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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....
I would not be able to stay at home if we had a house on long island...I know that much..
We live out of state (MD)..DH works for the government and makes decent money..not a ton, but enough to allow me to stay home.
We rented for the first 3.5 years of our marriage...we had both Johnny AND Ryan in our two bed apartment and paid $1200/month. It never ever bothered me to rent. My babies were little, they NEVER would have cared or known if we rented or owned. They had a roof over their heads, and I knew that one day we would own a home..it just had to be at the right time.
Living out of state means that we would have definitely had to do daycare and it wasn't an option for me...if i had had family to watch them, i prob would work PT outside the home. But financially it never would have made sense.
We have stuggled in the past. It hasn't been easy. But we make it work. They are happy, I am happy. I wouldn't have it any other way, being a SAHM was all I ever wanted.
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Posted 6/15/10 7:29 AM  |
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sleepie76
enjoying every minute
Member since 12/07 3881 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....
Posted by MAC222
It all comes down to the size of your mortgage, whether or not you have one, when you bought your home, and if you have ever lived rent free or had any help along the way (weddings, live with family, etc) for any period of time, and if one of your salaries alone is over 150K...
Other than that, I can't understand how people do it either. We have this conversation with friends a lot, and I had posted so many times on the subject, because I found it hard to leave my first that was born in Dec. 09
I agree with this.
If you own a home on LI, I would think one person would have to make over $150k.
I had to go back, my salary far exceeds daycare. If I was only paying daycare, I would have stayed home.
We could have paid the bills on just DH salary. My concern is that there was no extra room. No wiggle room for car repairs, christmas, home repairs.
Honestly, I know a few SAHM that are in $50K of credit card debt. They often tell me "we are making it work". To me, they arent making it.
I was afraid that if I stayed home, we would spiral into credit card debt fast, when there wasnt any extra $ for the unexpected expenses that come up in life.
We dont have a huge house
Neither of us drive new cars
We dont live beyond our means
I wish staying home was an option, but it's just not.
I admire the woman on here that saved for years so they are able to SAH.
Perhaps, if we had planned in advance. I could have stayed home.
Message edited 6/15/2010 7:39:26 AM.
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| Posted 6/15/10 7:38 AM |
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KartveliT
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Member since 1/08 8363 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....
Posted by carlowlou
We can barely afford for me to SAH, but it is a major priority for us so we make it work. We were one of those families where I would be working to pay for DD's daycare and I just didnt see the point in that.
DH does not make a ton of money but we bought a house that would allow us to have a low mortgage payment, only have one small car payment and thats pretty much all the debt we have. We worked like crazy before we had DD to eliminate all our credit card debt so that helps. We did not bank a salary or have a lot in savings but we are slowly trying to build that up.
I could have written this myself
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| Posted 6/15/10 8:12 AM |
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Grill
LIF Adult
Member since 4/09 994 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....
I am surprised to see so many assumptions that in order to be a SAH you have had financial help along the way or make a certain amount of money. DH and I never lived rent free, I paid for my own education, not one penny was contributed to our wedding and he definitely doesn't make over or even close to $150K. My son was born in December 2009 and I chose not to return to my $80K/year job. We own a small home in a good area and our mortgage is about $2,000. It is extremely tight...but it is the best decision for our family right now. So, it can be done and not because we had financial help along the way. It is a matter of radically changing our lifestyle in order to provide our son with something we think he needs. So, if anyone is thinking that they can't do it because you don't 'qualify' under the many assumptions on this thread, I would encourage you to cast those aside and look at your own situation and see what you need to change to make it happen...even if that includes changing residences. A house can come later...IMO, my child needs me more than a nice home.
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| Posted 6/15/10 8:19 AM |
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Heather617
My Babies
Member since 5/05 2566 total posts
Name:
Heather
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Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....
I am not a SAHM but we could afford it but it would be really tight. DH and I had discussed it before. We moved out of NY (by far the best decision I have ever made for us) and bought a big house in the South with a very low mortgage. DH and I were fortunate to find good jobs here. We have one high car payment and very small amount of student loans. I have always been very financially aware and do not spend more then I can afford to pay in a month. My DS goes to one of the best Daycares (it is a Church daycare) and it is very inexpensive and he loves it. We weighed the options of staying at home and decided that I would work so that we don't have to be stretched too thin. In my opinion debt elimination is the best way to do it. Most of us can't pay off our mortgages but if you can pay off your loans or cc debt, it might be possible.
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| Posted 6/15/10 8:56 AM |
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twobabies
Praying
Member since 7/05 9662 total posts
Name:
Mrs. Honeybee
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Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....
Im a SAHM. My dh makes a very good salary. Before i had my dc my income was "ehh". My whole paycheck would have gone to daycare, so at that point we said me staying home made the most sense. We also live in a Co-op in Queens, we have one car, and only take one big family vacation a year. I rarely spend any money on myself either. So the sacrafices are pretty small on my part. Im happy.
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| Posted 6/15/10 9:00 AM |
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MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3
Member since 1/06 19197 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....
I currently work PT (home 2 days with DD) but will not be returning to work after DS is born in August.
After DD I went back to work by choice. I didn't have to. (I realized quickly though it was the wrong choice for me).
I am fortunate and definately don't take for granted, that DH's salary allows me to be able to SAH, and we can still live relatively comfortably. I am a constant worry wart when it comes to money though, DH... not so much, but it's also how I was brought up. I know everything we have can disappear in the blink of an eye.
We also have/had a very hefty mortgage, but have been able to pay it down significantly over the past 4.5 years we've been in the house and will most likely have the mortgage paid off by next year. This has been one of DH's priorities since buying the house. Once that happens I will probably be able to relax a bit more and not feel as "guilty" about not contributing financially once DS is born.
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| Posted 6/15/10 9:00 AM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....
Posted by Grill
I am surprised to see so many assumptions that in order to be a SAH you have had financial help along the way or make a certain amount of money. DH and I never lived rent free, I paid for my own education, not one penny was contributed to our wedding and he definitely doesn't make over or even close to $150K. My son was born in December 2009 and I chose not to return to my $80K/year job. We own a small home in a good area and our mortgage is about $2,000. It is extremely tight...but it is the best decision for our family right now. So, it can be done and not because we had financial help along the way. It is a matter of radically changing our lifestyle in order to provide our son with something we think he needs. So, if anyone is thinking that they can't do it because you don't 'qualify' under the many assumptions on this thread, I would encourage you to cast those aside and look at your own situation and see what you need to change to make it happen...even if that includes changing residences. A house can come later...IMO, my child needs me more than a nice home.
I agree with a lot of what you say...however, I think its prob. a LOT easier to go from owning a small home or renting prior to children than buying a more expensive home before kids...because once you are settled in your home and then kids come along, its very hard to think about selling and downgrading (couldn't think of another word... to something less.
It is not a sellers market unfortunately, and many people would lose too much $$ on their homes even if they wanted to move. For me it was an easy option because we started out only renting and our rent was low. When we were finally able to buy, we went off just one income and bought something that would be covered by DH's salary alone. Its just not as easy as selling a home and rearranging all of your life to be at home. I know this because I have several friends in this very same position..they would give anything to be at home with their kids but are committed to a higher mortgage than one salary could cover.
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| Posted 6/15/10 10:24 AM |
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KennysMommy
Never knew LOVE like it before
Member since 3/10 2640 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....
A lot of people already said it - save, save, save!
I'm a teacher and was able to save all the money I made tutoring for 5 yrs to be able to SAH for this year. We can't live on DH's salary forever, but we did save enough for me to be home this year. We also didn't try to get pregnant until the money was in the bank!
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| Posted 6/15/10 10:58 AM |
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Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy
Member since 3/08 10420 total posts
Name:
Momx100
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Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....
I'm envious of SAHMs and dying to stay at home.
Currently I make a healthy six figure income while DH is making a low resident salary. We would not make ends meet if I stopped working. The plan is for me to stay at home when we have baby #2 and DH finishes fellowship and finally makes a real physicial salary.
I think one party has to make enough to be able to pay for all the fixed costs (mortgage/rent, insurance, etc.)
Message edited 6/15/2010 11:03:47 AM.
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| Posted 6/15/10 11:02 AM |
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Meggo613
im a big girl!
Member since 2/07 4536 total posts
Name:
Megan
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Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....
for us we originally thougth id work till the very end and then go right back... then i got put on bedrest at 24 weeks and was out of work.
while home on bedrest i was looking around at prices for day care and it would pretty much take up alot of my months pay i would probably be taking home between 500-800 a month. and to us that wasnt worth it.
so we lived with my parents at their home for 3 years untill abby was 11 months old. then we bought a 2 family home so we would have income (makes up for me not working) and we can afford everything else on dhs salary.
although now were thinking i should head back to work 1 night a week so i can afford to get a new car since we really need one and theres no extra.
i clip coupons only buy necessities, no take out or going out unless we have gift cards. no movies, free activites. and i buy in bulk to help save also, i also shop consignment shops for abbys clothes
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| Posted 6/15/10 11:39 AM |
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-Lisa-
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Member since 5/05 6530 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....
Everyone's financial situation is so different, I really don't think you can compare. Its not always a financial sacrifice to be a SAHM. I just don't think you hear about that as much because it can be misconstrued.
we have no credit card debt
we own a nice house
we have 2 kids
we paid off student loans.
we live well. we eat out. we go on vacation.
how do we do it? Al makes a lot of money. His salary has tripled since we bought the house and his company was bought so his stock options were cashed out. (I knew marrying him would pay off eventually  )
We're very fortunate financially, and I don't take that for granted. Our sacrifice was having him in Europe for much of 2009.
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| Posted 6/15/10 11:46 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....
it's all about sacrificing and prioritizing and working with what you have.
I am not a SAHM. but I was presented with FREE childcare IN HOME by someone who loves my son almost as much as I do (dh's mom). so, for us, I would have essentially been throwing my salary away just to be with him.
you can sit there and say "oh, I wish I could stay home" or you could say "I NEED to stay home"
once you can cover your home expenses (housing, electricity/gas/oil/food) everything else is extra.
car payment taking up too much $$ and you NEED to stay home? SELL it and get one that fits nicely in your budget.
kids school tuition taking up too much $$ and you NEED to stay home? take them out of school and make other arrangements for socialization/learning. host a group of other SAHMS and get learning books. do story time with a group of kids.
miss fine dining experiences? put on an apron and teach yourself to make foie gras or filet mignon for a fraction of the cost for monthly date night.
people have survived with much less for a long time. those that are successful are very realistic with what they CAN DO and with what SUCCESS means for them.
good luck.
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| Posted 6/15/10 11:52 AM |
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Eireann
Two ladies and a gentleman!
Member since 5/05 12165 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....
Posted by -Lisa-
Everyone's financial situation is so different, I really don't think you can compare. Its not always a financial sacrifice to be a SAHM. I just don't think you hear about that as much because it can be misconstrued.
we have no credit card debt
we own a nice house
we have 2 kids
we paid off student loans.
we live well. we eat out. we go on vacation.
This is essentially us.
It's really a combination of factors.
DH is an awesome saver and makes wise investments.
DH makes very good money.
We've never had any credit card debt.
My salary was pretty much negligible faced with daycare costs.
But I think the #1 factor for us is the fact that we live WEEELLLL below our means. In the 10 years we've been together, we've owned ONE new car--the one we bought this January...a 2010 Toyota Sienna. Also, we're happy in Gap clothing; we are not the type to need the latest gadgets, etc. etc.
To be sure though...
We paid for our wedding and all large purchases on our own. We have never had any financial assistance from anyone. We also moved out of our parents house and lived on our own (individually, that is) for several years before marriage.
As further clarification...
If it weren't for my DH I'd surely be living in a cardboard box somewhere.
Message edited 6/15/2010 12:02:14 PM.
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| Posted 6/15/10 12:01 PM |
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NinaLemon
It's a boy!!!
Member since 10/07 6453 total posts
Name:
Jeannine
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Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....
Posted by Grill
I am surprised to see so many assumptions that in order to be a SAH you have had financial help along the way or make a certain amount of money. DH and I never lived rent free, I paid for my own education, not one penny was contributed to our wedding and he definitely doesn't make over or even close to $150K. My son was born in December 2009 and I chose not to return to my $80K/year job. We own a small home in a good area and our mortgage is about $2,000. It is extremely tight...but it is the best decision for our family right now. So, it can be done and not because we had financial help along the way. It is a matter of radically changing our lifestyle in order to provide our son with something we think he needs. So, if anyone is thinking that they can't do it because you don't 'qualify' under the many assumptions on this thread, I would encourage you to cast those aside and look at your own situation and see what you need to change to make it happen...even if that includes changing residences. A house can come later...IMO, my child needs me more than a nice home.
ITA, we didn't have any help along the way EXCEPT learning from our parents the difference between want and need. I grew up 1 of 7 kids and DH grew up 1 of 5 kids, both of our mothers stayed at home. We grew up not getting everything we wanted and having to earn our own money for extras, school trips or brand names.
We had a $3,000 wedding because to us having a house was more important than a fancy wedding. We bought a smaller house in a nice area. We by used cars and keep them forever. With my home business and DHs salary combined we make about $75K. Things are tight but we are doing it without fear of not being able to make it.
I do agree that a lot of it has to do with planning before children; had we bought a house that required both of our pre-baby salaries then something would have had to change for me to be home (like downsizing the house).
My feeling is you can never compare yourself to others, especially financially. Finances are not an instant thing, they are the a result of years of lifestyle, habit and circumstances. If being home isn't possible right now, there is nothing saying things can't be changed for the future.
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| Posted 6/15/10 12:31 PM |
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MommyTeffi
Yummy!!!
Member since 2/06 1827 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....
Part of the reason that I decided to become a SAHM was limited child care options. After months of research, I found nothing that satisfied me. I was also living in Queens at the time and good child care options were slim. I made a great salary but we planned ahead to be able to live comfortably on one. We had a low mortgage/taxes and no debt.
I continue to work as a consultant about once or twice a month which is put towards eating out or vacations.
Five years later I'm still a SAHM mom. We sold our first home and paid cash for our second. We still have no credit card debt or student loans. Only one car payment which is low and includes full insurance (DH works for a luxury car manufacturer). Our other car is free. We continue to save and have a chunk that we don't plan on touching any time soon. I feel extremely lucky everyday for my life.
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| Posted 6/15/10 2:15 PM |
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youngmama
LIF Adolescent
Member since 4/06 530 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....
. We bought a house the same week that DD was born and we had made the decision right then and there that I was going to stay home, I told my DH that I don't think I could leave her, so we bought a house based on DH salary alone, including bills, mortgage EVERYTHING on one salary.
We chose a small 3 bed 3 bath home over a big colonial. We went for a house close to the LIE instead of a house south of montauk hwy, I cut coupons, we do not take vacations,splurge on clothes or go crazy. We really just buy what we need for now.
I work Saturday nights to get out a little bit and to just pay for the food! Every little bit helps
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| Posted 6/15/10 4:49 PM |
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johnsae
Sip.
Member since 3/06 18677 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you afford to be a stay at home mom....
DH has a very good salary and bonuses and is very smart with our money....investments, etc. It doesn't even make sense for me to work b/c what I am qualified to do wouldn't pay me enough to merit working. We are very lucky that we have no debt and lots of money in savings.
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| Posted 6/15/10 5:28 PM |
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