Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

I had 2 my dh was home for 1 week and my mom came in the afternoons for the other week. I had a c-section with both. After the second week I was left alone with both kids. Not going to lie it was hard but it got easier.

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

Dh will also prob only be able to take off a week or week and a half when we have another. He gets 3 1/2 weeks vacation time, but they wont let him take it all at once this is what we did when i had my DS. He does get paternity leave, but its unpaid so i dont know how much of it he will take, if any at all as i also wont be getting paid for maternity leave (i am a contract employee so i dont have benefits) I am nervous knowing i will be home with 2 kids right away, but i will figure it out. My mom only works 4 days week so i know she will come and help out to. You just figure it out when it happens and learn to go with the flow you'll do great D!

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

DD was born on 10/12 and DH deployed on 10/25. Its tough and you'll have days when you want to scream and other days where you just want to cry. Just go without. The only thing that gets me through the tough days is knowing that it has to get better and easier at some point. You'll do great, don't stress about it now.

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

I totally hear you! I am the one freaking out over here b/c with my first, I was able to take off after (May) until school started again in Sept. Now as we are on month 7 I am wondering how I will have another C-sect and go back to work so quickly. A Sept baby scare me too but I don't even know if that will happen... Oct, better??? Then worry about Nov, Dec??? This sucks! It was so easy the first time! So much for planning!

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

DS was born on a tues.... DH was back at work on wed.... he only took off the first day at home.

it really wasn't bad at all... he and I quickly settled into a routine where I took the 12-6am shift, but then DH would take over from 6-10AM so I could catch up on sleep.... then he would go to work. (I can't nap in the afternoon, because DS generally doesn't sleep much before night time) it's exhausting for both of us, but it has worked so far (DS is 10 weeks).

but then again, we only have one child....

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

no advice really but would you consider hiring help for like the first month? look into a baby nurse of some sort? i think some of the ladies on here have used them so you could get recommendations.... just a thought. although know that it could also be a financial issue too.
i think it would just be a rough temporary time that you would definitely get through!! when my baby #2 comes DH won't be home much at all-MAYBE a week?

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

DH was home for a week with me before going back. My family stayed with me for a few extra days as well.

I;m in the thick of it now. Eliza is 5 weeks old and Madelyn is 17 months. There are some days where everything goes smoothly and other days where I can't WAIT til 6pm rolls around (Maddie's bedtime).

I'm going to admit it though- it's been really hard at times. REALLY hard. Whoever says the second baby is always easy is an a-hole who deserves a kick in the teeth. The newborn thing is no problem- but having to take care of Madelyn as well was really overwhelming. Eliza is pretty demanding, so it's taken awhile to find a good routine.

Mads was pretty jealous the first couple of weeks and I was devastated FOR her. It broke my heart how confused she seemed. My first night alone with them, I was trying to calm Eliza so I could start Madelyn's bedtime routine. While I was in the glider trying to nurse a screaming Eliza, I look at my sweet Maddie standing next to me holding her book and bottle patiently waiting for her turn on Mommy's lap. It shattered me.

All that said, 5 weeks in and it gets better every day. Maddie really loves helping me with Eliza. The jealousy is gone. For the first time in 5 weeks, I'm feeling really good about our routine. I'm actually proud at how efficient I've become at handling both (AND the dog)all by myself.

Is it hard? YES. Is it worth it. ABSOLUTELY.

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

Posted by ME75

no advice really but would you consider hiring help for like the first month? look into a baby nurse of some sort? i think some of the ladies on here have used them so you could get recommendations.... just a thought. although know that it could also be a financial issue too.
i think it would just be a rough temporary time that you would definitely get through!! when my baby #2 comes DH won't be home much at all-MAYBE a week?

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

DH went back to work about 1 week after DS was born. It was hard but I managed. Same thing will happen when #2 comes in March. One day at a time...you will be great! I would put Jack in pre-school a few days a week so you can give yourself a break and time to bond with baby #2

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

Diana- I would totally consider a baby nurse since it was offered. And also, a 2 year old nursey school would be a great way for you to have a break as well. I'm counting the days til Mads goes to nursery school.

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

Diana....YOU will be fine!!! You can't plan how it's going to be with baby #2. You could be getting yourself all worked up and Baby #2 could end up being a dream baby and Jack will be embracing his baby sister/brother. OR, Jack may bend over and show his baby sister/brother who the boss is and show him/her some butt crack!

Yes it's hard work, Yes it's tiring, Yes it's demanding..but these all the same things you go through with one child. I believe in routines...You put baby#2 on you and Jack's routine. I did that with Mattea/ Her and Anthony napped the same times and go to bed an hour apart from each other (she goes down at 6 and he goes down at 7). Routine is the key to you and James' sanity!

You will be fine!

Message edited 12/10/2008 8:17:31 PM.

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

DH was only off for the 4 days I was in the hospital. My mom came over and helped me a few times a week, friends came to visit, etc...

A babynurse would be great. I was all for it until I found out how much they were...

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

DH was only home for 5 days after Joey was born, he went back 3 days after we came home from the hospital. He will be doing the same with this baby, I will be home alone with a 13 month old and a newborn. I would definitely ask your parents for help if you think they would be willing. My mother was a Godsend during the first couple of months with Joey, and she has already said she will be over every day to take Joey so I can bond with the baby if I need it. I know it's scary, I sometimes panic when I think of the fact that I will have a toddler and an infant all by myself a majority of the day. I had a vaginal birth, so I can't give you advice on that, but trust me, I know the fear. If your parents offer their help, take it!

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

Posted by Sweets13

Diana....YOU will be fine!!! You can't plan how it's going to be with baby #2. You could be getting yourself all worked up and Baby #2 could end up being a dream baby and Jack will be embracing his baby sister/brother. OR, Jack may bend over and show his baby sister/brother who the boss is and show him/her some butt crack!

Yes it's hard work, Yes it's tiring, Yes it's demanding..but these all the same things you go through with one child. I believe in routines...You put baby#2 on you and Jack's routine. I did that with Mattea/ Her and Anthony napped the same times and go to bed an hour apart from each other (she goes down at 6 and he goes down at 7). Routine is the key to you and James' sanity!

You will be fine!

Message edited 12/10/2008 9:19:15 PM.

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

baby nurse sounds like a dream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

Diana, I'm in the same boat time wise. With DS I was already back at work and I don't get maternity leave (I teach dance for myself.) I only had 3 weeks off from work. It was tough, but I managed and I even managed to Bf and pump for 5 months. DH was able to be off from work for 5 days, which worked out to be Thursday-Friday, Monday-Wednesday. I'm also worried about how it's all going to work out with 2 kids, but I'm sure we'll figure it out. You'll be fine too.

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

I agree with almost everything everyone has said so far, especially that everythng works out. My kids are 18 months apart and my 2nd was extremely colicky and as soon as he was born my first one became severly ill and had to be hospitalized We really had no help from anyone but some how by the grace of god we all got through it. You do what you have to do for your kids.
If you can try to relax. My friend had a baby nurse and hated it. She is a control freak and it bugged her having someone in the house doing things that were not the way she would do them. Being that she was hormonal it only made things 10 times worse. My suggestion would be have your DH take a week, your mom the next week, your father the next one, and then a friend or relative a day here and a day there ( do a sign up sheet of some sort) lol. It can be done.

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

Posted by teacherwheart

I agree with almost everything everyone has said so far, especially that everythng works out. My kids are 18 months apart and my 2nd was extremely colicky and as soon as he was born my first one became severly ill and had to be hospitalized We really had no help from anyone but some how by the grace of god we all got through it. You do what you have to do for your kids.
If you can try to relax. My friend had a baby nurse and hated it. She is a control freak and it bugged her having someone in the house doing things that were not the way she would do them. Being that she was hormonal it only made things 10 times worse. My suggestion would be have your DH take a week, your mom the next week, your father the next one, and then a friend or relative a day here and a day there ( do a sign up sheet of some sort) lol. It can be done.

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

Well, I didn't have a DH to help nor any family so I did it all alone. I won't lie, it was hard. The WORST thing was the lack of sleep. I'm sure your DH won't want to get up in the middle of the night when he has to work all day (I know..not fair). Obviously Nicholas was a lot older than Jack and was self sufficient in most things, but it was still a struggle. But..I think you are strong enough to prevail!

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

Thanks everyone!

I already informed my mom that if/when I get pregnant it will now be in the school year and she will have to take at least a week off.

Then - my dad will have to take a week off also - which will be hard to pull him away from the golf course but I think he can sacrifice for a week

I feel much better today - I think I was just really upset about getting AF and let down.

Thank you all so much for talking me through yet another breakdown!

Re: ?? for moms whose DHs went back to work right after DC was born - esp. moms of 2

i'm going through this right now...

luckily this time around DH took 5 days paternity plus 2 weeks vacation. we have no family nearby, but my mom will stay with me at the drop of a hat if need be. with DD#1 DH took a week and then had to go back to work, at which point my mom came and helped out for another week...

c-section recovery for me the second time around was WORSE, i was hoping it would have been better. so far that has been the biggest problem for me. DD#1 wants to be picked up all the time now (she's 2 1/2) because she sees me holding the baby. since daddy is around he is holding and distracting DD#1, but this will all come to an end come january when all the relatives are gone and DH is back at work.

3 weeks PP i feel better and have started to get back to cleaning and lifting (although my OB has been scolding me). what i think is going to be key come january, is the DD#1 is going to start nursery school 2 days a week (plus continue a drop-off babysitting session another day). getting her out of the house and socialized with other people is going to hopefully make things easier for me and DD#2.

knowing what i know now, if DH couldn't have taken the extra time and my mother couldn't stay with us and help a bit, i would have possibly looked into hiring someone to help out with DD#1 here and there.