From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG) *UPDATED 7/5 with first 4 nights & naps

Okay I'm sorry to keep posting about this and if you're sick of reading, please feel free to close this post!

I know that I need to get Loey sleeping in his crib.

I love cosleeping - most of the time. I love falling alseep cuddling with my baby. I work during the day and that's part of "our" time. BUT, he's waking up a million and a half times to nurse.

I know he's not hungry. I realize that from all of the responses to my posts. But he SCREAMS for it! He cries for it. I think he just doesn't know how to soothe himself!

I think I basically "created a monster" because I always just nurse him so he will go back to sleep since I've been back at work since he was 6 weeks old and have had to wake up at 5am. I would just nurse him so that we could all sleep - KWIM?

I've been trying to do a LITTLE CIO for naps. I rock him until he's sleepy then put him in the swing. He usually starts to cry and I shush him and turn the swing on. Typically within 5 minutes, he's alseep... rubbing his face against the soft lamb part of the swing. I've been giving him a lovey also so that he can start to maybe use that for soothing. So the naps go like that and they're going well. Sometimes he will wake up a few minutes to 10 minutes later and he'll be SCREAMING and trying to roll over in the swing. I turn him back onto his back, shush him, and he usually falls asleep again.

He does NOT sleep in the crib.

How can we do this? I feel like I'm tricking him by going from cosleeping to CIO. I don't want him to think that I'm not there for him anymore or that he did something wrong (sorry if that's a stupid thought) or to think that he's all alone.

Also, the crib is in our room.

How do we go about this? What do we do when he wakes up in the middle of the night?

I like the Ferber (I think) method of going in at intervals because I can't bear the thought of just letting him cry. I'm such a mush when it comes to my little Logi-Bear

HELP please!



*NIGHT #1 UPDATE:

INCREDIBLE!

DH and BIL moved the crib into the other bedroom.

We did a mini nighttime routine. We didn't include a bath because as mentioned in previous posts, he is not a big fan of the bath now and it's definitely not "calming" for him (he just tries to stand up and will not sit at all). So I nursed him, rocked him in my arms a little, then DH and I read him a story and put him into the crib with 2 loveys (no paci).

That was at 9:19. It was way later than expected. We tried at 8:30 but he just was not tired at all.

At 9:20 he started crying. HYSTERICALLY. I cried a bit too

Then at 9:30... silence. We waited 10 more minutes and then checked on him at 9:40 and he was fast asleep!

I checked on him at 10:45 and he was still asleep.

He cried out twice during the night at 1:00 and 1:45, but for literally maybe 30 seconds? By the time I reached the door to his room to wait there, he had stopped.

He didn't wake up until 8:45!!!!!!!!!! That's 11 hours and 15 minutes of straight sleep. NO EATING! I could not believe it. I probably checked on him every hour through the night (we're gonna get a video monitor today to help with that) and this morning too.

My boobs were ROCK HARD so I pumped around 6:30 for 8 minutes to soften them a bit and fed Loey when he got up at 8:45. How long will it take for my body to adjust to no more night feedings? Should I do anything to help with that?

Also, normally I wake him at 6:15 (while I'm working summer school... 3 more weeks) to BF him before I go to work. Should I still do that?

If we put him to bed at 8:30, should he sleep about 11 hours? What would good nap times be?

Thank you SO much to everyone for your support. It really helped me to make the decision to do this and I read this thread over and over and to DH to prepare. I pray that today's naps and tonight's sleep goes just as well as it did today. I can't believe my little baby slept in his OWN crib and STTN!!!!! I am still in shock!


*UPDATES!

Okay so summary:

Night #1

cried 10 minutes
slept 11 hours, 15 minutes
cried out 2x during night for <1 minute

Nap #1

cried 1 minute
slept 1 hour, 35 minutes

Nap #2

cried 45 minutes!
slept 20 minutes

Night #2

cried 8 minutes
slept 11 hours, 10 minutes
cried out 2x during night for <1 minute

Nap #1

cried 7 minutes
slept 1 hour, 15 minutes

Nap #2

fell asleep in car
slept 1 hour, 10 minutes

Night #3

cried 10 minutes
slept 10 hours
cried out 2x during night for <1 minute

Nap #1

cried 53 minutes!!!!!!!!!!!! (off and on)
slept 1 hour, 5 minutes

Nap #2

cried 1 hour
did not sleep


Night #4

cried 1 minute, 50 seconds

Message edited 7/5/2010 11:37:16 PM.

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

I know you said your BIL is moving out in July, can you move the crib to the other room? Also, how does DH feel about CIO? Is it something he wants to do? Would you feel comfortable maybe going out for a couple of hours while DH stays home for the CIO part?

I am not overly familiar with going in with intervals, but I have told you before about how I was only comfortable with letting DS cry for a half an hour because he was so young. It turned out he needed that half an hour to get him self to sleep. He still sometimes needs it although 9 times out of 10 he just goes down now.

Do you think some sort of soother in the crib would help him?

He should be able to go at least 5 hours without eating. So if he wakes up after 5 hours I would feed him, and put him back in the crib.

If I were in your situation, if you think you will give in, I would have you DH do the CIO and go get your self a drink.

And I promise you, he is not going to think you have abandoned him. He is going to wake up loving you just as much as he did the night before.

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

Awww Hayley

I agree with what Katie said. I don't think Ferber will work if the crib is in your room. If you can't move the crib I'd just put up a chinese screen and sleep in the living room for a few nights, and then once CIO is complete you can go back in your room.

The swing is not really ideal either - the swinging motion is preventing him from coming up with his own way of self-soothing. For us, it was giving Luca a lovey (he has 5 now ) and doing extinction CIO. Two nights and he has been an amazing sleeper ever since.

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

Thanks Katie.

BIL has moved out!

We can probably move the crib to the other room once BIL moves out all of his stuff.

DH is completely onboard. He is NOT a mush like I am AT ALL.

How did you do CIO? And how long did it take? What is bedtime like for you guys now?

Also, what time should I try to put him to bed?

Thank you for the reassurance

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

Posted by headoverheels

Awww Hayley

I agree with what Katie said. I don't think Ferber will work if the crib is in your room. If you can't move the crib I'd just put up a chinese screen and sleep in the living room for a few nights, and then once CIO is complete you can go back in your room.

The swing is not really ideal either - the swinging motion is preventing him from coming up with his own way of self-soothing. For us, it was giving Luca a lovey (he has 5 now ) and doing extinction CIO. Two nights and he has been an amazing sleeper ever since.

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

Posted by sleepie76

I agree.
He's not napping/sleeping on his own at all.
He's using the swing to nap & you to sleep.

I'm not a CIOer, but I think I would tackle naps first. Trying to get him to sleep A)by himself + b) in a scary crib might be too much.Try getting him to nap in the crib. He'll wake up screaming but just keep at it. He'll get used to the crib. Take him out when he screams, when he falls asleep put him back in there. Repeat. (again, Im not CIO, so many may disagree). But it worked for us.
Sit him in it during the day, get him used to it. Sounds like he has no interaction with the crib.

You know I had a HORRIBLE bassinet to crib transition.

I think you have to get him used to the crib, learn how to self sooth before you can expect him to spend 8 hours in there.

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

I am not sure if this will help or not. We co-slept only for 5-6 weeks, but I didnt not nurse. I started by making nap time in his crib only not in my bed, swing, my arms, etc. After naps where a success, we then started putting him in there at night time.

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

I don't do cry it out. My DD's crib is also in my room but in a spot where she can't really see us. I go upstairs and turn on the lamp in the room on the lowest light. Then I put her in her crib and turn on the soothing music/light machine...it is on the floor next to her crib and it projects on the ceiling and I put it on twinkle twinkle(but it has other sounds too). She looks at it and rolls around her crib. I also give her a blanket-she likes to put it in her mouth. I walk away to where she can't see me. On a lucky day after 10-15 minutes she will fall asleep on her own. Most days she will start to cry. I give it a minute or two. Sometimes she will stop on her own other times she won't so I go and shush and rub her back...usually a few minutes of this will get her to sleep. If she is still fussing I pick her up and rock her for a little while then put her back in the crib and rub her back.

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

I just got DS in his crib after sleeping in the swing or my bed for 3 months. I rock him to sleep and then once I know he is out, i put him in the crib slowly and i have blankets rolled up all around him so he feels secure. I lay him on his side bc that is what he liked when he slept with me. Last night is his 4th night and he slept 10-430 up for a bottle and then fell back to sleep until 6 and then i put him in bed with me again. This has been the routine...i dont mind putting him in our bed once its morning as long as he sleeps in the crib most of the night. I think once it gets light out he wakes up and wants to be snuggly.

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

How does he learn to self-soothe? I know that's a stupid question but I don't get it...


I'm no expert, but its something he figures out if he has to.


Julia used to always use me to nurse to fall asleep, DH one day was like "enough, no one can put her to sleep but you." So he took over bedtime. She needed to replace nursing with something, she rubs her eyes, plays with her hair, then does a low sing songy hum. Like she is humming herself to sleep. Then she is done.

It's nice not being a human pacifier, very liberating

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

im curious..does he sleep on his belly?

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

Posted by maybeamommy

Posted by headoverheels

Awww Hayley

I agree with what Katie said. I don't think Ferber will work if the crib is in your room. If you can't move the crib I'd just put up a chinese screen and sleep in the living room for a few nights, and then once CIO is complete you can go back in your room.

The swing is not really ideal either - the swinging motion is preventing him from coming up with his own way of self-soothing. For us, it was giving Luca a lovey (he has 5 now ) and doing extinction CIO. Two nights and he has been an amazing sleeper ever since.

Thanks LB.

What is extinction CIO?? Can you explain how that went for you and how bedtime is now?

How do I choose his bedtime?

What do I do if he wakes up in the middle of the night? CIO more???

We have a 3-day weekend so I"m thinking this might be a good time... KWIM? Because I will have tonight, Sat night & Sun night where I don't have to be at work the next day....

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

Posted by maybeamommy

Thanks Katie.

BIL has moved out!

We can probably move the crib to the other room once BIL moves out all of his stuff.

DH is completely onboard. He is NOT a mush like I am AT ALL.

How did you do CIO? And how long did it take? What is bedtime like for you guys now?

Also, what time should I try to put him to bed?

Thank you for the reassurance

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

Thank you so much for all of this advice.

I'm so nervous to do extinction! I feel like it's sort of soothing to see me there... at least it is during the naps because when I go back in there, I can get him to sleep again - KWIM?

Katie -why do you think it's less traumatic?

Also, we have no nighttime routine What's a good one? How long should I be feeding him before bed??

With me, he sleeps on his side or back.

LB - I want to cry just reading your post! I'm so nervous, scared, sad...

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

We went in in intervals. I went as long or as short as i could. It worked well for DS. 3 nights. Approx 45 min, then 25, then 5. We did it for waking during the night. He went to sleep on his own very well. He was 8 mos.

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

Posted by maybeamommy

Thank you so much for all of this advice.

I'm so nervous to do extinction! I feel like it's sort of soothing to see me there... at least it is during the naps because when I go back in there, I can get him to sleep again - KWIM?

Katie -why do you think it's less traumatic?

Also, we have no nighttime routine What's a good one? How long should I be feeding him before bed??

With me, he sleeps on his side or back.

LB - I want to cry just reading your post! I'm so nervous, scared, sad...

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

Others havbe pretty great advice and have been through it. For DS, I transitioned him to his crib slowly for naps first and then just decided one night to do it. He was in a bassinet next to my bed before. I started with the shortest naps, which for him was in the am, I usually rock him with a bottle (so maybe for you no nursing) and would put him down in the crib once asleep in my arms. At first he woke up right away, but after a few days, he started to sleep there for the nap! I'm still struggling myself with getting a nice chunky nap in there, that he still needs the swing for. I also just bought the cloudb sleep sheep and those sounds I think are helping calm him down. I think they learn quickly whjatver routine you want to establish. I realized now at night, when I bring DS to his room and hold him in the rocker, he immediaely wails for the bottle - I messed up and don't get a book in before hand, unless I read earlier in the night. I also hum a lullaby to him. So see what you're comfy with and what Loey seems to need - and you'll figure out a routine that works for you. GL with everything!

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

I don't have any advice bc for us at almost 2 years we are still cosleeping.
For us when we stopped nursing at 15mos she started sleepign through the night

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

Posted by katiebug

Posted by maybeamommy

Thank you so much for all of this advice.

I'm so nervous to do extinction! I feel like it's sort of soothing to see me there... at least it is during the naps because when I go back in there, I can get him to sleep again - KWIM?

Katie -why do you think it's less traumatic?

Also, we have no nighttime routine What's a good one? How long should I be feeding him before bed??

With me, he sleeps on his side or back.

LB - I want to cry just reading your post! I'm so nervous, scared, sad...

I think it is less traumatic because I would be too upset to see DS crying and I would pick him up. I would have no restraint and then all the crying would be for nothing. I also, in my mind, think he would feel more abandoned and confused if I kept going in there and did not pick him up. From my understanding going in also makes the process of them learning to self sooth a lot longer.

Here is my routine. Lotion him up, P.Js and nighttime diaper on, book, maybe a second book, then into the bedroom, turn on a dim light, swaddle, bottle then bed.

I personally feel there is nothing wrong with rocking and nursing a baby before bed, but others disagree. I feel that they are only babies once, and I don't mind taking the time to rock him. I loved nursing him before bed and so did he. It was very calming for us both.

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

Posted by headoverheels

Posted by katiebug

Posted by maybeamommy

Thank you so much for all of this advice.

I'm so nervous to do extinction! I feel like it's sort of soothing to see me there... at least it is during the naps because when I go back in there, I can get him to sleep again - KWIM?

Katie -why do you think it's less traumatic?

Also, we have no nighttime routine What's a good one? How long should I be feeding him before bed??

With me, he sleeps on his side or back.

LB - I want to cry just reading your post! I'm so nervous, scared, sad...

I think it is less traumatic because I would be too upset to see DS crying and I would pick him up. I would have no restraint and then all the crying would be for nothing. I also, in my mind, think he would feel more abandoned and confused if I kept going in there and did not pick him up. From my understanding going in also makes the process of them learning to self sooth a lot longer.

Here is my routine. Lotion him up, P.Js and nighttime diaper on, book, maybe a second book, then into the bedroom, turn on a dim light, swaddle, bottle then bed.

I personally feel there is nothing wrong with rocking and nursing a baby before bed, but others disagree. I feel that they are only babies once, and I don't mind taking the time to rock him. I loved nursing him before bed and so did he. It was very calming for us both.

I agree with Katie. Going in there when they are crying and not picking them up is impossible for me!

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

I think you are doing the right things by trying to get him used to napping in the swing for now. CIO is pure torture - I could never do it with miki

I know MANY people who have had success with it, it can and does work for alot of kids

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

Hi. I am probably no help but I just wanted you to know you're not alone. DS (6.4 months) slept just fine until about a month ago and has gotten progessively worse from there, now we are at the point where he will only sleep at night when i nurse him then gently trick him into the small crib next to our bed. This stopped working too as I had to do 6 sessions between 11-6am. I have gotten a total of 4 hours sleep for the past 2 nights. Our problems are very similar- we need to get him in his normal sized crib (in another room? i really don't care where!), not swaddled because that doesn't work anymore and he could care less about the paci too. I have tried the ferber-ish thing, the problem for me is he just doesn't stop crying unless i nurse him (no rocking, holding shshing etc helps). I have let him CIO for as long as an hour and then he was hoarse and i felt AWFUL. I went to the ped today about this whole thing and bottom line is she thinks we should do complete cio for as long as it takes it'll be better for all of us in the long run. I may try starting tomorrow- i'm so nervous. Good luck to you let me know what you find. I nurse and co-sleep with him in the morning.

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

I so wish you lived in NY - I would come there and help you.

I agree with LB 1000%

His crib needs to go into the other room. Tell BIL to come and get his stuff out.

Do a bedtime routine.

Bath. Books. Nurse him.

Kiss him goodnight. Put him in the crib. Give him a lovey. Put on the Mobile. Walk out. That's it. End of story. Go for walk. Take a shower. Wash the dishes. You should not be around if you are going to break and give in. It's torture. I'm not a softee and it's torture for me. Get the video monitor. Watch him - but have the sound down. DO NOT LISTEN because the cry sounds THAT much worse over the monitor.

After you start it's really hard to go back IMO. After I would let them cry for say 20 minutes - then I would say "How can I go in there now if I just made him cry for 20 minutes for nothing then"

I have to tell you, it will not get better unless you change something. Whether it's CIO or some other form of getting him to sleep. They are creatures of habit.

He will not think you love him any less. He will look up and smile and you the second you open the door the next day. He will be even more well rested because he will have had a full nights sleep behind him.

You know the deal here but I'll tell you again:
We did CIO for Tyler on a Thursday night. He cried for an hour and a half. Friday night - one hour. Saturday night - 5 minutes. This was a kid who was up ALL NIGHT LONG! Sunday night - nothing. Has not woken up ever since and it's been two months.

It's hard. I thought it was the hardest thing I'd have to do as a parent (but then I tried to tackle potty training so now I know that was harder for me lol) but the benefits are amazing. You will have a well rested baby on your hands. You will get the sleep you need.

Re: From cosleeping to CIO? (LONGGGG)

Posted by Diana1215

I so wish you lived in NY - I would come there and help you.

I agree with LB 1000%

His crib needs to go into the other room. Tell BIL to come and get his stuff out.

Do a bedtime routine.

Bath. Books. Nurse him.

Kiss him goodnight. Put him in the crib. Give him a lovey. Put on the Mobile. Walk out. That's it. End of story. Go for walk. Take a shower. Wash the dishes. You should not be around if you are going to break and give in. It's torture. I'm not a softee and it's torture for me. Get the video monitor. Watch him - but have the sound down. DO NOT LISTEN because the cry sounds THAT much worse over the monitor.

After you start it's really hard to go back IMO. After I would let them cry for say 20 minutes - then I would say "How can I go in there now if I just made him cry for 20 minutes for nothing then"

I have to tell you, it will not get better unless you change something. Whether it's CIO or some other form of getting him to sleep. They are creatures of habit.

He will not think you love him any less. He will look up and smile and you the second you open the door the next day. He will be even more well rested because he will have had a full nights sleep behind him.

You know the deal here but I'll tell you again:
We did CIO for Tyler on a Thursday night. He cried for an hour and a half. Friday night - one hour. Saturday night - 5 minutes. This was a kid who was up ALL NIGHT LONG! Sunday night - nothing. Has not woken up ever since and it's been two months.

It's hard. I thought it was the hardest thing I'd have to do as a parent (but then I tried to tackle potty training so now I know that was harder for me lol) but the benefits are amazing. You will have a well rested baby on your hands. You will get the sleep you need.