Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

We bought a two family house and my parents pay close to half of the mortgage as their rent. I am not sure we could have afforded it any other way. We saved money before buying our house and having DD #1. I am also very frugal. Clip coupons, look for sales/clearence, buy certain things in bulk, I do not buy a ton of extras, we go on small local vacations, I grow my own organic garden, DH brings lunch most days, we have a modest cell phone plan and whatever else I can do to save here and there.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

Right now I'm a SAH, but it's only temporary. I will be going back in Sept. However, we have a rental in our home that pays nearly half the mortgage.
My husband will be a part time SAH as he is fortunate to have a job where he can work part time and bring home extra cash. If we didn't have student loans and a ridiculous car insurance payment, we'd probably be able to swing me staying home, but that's neither here nor there. I think everyone does works for them.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

I am not a stay at home mom.... saving enough to be off for 3 months was a lot. i think the key of staying at home or not is whether or not you have a mortgage and then the size of that mortgage. the cost of living on LI is crazy. DH and I are both teachers and together, make a nice salary. however, we both have to work.

many people that i know that stay home had their parents pay for their wedding, college, their first car, etc. not that that is a bad thing, but it definitely gave them a leg up on their ability to sock away a lot of money OR one spouse really pulls in a lot. our only debt is the mortgage, a car payment and a small bit of school loans with a very minimal interest rate. i do all the coupon cutting, buy store brand, we don't go out a lot, we pack our lunches, my mom helps with the baby and we still both have to work. it's depressing. try not to beat yourself up over it. i did in the beginning and i just made myself miserable. you are doing the best you can for your family.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

For us it was about careful planning for the future that started years ago. My dh is a saver & planner by nature so it was easy for him, for me it was a bit harder. As a pp mentioned some may have a leg up by having parents who have helped them out financially....that was not the case for us. We have always paid our own way...college, wedding, house & new cars. We have always been financially responsible for ourselves. We are fortunate to pay all of our bills on my dh's salary, my salary (when I worked) went directly to our savings.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

I worked 2 jobs up until about 37 weeks pg w/DS.
Saved most of the $$$ from my second job.
My salarys were not great.
Paying for daycare wasn't worth it (I'd be working to put my kids in daycare).

My DH has a great job (thank goodness). My DS arrived early (38 weeks on a Monday) and DH was promoted that past Friday.

Its not that easy. I am a huge coupon cutter. I return all of our soda cans. I look for sales. Its the best I can do since I don't have a paycheck coming in.
I'm not one who gets a mani/pedi every week or hair done quite often.
Going "out to dinner" is going to chain restaurants or even grabbing a slice of pizza.

Like others have said. If you're one to be a shopper/mani/pedi/hair person, then don't give up your salary.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

I don't know how ppl stay home when they own a home in Nassau county and the DH makes under 100K. but here is our situation

We have about 150k cash set aside for a down payment bc we are living in a small condo. and we have over 50K equity in our condo. we were all ready to buy a home for 600Kin one of the best nabs in Nassau but we backed out of it bc I got cold Feet and felt deep down inside I wanted to stay home. there is NO WAY I would have been able to stay home had we bought that home.

DH makes over 150k by himself that is pretty much THE reason I am able to stay home. had he not gotten a huge promo before first DS was born I would be working. no matter how many coupons and dinners out we cut, if he was not making this amount (or close to it) I would need to work. DC 2 was just born and It's so nice knowing I don't have to leave him. I complain about our small space, but it's so worth it. we will be buying a home by next spring, but it will be smaller then we would have liked.

I'll go back to work one day, maybe when the kiddies start school.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

Melissa, i think you know our situation.. i am a SAHM because my salary woudlnt even pay to have our twins in daycare.. its not worth it for us.
so we just rely on DH's salary.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

I fortunately do get to work from home twice a week and my friend watches them the other days which is minimal compared to what a daycare would cost. I just dont think I could put the financial stress on my dh. Like I said he works in the city and is salaried so there is no chance to make extra $$ and for him to get a 2nd job would have to be overnights and I couldnt do it for him.

I have really enjoyed my maternity leave with the 3 kids and the freedom to do whatever I want everyday without feeling the pressure of time and running around. My income is way to high and my dh could never do anything to make his pay even cover part of it. I am in a small ranch with no rentals so I need to suck it up and put a smile on my face and go back to work. I did it after the boys were born and I will do it again.

Thanks ladies for listening. It just amazes me how people do it and how much they planned in advance. We got married in our late 20s and had the boys the following year so there was no room to save. When we sold our co op we lost money because we bought at a high time so the odds were never in our favor..

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

I am due August 3rd with , which is our first! My DH and I were married in '08 and lived with his parents while we looked to buy a house. We weren't in a rush, and wanted what we wanted, and were fortunate enough that the only bills we had during that time were our car payments and insurance and phone bills! We paid off our cc's after our wedding and saved our butts off until we bought our house last April '09. We bought a legal 2 family house and we have a tenant who pays more than half our mortgage!!! It helps a lot and allows us to still lead the comfortable life we led before. I work 3 nights a week p/t, but just stopped last week. I will be home during the day with the baby, as this is something that is extremely important to both of us. Thank God hubby's salary alone allows it to be this way. After the baby is born I will work maybe 1 or 2 nights a week, dh is home by 3:30, 4pm everyday! I feel like there is no reason why I can't work those few nights while he's home with the baby! I'll need to get out for my own "sanity" so to speak, and it's our "spending money" for dinner, clothes, etc!!!

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

I was sort of forced into and we made it work. When I had DS I was making $35K and if I went back to work daycare would have been half my salary, plus I would have needed extended hours for tax season.
We never anticipated owning a home with one salary. DH was making I think $95K at the time we bought our first home and had DS. We made it work.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

I think many people made so little that it just isn't worth it to send the DC to daycare. The more you make, the more difficult decision it is, IMO.

We bought a house we could pay for on either salary alone, and have no car payments or student loans. We were married 5 years before having DS, and banked my salary as our DP for our house (lost money on our condo).

My mom was watching DS 3 days a week (I work from home 2 days/week), but she is sick and unable to watch him now. DH will probably wind up being a SAHD because I have much better benefits and retirement.

Message edited 6/13/2010 5:03:39 PM.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

We can barely afford for me to SAH, but it is a major priority for us so we make it work. We were one of those families where I would be working to pay for DD's daycare and I just didnt see the point in that.

DH does not make a ton of money but we bought a house that would allow us to have a low mortgage payment, only have one small car payment and thats pretty much all the debt we have. We worked like crazy before we had DD to eliminate all our credit card debt so that helps. We did not bank a salary or have a lot in savings but we are slowly trying to build that up.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

Ive been a SAHM for 7 mons and will be returning to work in a few more months.

DH and i both make nice salaries and we saved money. PLus when we first got married, we bought a 2 BR co-op bc we wanted to be able to afford to allow for me to stay home for a year when we did have a baby so that was the choice we made

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

Dh and I were having this same talk last night. He currently works 2 jobs and is in school full time. His 2nd gig is unpredictable hours-wise as is his full time gig, so daycare would have to be done on a FT M-F 830-530 basis.

We're lucky we have a sitter right now that watches DD along with another child and is very flexible with her hours and rates. We don't pay if DD doesn't go or if she's sick, which is not the norm. With DD2 coming in October, we're unsure of whether or not our current sitter will be able to take both kids or even if we want to be dragging a 3 month old out and about every day to the sitters.

We discussed hiring a nanny too, but it's really cost prohibitive. My entire paycheck will end up going to childcare costs.

The plan right now is to pay down debt, save money, and I will probably have to get a PT gig to help out on bills. I think the hard part is going to be the lifestyle change. No more going out, no more stopping for a coffee or bagel sandwich, no more lunches out etc. Those little trips add up.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

For us it has been a combination of things. We have always been frugal, we purchased a home that we could handle on one salary and we don't buy things unless we have cash on hand. We have always been this way so when we had DS our debt was the mortgage, student loans and one car.

DH and I had pretty similar incomes, so me staying home cut our income in half. The first year wasn't really bad, we cut out frivolous spending (a lot but not all). The second year, DH who had been miserable at his job for a long time decided he had to quit, he left and found a job with a $15K paycut and much higher insurance premiums. I also started a business out of the home last year so I can bring in money.

Things are much tighter now, but honestly there are few things I wouldn't give up to be home with my son. We are still able to do what we need, DH needed a new car and we were able to purchase one without a loan, we bought a used Accord with 50K miles. It isn't new or fancy but it will last us and we don't have to worry about a monthly payment. My income fluctuates so we don't want to take on additional monthly payments.

We live without some 'luxuries'; we don't have cable, I don't go shopping to shop, but only when I truly need something. I don't get mani/pedi and we cut our own hair; we are careful about all spending. We don't go on vacations or buy all of the latest gadgets. We live pretty simply but really we are happy to do so.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

For these first few months we striped down to the bare necessities. No real unneeded spending. Now I am able to pick up designing jobs so I'm be working from home for a while which helps.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

It all comes down to the size of your mortgage, whether or not you have one, when you bought your home, and if you have ever lived rent free or had any help along the way (weddings, live with family, etc) for any period of time, and if one of your salaries alone is over 150K...

Other than that, I can't understand how people do it either. We have this conversation with friends a lot, and I had posted so many times on the subject, because I found it hard to leave my first that was born in Dec. 09

I went back to work, when he was 3 months, and found it incredibly difficult. I struggled with the decision, because I had a salary that was high as well....I wound up leaving in May, and took a 50% paycut. I think it is disgusting how hard people need to work, just to afford a home on LI, and have the argument many times, with older folks, like my father, that it is the same for us as it was for them, when I have proven on many occasions, that it is far from the same. All it took to actually convince him, was the size of our mortgage payment..he shut right up

Let me add to that, that we did not buy a house in some upscale neighborhood, even though we both grew up in one....we own both of our cars outright, no payments. Never went on a honeymoon, do not travel, etc....DH makes a great salary, and though we may be able to swing it for a little while, taking the paycut to work in an atmosphere, where I can bring DS, was the better option for us.

Daycare was only small percentage of my salary, and if I would have been working just to put DS in daycare, like other posters have said, I would not have done it either...

Either way, know that your salary is helping your children in a tremendous way, and you should be proud of that.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

I am a SAHM-I banked for an entire year to be sure we could do it. My husband makes a good salary and I am not a huge spender. We have a house and pay a ton since we bought 5 years ago-whick sux!!!We do go on vacations and out to dinners. I shop at places like Kohls and NY and comp for myself and we buy giftcards from amex. Sounds silly but we have so many points and it really helps. Lately we have been eating out more but usually I cook, saleshop etc. Its not too bad but I would say im careful what I spend so that if we really want something we can get it.


Overall I would say im thrifty and love coupons and look for deals. BUT on the other hand i didnt make close to 90 K in my salary!!


Also-we have no debt, one car payment and pay our CC in full each month...

Message edited 6/13/2010 9:01:45 PM.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

I could be a SAHM and the reason I could is because we live frugally. Minimal debt, no car payments, affordable mortgage I (had to move OOS for that though), and we save. A lot.

So, I though I don't choose to SAH, I could because of the above. As someone above said, it is not about the coupon clipping-it's really about the big rocks-stuff like the size of your mortgage, car payments, debt philosophy, etc.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

Live a lifestyle that is well below your means.
Don't compare yourselves with your friends or family. DH gets down on himself if one of his friends gets a new car or goes on a great vacation -- then I remind him that in many cases, the more $ it appears you have the less you actually have. The people DH thinks have it all together are really leveraged out their @sses. Our mailman who has 3 kids in a tiny 2 bedroom cottage has gobs of $ in the bank so they can have his wife SAH.

I want to add that people assume that DH makes a lot of money. We work in the same industry and when they find out I've left my job, their faces go, "oohh, (DH) must be doing really well" or "wow - I didn't realize your husband's job paid him that well". This really irks both DH and me...yes he makes a decent salary and while we'd probably live like kings elsewhere, we make a LOT of sacrifices to have me SAH.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

it wasn't meant for me to be a SAHM but after getting a job just to get laid off (they actually fired a bunch of girls. i'm surprised they didn't get sued) I just didn't really look for a job. i was lazy. My DH is a cop and he makes a little more than the average cop because he gets A LOT of overtime. we bought our house and with some of the extra mortgage we paid off the rest of our bills but i mean we racked it up again a little. we're not struggling but we're not comfortable either. now i'm working from home answering phones for a dog training company which is great. it's not a lot of money but it's something.

Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....

I was kind of forced to be a SAHM because the company I worked for went out of business a few weeks before I had DS. I have been on unemployment ever since and that income--while considerably less than what I was making when working--is the only reason I am still able to be home with my son.