For those who have grandparents as "nannys"

This is long. Thanks for reading...

Do you parents do much to entertain your children throughout the day?

My mom watches my kids (2 year old and now my 4 month old) and by watch I mean she puts on the TV while she's on her phone basically all day and feeds him junk food. She doesn't really engage and play with my 2 year old. I really wish she would. Because of this I enrolled him in a nursery school program from 9am to 12pm just so he'd get out of the house and socialize and "do stuff." But I am wondering if it is enough.

He seams happy enough just hanging out and is still little but I just feel guilty that he is cooped up all afternoon. He loves being out and about. I also feel like he is missing out on a lot. My husband and I are starting to consider other options.

My mom now says that it's too much with the baby to go out (which I totally get), she even is making excuses not to bring him to school (too cold to get baby out the car and bring him in, etc. etc.) But to be honest, even before the baby she was never one to do anything with him. Never brought him to park, play place, etc. Her outings were Stop and Shop or Target lol. We aren't paying her either so it's not like I can hold that over her. I totally appreciate her help, don't get me wrong, but I'm just starting to feel a little guilty since returning to work and wondering if we should just hire someone. It's such a tough decision because I have a hard time trusting an outsider and it would obviously be an added expense.

My other option is to keep him in school until 3pm. Though I am not sure I love that option because I feel like it's a long "school" day for a 2 year old.

Thanks for listening to my vent. I don't really know what I am looking for here. I get what my options are. I just don't know what to do at this point. Ughhhhh.

For those who have grandparents as

oh bunnyluck I feel you!! I could have written this post word for word. My mom watches my girls (3, and 5 yo) twice a week and my in laws watch them one day a week. They are all in their very early 70's at this point so they do not do much with the girls at all. Partially bc its hard for them to take them out and about and partially bc they try to help around the house while they are home (which i totally appreciate!!). I take them to school ion the morning and they just have to pick them up at 12:00. They will give them lunch, sometimes they will take them to a library program or the park (very very rarely) but mostly they are home and It makes me crazy bc I feel like they are wasting away watching tv half the day and eating . Sometimes my mom will do homework with my older one for a little while. To be honest, it didnt bother me much until recently bc until recently both my girls napped a few hours a day and were in school for a few hours so there wasnt a ton of time in between. Now that they are getting older I foresee it as being a problem bc there are more days to fill and the kids just need more activity- especially physical activity. I only work three days a week so I try to make up for it by scheduling activities, playdates and taking them places on my days off. I think I will be putting them in camp over the summer as well bc things will be worse for everyone then when there is no school. When the weather is nice though the girls play in the back yard which is something and also they play with eachother even at home (yours will eventually too). Im just trying to bide my time for now bc in the fall my older DD will be in Kindergarten full time and I think I will put my younger daughter in to school until 2pm and I wont have to worry about it much.

I think your kids are still young so I wouldnt worry too much about it but i can completely understand the frustration. Honestly I think just being in school from 9-12 is probably all your 2 year old needs. Maybe just ask your mom to skip the junk food and if she can avoid having the tv on all day and leave specific crafts or workbooks etc for her to work with them on. I find that if i leave a specific "game" activity homework etc for the grandparents to do with the kids, rather than have them come up with an idea it is helpful and they will actually do it. I also think that once the weather gets nicer maybe your mom might be willing to go out more.. park, library classes, your back yard etc , if the cold weather is an issue. Maybe you have neighbors that can come over for playdates once a week? My mom did playdates with one particular family for a while but it became too much for her lol.

Also You may want to consider a longer day at school in the fall or maybe enroll your older child in daycare 2 days a week for more interaction and socialization. Still have your mom involved but just swicth it up a couple of days. Hope this is helpful and good luck!!

Message edited 3/15/2017 2:40:35 PM.

Re: For those who have grandparents as "nannys"

If you can afford it, I would put him in a longer day daycare or preschool. My son is also 2 and gets so much out of daycare. He knows his letters, shapes, numbers, etc and has so much fun there he doesn't want to leave. I know if he were home with a grandparent or even with me, he would probably watch a lot of tv because it's really hard keeping a toddler entertained all day. Will she be watching him over the summer too? You said she doesn't like taking him to the park or activities, so that would seal the deal for me that he needs to be in a program where they are playing outside and enjoying the weather.

Re: For those who have grandparents as "nannys"

For those who have grandparents as

I had family watch my DS 2 days a week when I went back to work. As my DS got older it was clear that the family was not the best situation. I had him in a full day daycare and at 2 I decided it was best for him to be there all 5 days. He loves it. I also don't buy into the thought that there is "too long a day". My DS is in daycare and now prek for 10 hrs. He's fine. has never once had an issue with it. Its his normal and so many other kids normal. And I have to say when he does to Kindergarten in the fall he with not have an issue with the length of the day.

Personally I think family comes with too many issues sometimes and I'd rather pay someone and not have the drama

For those who have grandparents as

Thanks for reading! It's nice to know someone else can commiserate. Friends always tell me how envious they are that we are lucky enough to have a parent who is willing and able to watch them, and I agree, but it certainly has it's own set of challeneges that people don't always realize.

I really, really like the idea of leaving an activity out for them to work on. I am definitely going to give that a try. To pinterest I go. Thanks for the suggestion!

Hopefully like you said, Summer will be easier. He'll be in camp half the day and occupied.

Re: For those who have grandparents as "nannys"

my mom watches my kids and has been since almost birth. My daughter just turned 4 and my son will be 3 in May. I did end up putting both of them in daycare starting at 18 months for half days (9-1) started 3 days a week and this year we went 5 days. In part we started because we wanted my daughter to learn, grow, socialize etc and with my son my mom asked how soon we could get him into daycare to give her a break!

Personally I would put your 2yo into part time daycare til noon and see how he does. I found daycare beneficial for so many reasons (even though my mom is a retired elementary school teacher she does not know what exactly a 2 year old should or should not know). It is hard to stay home with 2 kids for 5 days straight especially with a 4 month old. As the baby gets bigger they will be able to play with each other but for now there really is not much she can do to entertain them both at the same time all day every day imho. Give it some time and see how the 2yo does in daycare and also speak with your mom and see if she wants him in there til 3pm or not. You should also ask your mom if she is willing to drive them to/from daycare because it will involve her taking the baby in and out of the car etc. My mom hated doing that and we picked a daycare center close enough that she could walk them in the stroller most of the time.

To this day mom mom does not like taking both kids out alone. When school is closed for vacations etc she has friends and other family members come and help her take the kids out (i mean out to places like the park, museum, etc - she will take them out to the backyard and walks in the stroller alone). She wants to watch them, she enjoys watching them, she is grateful to be able to watch them...but she does find it tiring. I cannot expect her to entertain them all of the time...heck I was home with them yesterday and plopped them down in front of the tv for 2 hours so I could do things.

I think as the kids get older she will find it easier to entertain them and they will have each other. And if it does not, put them in full time care. Also be sure to talk to her and see what she wants. Is it possible she feels "stuck" doing this for you or does she really want to do it?

Message edited 3/15/2017 3:06:19 PM.

For those who have grandparents as

Thanks, everyone. I'm leaning towards riding out the next few months and putting him in school until 3 pm next Fall.

My cousin works as a TA now, she was a preschool teacher, and will be off this summer and I was thinking of hiring her a few hours a day to do something fun with him after camp. She is great with him and he adores her and I know she could use the money so it may work out well...if not that, maybe a high school or college student to entertain him for a few hours.

Re: For those who have grandparents as "nannys"

Yes, my grandparents are my kids "Nannys" lol.

My mom has them 2 days a week and my mother in law has them 3 days. I kind of look at it the opposite, I am incredibly grateful they offer and want to take care of my kids while I work. Childcare is so expensive, I'm not sure what I would do if I had to shell out that kind of money. They both adore my kids and both agree they enjoy the time they get to spend with them.

My mom is a little younger so she will venture out with them. My oldest will be 4 and my youngest is 6 months. But like you said, they go to target, they go to the food store - when its nicer out they go to the park and walks - but I wouldnt expect her to bring them around town to all sorts of activities or anything - but depending on the day and time of year, she keeps him busy with crafts, pool etc. She has a TON of toys, books, etc at her house and he always loves going there and he adores my parents.

My mother in law is a little different because she is older and retired...she lives in a 55 and over condo and when its cold, they stay in most days. But I also send my son to school from 8:30-2:15 on her days so its not too much for her with both of them (shes 75, but in good shape) but I just feel guilty putting that much on her...on the days I need her to watch both though, she does. Yet when its nice there is a playground there and they go for walks to get the mail, etc. lol...not very stimulating, but like I said, my oldest does go to school and he will go to camp in the summer so he has enough of that.

I dont know...I've never felt guilty that they werent in more of a daycare setting. I feel lucky they get to spend time with their grandparents and my oldest has such a close relationship with them both and Im sure my youngest will too. But I guess it depends on the grandparent specifically - in my case both are very warm and enjoy spending time with them. Ive always told them if its too much they need to let me know, but they both agree they enjoy it, for now at least...

But only you know how you feel so I am not saying you should feel differently at all - just giving you my perspective...

For those who have grandparents as

Just to clarify. He currently is in nursery school / daycare from 9 to 12 Monday to Friday....

For those who have grandparents as

Thank you for posting this question. Dh wants to have his mom eventually watch our DD but I am having the same concerns. Dd is currently in daycare and even though she is still young I think it's great for her to be around other adults and kids. I think as she gets older they will do more activities and they will teach her. His mom doesn't drive so socilizing activities will be extremely limited and English is not her first language so I am a little skeptical on how much she will teach DD.

Message edited 3/15/2017 3:11:45 PM.

Re: For those who have grandparents as "nannys"

Re: For those who have grandparents as "nannys"

My mom is all over the place with my 2 little ones, and if my older guy is around, him too. I don't know where the hell she gets all the energy from. She watches them 3 days a week. She's got the double stroller and she lugs them everywhere...parks, farms, stores, library, splash park...you name it, she does it. My mom is 65. She says they keep her young and I believe it. I feel very lucky to have her. But I did put my oldest in a 2 year old nursery program just to socialize him. I may do the same with my 2nd guy if the schedule isn't too annoying for my mom and my other caregivers.

Re: For those who have grandparents as "nannys"

Re: For those who have grandparents as "nannys"

I'm going to be devil's advocate here...
My mother was my nanny & is no longer.
My goodness, how much I wish she was! We did have our arguments about schedules and junk food...

BUT
We went through 2 horrible unsafe nannies (that both cost a fortune). You should hear stories from friends and coworkers...

If your kid is safe and happy and getting time for self creative play (the ability to play by yourself as a child is important) and still is getting preschool in (your child is only 2 years old)... I'd count your blessings and send your mom on a cruise to thank her for helping.

ETA: and my goodness, she's taking care of your 4 month old too?!?! I had 2 under 2: That's no joke. You are a lucky, lucky woman. Be sure to thank her.

Message edited 3/15/2017 3:32:59 PM.

Re: For those who have grandparents as "nannys"

I don't think a day care situation until 3pm is too long for a 3yo. Kids adjust. I have 2 kids who are in day care 4 days a week and home with my mom 1 day a week. They're in school from 7am-6pm. Is it long? Yes, but they're with kids who are there the same length, they take naps, and they're great! I personally love the day care setting and think both of my children are better adjusted and learning so much.

My mom was a nursery school teacher for 25 years so she does interact with them when she's here. She usually brings a few library books and does "projects" with them all the time - things she did with her students. In the nicer weather she takes them outside and on walks. It's not easy on her as she's getting older, but she definitely is never on her phone while the kids watch tv.

In your situation, I'd make alternate arrangements. Your kids must be bored without the interaction all day long.

Re: For those who have grandparents as "nannys"

I personally wasn't comfortable with a stranger coming into my home, so I opted for a daycare center (both obviously have their pros and cons ......so you have to go with your gut - ) BUT, my parents took my boys Mon/Tues and they went to daycare Weds - Fri from the time they were both 6 months old.
It was a great balance b/c my parents weren't 'giving up' their life all day, all week, and the boys weren't JUST with them, all day, all week.
Although my parents did do a lot with them and take the out .......but even so, it was great for them to have that daycare setting with other kids and teachers etc 3x a week

Re: For those who have grandparents as "nannys"

Re: For those who have grandparents as "nannys"

Do what you feel is right for you and your child.

I'm fortunate to have both of my parents watching our almost 2 yr old twins. They've watched them since they were 3 months old and I had to return to work.

My parent's are amazing with them. While they don't really go anywhere (they have a yard for them to play in during warmer weather), they engage with them throughout the day. They read to them a lot and sing songs. They go through the ABC's and numbers. They do watch TV, don't get me wrong. They're recently into movies and as far as TV shows, they watch sesame street, Super Why, Daniel Tiger and sometimes even Barney. They learn A LOT from these shows as well. I'm amazed at the things my girls say and their vocabulary.

Talk to her. Ask her if she'd be willing to engage a little more with him. Does she have a yard? Are there things for him to do outsife during warmer weather? We got a water table for my parents house and they love it!
If she agrees and you feel like it's not sticking, then Plan B.
Your moms feelings may be hurt but she'll be ok. You have to do what you feel is best for him.

For those who have grandparents as

My DDs are older now(12 & 9) and my mom had been the primary childcare when they were 0-4 and summers.. I put my girls in daycare for 2 days a week when they were 2 for more stimulation as I had the same concerns as you. In the beginning my mom would take them shopping here and there and do crafts and games but it kinda got stale. What would kill me was in the summer they were not playing outside as much as I wanted. I would buy pools and outdoor toys to force them in the backyard with her which helped. Also bringing over the toy or craft they would be interested in doing. In the end both my girls are very smart and do well in school and they have an AMAZING relationship with my mom that is a direct result of the time spent together that can not be replaced......so do not beat yourself up, half day daycare is good and bring over more books and toys to help, but know that they are making important family memories too...

For those who have grandparents as

I have family watch part time (2-3 days per week) and they are in daycare the other days. Luckily, they are not big into turning the TV on. My MIL is better about taking them out places and my aunt is a little nervous about it, but she will take them for walks and in the backyard when the weather is nice. I always make sure to have plenty of crafts and educational activities for them to do (I casually mention things to them as I buy them so not to pressure them). I make sure there is a stroller or wagon ready to go if they want to take a walk. And I even located the closest little playground within walking distance and mentioned that to them in passing. Overall, I think the mix of being home and being in daycare is working out well for them. Quality time with family is important too! Maybe you can work out a good part time situation for your mom. It definitely has to be hard with the 2 of them at once for your mom (I actually split the days so each family member only has 1 kid and the other kid goes to daycare).

Re: For those who have grandparents as "nannys"

Re: For those who have grandparents as "nannys"

I wanted my girls to get more socialization than my inlaws and parents provided so we did/still do 2-3 days at an in home daycare and 2-3 days with half day school and then grandparents in the afternoon. It gives them a good balance.

For those who have grandparents as

We did two days in daycare, three days with our parents (alternating). It was great.

For those who have grandparents as

2 years old isn't too young for a school day until 3pm. My daughter has been in full time daycare since she was 3 months old (7AM to 5PM). They adjust.