how do you stay calm?

my 3 yo wants to do everything herself, won't listen when I tell her not to do something, throws a tantrum when she doesn't get her way..just being a 3 yo. well lately all I seem to be doing is yelling. I don't like when I yell. I feel bad but somehow I just need to let it out and it seems to be the only thing that gets her attention and she will start to listen/behave. I am trying my best to stay calm when she just drives me up a wall.. How do you remain calm when your LO is just misbehaving?

Re: how do you stay calm?

I wish I had the answer, but wanted to let you know that you are not alone....when I am calm enough to say it, I find asking him if his ears are on works...its makes him laugh a little, and usually stops the bad behavior. But again, I have to be "adult" enough to remember to say it.

how do you stay calm?

My dd is only 14 months and is already behaving this way. Im sorry to say I don't have advice but wanted to say your not alone. AND its good to know Im not alone. I HATE when I raise my voice to my dd but she DOES not listen AT ALL. I say no nicely and she looks right at me then does it again.
I feel guilty when I yell. I hate it. And I don't want to yell but sometimes she wants to touch things that can hurt her.

Ill try that with the ears LOL But she wont get it shes too young...

Re: how do you stay calm?

I make sure DS is not a danger to himself and that he is in a place he cannot get hurt and then I walk away. This is during a tantrum.

Before it escalates to a tantrum, we do time out.

Cool off period with talking about what happened and snuggles after.

Message edited 9/11/2013 12:21:30 PM.

Re: how do you stay calm?

I also have a 3 yo. I told DH yesterday that I hate this "I do it" stage. He wastes so much time it drives me mad! For tantrums, I recently started to completely ignore him. Nothing else works, so I will literally step over him if I have to. We were yelling at him a lot. A few weeks age we decided to just stop yelling bc it didn't help at all. I have to say, I loved when my first kid was 3, he was so good. This kid is another story

how do you stay calm?

Wine.

Re: how do you stay calm?

Re: how do you stay calm?

I would love the answer to this as well. My DS is 2yo and in the I do it stage. He had a 20 minute tantrum in the driveway this morning cause I wanted to put him in the carseat myself. Even when I let him do it himself he wouldn't let me strap him in. I am starting to read the book 1-2-3 Magic which one of their key points is No Emotion bc getting angry only makes the problem worse. I haven't started implementing the tips yet (not that far into the book yet). I will try anything at this point. Time outs don't work anymore I can't even get him to sit for them. Everything is a fight lately, I can't change his diaper, we is hardly eating. He just doesn't listen. Glad to see I am not alone. I have a short fuse and that is something I am trying to work on myself with him and others in my life. Good luck to all the other mommies going through this.

Re: how do you stay calm?

Glad I'm not alone on this either!
My 2yr old can be the sweetest thing so it's unbelievable to me that she behaves so bad sometimes.
I always think it can't be normal & there's something I'm doing wrong. I guess it really is just the way most kids are but it's so frustrating!
I have no idea how to handle it.
So far the wine suggestion sounds good

Re: how do you stay calm?

Ugh! I've tried time-outs, ignoring her, speaking softly, speaking loudly, LOTS OF WINE....lately I'm noticing distraction is working again. If she's throwing a tantrum or screaming because she wants to "do it myself" I just walk away and say something like..."Do you think Daddy should be Spiderman for Halloween?"
She's so thrown off by my question she either giggles or will go into a full conversation about my question. It's a tactic that is only wokring recently, by next week I'll be back to ignoring her.

Re: how do you stay calm?

I don't -
I ask nicely, I ask nicely again - I repeat myself at least 10 times .......and then I lose my sh*t. -

And ONLY then does anyone listen to me.

how do you stay calm?

Thanks everyone!

Re: how do you stay calm?

Order this book right away. It really helped me keep my sanity at that stage. I can't tell you if it will make her stop having tantrums, but it will give you a good way to deal with them without yelling.

how do you stay calm?

I let her do it.

LOL. If I wanted it done myself I'd distract her with something else to do or use reverse physc on her. "Im going this so you CANT" and frankly I let her figure out some complex stuff that she just couldn't do.

I sat and cringed inside while saying "nope, still not good enough" when she clipped her belt. She hates flies so I'd say "flies are coming, better hurry" and she'd let me finish. That or it was raining (literally) as Im waiting for her click in.

I'm 'that mom' who says "See, told you" when she did pinch herself. I said "well, you wanted to" she wanted to wash her hands at the sink but couldn't reach the handle. Fine.. go for it! She DOUSED herself and sputtered as she got it in her face. I said "So, now you're wet and coughing, great" we changed her and I asked "do you want to try that again or do you want mommy to do it".

I let her do lots of stuff.

By 3 she was using knives to cut her food up. I had (and still do) stand right above her and watch her carefully. She knows knives are dangerous and the use of them is VERY rare. She takes so much pride in doing things that she finds them a 'treat'.

If you finish your food and wash your hands we can let you put away the tools or help me build a drawer system. She was SOOO serious when I built a small storage drawer system. She held the sides, even got a few screws in. She was quiet and attentive. BUT I said "you didn't clean up your area at the table" man she skyrocketed over there to fix that right quick "Just pause, I'll be right back".

I won't say she doesn't jump up and down on my last nerve and I generally let her know I'm displeased and walk away. I try to remember that if she's frustrated with the "i do it" its because she wants to, but just can't, hasn't done it before or needs practice. I can understand how frustrating that can be. Haven't we ALL said to our parents "but I can do it myself"?

Sure its faster and easier for me to do it but I need to teach her to do stuff herself. Reverse is when she tells ME to come help HER clean her room .. and damn it she wants it CLEAN! like dust all the corners, put everything away, OCD position all toys a certain way, wash this or that.. ugh. Its tiring! All clothes must be sorted, folded or hung and in a certain order (whatever she chooses that day) but her room is a mess of clutter

Re: how do you stay calm?

Message edited 9/12/2013 1:22:34 PM.

Re: how do you stay calm?

Re: how do you stay calm?

Posted by ko123

Ugh! I've tried time-outs, ignoring her, speaking softly, speaking loudly, LOTS OF WINE....lately I'm noticing distraction is working again. If she's throwing a tantrum or screaming because she wants to "do it myself" I just walk away and say something like..."Do you think Daddy should be Spiderman for Halloween?"
She's so thrown off by my question she either giggles or will go into a full conversation about my question. It's a tactic that is only wokring recently, by next week I'll be back to ignoring her.

Re: how do you stay calm?

I can relate. DD is 2 3/4 and is both spirited and stubborn. I fell like I'm yelling all the time lately and I hate it. I feel like a crazy person or just a super-mean mommy. But sometimes it's the only way she responds. I'm 6 months pregnant and have zero patience this pregnancy so that's not helping.
I try to take a moment before launching into a yell and remind myself to stay calm but firm. Time outs are just not that effective with her, so I have started taking away something she loves, like watching a show before bedtime. Yes, she cries and carries on, but I feel like otherwise she just will continue to do what she wants to do.

Re: how do you stay calm?

Re: how do you stay calm?

how do you stay calm?

I'm dealing with the same thing but with my 4 year old daughter. I'm always losing my patience especially that I don't get any help from my husband, and also have a 1 yr old son. I hate yelling..I was always the one with a lot of patience.

Re: how do you stay calm?

Re: how do you stay calm?

My DS is going to be two soon. He is into throwing toys, his sippy cup, screaming and hitting sometimes. When he doesn't do these things, he's a very happy boy.

I tried ignoring the screaming, that doesn't work.
I've tried time outs for the other stuff and he thinks its a game. He gets the concept of going to the corner and standing there but. He will laugh at me and leave his timeout.

I've started to just tell him time out, he'll go to the corner and ill follow him, bend down at eye level and say in a calm loving voice, you're in a time out bc of throwing your toys and now say you're sorry and hug and kiss mommy.
He says in the cutest voice "sowy" and kisses and hugs me.

Other times ill use diversion. That has been working well to keep me calmer.

I can't drink wine bc it gives me acid reflux which sucks!!!
But I would if I could have a glass!