I feel so sad :( Update!

So, MD made it official on Friday morning. I MC. It seems as if I am anywhere between 5-7 weeks. D&C is scheduled for Wednesday. I went for pre-surgical testing today. I can't stop crying. All I want to do is stay in bed. DH has been so amazing but he is also upset (sometimes he just wants to keep busy so not to think about it) DH forced me to go out of the house this weekend but it felt like extreme torture.
We only told our respective parents and I have one close friend who I told. As supportive as everyone has been, I feel so alone. This is just so sad. I put on a "good" face at work but I think people are catching on that something is wrong. I don't want to tell people. It seems so personal. I can't wait for Wednesday to come and go so maybe I can start healing. I cried all the way home from work today. I can't imagine ever "getting over this." I can't imagine how anyone can try again and be so optimistic. I think I will be freaking out the entire time. I'm at such a loss right now.

Update 10/7: D&C today. Timing was so bad. In the waiting room, the show Dr's came on. Topic: 3 sisters pregnant at the same time and they did sonograms. DH made us move to the other side of the room today. Then, no joke, 30 pregnant women walked by in the hallway. Not all at once but within a few minutes! We switched seats again, facing a wall (the safest!).
Anyway, procedure was ok. It took 4 tries to find a vein. It was pretty short. Had a nice convo with the doc. Very supportive. It took forever to get discharged but I was happy to go home. Came home and slept for a while. Now I just have some bleeding and cramping (like a period). I'm glad it's over. Tommorow I'll be home from work, just trying to recoup and get my thoughts together. I did a lot of crying today, hopefully less tommorow and less the days after. I know it's a matter of time. Thank you to everyone for your kind words and support. It really means a lot to me.

Message edited 10/7/2009 8:38:26 PM.

Re: I feel so sad :(

I am so sorry for your loss!



This is definitely a terrible thing to have to deal with. We are all hear for you if you ever need to chat or have any questions. I know i couldn't of gotten through it without the help of these girls are the board. We all went through it so understand how you feel.

I know for me, we just told family and 2 close friends. That was it, i didn't want to have to share the good news - with the bad news to everyone who didn;t know what was going on.

Every day you will heal a little more..


FM with any questions or if you ever want to chat. I know how you are feeling
.

Re: I feel so sad :(

Im so sorry for your loss

I totally understand and empathize with everything you are feeling. I had to have a d&c in July after there was no HB or growth at my 7w sono. I cried endlessly. I never thought Id be happy again. I didnt want to do anything; I even had to quit my job because it was all just too much.

Now, we are trying again and I do feel happy and optimistic. 2 months ago I wouldnt have felt this way but time does help with the healing. Also being able to come on here and talk and vent and just find comfort has helped me get through this tremendously. I say this to everyone who joins this board but i cant stress enough how wonderful all these ladies are and what great friends I have made. Youd be surprised how much it helps hearing other peoples' stories and words of encouragement

If you need to talk, you can always FM me or just feel free to post freely. We will all be here for support!!

Re: I feel so sad :(

I am so sorry for your loss.

I completely understand your feeling of being alone- I just MC this past weekend and this feeling is awful. We are all here for you and each other.

Re: I feel so sad :(

I am so sorry for your loss, and that you're going through this

For us, we only told immediately family. No one even knew I was pregnant, but I told my family about everything so at least they would know why I was upset (I am not good at hiding things from my mom, so she would have picked up on it).

And I understand what you're saying about not feeling like you'll be able to be optimisitc. It's hard, but hopefully each day gets a little easier. Like Lisa said, 2 months ago, I couldn't have imagined feeling optimisitc any time in the near future. But now I am ready to try again, and I am feeling optimisitc. Still scared, but hopeful.

Good luck Wednesday...keep us posted

Re: I feel so sad :(

I am so sorry for your loss

Re: I feel so sad :(

I know that feeling - how you said that you can't imagine ever 'getting over' this and that is totally understandable, but I promise that time does heal all wounds. I was at about 5 weeks when I m/c and ended up on 2 day bedrest. I thank God for that time because I really needed it in order to wrap my mind around what happened. I was so sad and would just cry all the time. I agree with you in that it can feel too personal to tell work. I ended up telling my boss though because i was taking off all that time and she was so loving and supportive (as she also experienced a m/c in her past). When I eventually returned, I was glad that some of them knew because it was hard for me to pretend like nothing had happened. They were very sympathetic and that helped.

I do pray for a quick healing (physically AND emotionally) for you. Please know that we are ALL here for you, as we have also been there. If you ever need anything (even if it's just to vent) I am here

Re: I feel so sad :(

I am so sorry for your loss. The women on here are great support. I totally know how you are feeling. it is so sad and awful. If you need anything at all please FM me. Here are some from me.

Re: I feel so sad :(

I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. Here if you need to talk...

Re: I feel so sad :(

Sorry for your loss. I waited many months to TTC again & am so thankful. I feel like I just began this process, time heals all..I promise

Message edited 10/6/2009 12:22:54 AM.

Re: I feel so sad :(

Thank you everyone for your kind words. It's nice to know I'm not alone, even if we've never met. Somehow, I know you all understand better than anyone else. Tommorow is the procedure, can't wait to get it over with. I'll keep you posted.

Re: I feel so sad :(

I'm so sorry! Good luck with the procedure! THink of it as the beginning of the healing process! It will take time, but it will get easier I promise!! Hang in there!! Remember we've all been down this road so we're here if you need to scream, yell, cry and vent!!

Re: I feel so sad :(

I'm so sorry for your loss...we are all here to help you through this terrible time and even though it may not seem like it's possible you will feel better and it will get easier.

Re: I feel so sad :(

I am so sorry for your loss..

Re: I feel so sad :(

I'm so sorry for your loss. We also had 2 m/c's, both at approx the 6 1/2 week mark.

I don't think we'll ever "get over it"; the pain will lessen over time, but we'll never forget.

Stay stong...you will get thru this!

Re: I feel so sad :(

I am so sorry for your loss. I had my d&c 3 weeks ago. While I never thought I would get through it, I do get better every day. The girls on this board are great, truly supportive. If you need anything or want to talk, FM me.

Re: I feel so sad :(

I am so sorry for your loss

It is such a hard thing to go through. I can't remember ever feeling more emotionally drained, emotionally empty, than when I went through this...

Like you, I did not tell a lot of people. I like to keep things private. But I must say that the people I have told have been very sympathetic and comforting (of course, with the exception of a few ignorant comments -- we all get those -- though I know people's intentions are good).

It will take some time but hopefully you will start to feel stronger soon. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Re: I feel so sad :(

I found this on a website I was reading about MC.

A person's life is, unfortunately, forever changed by the loss of a baby. No one should have to experience the kind of pain that goes with such a loss. One moment there is a world of opportunities, with plans and hopes and dreams. Suddenly, they are all gone. It feels so unfair.

How true is this?

Re: I feel so sad :(

Re: I feel so sad :(

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm always here if you need to talk

Re: I feel so sad :( Update!

Glad things went well with the procedure. I hated going for my follow up at the Drs. and seeing all the pregnant women. So I am so so sorry you had to go through it. I promise you it will get easier. Believe me I never thought it would but it truly does. Enjoy the time off from work. Relax, you deserve it!

Re: I feel so sad :( Update!

Thanks for sharing that your procedure went well- I had been thinking of you.

I went to the Dr. today too and got upset from seeing all of the pregnant women. I said to DH that there should be a separate waiting room for them. I would have never noticed this hadn't it not been for my MC.

I wish you peace during your recovery.

If you have a moment, and don't mind some country music, you should listen to "One Day You Will" by Lady Antebellum. I cried a lot when I first heard it, but the more I listen, the more peace I feel. It's not on the radio yet, but you should be able to find it.

This is the chorus"

But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will

Re: I feel so sad :( Update!

I am crying just from reading the chorus. Thanks for sharing it. I know deep down the words are true but it's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now. I feel like I don't even see the shadow of that liight. I know someday I will but I guess it's just too fresh right now.

Re: I feel so sad :( Update!

Im happy to hear the procedure went well At least now you have some closure and can start healing

I know it seems IMPOSSIBLE now, but it will get easier. Especially once you get AF again, you'll feel right back to normal. Trust me. Im the type of person who never lets anything go, I even torture myself. For every day after that procedure I would say to myself "i would have been X weeks today" or anything I looked at a calendar Id think "oh on this day I would have been". I think back to my sonograms when they told me there was no HB, even certain songs on the radio remind me of this time. Point is, I NEVER thought Id even function again but I am and you will too

Re: I feel so sad :( Update!

It's nice to know I'm not crazy. I was having those thoughts today....replaying the visits and the sonograms, going over the numbers, and thinking by this holiday I would have been this many weeks and we would have told people. It's like I can't shut my brain off! I slept for four hours last night, got up and just started crying again. I never knew a person could cry so much! I can't wait to feel better but at the same time, I know it's healthy to grieve.

Message edited 10/8/2009 7:54:59 AM.