I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

I dont know if this is just how it is now that I have a child, will get better, could be improved upon etc.

During the day Noah is very needy. He has a LOT of trouble playing or entertaining himself independently. I use the playpen, Noggin, Jumperoo, Toys, play mat, excersaucer and walker in rotation to keep him busy enough for me to do must needed tasks like feeding the animals, going to the bathroom, getting dressed etc.

Everything else is never done, theres NO TIME.

At night when DH gets home, he can help at like 6 pm, but by that time its bath and bottle time , which he needs help with most times and then fighting to go to sleep at a reasonable hour.

Thats whn I have to cook, clean the house of the days toys, Dishes, laundry away, pay bills etc and its always 1 am before I'm done with the basics and Im getting so tired.

When we go out during the day I manage to avoid a messy toy house, but thats about it.

I feel like Im drowning in to do lists and I am trying to organize time, simplyfy life etc but its still a LOT.

Is this normal for the moms? OR do I have a very needy child? I see other babies his age and feel they do so much more on their own and dont freak as much as Noah does when Im not 2 inches from his face as he prefers me to be?

Im sorry...rough day. Thanks for listening, and offering advice.

Message edited 1/30/2008 2:58:11 PM.

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

You know what...when Noah is all grown up and is a big old hairy man, you are never going to say...You know what, I wish I had spent more time cleaning my house and doing laundry. The most important thing is that you spend time with your son! Honestly!!!

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

Donna,

I feel your pain.........

As you know Jack is a lot like Noah - he's an extremely high needs child. I cook, clean, do whatever with him literally attached to my leg. Ask Kara - she's seen him in action LOL.

I too am drowning - although as the kids get older it gets better. Like now, I just threw in a load of laundry and did some dishes while they're on the couch with goldfish watching Noggin. Some days are better than others.

At the end of the day I've decided that a clean house isn't on my high priority list - making sure the kids needs are met and that we've managed to eat something relatively healthy for dinner and we have at least 1 clean outfit is good enough.

I think we try to be superwoman - we should be able to do it all b/c we're home. I know I felt that way for a long time.......then I had Jack and had to rearrange how I lived my life.

Do what you can do - do what is most important and if it doesn't get done, hey......that is what DH is for. I know they complain about it but last time we checked these children had half their DNA so suck it up buddy.

I do feel for you - I really do. I know exactly what its like to have a child who is high needs. I'm always here to talk and one of these days I promise to make it to storytime and we can attempt to talk while the kids are taking up all our attention

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

It gets a little better, you learn to do things more efficiently and to prioritize and not sweat the small things that don't get done. As long as we're all fed/clean, and bills are paid I consider us GOOD. And it does get easier with time. Ryan helped me put clothes in the dryer last weekend, and if I give him a broom he will sweep! (not that he picks up any dirt, but that's not the point. He likes helping mommy :)) In the end I prefer spending time with him to doing anything else, so I've toned down my "musts" on my to do list and realize that before long he'll be off to college. Then I can clean all I want.

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

I went through a stage similar to this when Lily was younger. It is much better now. It's still hard to get much done when she's awake, but now that she's on a better nap schedule, I try to get stuff done while she's sleeping, but I also eat lunch and relax during that time. I have learned to let alot of things go. There are times when the dishawasher needs to be unloaded or laundry needs to be folded, but I let it sit there and play with Lily instead. It will get better!!

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

I hear you - I have all of the above plus a demanding full time job (that I am right now avoiding - if you can tell...)

Everyday I do what I can. One day, its the dishes. Another day, its the floors. I keep putting off the bathrooms, but it looks like thats going to have to happen one of these days soon. I also have to work out for myself, my health, and my sanity. I do that a few times a week as well...

I never do everything. Its impossible. If you were to step into my home, you would think, "Wow - messy." Plus we live in a tiny place. My best friend says it looks "lived in" - I like that!

weekends are when I try and get the most done, but like I said, he never naps, and DH works Saturdays, plus I'm the chaffeur for my stepdaughters...

So most of the time that leaves Sunday for me where I give DH Cailen and try my best to catch up with the rest of cleaning...

The house will never be perfect. Or really that clean, but its all I can do.

I have to remind myself everyday that I am one person doing 100 things, and all on my own. At the end of the night, Cailen is bathed, fed, and soooo happy. I'd rather that then a spotless home....

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

sometimes i feel the same way except i work one full time job and one PT job 2 nights a week. my son is happy, but does reuqire a lot of attention(alot more than my DD did when she was a baby). sometimes when i have to get something done, like laundry or cleaning the bathroom, i let him cry. i know he is safe, i give him toys, and if he has to get it out, then thats what i let him do. it is frustrating, but sometimes its what i have to do.
its not easy, but before we know it they will be on the bus to kindergarten and we will be scratching our heads wondering where our babies went.

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

It sounds like you def need a little more "YOU" time.

I am in bed now by 9pm. I don't really cook (maybe once in a blue moon) I have a cleaning person come once every two weeks so I just have to maintain the house. I just have to do the daily things - and honestly - if I'm THAT tired - then it will just wait until the next day. We cannot do it all.

When he is in the exercauser, jumperoo, etc--- does he need you right there beside him - or is he happy until he gets sick of the toy - and time to move on?

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

Donna - I have a longer list of undone things than done. So I am right there with you girl!

Right now we run out the door in the am and when we get home there is only enough time to bath dirty boy, feed him and put him to sleep - then I run down, put all the bath stuff away, wash all the bottles and dishes, make food and bottles for the next day, pack the diaper bag, make breakfast and lunch for both DH and I, maybe eat dinner and then off to bed.

I never saw an actual dust bunny until I had Lucas. Now I have a whole family of them...but we do what we can.

I don't care how late DH comes home or what kind of day he has had...he gets things to do as well.

Saturdays I have Lucas (DH works) so we usually either take out every toy he owns and throw them all over the place or we go out...Sundays DH takes Lucas and I get a handful of things checked off my list.

So while there is no advice or real help here...I do want to tell you that you are not alone. You are doing a great job and one day...sooner or later...we will be able to get things done but I doubt that we will have the same satisfaction that we do when out children have that smile on their face with our undivided attention.

Hang in there mama!!!

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

Posted by dm24angel

Posted by Diana1215

It sounds like you def need a little more "YOU" time.

I am in bed now by 9pm. I don't really cook (maybe once in a blue moon) I have a cleaning person come once every two weeks so I just have to maintain the house. I just have to do the daily things - and honestly - if I'm THAT tired - then it will just wait until the next day. We cannot do it all.

When he is in the exercauser, jumperoo, etc--- does he need you right there beside him - or is he happy until he gets sick of the toy - and time to move on?

I do get out at night alone a lot, but then everything gets very backed up.

No, he wants me there when he plays with those things, I can usually get what I said done, bathroom, feed the dog until he starts wanting me. I feel bad that I let him cry in there, but I have to. I dont sit there with him , but its hard knowing hes not happy. Its not getting better with time.

I cant afford a cleaning lady and my husband and son and dog all need to be cooked for

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

just wanted to send you hugs!!

I can't believe that it's after 4pm already - I feel like I have gotten nothing done today, other than empty and reload the dishwasher!

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

There are two things I did that made my life MEASURABLY easier.

One- I hired a maid twice a month. It helps that we live in an area where finding such help is very affordable but I give up a lot to have this help- like shopping for new clothes for me when I really need them or getting a haircut when I should. It makes all the difference since she does the heavy cleaning and I just have to do the minor stuff which I squeeze in on Saturday mornings when DH takes our DD to the park for daddy and baby time.

Two- I confronted my DH about everything that needs to get done and elicted his help. Now he has been great. I really believe men need to be directed to do stuff so I gently do that- like asking if he could do the laundry or empty the dishwasher. As long as I ask nicely and don't just b*tch about it, he is really helpful. Couldn't your DH take over one big chore like paying bills or laundry? Just a thought...

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

Working mom's have a similiar situation because being away from home during the day, prevents us from getting anything done. In my case, when I get home from work, I take care DS first (dinner bath, play, bedtime). While I am taking care of DS, DH is preparing dinner. When DS is down for the night, we eat dinner and then clean up the kitchen. I make sure the house is orgnanized that way all I need to do is put whatever is out back in it's place~ I have a cleaning lady that comes every 2 weeks,and I also do some sort of chore every night so my house is well maintained. Because I keep on top of it, I dont get overwhelmed and it has become a routine for all of us~ Paying the bills: most are automatically taken out of our accounts and the others are paid online (saves alot time).

On the weekends, we continue with the same routine because we want to spend all of our time with DS~

I dont remember if you mentioned this, but does your DH help out? I know for me, without DH's help and support, I wouldn't be able to do all of it on my own

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

There are days when i can get the laundry and other house stuuf done, and there are days when i can't.

i have grown to accept that. if i put her down on one of her cranky days, i have to decide to clean the kitchen or eat. i mostly chose eat b/c who knows if i'll get another chance.

i have no other advice

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

I stayed home until Matty was five months.

As a new mom, I knew nothing. So, I held him ALL day- he napped regularly but only in my arms.

I was happy when I could put him in the bouncy long enough to wash my face and brush my teeth- I lost all of the baby weight because I only ate with one arm.

Anyway, I got a nanny and went back to work- I work 3 days in the office and 2 days from home. My mom helps us A LOT! When she watches Matty she seems to be able to do a load of laundry for us and put up a load of dishes. DH can do it too with Matty- I can't for some reason. He cries if I am not paying 100% attention to him- he knows I am a su**er. I also have a much lower tolerance for him whining- he's my love, my life and I can't stand to see him upset about anything- I have to work on that!

My point is- DH and I do big cleaning on the weekends while he naps (now he naps great in his crib) and we do basic maintenance after he is in bed at 8:30pm- we also let ourselves veg on the couch and eat for an hour- then the basic pick up of toys and dishes and off to bed.

Its really hard- you are a great mom- try and leave more things for the weekends when your DH is home maybe? You need your sleep!

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

i think (and hope) its normal to feel overwhelmed at times because I know i do. You are doing a great job! Will he sit in his bouncer/swing as long as you're in the room? I've started dragging DD around room-to-room when i need to get some stuff done.

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

Oh and to just add......I feel like if she is not 1 ft away from me, I am holding her.
If I move 2 ft away from her, she cries.

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

I could have posted this exactly. I work full time, take care of everything in the house, the baby, the dog, the cat and the big baby known as DH. I never get to do anything for myself....it's a struggle to clean the house....I go to be at 11 and lay there thinking of allt he things I still need to get done....on the weekends when DS is home, I still can't get anything done because I can't leave him to play by himself for more than 5 min before he's upset. I do love spending the time with him, but there are other things that need to get done and I haven't found a happy medium yet that doesn't compromise the amount of sleep I get. But it has been getting better as he's gotten older. I think we need to hang in there and remember this stage is only a small part of their lives.

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

Have you tried just letting him cry sometimes?

Like CIO for the daytime. Let him get used to playing by himself a little.

The other thing that helps me is lists.

I bought a white board, I put it up on the fridge and there is a Lauren column, a Scott column and a "whoever gets to it first, it just needs to be done" column.

Plus our schedules for the week if anything is going on.

My only goal is to accomplish at least one thing on the list each day - from any of the columns. If I get anything more than that done I consider it a bonus.

I'm also a maniac when he (rarely) naps and goes to sleep. I'll literally set a timer and try to get as much as I can done before the timer goes off and anything that's not done by then doesn't get done.

Sorry to say it just gets harder because now all Logan wants to do is crawl and climb. Do the best you can and make Danny help.

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)

Posted by leighla

Have you tried just letting him cry sometimes?

Like CIO for the daytime. Let him get used to playing by himself a little.

The other thing that helps me is lists.

I bought a white board, I put it up on the fridge and there is a Lauren column, a Scott column and a "whoever gets to it first, it just needs to be done" column.

Plus our schedules for the week if anything is going on.

My only goal is to accomplish at least one thing on the list each day - from any of the columns. If I get anything more than that done I consider it a bonus.

I'm also a maniac when he (rarely) naps and goes to sleep. I'll literally set a timer and try to get as much as I can done before the timer goes off and anything that's not done by then doesn't get done.

Sorry to say it just gets harder because now all Logan wants to do is crawl and climb. Do the best you can and make Danny help.

Re: I feel like I get NOTHING DONE ( need advice...Long)