How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

I know it is a personal question but I see some many women who get to stay home and there are no financial issues. I am going back to work in a 2 weeks and I am already having anxiety attacks about leaving the 3 of them. I had off 14 weeks and it was great spending the time with my twins and my new daughter and I really really dont want to give that up.

So my question is how do people do it financially? My income is over 90k and I know it helps my family tremendously but I would give it up in a heartbeat to spend all the time I can with my babies.

I guess I am sad that my time is going to be consumed with work that is so unimportant to me when I should be giving my time to the 3 little people who need me...ugghhh why does this have to be so hard.

Message edited 6/13/2010 12:59:13 AM.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

For me it came down to priorities. I was the major paycheck on our family before we had DS and I can tell you surviving on LI with less than 50K/yr is not easy....but...we manage. For now, we do not have a mortgage. I'll worry about a house when our children are school age...we dont both have brand new cars, so there is only one car payment. We stopped going out to eat but for once or twice a month. DH takes his lunch now instead of buying it. I changed where I go clothes shopping WHEN i do. I clip coupons. I only buy things that are on sale. We rent movies instead of going out to see them...I know there are a million other things but that is the basic gist. It was an adjustment but it can be done. I also work p/t three days a week, five hours a day which helps cover our rent.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

Before we got married, I laid it out on the table, that I will not have a child unless we can financially cope with one of us staying home and raising them. It doesn't mean I was setting us up up for being a SAHM/SAHD. I plan to go to back work, but in no rush now. It was important for me to have that option.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

We saved ALOT...when I was working I had an amazing salary paired with DH's salary and we were basically able to save all of mine and live off of DH's...we don't tap into savings now, but we have it as a cushion..thankfully DH's salary is enough to support us, but we def had to cut back on things, since we lived very very comfortably before so we're not so frivilous with our money now...

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

DH always knew that daycare would never be an option for us. That being said, we banked all my paychecks for 5 years.
Moved out of state, bought a little house, paid for cars in cash, no student loans.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

I've been a SAHM for 8 months - but will be going back to work in 3 months. I could stay out another year, but have decided to go back save more and perhaps take multiple years to be a SAHM with DC#2 when that happens.

That being said, I'm able to SAH because both DH and I have great jobs, saved well, bought a home we could afford on one salary and live within our means. We were married 4.5 years before DD arrived and were financially responsible during that time.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

For us we were kind of forced into it. I had lost my job a year ago and we decided to see if we could live on just DH salary. So, we make a ton of sacrafices. We eat at home instead of going out, I don't buy many clothes for myself. We clip coupons, buy things in bulk which saves $ and don't entertain as much. (We used to have people over for dinner like 3 times a week) Not spending a ton of money anymore on hair/nails/eyebrows etc. If I hadn't lost my job I would of thought we could NEVER live on just one salary..but when you are forced into it sometimes you just have to make it work.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

I am not a SAHM, but I think that you have to plan well. All the successful SAHMs I know planned out sacrifices in order to stay home. Whether it was not buying a house, buying a smaller home with a smaller mortgage, choosing to own one car, or moving out of state. They had to plan it out well in advance of having children.

I don't like when people seem to imply that because some of us aren't SAHM that we don't save, we don't spend within our means (not directed to anyone on this thread, just attitudes in general). DH and I work two well paying jobs, we save a tremendous amount each month both for our retirement and for our son, we pay a reasonable mortgage. We definitely live within our means. For me, working means I can afford the type of lifestyle that we enjoying living. That doesn't mean we are frivolous with our money.

Message edited 6/13/2010 5:08:29 PM.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

I appreciate all of your feedback. Yes we can definitely cut back but I am not sure if it would cover everything.We bought a house at the bottom of our price range and yes we can cut back on take out but I am not sure if that would cover my salary. The boys are starting school in Sept which is over $400 a month, the railroad for my husband to get to work is another $400 a month, plus mortgage, and all other utilities and school loans. We were married a year when I got pregnant with the boys and we lived in a one bedroom for over a year so we had to buy a house since there was no way we could fit in there much longer.

I guess I am just sad to be going back to work but in reality I know financially I could never do it. I give props to the girls who saved their pay for all of those years but i just finally started making that salary.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

I was a SAHM for 18 months (Iwent back to work b/c that's what I wanted for my career)

We were able to do it, b/c we bought a house that just DH's salary could pay and we didn't have car payments (I think that's huge for some)

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

They are so many variables. Just like anyone with or without kids. Some have houses with less income and some have higher income and cannot buy a house.

- debts/loans
- Car payments
- mortgage payment
- going on vacation
- going out a lot (restaurants, concerts, etc..)
- New furniture
- New TV
- Blackberry/ high tech phone plans
- Clothes shopping

All of those add up every month.

So someone maybe not make $90K like you but their monthly expenses are much lower than yours might be.

Some people rent.


I work PT because it takes care of my car payment, both our cars insurance, student loans, buying my own clothes/necessities and all of DS' clothes and toys.

Without my PT job is would be really stretching. I think we could manage. But with 2 car payments it would be hard for DH. We would just not save every month and put money for retirement.

Except for this year, we don't go on vacation. Just local trips with no overnight stay. We don't buy a lot of clothes. I buy all of DS' clothes on sale. I now buy his shoes at the outlet. I do a lot of mix and match. Once he has the number of shorts/pants/shirts, there is not "splurge" purchase for his clothes. I buy mix and match for myself. I buy a LOT less shoes than I used to.

We rarely go to fancy restaurants. Maybe once a year.

We started WW so now, we are not even doing take outs. We cook everything at home.

We don't have impulse buys. We still have this huge TV in our LR. I want a flat screen but it's not a priority.

We use our tax return money to do home improvements. We might have to save a couple of years to do the job improvement.

We don't have blackberries. It's another $25 per month.

I don't need a blackberry neither does DH. We have a computer at home. There is nothing that important for us to check on the internet or email that cannot wait 2 hours.

We don't need a huge SUV. I bought a car in our budget that met all my criteria.

In general, it's easy to get caught up into what is really necessary or not.


If you feel you cannot give up some of those "necessities", then no, you cannot give up the job you have.

We had to make "sacrifice" for me to be a SAHM. And that meant I still had to work PT.

Message edited 6/13/2010 9:31:15 AM.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

I understand what you are saying about splurges but I dont think putting my kids in school is a splurge and since there are 2 of them it becomes a small fortune. I bought a house in the low 300s so that our payments would be low and we could pay on one salary if we had to but with all of the other expenses I dont think it is possible.

Neither one of us have blackberries, we do not even have a texting plan. We switched from cable to verizon for tv, phone, and internet which saved us a ton of money and we do not have the movie channels. I cut out coupons and buy whats on sale.. We never go to fancy restuarant the most we do is take out chinese and our fine dining is Friendlies.

but between the babysitter (work related), insurance health and car, the railroad, the subway, the car payment its crazy.

I envy the girls that can stay home but I think it is nearly impossible to stay home on one income. I guess it also depends on what the income of that person it.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

We have a small apt in Brooklyn we bought for $500K

We have one car and we both work FT

Honestly--daycare for my kids is one entire paycheck...its insane

i wish i could stay home but its not in the cards

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

When I was pg with # 1, we were researching daycares and realized that my entire salary would basically be paying for child care. It made no sense for us. DH took on more hours at work and was able to "make up" what I was losing by quitting my job, and now as the years have gone on (I have been home for 7 years), his salary has increased.

its not easy. Its been a struggle from time to time, but we make it work. DH leaves at 6am and comes home at 9pm 5 days a week.

We bought our house before the market exploded, so our mortgage is very managable. We also made sure that we had a mortgage that could easily be covered with only one salary, we took the "You never know" approach and bought the worst house on the nicest street.

I can honestly say that for us, it comes down to creative money management, and the ability to make a nickel scream for us.

Message edited 6/13/2010 7:09:22 PM.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

I am very fortunate that my DH can easily support us on his salary alone with not much sacrifice. The sacrifice came years ago when he was in school full time during the first 4 years of our marriage and I supported us on my income alone. During that time it wasn't easy but we knew it would eventually allow me to be a SAHM. He does work very long hours which is hard at times, but we are both OK with it so I can be home with DS.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

We bought a house we could afford on way less than 1 salary (almost 6 years ago) and also have a legal apartment in our house that we went out. We were able to bank my entire salary plus some of DH's and both of our bonuses for the past 6 years. We also have no debt. Paid off our college loans (Both went to cheap SUNY Stony Brook) with wedding gifts, and bought my car outright. No, we don't make ridiculous high salaries. In fact when we bought our house I had only been working f/t for 1.5 years and made wayyy les than 90K. I see what you mean about all the other expenses (such as daycare) that make it hard to save. For us, we saved for years before getting pregnant. I could stay home but work p/t by choice. Now we are moving to a much bigger house with double taxes with twins on the way. If we had not saved like we did when we were younger this would be very very hard to do now.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

I had to work when we lived in CT- our mortgage/taxes/bills were just too high. I thought I would be okay with working FT- but I was miserable.

DH got a job transfer to Virginia and the cost of living down here is much more manageable. So even with losing my income, our bills are so much lower that we can make it work.

But- we had to move away from friends and family, so that is really hard. However, I am much happier now than I was when I was working.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

- No debt (credit card, student loans, car payments)
- Reasonable mortgage payment
- One car, paid in cash

These are the big things. All the coupon clipping and latte skipping in the world is not going to allow you to SAH if you are drowning in debt, have big mortgage payments etc. But the #1 reason I can stay home without stress is that we always lived on DH's income and banked mine. We knew from day one I would be a SAHM someday, so we planned for the lifestyle. When our first child came along, we certainly couldn't save as aggressively as we were when we banked a whole salary, but we didn't face any major lifestyle cuts either.

We'd have more money to spend on luxuries if I worked, of course. I had to make a choice between "time" and "stuff". I chose time, that's what worked for me.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

It's not easy at all, and we make tons of sacrifices. I don't get my nails or hair done...I do them myself. We have seen one movie since DS was born. We occasionally go out to eat. We rarely buy things for ourselves, if we do, it's on sale (like clothes I mean). And we rent. We pretty much live paycheck to paycheck, not really saving much. But for us, it's worth the sacrifice for the first few years until they go to school.

I am currently working on getting my real estate license as we have baby #2 on the way, and need extra $$. I figure that would allow me flexible hours so that I can still be home most of the time, and if I'm not, DH or my mom will be.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

I am not really a SAHM. Between working outside of the home PT and the work I have to do in home - it is at least a FT job if not more.

I schedule all my photoshoots for weekends when my husband is home to watch the kids(unless it is a newborn) I only do 2 shoots a day and work a total of about 10 hours a weekend. The editing and finishing work I do in between things - when the baby is napping, when the kids are playing by themselves. Otherwise I do it at night when they are asleep.

I love what I do so I dont even consider it working! And I get to stay home all week with my babies!

Maybe look into something you can do part time or from home? At times, trying to keep up with the work at home part is tough bc the kids are on top of me, but I would take this kind of job over a regular job any day!

ETA: We are pretty much living really tight. We own our home, but its only a a 2 BR house (with 3 kids). But we do have 2 cars, go out to eat or the movies, etc. alot. I take the kids out on alot of playdates which costs alot of money! We are not suffering, but I dont buy myself alot of clothes or things. I shop at Target and Walmart for myself.

Message edited 6/13/2010 12:27:50 PM.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

I think in most instances (ours anyway) it's not so much b/c we don't need the money (we do) it's b/c the price of childcare is so high that it does not seem worth it to give up time with the kids in exchange for what little take home pay is left over.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

Well, a lot of preparation when I was pregnant. We worked our a$$es off to pay off any debt that we could. We paid off my student loans and our car payments. We dont have any credit card debt. Our bills are at an absolute minimum, We dont have HBO or anything like that.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

I am very lucky that I can freelance from home. Without that, we would have never been able to afford it.
I don't know if this is an option for you - but if you didn't send your boys to preschool that would free up a lot of money per month.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

Although I liked teaching my priority was ALWAYS to be a SAHM.........even from the time I was young. My mom was home with me and my siblings and I just felt it was important for me to be home to raise my kids and just be a mom. We had to cut back a lot when I left teaching.........no more expensive vacations or eating out all the time but it's been worth it. I haven't missed a second of my DD's 20 months and it's been great! To make some extra money now I watch a child in my home so I still get to be home but have cash too and it's helped a lot.