some tips on how to stay calm please

When its 3 am and baby is screaming and nothing u do is working to calm them down. It was soooo bad that by 5 am my only thought was where can I find a cigarette bc I was just shaking inside. ( I also feel uber pressure bc we live in co op and I just know our neighbors can hear). Tia!

Re: some tips on how to stay calm please

Oh yes.
Been there. Trust me I know.
It's awful.
And being sleep deprived doesn't help.

What we ended up doing was sleeping in shifts those first weeks.

I would go to bed at lets say 10 pm- and set the alarm for 4 am ish.
DH would stay with her in the living room.

Then I'd get up and let him go to bed for a few hours and I would stay with her in the living room.

It stunk, but it was better than us both not getting any sleep.
This way we'd both get a few hours of uninteruppted and much needed rest.

Re: some tips on how to stay calm please

I've definitely been there! Are you bf, because I usually found that bf would calm DD when nothing else would. Do you have anyone to help you? Try to get in a good nap during the day if possible. The early days can be really rough but they will pass, I promise!

Re: some tips on how to stay calm please

Ugh I remember those days

It's hard, so hard and I promise you it gets better and then you turn around and say to yourself "God, how did I get through that" and kind of laugh about it.

If possible, walk outside even for 5 mins and just breathe and clear your mind and come back in. DH and I used to take turns walking away for a few min's, turn on the TV, put music on, just something to clear your head.

There were nights we even got in the car with the baby and went for a ride around the block just for change of scenery and if DS would fall alseep in the car we would just sit in the driveway in silence.

Message edited 5/17/2012 9:11:12 AM.

Re: some tips on how to stay calm please

We did what Nell did. Just think to yourself, the sleepless nights are temporary & don't get yourself upset because the baby will be able to sense it. Just try to soothe her as best you can by rubbing her back, rocking her, or walking her around the house.

Re: some tips on how to stay calm please

My LO is 7wks..and we are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. DH and I did shifts too, and that really helped. During the day, I remember feeling like I was going nuts, so as long as it wasn't raining, I took him outside for a walk. It became my sanity. I did this starting at 1 week old. He slept, and I relaxed and returned some phone calls on my cell. I too had those times where I felt like I was about to snap, and felt guilty, so I woke up dh, gave him the baby and just took 5 min to myself. It really helped.

Hang in there!!

Edited to say...thanks to the NICU nurse, my son loved his paci starting at 3 days old...so that has become my savior when he is fussy...I;m sure I will pay for it when the time comes for him to start using it..but it totally calms him down.

Message edited 5/17/2012 9:15:49 AM.

Re: some tips on how to stay calm please

I also want to recommend the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD.
Let me tell you, that was a God send.
My friend had loaned me her copy before the baby was born and I never got around to watching it.
Then one day, when DD was around 3 weeks old and screaming her head off to the point where we both didn't know what to do and I was in tears, DH yelled out- PUT THAT DVD ON.

We did and as we watched it we started trying some of the Dr's techniques to soothe and calm the baby.
It was like someone had flipped the OFF switch on her crying. She just settled right down.

We were amazed and so mad at ourselves for not trying it sooner!
That man is like the baby whisperer!

Re: some tips on how to stay calm please

I agree with PP - take baby outside for a walk and try to get your DC to take a paci if they don't already. After being inside your nice warm belly for so long it is a huge shock to their system to be in our world and the paci really helps to calm them.

Have you tried putting your DC in the car and driving around? I know it's not ideal at 3 a.m. when you are sleep deprived but it might get them to sleep and then keep them in the car seat when you get home.

Does the swing or bouncy help? My DD wasn't a great lover of either and only calmed with the paci and me walking the floors with her.

Also, there is nothing wrong with putting the baby down in their crib and walking away for a few minutes if you really are going out of our mind. Nothing bad can happen them in their crib and it will help you to catch your breath or make a hot drink or whatever.

Re: some tips on how to stay calm please

Oh, I know exactly how you feel. My first DD was like that--inconsolable. Oh boy, did I hate being a parent! I sometimes could understand how a person slightly less mentally stable could turn into a child abuser. In our case, I don't recall there being any one thing that worked...we really just rode it out. Your little one is TOO little, but when he's a couple of months old I recommend forming a loose sleep/wake pattern. Buy Healthy Sleep Habits...

But for now, screw the neighbors-- you have a newborn! And like the others have said, it WILL get better and be normal again even though you probably think it won't. Can I tell you I have three DC and my oldest--the baby terror--is now 6.5 and seriously is the sweetest, most mature, most pleasant girl you'll meet. We DO look back and laugh and you will too.

Re: some tips on how to stay calm please

I agree with everyone but most importantly just know that it will pass and things will get better trust me!!!!! That's what got me through those rough nights... I just kept telling myself ok I will be fine...this will pass!

Re: some tips on how to stay calm please

Try putting on music...the music channels on the tv, soundscapes, etc. roll thru those channels and see if something works.


I remember rewinding 1 minute of a song because she calmed down during it. I must have rewound that 1 minute for 45 minutes.


What always worked for my babies, was holding them tight and lightly bouncing motion and sshhhing the whole time in their ear. A constant low shhhhhh


And if you are loosing it..it's ok to put her in her crib and walk away for a little bit.

Message edited 5/17/2012 9:36:26 AM.

Re: some tips on how to stay calm please

My DS is 9.5 weeks (wow) and I can't even tell you much about the first 5 weeks because it is a haze. I cried and said to Dh that I can't do this, what was I thinking, help me!? All those great thoughts. It is getting better but it took a LOT of talking to BTDT moms and friends. Walking at night with the baby can soothe them, my son loves being outside. Happiest Baby on the Block is awesome. Even last night when he was freaking out because who knows what I wanted to just yell. I swaddled him in the MIracle Blanket and shushed and swayed and did a rain dance practically. I like routine so that is what we have been trying. Oh, I worry about our neighbors too.

Re: some tips on how to stay calm please

Re: some tips on how to stay calm please

I have to say those first 8-10 weeks can be tough! I remember wishing away those early weeks because everyone told me things would get better around 3 months. I used to go to sleep from 7-11pm then DH would wake me and he would sleep, DS would not sleep anywhere but our arms we also switched is formula and tried new bottles, he was having some gas/digestion issues.

If you ever feel like you are at the end of your rope, hand the baby over to DH or can you call mom or mil? I have told my DH a few times in those weeks, "I can't take this anymore" and he would take DS.

It WILL get better, I promise, you will look back and wonder how you made it through but you will

Re: some tips on how to stay calm please

I have nothing different to add, but just know that you are not alone. DS is 5 weeks and I am so sleep deprived because If he doesn't eat every 2 ours, he screams his head off.

Re: some tips on how to stay calm please

Turning on the hair dryer or vacuum usually worked when nothing else would make him stop crying. Also, our homedics sound spa helps keep him asleep (full blast on the rainfall setting).

Re: some tips on how to stay calm please

This worked miracles for me. I'd run the vacuum and put her in the swing. She would calm dOwn after a few mins and sometimes fall asleep. I'd also walk with her, sometimes go outside even in the middle of the night. Like everyone said this will pass and you'll look back in a few weeks and wonder how you did it.

Re: some tips on how to stay calm please

music worked for us.

DD#1 quieted down when we put on rap
DD#2 prefers dance music

good luck to you, remember it IS temporary - hang in there. And now that the nicer weather is here - get out in it - it will do you both a lot of good.

Re: some tips on how to stay calm please

White noise!! I swear, I downloaded a white noise app on my iphone and when I put the sounds of the waves at the beach on for him, he went into total zombie state and slept so peacefully. So I ended up buying him the Cloud B Dozy Dolphin On The Go - Travel Sound Machine with Four Soothing Sounds - this one

Re: some tips on how to stay calm please

We have all been there! It's SO hard at first, especially when they cry and you can't seem to console them.

Def read/watch the Happiest Baby on the Block -- swaddle, shush, rock, and paci/bf.

At one point DH and I slept in shifts, which sort of worked, but I remember also feeling really alone one night when DD just couldn't be consoled and I was all alone with her while DH was sleeping, I couldn't wait for the clock to hit 3am so I could go wake him!

Just remember that this stage will pass and it's totally normal to feel like you're going insane!

One book even mentions how some Dad asked if it was normal to feel like they wanted to throw the baby out the window (Maybe the What to Expect the First Year book?). I loved that part, especially since the author answers the question with something like yes, totally normal, BUT if you are having thoughts of hurting the baby you should seek help.

Re: some tips on how to stay calm please

first
I sing...not good either but I put him on my chest or on his changing table and quitely sing..abc's whatever comes to mind or just talk calmly (I tell him we can do this...giving myself a pep talk with him)...I dont know if its the sound I keep it low tones...sometimes I think it just calms me but it does seem to work (at times)

Re: some tips on how to stay calm please

Posted by anewday

first
I sing...not good either but I put him on my chest or on his changing table and quitely sing..abc's whatever comes to mind or just talk calmly (I tell him we can do this...giving myself a pep talk with him)...I dont know if its the sound I keep it low tones...sometimes I think it just calms me but it does seem to work (at times)

Re: some tips on how to stay calm please

You've already gotten some great ideas from all these ladies so I just want to say know that you're not alone and it will pass. It may seem like it's never ending but I promise you it will get better soon.

I do have to say though, please dont try taking the baby for a drive hoping that the car movements will calm the baby. Unfortunately I know of a family that lost the father and the baby was injured because he fell asleep at the wheel while trying to get the baby back to sleep in the middle of the night. I know it was an innocent suggestion but I couldn't help but voice my concern over it.

Re: some tips on how to stay calm please

I hated the newborn phase, especially with baby #1. I was overwhelmed, tired, nervous and stressed beyond belief. He cried often and the cries went right through me!!

White noise worked well for us to calm him. We downloaded white noise to our Ipod and played it continuously. Swaddling helped him sleep and calm down, the Miracle blanket.

I did do car rides during the day to calm him. At night, I used to walk him around the house with the snap in go stroller. It got better around 8-12 weeks, when he slept longer stretches and calmed down.

It will get better