Having 2nd child - Guilt

Did anyone feel guilty when deciding to have a 2nd child? Dd is 15 months and I just feel bad that we are even thinking of having a second one. She is great with other kids but I have this worry that she is going to feel neglected.

Having 2nd child - Guilt

Yep, I felt the same way but once her sister came along I knew that I gave her the greatest gift!

Having 2nd child - Guilt

I think the guilt is normal, and I won’t lie, some kids have a VERY difficult time with it. They’re excited about the thought of a baby, but obviously a toddler has no clue what a new baby in the house actually entails.
However in the end, you are giving them something they will not be able to imagine their life without.

Having 2nd child - Guilt

DD and DS are 19 months apart....when I started my third trimester I would get teary eyed thinking about how our individual time together was coming to an end....well, I ended up delivery DS at 31 weeks so our time together was cut even shorter! But, I have to say although it's only been a few months (DS is 4.5 months old now), you can see that she loves him -- she is constantly trying to show him things, insists on kissing him good night etc. and he just smiles at her with a big big grin! I think what a different babyhood he'll have then she has had, but I'm excited they'll have each other becuase at least so far, they seem to really love each other! Truthfully, I think DS is more neglected than DD though because she is a high-energy, attention-demanding kid so I end up feeling terrible when I have to turn my attnetion away from DS to focus on her since he's just so little. But my mother said that while second children do seem to get swept up in the mix a bit more and generally have to be more flexible, they get the benefit of the sibling! I think she's right :)

Re: Having 2nd child - Guilt

I'm actually in the opposite shoes. My DD is 16 months old and DH and I decided that we're one and done. But we both have massive guilt over not giving her a sibling close in age

Re: Having 2nd child - Guilt

I had a surprise BFP when DD was about 18 months... I cried... I was so not ready and more than anything I felt so bad for DD. I cried that she'd only have so much time to be the spoiled only child, she'd need to be moved out of her room, her stuff would be shared, my already limited time would be split.

But then I got to thinking... she'd have someone to share everything with... in a good way. She'd never be alone. She's so nurturing and motherly that I think she'd be excited to step into her big sister role. Unfortunately, I miscarried but at least I know I'm ready for it. And I think DD stands to gain SO much more than she stands to lose. I was an only child for 8 years but my best memories were of times spent with my cousin (who was a year older and lived in the same apartment building as me). I always wanted a sibling and I was so excited when my sister was born.

TL;DR- yeah, these feelings are normal.

Re: Having 2nd child - Guilt

I think we can all relate to the guilt but I have to say the bond my girls have is something I cant even describe. I am pretty sure they love each other more than me LOL

This picture says it all

Message edited 2/21/2018 3:39:50 PM.

Re: Having 2nd child - Guilt

I felt guilty for a hot minute, but I'd feel worse only having 1 child. DH is an only child and he says he always wished he had a sibling. DS is 5 and DD is 2.5 now and they are SO close. I know DH and I won't always be here, so I'm glad they will always have each other.

Re: Having 2nd child - Guilt

Don't feel bad. I tried my best to give ds1 as much attention as I did with ds2, and so did DH. He loves his brother since I could remember!!! I'm sure ur dd will loveeee her little sibling so much especially when she realizes she has a little partner in crime!

Re: Having 2nd child - Guilt

Re: Having 2nd child - Guilt

I think those feelings are normal because the first child is so used to getting all the attention and then you feel guilty when you have to split that attention. But I never really felt that guilt too much, I was just excited to give them a sibling. The jealousy they have when the new baby is born is normal but they get over it quickly and then they have a best friend for life. Totally worth it.

Re: Having 2nd child - Guilt

My two are 3 years apart. I would have been happier to wait longer, my husband wanted them closer together. They do fine together but I do feel that I couldn't give either the real attention that I wanted to. My older wasn't independent enough for me to focus on the baby and the baby took away a lot of attention from my 3 year old. Also I had a very easy pregnancy and was running around no problem with my than 2 1/2 year old but some times the pregnancy even takes away from your ability to parent your older child as well (wasn't the case for me). Just something to think about. Yes I felt some guilt during the pregnancy too because in my ideal world I would have waited longer (still would if I could have gone back) lol

Having 2nd child - Guilt

I had so much guilt about it until 1 week before DC #2 was born. I made myself a complete wreck thinking how my DS was going to handle being a brother and if he was going to feel neglected, etc but I knew I wanted another child and had to get over it. Everyone always said that DS would never remember not having DC#2 around and I knew they were right but I was still upset. I talked to a lot of people about how I felt and only one person made me feel better - she said DS may be jealous and that’s natural! If he didn’t at some point then he would have some superhuman kid and all kids have jealousy issues from time to time. All you can do is give him attention, acknowledge his feelings and reassure him that you will always love him. — I found a lot of comfort in that and didn’t stress DC#2 coming after that. If you ever want to talk PM me!

Re: Having 2nd child - Guilt

Just think your 1st is the only one to get that special one on one attention while they are a baby. The siblings that follow will never have that. You are giving them something more than they are losing. It is a blessing if you want another child and are able.

Having 2nd child - Guilt

ok... so my oldest son we adopted from Korea when he was almost 2 (21 months). SO i already felt guilt for missing almost 2 years with him. He was the only child on BOTH sides of our family (no cousins, etc). i'm a SAHM, so 24/7 it was him and I- we were buddies THEN when he was about 6, we decided to adopt another son- who was already 2.5. Talk about feeling guilty!! my oldest had been the little prince for almost 4 years- and here we were adding a 3 year old to his world! not just a newborn, but a walking, talking, opinionated 3 year old. HAHAHA
BUT its been almost a year now, and things are great. They really are best buddies, they play together well. Things are CRAZY busy because they're both off-the-wall energy. But that won't last forever, and i love knowing that they'll always have each other. It really is such a great gift to give them a sibling. My DH is an only child, and now that we have 2, he sees what he missed out on and wishes he had had someone to grow up with, too. Last year when my oldest was in Kindergarten, they had to write their own little book about their "best day ever"-- he wrote about meeting his brother in Korea

Re: Having 2nd child - Guilt

Posted by ml110

ok... so my oldest son we adopted from Korea when he was almost 2 (21 months). SO i already felt guilt for missing almost 2 years with him. He was the only child on BOTH sides of our family (no cousins, etc). i'm a SAHM, so 24/7 it was him and I- we were buddies THEN when he was about 6, we decided to adopt another son- who was already 2.5. Talk about feeling guilty!! my oldest had been the little prince for almost 4 years- and here we were adding a 3 year old to his world! not just a newborn, but a walking, talking, opinionated 3 year old. HAHAHA
BUT its been almost a year now, and things are great. They really are best buddies, they play together well. Things are CRAZY busy because they're both off-the-wall energy. But that won't last forever, and i love knowing that they'll always have each other. It really is such a great gift to give them a sibling. My DH is an only child, and now that we have 2, he sees what he missed out on and wishes he had had someone to grow up with, too. Last year when my oldest was in Kindergarten, they had to write their own little book about their "best day ever"-- he wrote about meeting his brother in Korea

Re: Having 2nd child - Guilt

Posted by babyfever24

Posted by ml110

ok... so my oldest son we adopted from Korea when he was almost 2 (21 months). SO i already felt guilt for missing almost 2 years with him. He was the only child on BOTH sides of our family (no cousins, etc). i'm a SAHM, so 24/7 it was him and I- we were buddies THEN when he was about 6, we decided to adopt another son- who was already 2.5. Talk about feeling guilty!! my oldest had been the little prince for almost 4 years- and here we were adding a 3 year old to his world! not just a newborn, but a walking, talking, opinionated 3 year old. HAHAHA
BUT its been almost a year now, and things are great. They really are best buddies, they play together well. Things are CRAZY busy because they're both off-the-wall energy. But that won't last forever, and i love knowing that they'll always have each other. It really is such a great gift to give them a sibling. My DH is an only child, and now that we have 2, he sees what he missed out on and wishes he had had someone to grow up with, too. Last year when my oldest was in Kindergarten, they had to write their own little book about their "best day ever"-- he wrote about meeting his brother in Korea

thank you for this! i would like to adopt a second child in the next few years and I'm already feeling bad about it

Re: Having 2nd child - Guilt

Re: Having 2nd child - Guilt

Posted by ml110

Posted by babyfever24

Posted by ml110

ok... so my oldest son we adopted from Korea when he was almost 2 (21 months). SO i already felt guilt for missing almost 2 years with him. He was the only child on BOTH sides of our family (no cousins, etc). i'm a SAHM, so 24/7 it was him and I- we were buddies THEN when he was about 6, we decided to adopt another son- who was already 2.5. Talk about feeling guilty!! my oldest had been the little prince for almost 4 years- and here we were adding a 3 year old to his world! not just a newborn, but a walking, talking, opinionated 3 year old. HAHAHA
BUT its been almost a year now, and things are great. They really are best buddies, they play together well. Things are CRAZY busy because they're both off-the-wall energy. But that won't last forever, and i love knowing that they'll always have each other. It really is such a great gift to give them a sibling. My DH is an only child, and now that we have 2, he sees what he missed out on and wishes he had had someone to grow up with, too. Last year when my oldest was in Kindergarten, they had to write their own little book about their "best day ever"-- he wrote about meeting his brother in Korea

thank you for this! i would like to adopt a second child in the next few years and I'm already feeling bad about it

go for it!! like i said, my son was with us for about 4 years before we got the guts to jump in again!! not gonna lie- its been CRAZY!!!! the 2 of them together are a complete handful, and we don't have any family close by as a support system to help out with them. BUT its so great watching them together and knowing they have each other. Especially since they're Korean, and we're not. its so great for them to have that in common, have somebody in the family that looks like them. not long after we adopted my younger son, my older son said "HEY!! Reed and I have the same eyes!!" that right there was like "ok, this is why we did this, and why we put up with the craziness Good luck!!! Message me anytime to chat!!

Having 2nd child - Guilt

I felt immense guilt till the day I gave birth. 4 year old dd was estatic my whole pregnancy but nothing could have prepared me for the love they have for eachother. Dd would talk to her sister every chance she could. She would hug and kiss my belly. When dh bought dd up to the hospital dd2 turned her head to look for dd the minute she heard her voice. They are obsessed with eachother. Dd2 is dd1’s baby. I swear I was just the incubator.

Re: Having 2nd child - Guilt

Re: Having 2nd child - Guilt

OMG, YES!!!!!!! I felt guilt for a hot minute even after our DS was born but then once I saw them together and witnessed the intense amount of love between them I knew we made the right choice. Our DS being born didn't take away from anything with DD, it only enhanced her life, grew her love and gave her a BFF.

They are now 9 and almost 5 and they are still SO tight, the best of buddies. Without question the BEST thing we ever did was grow our family. When I look about and think about the fact that I actually worried and felt guilty makes me laugh. There was nothing to feel guilty about!! But I completely understand your feelings because I've been there, I can tell you with 100% certainty that having another will be the best decision you ever make.

Message edited 2/26/2018 3:50:20 PM.

Re: Having 2nd child - Guilt

Message edited 2/26/2018 4:12:55 PM.

Re: Having 2nd child - Guilt

we felt so guilty as my older one was 5 when his little bro was born. Now he is almost 7 and baby is almost 1.5. now i know they learn lessons you only learn having a sibling. not besties as there is an age gap, but the guilt is gone!

Re: Having 2nd child - Guilt