I am so sad and confused.

I'm just so upset today that I'm beside myself. I took some advice and went and got Ava a toddler bed yesterday. She slept in it no problem last night, so I called JT and asked him if he thought I should just go ahead adn take the crib down. His response was, "Take it down with an axe!" As if like he never wants to see another crib again. I said, excuse me? And, well one thing lead to another and we got into a whole heated conversation about how he doesn't want anymore kids and I told him I will not feel complete if I do not have another child, and that I don't know if I can stay married to him if he doesn't want anymore children, and had he told me this three years ago (yup, it's our anniversary today ), I probably wouldn't have married him. So his response was, "Well, maybe in a few years, I don't want any more now." So, I'm supposed to sit around and wait and hope that he'll want more kids? I'm just so upset. I love him so much, but had I known that this is what he wanted, I really don't think I would have married him. I just feel like, great, raising one child together has been so horrible for him that he doesn't ever want another? So now I have to sit here and figure out if I can stay married to this man or not. I'm so depressed adn confused. I have been crying hysterically all day and I don't know what to do

Re: I am so sad and confused.

Aww, Rachel

Just step back from the situation and take a deep breath. Maybe he was frustrated about something random and just went too far with it?

Your lives are very stressful right now and maybe he can't imagine having another baby right now, not that I am sticking up for him, but I don't think he thinks raising Ava with you is terrible and I am sure everything will be fine in the long run

Re: I am so sad and confused.

I am sorry you are going through this. I think the thought of having another child is just scaring JT right now. I am sure he will come around. I hope everything works out for you . AVA is a beautiful little girl by the way.

Re: I am so sad and confused.

Re: I am so sad and confused.

Oh, Rachel....

I think you need to give this some time. You got pregnant so fast, you barely had time to be a marriend couple before your beautiful DD came along. You just bought and are renovating a house and you've had an awful lot on your plate these past few years. I don't think right now is the best time for a final decision on any of this.

I do think once you guys have calmed down, you do need to talk about it again, because this is a huge decision for both of you. I think sometimes in the beginning, parents get so overwhelmed, it is scary to think about having another one, not because it's been horrible raising Ava.

Re: I am so sad and confused.

I am so sorry Rach

Re: I am so sad and confused.

I am so sorry you have to go through this, especially on your anniversary.
It could be a phase he is going through, new house and all. You guys have gone though so many recent changes.

After my older nephew was born, my BIL insisted that he did not want anymore. He felt that they had a perfect little boy, why take the chances of having a terror of a child. Well, my sister, feeling the same way you feel, said that if they were to have another, the second child would be "hers". Needless to say, the second child is an absolute angel and my BIL seriously regrets saying that.

Re: I am so sad and confused.

Re: I am so sad and confused.

I agree with the above.

Ava did come early in your marriage and he probably thinks about what it would have been like if it was just the two of you for a while.

You are both under A LOT of stress right now... new house, renovations, living with your parents, opposite work schedules, moving and moving with a child

While we were doing major renovations, before DC's, I had more than one freak out on DH and my FIL was the general contractor for crying out loud... I can only imagine everything the two of you are juggling right now
I'm sorry it had to happen on your anniversary

Re: I am so sad and confused.

I hope you get some more clarity with time. I hope it all works out for you rach!

Re: I am so sad and confused.

It seems like you guys have a lot on your plates now, it could have just been said out of frustration. Your DH used to be a nanny right? It takes a special person (especially a man in my opinion) to do that job. I would revisit the conversation at another time when things aren't so crazy in the household.

Re: I am so sad and confused.

Re: I am so sad and confused.

aww Rachel
:

I think men feel the pressures of raising a family, and with stress in general, diffrently than we do.

and with all that you're going through (new home, renovations, and opposite work schedules) Im sure he just said that out of being overwhelmed in general.

Im sure things will work out.

Happy Anniversary.

Message edited 7/3/2008 10:35:28 PM.

Re: I am so sad and confused.

Thanks, girls. I know that now probably isn't the time to discuss more kids, especially since I don't even want more right now. It's just scary to think that I may eventually have to choose between being married to the man I love or fulfilling something that I feel so strongly about within me.

Message edited 7/3/2008 10:34:14 PM.

Re: I am so sad and confused.

Posted by prncss

Thanks, girls. I know that now probably isn't the time to discuss more kids, especially since I don't even want more right now. It's just scary to think that I may eventually have to choose between being married to the man I love or fulfilling something that I feel so strongly about within me.

Re: I am so sad and confused.

I have 3 children
I had them 5 years apart(the 1st and last are 10years apart)

I was upset they werent closer but now I really like it

my dh said he didnt want anymore after I had my 6 yr old but then my nephew was born and dh fell in love with him and got this need to have another .....its was so crazy I was asking him to wait a few months before we started trying but he was begging me to start trying right away and HE WAS THE ONE who didnt want anymore kids

He can have a change of heart you never know

Re: I am so sad and confused.

no advice Rach...just hugs. call or emailif you just want to vent.

Re: I am so sad and confused.

Don't be sad.... Things will change. This is just a fight.

I don't know about your Ava, but mine was sooooooooooooo hard, and is just getting easier. There were many times where she just sucked the life out of both of us.

For a long time, I didn't think I wanted another child. Then when I changed my mind, DH wasn't on board. He would say One and done". It used to make me sooo mad. But, he came around. Give him some time.

You just moved, and that is a major life change. Doing home renovations is very stressful too.

Believe me, once Ava gets a little older, I bet he will change his mind.

Good Luck!

Re: I am so sad and confused.

Aww I am so sorry to hear! Hugs! Sorry about it being ur anniv too! I hope it works out, take it from what I'm going through, you don't want a divorce... going through one is complete he ll especially with a toddler. People get nasty and choose sides. I am going through this now. All my best! If you need anything- FM me!

Re: I am so sad and confused.

Re: I am so sad and confused.

Re: I am so sad and confused.

We went through something similar and as you can see his perspective changed. It happened for us when we went to visit a friend in the hospital and he held twin boys. We went home that night and got pregnant It's hard to imagine doing it all over again when these toddlers can really be alot of work!

Message edited 7/4/2008 5:41:44 AM.

Re: I am so sad and confused.

Re: I am so sad and confused.

Could he have said that b/c he is overwhelmed with the house and such? Maybe it's just been a string of stressful days for him.

I hope he comes around, as it means the world to you!

Re: I am so sad and confused.