Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night UPDATE

My DH answered yes without checking with me Do ya think maybe I wouldn't want to go given I got a BFN and she got a BFP on IVF one day apart I know eventually I have to face her. But his insensitivity pisses me off. He is going to say "stop being a baby" I know it! But what about my feelings?? I KNOW she is going to want to talk about it constantly...I almost feel like bringing that "open blog" that was posted yesterday with me. I dont want to go I dont want to see her even. Never mind hear about her symptoms etc.

Message edited 8/24/2008 1:24:34 PM.

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night

I'm sorry sweetie. I would stand my ground if I didn't feel that I was ready to face her yet... let your DH call her and tell her he didn't realize you guys already had plans to just take it easy after everything you've been thru. Maybe that will give her a hint....

Message edited 8/21/2008 2:45:29 PM.

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night

Hmmm.. I thought you said you had a scratchy throat and a cough. Wouldn't want to get her sick now...

Totally understandable how you feel. Did you tell DH that? .

ETA: I wouldn't go, even if your DH decides to go, I would still not go.

Message edited 8/21/2008 2:49:33 PM.

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night

I wouldn't go, not in a million years, not this soon after it all erupted - tell her you're sick from all the stress, that will keep her off your back

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night

Don't go if you're not up to. Besides the bfp I don't think she's one of your favorite people anyway

let your DH go without you.

besides I don't think she'll be trying her best to be sensitive to you, I have a feeling you're going to get an evening of "baby" talk

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night

I honestly would come up with some reason to keep you from going.

While there is going to be a point where you will HAVE to go and suck up how you feel, that time is NOT now.

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night

I agree with all the posters...there is no way in HELL that I would go. It would be different if she was sensitive and considerate to your feelings but she isn't. Come up with an excuse. Have your DH tell her you already have plans or something. Also, make it clear to DH to ask you first!

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night

Posted by Donna

Don't go if you're not up to. Besides the bfp I don't think she's one of your favorite people anyway

let your DH go without you.

besides I don't think she'll be trying her best to be sensitive to you, I have a feeling you're going to get an evening of "baby" talk

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night

I am going to give an unpopular response here but I think you should just face her and get it over with. If the conversation starts revolving around her pregnancy, change the topic. Tell DH ahead of time that if she continuously talks about her pregnancy, he needs to help you change the topic or leave early. I would also have an exit plan where you come up with a reason to leave and when you say it's time to go, DH has to leave without any questions asked. HTH!

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night

Ok so...I was right. He called me a baby and immature and told me I needed to grow up which turned into a huge fight. I told him to go marry his sister if he felt so bad for her...and if he supported her over me...I know it shouldn't be a competition but I told him, I just wish you would have talked to me about it before you automatically answered yes...He said "by now" I should have gotten over it (hello! it was only 2 weeks ago that I got my BFN! ) I told him that I was still hurting and getting over one of the major heartbreaks of my life...he said he was just as hurt as I am but he feels torn bc it is his sister. I reminded him that this was HER choice to have a child on her own, and while we can still (obv) see her etc, you CANNOT be a stand in father etc. He said of course not, I know it's not my child but I feel bad. I told him I felt like if he helped her out with all the stuff like painting the room, putting together the furniture it would take away the specialness for us when our time comes (sorry I know that sounds stupid but it's how I feel) and he said he would not do any of that. The timing on this just really sucks.... Anyway, back to dinner he said I shouldn't go and I said I just don't want to sit there and hear about how excited she is, and what symptoms she has etc. He said he would call her today and remind her that even though she is (obv) very excited, we are still dealing with our situation and could she tone it down a little

My life is like a Lifetime movie!!!!

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night

I don't understand - why does he feel bad for her? She has what she wanted. I think it is fine he wants to help her out, but I don't undertstand the feeling bad part. It was her choice to have a baby on her own - a choice which I am sure she thought about a lot before making. Your DH needs to get over this "feeling bad" thing and tune in to your emotions a little better.

I think he should tell her about being more sensitive to your situation, and I think if you don't feel comfortable going tomorrow, you shouldn't.

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night

you wouldnt see me there. I would tell DH you just not going and make sure he understands why. Best of luck

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night

If I wasn't laid up, and my mother and step-father weren't coming tonight, I'd say come to my house for dinner. But most likely it will be a bowl of cereal!

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night

Posted by babygirl71777

you wouldnt see me there. I would tell DH you just not going and make sure he understands why. Best of luck

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night

Ya know when you announced she got her BFP, it did not register in my head that I know the story behind this until now. OK, I'm slow. Must be all the meds I have taken

So, now I am reacting to all this properly (or more intensely I should say). You so predicted all this would happen. And she's single by her own choice. Why should anyone feel sorry for her. I was single for years. I had a good time. I doubt anyone felt sorry for me (hopefully they were envious ).

Its very sticky when its family. I would not go. As everyone says, you are not ready to face her and her blabbering mouth yet. But, be very careful getting between siblings.

I hate to say this but you are going to have to find a way to come to terms with the current situation. And you know, I have a really good feeling that it will only be a matter of time for you before you get what you want. You just need to believe and not let her get you crazy.

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night

how are you feeling about this today? did you talk to DH - are you going to go?

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night

Can't you be honest with her? She must know the pain you feel.Tell her you are happy for her but right now you are not in a very happy place and need some alone time. I think you will have to face her soon though. I mean, it is hard and it sucks but you have a niece or nephew coming soon and that is a joyful thing.
I don't think your husband should stop helping his sister. I mean, she should depend on her brother for some things..I think it is nice that they have a good relationship. Honestly, it will NOT take away for your special times with him. This is for his sister and when it is time to do these wonderful things for his own child, it will take on a very different meaning. I promise.

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night

Did you end up going or did you stick to your guns?

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night

I am so sorry your DH is expecting you to just buck up and grit through an evening with his sister when you still are hurting
There were times I did try to force myself to be in certain social situations because I knew I needed to try, and usually I ended up crying in the bathroom. I think that is when some family members who were not sensitive really started to see the emotional toll it takes on a woman.
I am so sorry too that your SIL does not have it in her to refrain from her pg talk or to at least ASK you if you can handle it.

If you did end up going, I hope it was okay

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night

Hey ladies,

Well I sucked it up and went. I was terrified on the ride over there, I swear, it was like I was going to meet somoene for the first time or something, I just didn't know what to do. My SIL actually was very nice. She told my DH during the day that she would NOT mention anything bc she knows how I am feeling right now. I told my mom, I didnt even want to SEE her and know that she is pg and I am not I admit, it was kind of hard to even look at her. When my DH was not around (outside smoking ) it WAS kind of awkward...there's a definite elephant in the room. The only time it came up was when she asked us to help move some heavy furniture for her. So overall, it went ok. Wasn't too bad but still wasn't pleasant...

And now for the kicker:

She called my DH yesterday to tell him she is having TWINS. She e-mailed out the sono pic yesterday and thankfully left me off the list, although she did sent it to DH. He said he didn't really want to look at it but he did for his sister's sake. I have to believe that God has reasons for everything and someday we will see that. And my mom said, maybe it's better you two did not get pg at the same time bc this way each of your times will be special. My DH and I are still in shock - I hate to say this but we weren't sure that IVF would work for her bc of her age and now she is having twins! It's hard to admit but we almost we so confident that this situation would be the reverse. Just goes to show us.....We kind of feel like someone punched us in the stomach. But at the same time we are happy that we will have nieces/ nephews. I am still clinging to the hope that we are only a few months down the road. The best end result is that by Christmas '09 we will have a whole bunch of kids around....

Message edited 8/24/2008 1:23:57 PM.

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night

Good for you for making it through unscathed! I'm glad she was considerate. Hopefully you won't have to get through her whole pregnancy without a pregnancy of your own to share.

Re: Help...I am supposed to go to my SIL for dinner tomorrow night UPDATE

I think you overall have a really positive attitude about this. You were nervous at first and I think its admirable of you that you went and sucked it up and are now thinking positive thoughts for yourself. Also, I liked what your mom said about it could be a good thing to not be pregnant at the same time as her. I would keep that in mind every time you feel yourself getting upset over this. Your time will come.