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KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination
Member since 5/05 4431 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Hosting a holiday...
When I host birthdays or invite people over or reasons like that, I pay and get everything.
When I host for holidays I do 95% of it myself. My mother always brings a dish that is tradition for us and I have my sister bring beer/wine because she always hates what I buy. My aunts/cousins bring dessert. Everything else I do.
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Posted 12/28/15 2:05 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Mom0710
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/14 682 total posts
Name:
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Re: Hosting a holiday...
Ok, the reason I ask is this. My bill and his wife "hosted" Christmas eve. They did not cook.any of the food. My MIL, the MIL.of my bill, and a.few.uncles.all did.the cooking. Me and.dh king of  at no both of them, because it's so funny it's ridiculous. It's like a joke to us, kwim? We have had parties here and we either cook or cater maybe someone brings dessert or whatever but not everything.
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| Posted 12/28/15 2:14 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: Hosting a holiday...
I don't know - I personally feel that if you're hosting friends and FAMILY - it should be a joint effort. It's family. Especially now, where many of us are working FT.
IMO, you bring a houseplant or a candle to a formal dinner party - with hosts you don't know well or are not very close to/comfortable with.
For friends and family - you show up with something of substance to help out the host in any way you can.
My family does a pot luck type of deal - Thanksgiving my parents to the majority of the work - turkey, soup, antipasto, 2 kinds of potatoes - My Aunt does stuffing, a cousin does salad, another cousin does this cranberry concotion that everyone loves - I do desserts and wine .......it's a joint effort.
When my ILs do something, it's very formal and stuffy and since I host, I end up doing ALL of the work -
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| Posted 12/28/15 2:19 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: Hosting a holiday...
Posted by Mom0710
Ok, the reason I ask is this. My bill and his wife "hosted" Christmas eve. They did not cook.any of the food. My MIL, the MIL.of my bill, and a.few.uncles.all did.the cooking. Me and.dh king of at no both of them, because it's so funny it's ridiculous. It's like a joke to us, kwim? We have had parties here and we either cook or cater maybe someone brings dessert or whatever but not everything.
Oh - THAT is not normal. So you did what? Opened your door and your oven? That's not helping, that's not even 'potluck' that's just not doing ANYTHING at all !! 
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| Posted 12/28/15 2:20 PM |
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Mom0710
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/14 682 total posts
Name:
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Re: Hosting a holiday...
Posted by MarisaK
I don't know - I personally feel that if you're hosting friends and FAMILY - it should be a joint effort. It's family. Especially now, where many of us are working FT.
IMO, you bring a houseplant or a candle to a formal dinner party - with hosts you don't know well or are not very close to/comfortable with.
For friends and family - you show up with something of substance to help out the host in any way you can.
My family does a pot luck type of deal - Thanksgiving my parents to the majority of the work - turkey, soup, antipasto, 2 kinds of potatoes - My Aunt does stuffing, a cousin does salad, another cousin does this cranberry concotion that everyone loves - I do desserts and wine .......it's a joint effort.
When my ILs do something, it's very formal and stuffy and since I host, I end up doing ALL of the work -
Oh I agree. I'd never shown up.empty handed. But to have it at your house and have everyone else do the work is weirdo me. Yes it's his mom and her mom and no one said boo about it, it's just between me and dh.
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| Posted 12/28/15 2:22 PM |
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Mom0710
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/14 682 total posts
Name:
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Re: Hosting a holiday...
Posted by MarisaK
Posted by Mom0710
Ok, the reason I ask is this. My bill and his wife "hosted" Christmas eve. They did not cook.any of the food. My MIL, the MIL.of my bill, and a.few.uncles.all did.the cooking. Me and.dh king of at no both of them, because it's so funny it's ridiculous. It's like a joke to us, kwim? We have had parties here and we either cook or cater maybe someone brings dessert or whatever but not everything.
Oh - THAT is not normal. So you did what? Opened your door and your oven? That's not helping, that's not even 'potluck' that's just not doing ANYTHING at all !!
This made me laugh so hard!!! This exactly. We were like why have it here. My MIL should have had it at her house. They bill and soil.have a baby, but my mil lives less then 10 minutes from.them so they could have come and stayed until whenever. That's what we do
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| Posted 12/28/15 2:24 PM |
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tray831
Dee-licious!
Member since 3/06 5355 total posts
Name:
His Baby
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Re: Hosting a holiday...
On Christmas for example; we made the main dish and two side dishes.
Two other guests brought appetizers, two others made other side dishes for Dinner table; and everyone else brought dessert and wine.
Our families are super helpful in that aspect; so having people make or bring other dishes is never an issue. And they almost always ask before I have the chance to.
However, I always seem to have the extra alcohol just in case. 
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| Posted 12/28/15 2:55 PM |
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Sparrow
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 6826 total posts
Name:
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Re: Hosting a holiday...
Posted by Mom0710
Posted by MarisaK
I don't know - I personally feel that if you're hosting friends and FAMILY - it should be a joint effort. It's family. Especially now, where many of us are working FT.
IMO, you bring a houseplant or a candle to a formal dinner party - with hosts you don't know well or are not very close to/comfortable with.
For friends and family - you show up with something of substance to help out the host in any way you can.
My family does a pot luck type of deal - Thanksgiving my parents to the majority of the work - turkey, soup, antipasto, 2 kinds of potatoes - My Aunt does stuffing, a cousin does salad, another cousin does this cranberry concotion that everyone loves - I do desserts and wine .......it's a joint effort.
When my ILs do something, it's very formal and stuffy and since I host, I end up doing ALL of the work -
Oh I agree. I'd never shown up.empty handed. But to have it at your house and have everyone else do the work is weirdo me. Yes it's his mom and her mom and no one said boo about it, it's just between me and dh.
What was the reason for having it at their house? Was anyone else offering to have everyone at theirs? Did you offer to host and have everyone in attendance?
I ask because we're not big cooks but host because this works best for our family. DH and both want to see both sides of the family and they feel the same so this is the best middle ground for us. MIL has offered to host in the past but is older and will say other times that it's too much for her to have so many guests at her house. My parents don't have the room to accommodate so many people, so it's easiest to have it at our house and it's a joint effort. We do all of the cleaning, setting up, washing dishes, cleaning up afterwards and supply a portion of the food/wine/liquor.
Of course if we have a regular party at our house we are supplying everything (catered) ourselves and tell guests not to bring anything. I was answering in regard to a family holiday. We've thought of catering Christmas but who wants to eat catered food on a holiday?
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| Posted 12/28/15 3:09 PM |
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tourist
Member since 5/05 10425 total posts
Name:
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Re: Hosting a holiday...
Posted by Mom0710
Posted by MarisaK
Posted by Mom0710
Ok, the reason I ask is this. My bill and his wife "hosted" Christmas eve. They did not cook.any of the food. My MIL, the MIL.of my bill, and a.few.uncles.all did.the cooking. Me and.dh king of at no both of them, because it's so funny it's ridiculous. It's like a joke to us, kwim? We have had parties here and we either cook or cater maybe someone brings dessert or whatever but not everything.
Oh - THAT is not normal. So you did what? Opened your door and your oven? That's not helping, that's not even 'potluck' that's just not doing ANYTHING at all !!
This made me laugh so hard!!! This exactly. We were like why have it here. My MIL should have had it at her house. They bill and soil.have a baby, but my mil lives less then 10 minutes from.them so they could have come and stayed until whenever. That's what we do
That is pretty crazy. I do have a family member who does everything (or sometimes order everything), but holidays are hosted at her MILs, but her MIL is in her 90s. the DIL, doesn't host at her own house, b/c she leaves to see her own family after dinner, and it would be weird to leave your own party!
My mom hosts everything & does all of it, mostly b/c no one offers. She buys desserts too, and then people ended up bring someone, but don't tell her in advance, so she doesn't want to count on it.
I bring a side dish and coordinate that with her for Thanksgiving or Easter. Sometimes I only stop by breifly, after seeing my ILs so I bring dessert.
My mother used to alternate with one of her sisters, and they would bring sides (my uncle is an excellent cook) & we would bring desserts when we went there (my dad likes to bake), but it was coordinated so, there was no overbuying.
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| Posted 12/28/15 3:13 PM |
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Mom0710
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/14 682 total posts
Name:
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Re: Hosting a holiday...
Posted by Sparrow
Posted by Mom0710
Posted by MarisaK
I don't know - I personally feel that if you're hosting friends and FAMILY - it should be a joint effort. It's family. Especially now, where many of us are working FT.
IMO, you bring a houseplant or a candle to a formal dinner party - with hosts you don't know well or are not very close to/comfortable with.
For friends and family - you show up with something of substance to help out the host in any way you can.
My family does a pot luck type of deal - Thanksgiving my parents to the majority of the work - turkey, soup, antipasto, 2 kinds of potatoes - My Aunt does stuffing, a cousin does salad, another cousin does this cranberry concotion that everyone loves - I do desserts and wine .......it's a joint effort.
When my ILs do something, it's very formal and stuffy and since I host, I end up doing ALL of the work -
Oh I agree. I'd never shown up.empty handed. But to have it at your house and have everyone else do the work is weirdo me. Yes it's his mom and her mom and no one said boo about it, it's just between me and dh.
What was the reason for having it at their house? Was anyone else offering to have everyone at theirs? Did you offer to host and have everyone in attendance?
I ask because we're not big cooks but host because this works best for our family. DH and both want to see both sides of the family and they feel the same so this is the best middle ground for us. MIL has offered to host in the past but is older and will say other times that it's too much for her to have so many guests at her house. My parents don't have the room to accommodate so many people, so it's easiest to have it at our house and it's a joint effort. We do all of the cleaning, setting up, washing dishes, cleaning up afterwards and supply a portion of the food/wine/liquor.
Of course if we have a regular party at our house we are supplying everything (catered) ourselves and tell guests not to bring anything. I was answering in regard to a family holiday. We've thought of catering Christmas but who wants to eat catered food on a holiday?
I agree about the catered food on a holiday. It was all home cooked food. I honestly think the reason they "host" is a control thing. Like we are having it and that is that. We don't host because it's not my family's holiday, if that makes sense. My mil has slightly less room but it's not like they have a 700 room house. We have def done the potluck thing here, too. But we don't host thanksgiving and ask my mom to make the turkey 
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| Posted 12/28/15 3:18 PM |
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Sparrow
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 6826 total posts
Name:
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Re: Hosting a holiday...
Posted by Mom0710
Posted by Sparrow
Posted by Mom0710
Posted by MarisaK
I don't know - I personally feel that if you're hosting friends and FAMILY - it should be a joint effort. It's family. Especially now, where many of us are working FT.
IMO, you bring a houseplant or a candle to a formal dinner party - with hosts you don't know well or are not very close to/comfortable with.
For friends and family - you show up with something of substance to help out the host in any way you can.
My family does a pot luck type of deal - Thanksgiving my parents to the majority of the work - turkey, soup, antipasto, 2 kinds of potatoes - My Aunt does stuffing, a cousin does salad, another cousin does this cranberry concotion that everyone loves - I do desserts and wine .......it's a joint effort.
When my ILs do something, it's very formal and stuffy and since I host, I end up doing ALL of the work -
Oh I agree. I'd never shown up.empty handed. But to have it at your house and have everyone else do the work is weirdo me. Yes it's his mom and her mom and no one said boo about it, it's just between me and dh.
What was the reason for having it at their house? Was anyone else offering to have everyone at theirs? Did you offer to host and have everyone in attendance?
I ask because we're not big cooks but host because this works best for our family. DH and both want to see both sides of the family and they feel the same so this is the best middle ground for us. MIL has offered to host in the past but is older and will say other times that it's too much for her to have so many guests at her house. My parents don't have the room to accommodate so many people, so it's easiest to have it at our house and it's a joint effort. We do all of the cleaning, setting up, washing dishes, cleaning up afterwards and supply a portion of the food/wine/liquor.
Of course if we have a regular party at our house we are supplying everything (catered) ourselves and tell guests not to bring anything. I was answering in regard to a family holiday. We've thought of catering Christmas but who wants to eat catered food on a holiday?
I agree about the catered food on a holiday. It was all home cooked food. I honestly think the reason they "host" is a control thing. Like we are having it and that is that. We don't host because it's not my family's holiday, if that makes sense. My mil has slightly less room but it's not like they have a 700 room house. We have def done the potluck thing here, too. But we don't host thanksgiving and ask my mom to make the turkey
I don't see anything wrong with it if the people bringing the food don't mind. It's a lot easier to bring a dish or two to someone else's house than to host an entire holiday at your own. Just setting up and cleaning up is a task of itself. You said no one is complaining so I'm thinking there must be other issues at hand.
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| Posted 12/28/15 3:28 PM |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
Name:
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Re: Hosting a holiday...
Posted by Sparrow
Posted by Mom0710
Posted by MarisaK
I don't know - I personally feel that if you're hosting friends and FAMILY - it should be a joint effort. It's family. Especially now, where many of us are working FT.
IMO, you bring a houseplant or a candle to a formal dinner party - with hosts you don't know well or are not very close to/comfortable with.
For friends and family - you show up with something of substance to help out the host in any way you can.
My family does a pot luck type of deal - Thanksgiving my parents to the majority of the work - turkey, soup, antipasto, 2 kinds of potatoes - My Aunt does stuffing, a cousin does salad, another cousin does this cranberry concotion that everyone loves - I do desserts and wine .......it's a joint effort.
When my ILs do something, it's very formal and stuffy and since I host, I end up doing ALL of the work -
Oh I agree. I'd never shown up.empty handed. But to have it at your house and have everyone else do the work is weirdo me. Yes it's his mom and her mom and no one said boo about it, it's just between me and dh.
What was the reason for having it at their house? Was anyone else offering to have everyone at theirs? Did you offer to host and have everyone in attendance?
I ask because we're not big cooks but host because this works best for our family. DH and both want to see both sides of the family and they feel the same so this is the best middle ground for us. MIL has offered to host in the past but is older and will say other times that it's too much for her to have so many guests at her house. My parents don't have the room to accommodate so many people, so it's easiest to have it at our house and it's a joint effort. We do all of the cleaning, setting up, washing dishes, cleaning up afterwards and supply a portion of the food/wine/liquor.
Of course if we have a regular party at our house we are supplying everything (catered) ourselves and tell guests not to bring anything. I was answering in regard to a family holiday. We've thought of catering Christmas but who wants to eat catered food on a holiday?
This Exactly.
For big family holidays its a definite joint effort in my family whether I host, my brother hosts or my husbands sister's host-- we all work at least part time time and have young kids so its just not feasible for any one person who is hosting to make all of the food, prepare the house etc. Our parents are getting older so its more difficult for them to host but they do a lot of the cooking. In my case, my parents house is too small to host and my house is larger so my mom offers to make or buy some of the food and drinks and bring it over. Its much easier for her. That being said , I do make several other things and supply the alcohol etc.. because I don't want to leave everything to my MIL and Mom and my sisters in law mostly come empty handed -- BUt I agree that cleaning up, preparing the house and cleaning up afterwards alone is ALOT of work in itself and sometimes people don't offerto host bc they just don't want the foot traffic in their house- so just opening their door to family and cleaning up after them is appreciated in those families.
Message edited 12/28/2015 4:40:43 PM.
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| Posted 12/28/15 4:36 PM |
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EandF
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 1674 total posts
Name:
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Re: Hosting a holiday...
I host Christmas. It's my favorite holiday and I have two little kids so I prefer to be home.
I don't do any of the cooking though.  I'm just not good at it and with young kids and a full-time job, it's not a priority. My parents do most, DH's mom brings a few things, and my aunt and cousin bring a couple of things. We provide all the alcohol.
It works for us for now and one day I will get my ish together and do most, if not all, of the cooking.
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| Posted 12/29/15 1:32 PM |
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ndblovah
Be happy always
Member since 1/07 1880 total posts
Name:
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Re: Hosting a holiday...
When I host, it's mostly soup to nuts. Some people may contribute desserts, apps or drinks. But I mostly cover it all.
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| Posted 12/29/15 2:19 PM |
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Re: Hosting a holiday...
We hosted this year and we provided everything. My dad brought wine and sweet potatoes because his recipe is awesome and a friend brought another bottle of wine, but everyone else just brought themselves. I ordered dinner and everyone loved it!
Posted by Sparrow
We've thought of catering Christmas but who wants to eat catered food on a holiday?
We did this this year. I am only human. I have a full time job, I commute, my BF and I have two custody agreements and two kids between the two of us and we had 20 people over for an open house (and I ended up being sick as well!)
I'd much rather enjoy myself and my guests than being a slave to my kitchen. We had no complaints. At all.
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| Posted 12/29/15 2:46 PM |
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Sparrow
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 6826 total posts
Name:
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Re: Hosting a holiday...
Posted by Straightarrow
We hosted this year and we provided everything. My dad brought wine and sweet potatoes because his recipe is awesome and a friend brought another bottle of wine, but everyone else just brought themselves. I ordered dinner and everyone loved it!
Posted by Sparrow
We've thought of catering Christmas but who wants to eat catered food on a holiday?
We did this this year. I am only human. I have a full time job, I commute, my BF and I have two custody agreements and two kids between the two of us and we had 20 people over for an open house (and I ended up being sick as well!)
I'd much rather enjoy myself and my guests than being a slave to my kitchen. We had no complaints. At all.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bash catering Christmas. I'm sure there are places that provide an amazing meal. I was just explaining that while we considered this an option since we were hosting at our house and don't have the time or desire to cook a huge meal, we had family who were more than happy to pitch in and make the traditional foods that we all look forward to. If they weren't willing or able, I'd definitely cater!
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| Posted 12/29/15 3:20 PM |
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butterfly20
Party of 5 - 2015
Member since 4/06 7390 total posts
Name:
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Hosting a holiday...
mostly soup to nuts. Utilize the grandma for her apple pie and father in law for his cheese bread and chopped salad skills
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| Posted 12/30/15 8:29 PM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7619 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
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Hosting a holiday...
I think it's fine if people help out. For my DH's side, it's truly potluck. Everyone brings a dish. At my side's Christmas, my mom cooks the entire dinner and some of the apps and desserts. My aunt brings some apps and my aunt and uncle bring alcohol.
For my son's baptismal, my mom actually came up a day early and made 90% of the food. My mil made the rest. I appreciated it so much as I was working full time and my DH was traveling for work. Plus my DS was only sleeping 3 hours a night - I was a zombie. If someone judged me for that, it was their problem not mine.
Message edited 12/30/2015 9:41:07 PM.
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| Posted 12/30/15 9:38 PM |
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