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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
what is the fear with boys having kitchens? dance class? shoes? dolls?
is it that they may turn out gay?
just trying to understand...
thanks!
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Posted 10/9/08 11:34 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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nbc188
Best friends!
Member since 12/06 23090 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
That's what I've always heard when people explain their stance...or that the boys would be more "feminine".
Obviously I do NOT agree with that.
Message edited 10/9/2008 11:39:31 AM.
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| Posted 10/9/08 11:36 AM |
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WoodIAm
My Boys!
Member since 5/05 5498 total posts
Name:
JoAnne
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
I think my DH truly believes that Charlie will be gay if he plays with anything besides cars!!
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| Posted 10/9/08 11:39 AM |
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aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys
Member since 4/06 11426 total posts
Name:
Ali
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
Posted by Janice
what is the fear with boys having kitchens? dance class? shoes? dolls?
is it that they may turn out gay?
just trying to understand...
thanks!
Shoes? 
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| Posted 10/9/08 11:39 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
crocs and uggs..
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| Posted 10/9/08 11:40 AM |
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aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys
Member since 4/06 11426 total posts
Name:
Ali
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
Posted by Janice
crocs and uggs..
people have a problem with boys wearing crocs or uggs?  Why? That's absurd!
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| Posted 10/9/08 11:41 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
Posted by aliwnec10
Posted by Janice
crocs and uggs..
people have a problem with boys wearing crocs or uggs? Why? That's absurd!
that's the spinoff
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| Posted 10/9/08 11:41 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
Well I teach dance and I know, in no uncertain terms, that DH would have a complete breakdown if DS was in one of my classes- but I "think" it's mainly because I only have girls. If DS was interested in taking dance I would find a class with boys in it, so he wouldn't feel out of place. as for the other stuff, DS has a kitchen, he plays with my nieces old dolls and dollhouse and he definitely dresses more metro than baby boy.
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| Posted 10/9/08 11:41 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
I luck out down here...so many dance studios give free lessons to little boys to try and recruit future dance partners for the girls.
I don't think there is anything cuter then a little boy tapping away.
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| Posted 10/9/08 11:42 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
Posted by Janice
I luck out down here...so many dance studios give free lessons to little boys to try and recruit future dance partners for the girls.
I don't think there is anything cuter then a little boy tapping away.
That's the only thing I'm "allowed" to teach him, and it must be done at home.  I found those boots cheaper, check the other post.
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| Posted 10/9/08 11:44 AM |
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Mkr09
.....
Member since 5/05 7550 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
I think it is a guy thing. My nephew's favorite color for a while was pink. He would see pink stuff in the stores and want it. He wanted to buy pink purses and such. My Dh and my FBIL would freak and make fun of the fact that he loved pink. The rest of us didn't see the big deal but they honestly thought it would mean that he would grow up and be gay because he liked pink for about a year and a half.
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| Posted 10/9/08 11:45 AM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
Name:
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
I asked my DH...Lucas was playing with his cousins and they put a purse over his shoulder...DH flipped and took it off of him. BTW..Lucas was loving the attention and looked so cute with it!
Anyway, I asked DH what the big deal was and he said that it had nothing to do with being gay or not...he grew up in a family of all boys and they tormented each other over things like this so to him he's programmed to understand that boys don't do certain things.
He backed it by saying that among his gay friends no one has a pocketbook...which is true.
Who knows where the underlying reason comes from but even I play into it. I don't dress him in pinks or purples...actually I don't think he owns anything with those colors except for some toys.
Message edited 10/9/2008 11:51:34 AM.
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| Posted 10/9/08 11:51 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
thanks for the answers.
Once I brought it up to Leo...that my cousin's baby boy isn't getting a kitchen for his b-day, they don't want him to be gay. My aunt keeps my little boy cousin out of dance class even though he sits by and watches his sister dance, he goes home and puts on fake recitals.
Leo says by not putting any gender pressure on Josh, if Josh was to turn out gay than atleast he knows he can always come to us without fear that we placed certain expectations on him.
If I raise a boy who can cook and dance at weddings, I am sure his wife will be thanking me.
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| Posted 10/9/08 11:53 AM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
Name:
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
Posted by Janice
Once I brought it up to Leo...that my cousin's baby boy isn't getting a kitchen for his b-day, they don't want him to be gay. My aunt keeps my little boy cousin out of dance class even though he sits by and watches his sister dance, he goes home and puts on fake recitals.
This is very powerful and I completely agree with what your DH is saying.
It's almost like that post a while back where someone observed someone repremanding their toddler for touching his private part in public - using words like shame. Understandably there is some embarassment when your child acts certain ways but they don't know that, in that case, it's private..you help them understand that it's okay...just private. They learn...but without shame.
I do agree that children should be able to express themselves. Shame draws more attention to something but in a bad way..a secret way. Same hold true with this.
Going back to the uggs....it's a personal choice...like most decisions we make for our kids when it comes to how you dress them.
Now...I won't buy uggs for my son but I won't criticize anyone that buys it for thier son...I would be the first to say how cute. It's just not my style for Lucas...on the other hand if Lucas asked for them...so long as I could afford them they would be his...or whatever version we could afford.
So maybe that's another spinoff
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| Posted 10/9/08 12:00 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
good answer Ang!
I was an ugg addict...so Leo and I would be standing at the busstop..I figured I would surprise him with a pair for Christmas one year.
Josh runs around the house all them time in our uggs...he is going to flip when he gets his pair.
I definitely see what you are saying. Josh looks crazy in any sports gear or little sleeveless shirts...like the little geeky kid in gym class so I can see where you say its a prefrence.
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| Posted 10/9/08 12:06 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
Posted by Ang-Rich
I asked my DH...Lucas was playing with his cousins and they put a purse over his shoulder...DH flipped and took it off of him. BTW..Lucas was loving the attention and looked so cute with it!
Anyway, I asked DH what the big deal was and he said that it had nothing to do with being gay or not...he grew up in a family of all boys and they tormented each other over things like this so to him he's programmed to understand that boys don't do certain things.
He backed it by saying that among his gay friends no one has a pocketbook...which is true.
Who knows where the underlying reason comes from but even I play into it. I don't dress him in pinks or purples...actually I don't think he owns anything with those colors except for some toys.
This is Rob's POV as well. He wants his sons to have the easiest and happiest life possible and doesn't really want them to have to be picked on or bullied for 'uncommon' choices. But he acquiesces to me on most things. We agreed that our children would be taught to follow their hearts and their instincts based on the things we teach them. So when Noah wears my lipstick to the store - or when Robbie asks for a pink tee shirt - we don't see any obvious harm and let it happen.
It's instinctual to want to protect your kid from being hazed or harrassed or harmed in any way. It's hard to learn when to avoid stepping in and when your worries are unfounded.
Message edited 10/9/2008 12:12:08 PM.
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| Posted 10/9/08 12:09 PM |
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Sweets13
Bella Bambini
Member since 5/05 9300 total posts
Name:
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
My son wearing UGGS has nothing to do with a fear of him turning gay. IMO, I think Uggs are feminine.
ETA: DS does have crocs and wore them all summer. He also has a play kitchen and carried a babydoll with him everywhere for a while. I feel Uggs are too feminine for my son, therefore I wouldn't buy them. THAT does not make me a homophobic or insecure (as mentioned in post)
Message edited 10/10/2008 11:35:37 AM.
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| Posted 10/9/08 12:14 PM |
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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
Posted by Ang-Rich
Going back to the uggs....it's a personal choice...like most decisions we make for our kids when it comes to how you dress them.
Now...I won't buy uggs for my son but I won't criticize anyone that buys it for thier son...I would be the first to say how cute. It's just not my style for Lucas...on the other hand if Lucas asked for them...so long as I could afford them they would be his...or whatever version we could afford.
So maybe that's another spinoff
Worded perfectly, that's how I feel too.
DS's "style" (or rather my style for DS) is very sporty. He wears lots of jeans and things with footballs and trucks on them.
Uggs and crocs just don't match my mental picture of him.
If he asks when he's older and wants them I wouldn't say no because he will have his own sense of style then.
And since he loves to try on my high heels, I'd even buy him some of them.
I be the proudest mommy of a cross dresser ever!
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| Posted 10/9/08 12:24 PM |
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Luv2bAmom
LIF Adult
Member since 2/08 1255 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
Posted by Janice
what is the fear with boys having kitchens? dance class? shoes? dolls?
is it that they may turn out gay?
just trying to understand...
thanks!
I guess that is the fear, if you ask me that is just an adult projecting their own insecurities onto a child. Its homophobic.
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| Posted 10/9/08 12:27 PM |
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computergirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3118 total posts
Name:
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
You know what confuses me-- the opposition to boys having play kitchens. DH would NOT let me get DS a play kitchen, the compromise is that I bought him play food and some pots/pans, he sets it all up on the sofa like it's a "stove" and "counter". It is literally his favorite pretend game to play.
But where did the "girly" or "gay" stereotype come from with cooking? To me, if you look at all the celeb chefs, there are more men than women and they're usually very masculine guys.
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| Posted 10/9/08 12:33 PM |
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GoldenRod
10 years on LIF!
Member since 11/06 26792 total posts
Name:
Shawn
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
95% of all chefs are men. Women find men who can cook to be sexy. Men who can cook usually eat better, and will be in better shape, so they can play more sports, and be more attractive to the ladies.
How is attracting tons of women a "gay" or "feminine" trait? I think knowing how to cook is one of the manliest things you can do.
There are quite a few pro football players who take dance/ballet. It helps with their balance and coordination. If a emulating a pro football player isn't manly enough, I'm not sure what is. Also, women find men who can dance to be sexy and attractive.... I think that's a good thing. 
In HS, there were two guys on the cheerleading team. At first, they were made fun of, until they explained to people that they are surrounded every day by the prettiest girls in the school, and they usually have their hands on their butts when they lift them up in the air. I think a male cheerleader is probably the "manliest" sport you can be in....
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| Posted 10/10/08 8:38 AM |
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alexlynn7
Big brother to be!
Member since 9/06 6314 total posts
Name:
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
Posted by Janice
thanks for the answers.
Once I brought it up to Leo...that my cousin's baby boy isn't getting a kitchen for his b-day, they don't want him to be gay. My aunt keeps my little boy cousin out of dance class even though he sits by and watches his sister dance, he goes home and puts on fake recitals.
Leo says by not putting any gender pressure on Josh, if Josh was to turn out gay than atleast he knows he can always come to us without fear that we placed certain expectations on him.
If I raise a boy who can cook and dance at weddings, I am sure his wife will be thanking me.
i didn't see the spinoff, but i totally agree with what you're saying above.
dh and i both agree that we want to model acceptance for jonah. gay or straight, we would accept him and love him no matter what. like you said, we would want him to be able to come to us without fear that he was disappointing us.
for the record - and i hope this doesn't become controversial on this board - i don't believe you can "turn" your child gay. i believe it's a biological trait to be sexually attracted to opposite sex, same sex, or both.
so in general, i don't really have strong feelings that jonah should play with only "gender appropriate" toys.
about the specific items you mentioned, i probably wouldn't buy him uggs but that's just because i don't like them. jonah has crocs
and while he doesn't have a kitchen now, i come from a family of chefs, so i'm sure he will get one eventually
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| Posted 10/10/08 10:08 AM |
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partyof6
b nice like u want ur kidz 2
Member since 7/06 7752 total posts
Name:
jeannine
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
geeeeeeeeeeeez people think that?
Maybe a doll can make a boy be a more hands on daddy?
maybe a play vaccuum will teach alittle boy its ok to help his mommy or wife?
clothes?
my 13 old skateboarding child wears a pink as pink can be shirt...
It says...."chicks dig pink"
thats my boy!
and he kisses me goodbye every day in front of the school.
edited to add---yup-he took dance...
breakdancing.
Message edited 10/10/2008 10:15:34 AM.
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| Posted 10/10/08 10:13 AM |
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2BEANS
wow time is going fast.
Member since 9/07 16106 total posts
Name:
Tina
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
Posted by nferrandi
Well I teach dance and I know, in no uncertain terms, that DH would have a complete breakdown if DS was in one of my classes- but I "think" it's mainly because I only have girls. If DS was interested in taking dance I would find a class with boys in it, so he wouldn't feel out of place. as for the other stuff, DS has a kitchen, he plays with my nieces old dolls and dollhouse and he definitely dresses more metro than baby boy.
I mentioned to dh about if we had a boy i would still want him in dance.. he said "no way".. I think hell have alot more woman in the future after him !! Who doesnt love a guy who can shake his groove thang!!!
eta: i also like to add i think its funny b/c when i go to my neices recital, they have a group of boys who are in dance and they do a performance.. who do you think everyone enjoys watching the most.. and gets the most cheers.. The BOYS!!..
Message edited 10/10/2008 10:18:55 AM.
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| Posted 10/10/08 10:17 AM |
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LIMOMx2
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Member since 5/05 24989 total posts
Name:
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Re: gender appropriate spinoff and questions...
I will admit I am one of those parents that will not buy my DS dolls. He does have a kitchen. I won't put him in UGGS because I do think they are more for girls.
It is because I feel that it is too feminine. For me, some toys are for girls and some are for boys. JMO.
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| Posted 10/10/08 10:24 AM |
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