?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

So, I was so spoiled with Jack being born on June 28th - my DH was off until September with us. It was a godsend! I was able to recover from my c-section and had help with a newborn that I had no clue about.

Unfortunately, it looks like this time around I'm going to have to do it all on my own. We are now looking to hopefully have a September baby. My husband runs an afterschool program for 5 schools through his district and the beginning of the year is horrible.

I am not putting off a month because this is already month #5 - so chances are I won't get pregnant for Sept. anyway --- BUT --- if I did - how did you do it alone? How long was your DH off? If you had two kids how did you handle it? Even after a c-section? I am so upset and worried that I won't be able to deal with it all.

My husband will look into any time that he is entitled to but I know it will still be really hard on him. My mom is a workaholic and I know she would take off a week or so, and my dad could take off as much time as I needed I guess. I just feel so defeated and scared already - and I'm not even pregnant. My in-laws can't help me out so that's not an option.

Total pity party here - I"m sorry! I think if I didn't have my DH home for so long with Jack I would be ok -- but I know how much easier it was with him around so I"m totally bummed.

Message edited 12/10/2008 4:09:26 PM.

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

well I just had my first DS, DH was home 2 weeks. the first week were in the hospital and I really only had him home for one more week. I also had a c section. it was hard, but you do what you can. I had my mom come over the third week to help me bc I wasn't totally healed yet

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

sorry

I had josh on a monday, Leo went back to work on Thursday.

I had a csection. The biggest challange was nursing.

Also, sept is nice out, you can have baby in stroller with jack at park, you know?

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

Hi Diana,

I don't have 2 and I'm not even thinking about it yet, but I just wanted to remind you of all the things we were all scared of when we were pregnant with #1........and we all managed!

It's just the way of the world, we adjust to our situations because most of the time, we don't kow it any other way.

You will find a way to make it work, I'm sure. Keep your head up, no sense worrying yourself for the holidays....

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

Dh was home with me for about a week and then had to go back to work.

Honestly, it just works out somehow. It wasn't easy at first, but I muddled through and I think they are not too screwed up.

Don't think too much about it, I think that the anticipation of it was MUCH worse than it actually was.

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

luckily i had help from my parents and siblings...could everyone take off say a week so you are covered for about a month...I didnt have a c though, so I don't know if a month is enough.

Also, I am soooo much more sleep deprived this time around...I never get to nap during the day...and I am usually up at 4:30-5:30 for the day. I go to bed around 11-12, but lucky for me my husband takes the middle of the night feeding.

It def. is tough at times, and some days are easier than others, but I know I don't even have to tell you, it is soooo worth it:hug

ETA: I totally agree that the anticipation is much worse than what actually goes on.

Message edited 12/10/2008 4:17:31 PM.

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

I am expecting #2 in March. DH will be home with me for 3 weeks then he he is going back to work.

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

My DH went back to work 3 days after. Luckily both my girls were easy babies so I didn't find it hard. But I also had a vaginal delivery and was not in any pain which I am sure made it A LOT easier!

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

You can totally do it. I didnt have to have a repeat c/s, so I think that really helped. I was out of the hospital on Monday morning (gave birth Saturday) and my DH dropped me off at home with the kids and went to work

DC#2 was a very good baby - I was lucky she loved her swing and slept a lot. Plus, DC#1 was very easy going, he just went with the flow. Nights were tough for the first 3 months, I remember being so tired, but at that age, they still took naps and so did I...

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

I only have one so far, but I had a c/s and no family to help and DH had no vaca or paternity leave since it was a new job for him.

Honestly, knowing what I know now... I'd say plan ahead as much as possible. I know for me stairs were out of the question so for baby #2 assuming he/she will be a c/s I'm making sure that I will not have to use stairs at all... if you have to have a pnp set up in your living room for the newborn and a nap place for your older DC so that you don't have to use stairs if your older one sleeps or naps upstairs. I have a ranch with a basement so it's a little easier, but all our storage is in the basement... I'll make sure DH brings up everything I could possibly need before he goes to work.

I know for me planning for #2 will be a must as my kids will only be 14.5 months apart... DD probably will still like to be picked up, but obviously with a section that's not possible. If you have friends or family that can help out - even if your like me and just will want people to entertain the older child for a bit while mommy and new baby get some nap time in... then arrange for that ahead of time too. I'm hoping DH will be able to take some time off with number 2, but I can't bank on it... so I'll be in your boat. I know I may continue to rely on daycare as much as possible too, DH would have to take her of course b/c I remember not being allowed to drive for a few weeks.

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

Don't underestimate yourself! It's not quite as scary as you may think.

My DH is an attorney in private practice and also owns his own company. He also teaches college 2-3 nights a week. So, as you can imagine...time off is not plentiful!

I also had two c-sections and my girls are 20 months apart...oh, and DD#1 is a September baby. With DD#1, I came home from the hospital on a Sunday and he was back to work on MONDAY and since it was Sept, the semester of evening classes had just started. I had barely any help. I sometimes get sad thinking of that time--the first baby was a total shock to the system and I had a difficult time. I still sometimes feel gypped out of the glow of "new parenthood." Ah, but the past is the past. And as you suggested, maybe it better prepared me...

With DD#2, I was out of the hospital on a Friday, so we had the whole weekend before he went back on Monday. Having already had one, handling two--to me--was not a huge adjustment. For several days, I cried, I cursed them under my breath, and then I moved on! Everyone does it and YOU CAN DO IT TOO!!!

If I'm not mistaken, you will be scheduled? Maybe you will luck out and schedule the baby's b-day for Rosh Hashanah or something. Maybe you can plan it for mid-week in order to have the weekend and maybe your DH can take off a day or two to make a long weekend. Sacrifice his presence in the hospital--you'd rather have him at home. If your mom can be there for a week that is AWESOME! By that time, you should be getting in the swing!

I'll repeat--everyone does it and YOU CAN DO IT TOO!!! Remember that!!

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

I had plenty of help from my mom and MIL. I asked them to come up and stay with me for a few weeks. Its really really hard to do it without some type of help. I was so glad when she got her 8 wk shots to get out of the house, "for real"

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

was your c/s recovery really hard? cause I felt ok enough to think I could handle 2, especially a NB ( toddler is harder obviously) within 3-4 days.

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

I came home from the hospital on Tuesday, with my mom because DH was working. And he worked the next day, etc. So I was alone from the VERY beginning. I also had a c/s.

It's not so bad. You just do it. I recovered quickly. My mom came the next day to help me wash/dress him and brought us dinner. After that...I was on my own. And, it will most likely be the same with #2.

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

Thanks everyone so much! I'm sitting here in tears like a fool - UGH - I need to get over it.

Donna - my recovery wasn't torture - but I don't know how I'd manage lifting Jack. As of now he's over 30lbs - and hard for me to carry. How would I do it during the days by myself? That's what scares me!

Oh - and also the fact that Jack cries every time I hold another baby. Full on hysterics. I'm hoping that's just a phase - but it's been two months now and he's still doing it! I kind of wanted someone around to entertain him and give him some extra loving!

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

Posted by Diana1215

Thanks everyone so much! I'm sitting here in tears like a fool - UGH - I need to get over it.

Donna - my recovery wasn't torture - but I don't know how I'd manage lifting Jack. As of now he's over 30lbs - and hard for me to carry. How would I do it during the days by myself? That's what scares me!

Oh - and also the fact that Jack cries every time I hold another baby. Full on hysterics. I'm hoping that's just a phase - but it's been two months now and he's still doing it! I kind of wanted someone around to entertain him and give him some extra loving!

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

Posted by Diana1215

Thanks everyone so much! I'm sitting here in tears like a fool - UGH - I need to get over it.

Donna - my recovery wasn't torture - but I don't know how I'd manage lifting Jack. As of now he's over 30lbs - and hard for me to carry. How would I do it during the days by myself? That's what scares me!

Oh - and also the fact that Jack cries every time I hold another baby. Full on hysterics. I'm hoping that's just a phase - but it's been two months now and he's still doing it! I kind of wanted someone around to entertain him and give him some extra loving!

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

Well when I had DD - my DH only had 10 days vacation and he used 4 days just with appts, DD's birth etc and other things b.c I was on bedrest. I had a section and only had him for 5 days and my mom for 5 days.

This time around he has something like 15 days this year and so he will probably only take a little over a week again - not sure if I will even get the full week - b.c my mom maxes out her vacation time so she is only putting aside 5 days for this birth - and since for now I'm scheduled for another section on a wed I will need someone to watch DD wed, thurs and friday before I come from the hospital. I will probably only have about 1-2 weeks help tops.

Honestly I'm very nervous esp with the fact DD is so active and this will be a section. But it is all I can do and I can't stress over it. Do you have family that can come and help out when your DH can't take time off for a while to help you?

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

I had Mattea on 5/27, so I was by myself with the help of my mother of course on some days until 6/28 (when Anthony was done with teaching). It was hard, but it made me get on a schedule very early. You just do it!! There is no real answer to your question, because you just go into survival mode. I looked at it this way...other mothers have done with 3-4 kids,,so I should be able to do with 2. You will be fine...if you stress about it now,,,you will already feel like you will fail (which you won't)

Message edited 12/10/2008 4:50:59 PM.

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

Diana,

You are SUCH a capable Mom! I know you can handle it

Have your DH talk to the teacher's union. He may be entitled to 6 paid weeks under FMLA. I'm not sure, but I think men are entitled to that time, too.

Good luck

Don't forget Jack will be bigger then, over 2 yrs old, and needing to be picked up less.

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

Posted by Diana1215

Posted by Lillykat

Well when I had DD - my DH only had 10 days vacation and he used 4 days just with appts, DD's birth etc and other things b.c I was on bedrest. I had a section and only had him for 5 days and my mom for 5 days.

This time around he has something like 15 days this year and so he will probably only take a little over a week again - not sure if I will even get the full week - b.c my mom maxes out her vacation time so she is only putting aside 5 days for this birth - and since for now I'm scheduled for another section on a wed I will need someone to watch DD wed, thurs and friday before I come from the hospital. I will probably only have about 1-2 weeks help tops.

Honestly I'm very nervous esp with the fact DD is so active and this will be a section. But it is all I can do and I can't stress over it. Do you have family that can come and help out when your DH can't take time off for a while to help you?

I'm sure my family will be in and out to visit - but they all have kids of their own so they wouldn't be able to really be that much of a help.

I guess if I could work it that my DH takes a week, my mom takes a week, and then my dad - I should hopefully be ok.

Thanks everyone - I know I can't plan everything and it's just more disappointing right now to think that I have to wait yet another month!