Re: I am so sad and confused.

I just had this conversation with my DH this weekend, EXCEPT HE is the one who wants to start trying for another now. Honestly, I just can't do it. I am not saying I never want another child, but my plate is SO FULL, I just can't imagine taking care of another child right now. If you asked me a few years ago, (or even before DS was born) I would have said I wanted three.

Trust me, he may change his mind, and probably will, my answer also depends on the day you ask me, but for now, it's a DEF. NO!

I send you lots of hugs and hope he will come around

Re: I am so sad and confused.

Posted by prncss

Thanks, ladies You really did help me feel better about the situation. I also talked to my mom about it, and she told me my dad never wanted children, but now they have two. So that made me feel a little better. Anyway, thanks for calming me down. I really appreciate it

Re: I am so sad and confused.

Re: I am so sad and confused.

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Sometimes when arguments ensue things are said that people really dont mean. I am sure that in a few years he will want kids when things become less stressful for the both of you. He is probably under a lot of pressure right now to raise a family. Give it some time he should come around.

Re: I am so sad and confused.

Re: I am so sad and confused.

My DH used to say that one DC was good enough for him. Now here we are TTC for #2.

I think for my DH he was imaging life they way it was. When we were struggling to get by and living in a room at my parents house. The idea of having another child made him fear being in that situation again.

That was a few years ago, DS is 5 now. I had to wait a little while longer to try again than I would have wanted to but DH is on board and excited to try again. He just needed to feel that we are doing ok and not in a place where we might fall back into the financial rut we were in before.

Re: I am so sad and confused.

Considering the struggles you both have been through since the beginning of your marriage, and the fact that you got through it all so far is very telling.

I think he just said what he's feeling in the moment. You said you also feel that you don't want anymore kids right now- perhaps he can't look much further in the future than right now, which is why he said it. I'll bet once life settles down for you, his tune will change.

Re: I am so sad and confused.

Thanks, girls. A lot has become clear to me since I posted this. I started to really read between the lines with him the last few days and we had a conversation where he told me he hates his job, hates his work schedule and basically is afraid another child will just dig him deeper in a hole that keeps him tied to this job. I've also noticed that he has some strange desire to be very selfish right now. Sleeping in late when Ava and I are up, wanting to go to a baseball game Wednesday even though my dad's having surgery on Thursday and we need to be in the city the night before, buying himself stupid little baseball toys, a new tv, etc. He's just in a rut and when I confronted him about it, he said he's having a hard time right now. I am still so sad over what he said to me and still so sad when I think that I might never have another child, but I guess he needs some support right now. I told him I will be bringing up the issue of more kids again, but that I will wait until a better time. He said that was good for him. We discussed him getting a new job and maybe going back to school for his masters. So, I'm hoping he'll find himself in a better place soon. You girls are great. You have no idea how much your support helps
I love my husband so much. More than I could ever put into words, so this was really upsetting to me. But I'm sure we'll get through it.

Re: I am so sad and confused.

my dd is 2 1/2 and its only the past 6 months that DH has started saying he would like another one. Before that he said there is no way we are having another one and while I was a little scared I didnt pay much heed as I knew deep down once enough time had passed that he would change his mind himself. now he tells me we better get a move on as DD needs a playmate

So hang in there, IMO some men find it harder to adapt to parenting than women and are scared that life as they know it is over.

I am sure he will come round and as you are not looking to have another one right away I would just support him and not make a big issue of it.