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LadyMaravilla
Fall Is Here
Member since 5/05 12023 total posts
Name:
Sonia
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Re: Funny Stories
I had posted this before but here it goes...
When Marissa was 5 she followed me to the bathroom. It was that time of the month and she said to me "Ewww that's nasty.....I'm telling everyone you make purple pee-pee and that you wear pampers!!!" I didn't have time to calm her down so she ran into the living room and told her father what she saw.
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Posted 7/26/06 1:35 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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skew
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 6794 total posts
Name:
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Re: Funny Stories
Posted by LadyLainez
I had posted this before but here it goes...
When Marissa was 5 she followed me to the bathroom. It was that time of the month and she said to me "Ewww that's nasty.....I'm telling everyone you make purple pee-pee and that you wear pampers!!!" I didn't have time to calm her down so she ran into the living room and told her father what she saw.
on the same note, my nephew was over one day and came into the bathroom. when i stood up to flush, he peeked in the bowl and said, "OH NO, look, i think you have an owee on your bum-bum"
LOL!!!
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| Posted 7/26/06 1:39 PM |
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MissJones
I need a nap!
Member since 5/05 22136 total posts
Name:
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Re: Funny Stories
I think I've told this one before but here goes...I was working one summer Saturday, so life was good. It was a gorgeous day, I had plans that night, we were closing in an hour...life was grand. My friend decides to go next door to the ice place and asks if I want one. I order this new blue raspberry. Mmmm.
So I drive home and silly me, I'm not wearing my seatbelt (the ONE time) and I'm a block away from home and a cop pulls me over. Okay, think fast, think fast. He comes over, asks for L and R and why I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. So, thinking quickly, I tell him that it hurts. He looks puzzled. "Why does it hurt?" he asks.
"Breast tenderness." I reply.
Pause. Keep a straight face, I'm thinking, while this pause seems to go on forever.
Finally, he speaks. "Well, I don't have that problem because..." and he thumps his bullet proof vest and I nod, "yup, that's the reason" and he proceeds to tell me that from what he's heard, they make these lambs wool things and he's heard that they work. I say thanks for the info and he tells me he's letting me go for a warning. Then he **reminds me** that he could give me a ticket for driving without shoes. But he doesn't. Real nice guy. Kind of felt bad for him for the awkward moment.
So I drive home. Greet the dog. Glance in the mirror. Take another glance. My entire mouth-lips, teeth, gums and tongue-ARE BLUE!!!  He probably thought I was the biggest freak on the block!
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| Posted 7/26/06 1:40 PM |
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LadyMaravilla
Fall Is Here
Member since 5/05 12023 total posts
Name:
Sonia
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Re: Funny Stories
Posted by skew
Posted by LadyLainez
I had posted this before but here it goes...
When Marissa was 5 she followed me to the bathroom. It was that time of the month and she said to me "Ewww that's nasty.....I'm telling everyone you make purple pee-pee and that you wear pampers!!!" I didn't have time to calm her down so she ran into the living room and told her father what she saw.
on the same note, my nephew was over one day and came into the bathroom. when i stood up to flush, he peeked in the bowl and said, "OH NO, look, i think you have an owee on your bum-bum"
LOL!!!
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| Posted 7/26/06 1:40 PM |
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skew
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 6794 total posts
Name:
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Re: Funny Stories
not as funny but went to hess yesterday to get gas and had my dog w/ me. windows were open and he was barking when the guy came up to pump the gas. he said, "i am sorry but i won't pump the gas unless you lock your doors". i repled w/, "ya mean close the windows?"
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| Posted 7/26/06 1:46 PM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: Funny Stories
I told this one on parenting:
We took Damien to his first Ducks game on the 4th of July. It was me and Steve, along with my Mom, sis and BIL. He is having a good time but it is kinda long for a 2 1/2 year old and he is a little antsy and he spends his time going back and forth between us and the rest of my family. Around the stadium random fireworks are going off and he is oohing and ahhing. Towards the end of the game they are lighting off a couple of Grucci fireworks at the stadium, getting ready for the big show after the game. After the 8th inning the light off a few (they were really loud) and my lovely son yells out four times at the top of his lungs "F'ING AZZHOLE"  He was down by my sister and we all look at him shocked (he had never said this before) People all around us start cracking up, one woman asks me if he said what she thinks he said. My DH and I were completely embarrased
Message edited 7/26/2006 1:56:35 PM.
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| Posted 7/26/06 1:55 PM |
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CkGm
They get so big, so fast :(
Member since 5/05 13848 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Funny Stories
Posted by MissJones
I think I've told this one before but here goes...I was working one summer Saturday, so life was good. It was a gorgeous day, I had plans that night, we were closing in an hour...life was grand. My friend decides to go next door to the ice place and asks if I want one. I order this new blue raspberry. Mmmm.
So I drive home and silly me, I'm not wearing my seatbelt (the ONE time) and I'm a block away from home and a cop pulls me over. Okay, think fast, think fast. He comes over, asks for L and R and why I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. So, thinking quickly, I tell him that it hurts. He looks puzzled. "Why does it hurt?" he asks.
"Breast tenderness." I reply.
Pause. Keep a straight face, I'm thinking, while this pause seems to go on forever.
Finally, he speaks. "Well, I don't have that problem because..." and he thumps his bullet proof vest and I nod, "yup, that's the reason" and he proceeds to tell me that from what he's heard, they make these lambs wool things and he's heard that they work. I say thanks for the info and he tells me he's letting me go for a warning. Then he **reminds me** that he could give me a ticket for driving without shoes. But he doesn't. Real nice guy. Kind of felt bad for him for the awkward moment.
So I drive home. Greet the dog. Glance in the mirror. Take another glance. My entire mouth-lips, teeth, gums and tongue-ARE BLUE!!! He probably thought I was the biggest freak on the block!
lmao Breast tenderness????
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| Posted 7/26/06 2:04 PM |
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CkGm
They get so big, so fast :(
Member since 5/05 13848 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Funny Stories
Posted by Stefanie
Posted by melijane
I've got another one: When I was about 19 my best friend and i went to FL to visit her Granma for 5 days then went on a 4 day cruise that left out of miami. We had a stop in Cozumel so we did some shopping and then hit the bar. They had made a HUGE deal about not missing the boat so I said to my friend it's time to go(after about 10 tequila shots each) she argues with me and says no it leaves at this time (1/2 hr later) So finally I give in to her in my inebriated state and we get back to the dock to see the ship out of port and headed to sea. So we are flipping out-these two little boys I swear they were probably 10 pull up on a speedboat so they somehow get in touch with the boat through a radio. The Capt says we will stop but we will not turn around. So we hop in the bow of this little boat and they drive us out to the ship. The capt throws out a rope ladder and we had to climb up it to get to the ship(probably a 6-7 story climb) All the passengers were watching us and cheering. We were celebrities on the ship. Pretty funny
OMG what a great story!! That must have been challenging...climbing a rope ladder while drunk...
and with souvenirs!
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| Posted 7/26/06 2:08 PM |
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skew
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 6794 total posts
Name:
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Re: Funny Stories
Posted by melijane
I've got another one: When I was about 19 my best friend and i went to FL to visit her Granma for 5 days then went on a 4 day cruise that left out of miami. We had a stop in Cozumel so we did some shopping and then hit the bar. They had made a HUGE deal about not missing the boat so I said to my friend it's time to go(after about 10 tequila shots each) she argues with me and says no it leaves at this time (1/2 hr later) So finally I give in to her in my inebriated state and we get back to the dock to see the ship out of port and headed to sea. So we are flipping out-these two little boys I swear they were probably 10 pull up on a speedboat so they somehow get in touch with the boat through a radio. The Capt says we will stop but we will not turn around. So we hop in the bow of this little boat and they drive us out to the ship. The capt throws out a rope ladder and we had to climb up it to get to the ship(probably a 6-7 story climb) All the passengers were watching us and cheering. We were celebrities on the ship. Pretty funny
OMG, this has to be the funniest. can totally visualize. too bad no one caught it on video and sent it in to AFV. a definite winner!
Message edited 7/26/2006 2:11:51 PM.
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| Posted 7/26/06 2:10 PM |
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CkGm
They get so big, so fast :(
Member since 5/05 13848 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Funny Stories
I don't know if this is funny to anyone but my family but here goes...
I was 3 years old and my brother was just born. My dad is pulling away from our house and our neighbor stops by to chat. I am in the back seat with my brother. They congratulate my parents on the new baby and ask his name. My parents say, Brian. The neighbor says Wow, what a coincidence- we just named our dog, Brian.
I find this completely unacceptable that anyone would name a DOG, the same name as my brother. So I lean out my window and politely tell the neighbor,
"I call your dog, Sh%t!"
According to everyone old enough to remember, the neigbor quickly left and my parents laughed until they wet their pants.
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| Posted 7/26/06 2:11 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Funny Stories
Posted by melijane
I've got another one: When I was about 19 my best friend and i went to FL to visit her Granma for 5 days then went on a 4 day cruise that left out of miami. We had a stop in Cozumel so we did some shopping and then hit the bar. They had made a HUGE deal about not missing the boat so I said to my friend it's time to go(after about 10 tequila shots each) she argues with me and says no it leaves at this time (1/2 hr later) So finally I give in to her in my inebriated state and we get back to the dock to see the ship out of port and headed to sea. So we are flipping out-these two little boys I swear they were probably 10 pull up on a speedboat so they somehow get in touch with the boat through a radio. The Capt says we will stop but we will not turn around. So we hop in the bow of this little boat and they drive us out to the ship. The capt throws out a rope ladder and we had to climb up it to get to the ship(probably a 6-7 story climb) All the passengers were watching us and cheering. We were celebrities on the ship. Pretty funny
I never heard this story Mel...classic !!!
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| Posted 7/26/06 2:18 PM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: Funny Stories
Posted by CkGm
I don't know if this is funny to anyone but my family but here goes...
I was 3 years old and my brother was just born. My dad is pulling away from our house and our neighbor stops by to chat. I am in the back seat with my brother. They congratulate my parents on the new baby and ask his name. My parents say, Brian. The neighbor says Wow, what a coincidence- we just named our dog, Brian.
I find this completely unacceptable that anyone would name a DOG, the same name as my brother. So I lean out my window and politely tell the neighbor,
"I call your dog, Sh%t!"
According to everyone old enough to remember, the neigbor quickly left and my parents laughed until they wet their pants.
I love it!!
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| Posted 7/26/06 3:10 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Funny Stories
I think I've told this one before - about 10 years ago I was moving from one part of philly to another. I rented a Uhaul and my then-bf was too wimpy to drive it so he handed the keys over to me. I'm driving down probably one of the most congested streets in Philly and have to take a right turn onto an alley. There's scaffolding all around the building, and I kinda took the turn too sharp, and ended up peircing the truck into the scaffolding. The scaffolding is literally inside the truck and elevated it up so the tires are in the air and I can't move. Meanwhile, it's 5pm, rush-hour traffic and I'm blocking one of the most congested streets in the area.
I waited about an hour, without a clue as to what to do. Some kind construction workers came over and took a chainsaw and cut a gigantic hole in the side of the truck to get the scaffolding out.
The best? I proceed with my move with this gaping hole in the truck, and when I'm finished I was heading back to Uhaul to return the truck, got a little distracted and drove the side of the truck that was still intact into a telephone pole. Knocked off the mirror and dented the truck.
I dropped the truck off at Uhaul at like 11pm, at the night drop off where you just park the truck and put the keys in the mailbox. First thing the next morning, I'm at work and I get a call from Uhaul - I pick up the phone and the guy says, this is Uhaul, um, WHAT THE F*%^ DID YOU DO TO OUR TRUCK???!!!
Thank god I purchased insurance with the truck
Message edited 7/26/2006 3:28:44 PM.
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| Posted 7/26/06 3:28 PM |
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CkGm
They get so big, so fast :(
Member since 5/05 13848 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Funny Stories
Damien and I have a lot in common
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| Posted 7/26/06 4:07 PM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Funny Stories
Posted by CkGm
Posted by Stefanie
Posted by melijane
I've got another one: When I was about 19 my best friend and i went to FL to visit her Granma for 5 days then went on a 4 day cruise that left out of miami. We had a stop in Cozumel so we did some shopping and then hit the bar. They had made a HUGE deal about not missing the boat so I said to my friend it's time to go(after about 10 tequila shots each) she argues with me and says no it leaves at this time (1/2 hr later) So finally I give in to her in my inebriated state and we get back to the dock to see the ship out of port and headed to sea. So we are flipping out-these two little boys I swear they were probably 10 pull up on a speedboat so they somehow get in touch with the boat through a radio. The Capt says we will stop but we will not turn around. So we hop in the bow of this little boat and they drive us out to the ship. The capt throws out a rope ladder and we had to climb up it to get to the ship(probably a 6-7 story climb) All the passengers were watching us and cheering. We were celebrities on the ship. Pretty funny
OMG what a great story!! That must have been challenging...climbing a rope ladder while drunk...
and with souvenirs!
We did have souvenirs! a couple of bags each and we were both wearing sundresses!
These are all some good azz stories. I have to think of some more
Message edited 7/26/2006 4:20:29 PM.
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| Posted 7/26/06 4:18 PM |
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MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Funny Stories
Posted by LadyLainez
I had posted this before but here it goes...
When Marissa was 5 she followed me to the bathroom. It was that time of the month and she said to me "Ewww that's nasty.....I'm telling everyone you make purple pee-pee and that you wear pampers!!!" I didn't have time to calm her down so she ran into the living room and told her father what she saw.
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| Posted 7/26/06 4:20 PM |
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MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Funny Stories
Posted by skew
not as funny but went to hess yesterday to get gas and had my dog w/ me. windows were open and he was barking when the guy came up to pump the gas. he said, "i am sorry but i won't pump the gas unless you lock your doors". i repled w/, "ya mean close the windows?"
He must know my friend.......
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| Posted 7/26/06 4:23 PM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Funny Stories
omg this is a great thread. These stories
this kinda goes with the uhaul story.
When we moved we rented a budget truck. Mike stopped to get gas and I was following. We get into the gas station and I see him driving this big truck into what looks like the gas pump He actually wound up hitting the pole that protects the pump.  He bent it bad REALLY BAD. The guy comes out of the place SCREAMING. So he tells mike he has to run into it with the truck coming the other way so he can bend it back the other way Mike does it.He gets yellow paint all over the bumper guy is still screaming that its not straight.... So hes telling mike come more this way... Mike does it.He dents the bumper really bad now he is freaking out that he dented the bumper.Now we can't drive the truck cause the bumper is rubbing the tire. This guy pulls up driving a limo and is like what do you have in your trunk. So im like huh... Hes like do you have a tire iron or anything. I open my trunk and hes like no this wont work... this wont work... Whats that.. A jak for the car (like when you have a flat tire) He takes it out and puts it between the tire and the bumper and starts turning. NO JOKE it came out Who would have thought!
Message edited 7/26/2006 4:40:20 PM.
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| Posted 7/26/06 4:39 PM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: Funny Stories
Posted by CkGm
Damien and I have a lot in common
It is hard not to laugh when a kid says a curse word in context
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| Posted 7/26/06 4:41 PM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Funny Stories
Posted by Stacey1403
Posted by CkGm
Damien and I have a lot in common
It is hard not to laugh when a kid says a curse word in context
AGREED!
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| Posted 7/26/06 4:53 PM |
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Re: Funny Stories
Posted by MissJones
I think I've told this one before but here goes...I was working one summer Saturday, so life was good. It was a gorgeous day, I had plans that night, we were closing in an hour...life was grand. My friend decides to go next door to the ice place and asks if I want one. I order this new blue raspberry. Mmmm.
So I drive home and silly me, I'm not wearing my seatbelt (the ONE time) and I'm a block away from home and a cop pulls me over. Okay, think fast, think fast. He comes over, asks for L and R and why I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. So, thinking quickly, I tell him that it hurts. He looks puzzled. "Why does it hurt?" he asks.
"Breast tenderness." I reply.
Pause. Keep a straight face, I'm thinking, while this pause seems to go on forever.
Finally, he speaks. "Well, I don't have that problem because..." and he thumps his bullet proof vest and I nod, "yup, that's the reason" and he proceeds to tell me that from what he's heard, they make these lambs wool things and he's heard that they work. I say thanks for the info and he tells me he's letting me go for a warning. Then he **reminds me** that he could give me a ticket for driving without shoes. But he doesn't. Real nice guy. Kind of felt bad for him for the awkward moment.
So I drive home. Greet the dog. Glance in the mirror. Take another glance. My entire mouth-lips, teeth, gums and tongue-ARE BLUE!!! He probably thought I was the biggest freak on the block!
omg I CANNOT see the monitor right now through he tears!
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| Posted 7/26/06 4:55 PM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: Funny Stories
Posted by CkGm
I don't know if this is funny to anyone but my family but here goes...
I was 3 years old and my brother was just born. My dad is pulling away from our house and our neighbor stops by to chat. I am in the back seat with my brother. They congratulate my parents on the new baby and ask his name. My parents say, Brian. The neighbor says Wow, what a coincidence- we just named our dog, Brian.
I find this completely unacceptable that anyone would name a DOG, the same name as my brother. So I lean out my window and politely tell the neighbor,
"I call your dog, Sh%t!"
According to everyone old enough to remember, the neigbor quickly left and my parents laughed until they wet their pants.
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| Posted 7/26/06 5:04 PM |
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DebG
Pick a cause & stand up for it
Member since 5/05 18602 total posts
Name:
The cure IS worse!
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Re: Funny Stories
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| Posted 7/26/06 5:04 PM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: Funny Stories
Posted by Bxgell2
I think I've told this one before - about 10 years ago I was moving from one part of philly to another. I rented a Uhaul and my then-bf was too wimpy to drive it so he handed the keys over to me. I'm driving down probably one of the most congested streets in Philly and have to take a right turn onto an alley. There's scaffolding all around the building, and I kinda took the turn too sharp, and ended up peircing the truck into the scaffolding. The scaffolding is literally inside the truck and elevated it up so the tires are in the air and I can't move. Meanwhile, it's 5pm, rush-hour traffic and I'm blocking one of the most congested streets in the area.
I waited about an hour, without a clue as to what to do. Some kind construction workers came over and took a chainsaw and cut a gigantic hole in the side of the truck to get the scaffolding out.
The best? I proceed with my move with this gaping hole in the truck, and when I'm finished I was heading back to Uhaul to return the truck, got a little distracted and drove the side of the truck that was still intact into a telephone pole. Knocked off the mirror and dented the truck.
I dropped the truck off at Uhaul at like 11pm, at the night drop off where you just park the truck and put the keys in the mailbox. First thing the next morning, I'm at work and I get a call from Uhaul - I pick up the phone and the guy says, this is Uhaul, um, WHAT THE F*%^ DID YOU DO TO OUR TRUCK???!!!
Thank god I purchased insurance with the truck
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| Posted 7/26/06 5:06 PM |
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lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
Name:
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Re: Funny Stories
These stories are great
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| Posted 7/26/06 5:11 PM |
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| Pages: 1 [2] 3 |
