your conversations. When DD was young she really didn't ask much but we still talked about it but once she started school (pre-k) she would ask me about how she grew in my tummy. I simply explained to her that she did not grow in my tummy but in my heart and that she grew in someone else's tummy. I explained that being a mom means that you love someone with all your heart and it didn't matter who gave birth to you.
I'm sure as she gets older more questions come up but I feel that speaking about it and answering all questions truthfully now will make her more comfortable when she needs to ask the harder ones.
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| Posted 10/8/14 1:01 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: Explaining adoption to your child
I struggle with the same thing and have always just mention to DS that he grew in someone else tummy. However, idk if its because DS is so attached to me and stubborn but the boy will literally say "... and then I was in your tummy". It's like he refuses to accept that fact.
DS is also Caucasian, DH is half Puerto Rican and Caucasian (he's DS's 2nd cousin) and im Puerto Rican. DH and I look Hispanic, so I think he will eventually start questioning. Although, DS says he is Puerto Rican  . However, my SS (Technically DS's 3rd cousin) is mostly Caucasian and looks like DS, so I think that is why he doesn't question it.
I think I am going to grab some books and start reading it to DS, so he can understand adoption. We also got him when he was two, so I dont have any newborn pics of him. Etc.
Message edited 11/4/2014 8:38:27 PM.
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| Posted 11/4/14 8:37 PM |
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chilltocam
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 9141 total posts
Name:
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Re: Explaining adoption to your child
Posted by KarenK122
We never "told" our daughter. We were always upfront about it and she knew she was adopted from an early age.
Same for my 2 nephews who are adopted and it's just always been a part of the "landscape" of their family life. They have always known they were adopted - no one ever had to have a "talk" with them. And they had the book by Jamie Lee Curtis mentioned above - it's a very sweet story.
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| Posted 11/11/14 6:39 PM |
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w8andsee
LIF Adult
Member since 10/09 1193 total posts
Name:
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Re: Explaining adoption to your child
I have family that adopted and what they have done is constantly look at family pictures including pictures of when they all met. They then say, this is when we became a family. They also talk about the experience saying they were so happy when we got to take you home. Eventually the child figures it out or ask additional questions.
Also the children were told that some babies grow in mommy's belly and some babies grow in mommy's heart. You grew in mommy's heart.
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| Posted 1/20/15 1:14 PM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7995 total posts
Name:
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Explaining adoption to your child
does anyone know an organization or groups in Nassau county to help and provide information on adoption
Please do not recommend adoptive parents committee, I attempted to contact them several times
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| Posted 1/24/15 3:43 PM |
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AScottWolf
I <3 our squish!
Member since 11/10 2237 total posts
Name:
Adriana
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Re: Explaining adoption to your child
Posted by KarenK122
We never "told" our daughter. We were always upfront about it and she knew she was adopted from an early age.
This. As someone who is adopted, it's just part of who I am. It's just as normal as the date of my birthday, my favorite color, and my name. I've always known about my adoption and can't think back to a time when I didn't. I've met the lawyer who did my adoption (international, closed) and when I was younger actually asked my parents to go back to Mexico to adopt another baby so I could have a brother or sister.
I also worked in the field for 3 years speaking about ways to talk to kids about adoption. I suggest starting as early as possible, just to introduce the word but typically, the "typical' time to talk about it is when kids can understand where babies come from. That's the easiest way to introduce the topic imo. You can then use movies (elf, heidi), or books ("forever family" I believe is the one that I have at home).
If you, or anyone ever has any questions please feel free to ask. I've personally experieced it all.
biological family separation & reunification
met my birth mother
heard conflicting info about the adoption, etc.
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| Posted 2/4/15 3:12 PM |
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