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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
Posted by Ophelia
whatever is happening. whatever is contributing to the rise of this epidemic...it has to stop. it has to be figured out and stopped.
if we are too harried, we need to change our schedules. if we are too tired, we need to get more sleep etc etc etc.
ITA.
Message edited 7/9/2010 1:00:09 PM.
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Posted 7/9/10 12:30 PM  |
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
Posted by Ophelia
whatever is happening. whatever is contributing to the rise of this epidemic...it has to stop. it has to be figured out and stopped.
Exactly. I think it would be a lot more beneficial to place anger into offering/finding solutions and not finger pointing and playing the blame game. In my experience, the best you can do when the awful happens, is to figure out how to prevent it or something as bad from happening again...an ounce of prevention and all that.
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| Posted 7/9/10 12:30 PM |
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
I'm keeping my mouth shut. 
How am I doing so far? 
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| Posted 7/9/10 12:31 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
Posted by lipglossjunky73
I'm keeping my mouth shut.
How am I doing so far?
Well that's not exactly keeping your mouth shut is it?
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| Posted 7/9/10 12:32 PM |
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
Posted by ChrisDee
I would just like to say this, IF it was an accident, the guilt is unbearable. I know first hand. When DD#2 was 8 weeks old, I tripped over a fan while carrying her(the fan should NOT have been there) I fell and landed on my hands and knees, on the way down, she flew out of my arms and went head first into her solid wood bedroom door and then down to the floor. She fractured her skull from ear to ear and had 3 subdural hematomas(bleeds in the brain). It was the most horrible experience of my entire life. We spent the next few days in the PICU(pediatric intensive care unit) having catscans every 12-24 hours to track the bleeding in her brain. Waiting to find out if she would be okay, if they would need to put a shunt in her brain or any other brain surgery. All the while knowing that in some way, I did this too her. I did not protect her. Well, as the nuerosurgeon put it, I got my once in a lifetime miracle. She pulled through and is FINE. As for me, I will NEVER be the same, EVER! The Dr. said it best, SHE will never remember it and I will never forget it. I have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from this. I spent the year that followed waking up with with night sweats, crying in my sleep, my DH finding me alseep on her floor and me having no memory of getting there. I can have a panic attack at the drop of a hat when I hear a loud bang. IT SUCKS! I would not wish the things I felt and the things that I continue to feel, on my worst enemy, and my outcome is a GOOD one.
If they left them in the car on purpose, Shame on them, they will be punished for the rest of their lives. If it was an accident, I totally feel for them(even though I can not see how, I try not to judge)
Oh my GOD!!!  
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| Posted 7/9/10 12:38 PM |
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by lipglossjunky73
I'm keeping my mouth shut.
How am I doing so far?
Well that's not exactly keeping your mouth shut is it?
So, I am doing a sucky job Dang it. 
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| Posted 7/9/10 12:39 PM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
Posted by Ophelia
I think loyalties are being split into too ways, predominant sympathy for the parent, and predominant sympathy for the poor child.
I have COMPASSION for the parents but none of my loyalty is being split-everything goes to the poor child and I shudder to think that this could happen to my child.
BUT I let myself think on it for a moment so that I am more vigilant AGAINST it happening.
People who dismiss it from their mind immediately, I don't know that they have their guard up against it. How can you prevent something you don't even think is a possibility?
Message edited 7/9/2010 12:59:28 PM.
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| Posted 7/9/10 12:45 PM |
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kimbalina
Bring on the glitter and bows!
Member since 6/08 15158 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
Posted by cupcakekid
Posted by eddiesmommy
I think the lack of compassion is disgusting. I hope your sister, brother, aunt, cousin, best friend, should never find themselves in a position like that. I would hate for some of you to be the person I would normally turn to in a tragic situation like this. Its nice to know that youd turn your back on your loved ones. Its disgusting.
NO ONE MEANT TO KILL THEIR CHILD!
I find it disgusting that someone didn't have their head screwed on right one day and forgot their child in a 150 degree car while their internal organs cooked as they gasped for a drink or fresh air. I find it disgusting that a poor child has to die this way. It's torture in it's worst form. It's hard to have compassion when a child is a victim of a senseless and preventable tragedy.
Wow 
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| Posted 7/9/10 12:53 PM |
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mosa77
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 2122 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
im not a parent but i dont understand how someone can forget they have their child in the car with them?? im not judging at all i just cant imagine not remembering that you carried you child out to your car and strapped them in their carseat ??? again i know accidents happen and those people are most def grieving i just truely cant understand how someone could forget something like that
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| Posted 7/9/10 1:00 PM |
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debsabourin13
LIF Toddler
Member since 4/10 465 total posts
Name:
Debra
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
Posted by ChrisDee
I would just like to say this, IF it was an accident, the guilt is unbearable. I know first hand. When DD#2 was 8 weeks old, I tripped over a fan while carrying her(the fan should NOT have been there) I fell and landed on my hands and knees, on the way down, she flew out of my arms and went head first into her solid wood bedroom door and then down to the floor. She fractured her skull from ear to ear and had 3 subdural hematomas(bleeds in the brain). It was the most horrible experience of my entire life. We spent the next few days in the PICU(pediatric intensive care unit) having catscans every 12-24 hours to track the bleeding in her brain. Waiting to find out if she would be okay, if they would need to put a shunt in her brain or any other brain surgery. All the while knowing that in some way, I did this too her. I did not protect her. Well, as the nuerosurgeon put it, I got my once in a lifetime miracle. She pulled through and is FINE. As for me, I will NEVER be the same, EVER! The Dr. said it best, SHE will never remember it and I will never forget it. I have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from this. I spent the year that followed waking up with with night sweats, crying in my sleep, my DH finding me alseep on her floor and me having no memory of getting there. I can have a panic attack at the drop of a hat when I hear a loud bang. IT SUCKS! I would not wish the things I felt and the things that I continue to feel, on my worst enemy, and my outcome is a GOOD one.
If they left them in the car on purpose, Shame on them, they will be punished for the rest of their lives. If it was an accident, I totally feel for them(even though I can not see how, I try not to judge)
it is stories like this that make me terrified of being a parent...I'm scared Sh!tless
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| Posted 7/9/10 1:14 PM |
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sleepie76
enjoying every minute
Member since 12/07 3881 total posts
Name:
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
There is an article about this in last month's parenting magazine.
It was a gut wrenching article. Hard to read.
Here is the article if anyone would like to read about what is happening before bashing.
Although I dont think I would EVER leave my child in the car, neither did these parents. It has great tips on how to avoid this.
I can tell you I triple check since reading that article.
tragedy in the backseat
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| Posted 7/9/10 1:21 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
Posted by CrankyPants
Posted by Ophelia
I think loyalties are being split into too ways, predominant sympathy for the parent, and predominant sympathy for the poor child.
I have COMPASSION for the parents but none of my loyalty is being split-everything goes to the poor child and I shudder to think that this could happen to my child.
I see. maybe loyalty wasn't the right word, b/c put into your context, it doesn't convey all that I mean to convey. of course if you see a parent stricken with grief over something so terrible that they essentially caused to occur, I don't think anyone could look at them and not feel something for them...not know how much they must truly hate themsevles.
I know I couldn't. even in the face of what happened to the child, I don't think I could bring myself in that moment to feel anything but sadness and despair for that person.
BUT I let myself think on it for a moment so that I am more vigilant AGAINST it happening.
People who dismiss it from their mind immediately, I don't know that they have their guard up against it. How can you prevent something you don't even think is a possibility?
I totally agree with this. I don't know how people talk about "odds" or the likelihood of a tragedy occuring.
I see danger EVERYWHERE. always trying to outwit it. It angers me when people say "what are the odds"
there don't have to be "odds". it just has to be ONCE. to my CHILD. for my life to literally be worthless to me.
utterly and completely. over and worthless.
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| Posted 7/9/10 1:35 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
Posted by sleepie76
There is an article about this in last month's parenting magazine.
It was a gut wrenching article. Hard to read.
Here is the article if anyone would like to read about what is happening before bashing.
Although I dont think I would EVER leave my child in the car, neither did these parents. It has great tips on how to avoid this.
I can tell you I triple check since reading that article.
tragedy in the backseat
That was an insightful article. Thank you for sharing.
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| Posted 7/9/10 1:40 PM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by CrankyPants
Posted by Ophelia
I think loyalties are being split into too ways, predominant sympathy for the parent, and predominant sympathy for the poor child.
I have COMPASSION for the parents but none of my loyalty is being split-everything goes to the poor child and I shudder to think that this could happen to my child.
I see. maybe loyalty wasn't the right word, b/c put into your context, it doesn't convey all that I mean to convey. of course if you see a parent stricken with grief over something so terrible that they essentially caused to occur, I don't think anyone could look at them and not feel something for them...not know how much they must truly hate themsevles.
I know I couldn't. even in the face of what happened to the child, I don't think I could bring myself in that moment to feel anything but sadness and despair for that person.
BUT I let myself think on it for a moment so that I am more vigilant AGAINST it happening.
People who dismiss it from their mind immediately, I don't know that they have their guard up against it. How can you prevent something you don't even think is a possibility?
I totally agree with this. I don't know how people talk about "odds" or the likelihood of a tragedy occuring.
I see danger EVERYWHERE. always trying to outwit it. It angers me when people say "what are the odds"
there don't have to be "odds". it just has to be ONCE. to my CHILD. for my life to literally be worthless to me.
utterly and completely. over and worthless.
This is exactly how I feel.
The only thing unfathomable to me in this scenario is how I go one should something happen to my child. That is something I cannot imagine being able to do. Just thinking about something like this brings tears. It doesn't matter if I left my child in the car or my husband or a bus driver when my kids are in school. The end is the same for me. I cannot imagine going on.
Message edited 7/9/2010 2:05:17 PM.
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| Posted 7/9/10 1:46 PM |
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DeniseMarie
<3
Member since 8/07 10682 total posts
Name:
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
Posted by jerseypanda
Posted by quasi3
Leaving your child in the car is NOT a MISTAKE, it is NEGLIGENCE !!!!!!
This whole thing is disgusting.
There is no excuse.
I have read previous posts on this and the excuses people give, i.e you are too distracted, tired or "it is not your usual routine", you should hand our kids over to someone who can care for them!
Just out of curiosity, what is your opinion on parents who let their babies roll of beds or changing tables? I know that the end result is normally not as devastating as when a child is left in a car, but IMO a child left in a car is not normally done on purpose, while turning our backs on a baby on a bed or changing table is something that a parent actually thinks about before they do it... and the assumption is that the child is going to be OK. But what if that child falls the wrong way and breaks a bone, or worse?
I just find it fascinating that when moms post threads titled "I'm the worst mother ever" and go on to say how their child fell off a changing table, EVERYONE responds with "accidents happen", "don't beat yourself up about it, your baby will be fine", "don't worry, we all do it". But when a parent makes a horrible, tragic mistake of thinking their child is honestly somewhere else and these stories come out, everyone talks about what horrible pieces of trash these parents are.
What if this happened to someone you know? What if this happened to your brother or sister or best friend? Would you still feel as strongly about thinking that they are not worthy of being called a parent? (and this isn't directed specifically at you, just using that word in general)
I just find that I try not judge because you NEVER know what can happen to you one day.
My heart goes out to all those parents who have to live with the worst mistake they could possibly make. And to the little angels in heaven.
well put, i totally agree 
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| Posted 7/9/10 2:01 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
Last summer my daughter was left in a deflated bounce house in 90+ degree weather. For almost TWENTY minutes. Heavy industrial plastic.
The thought of what could have happened sickens me. The thought of what might have been. I am thankful that she was found in time, scared, dehydrated & hair matted with sweat.
Maybe if there was a more tragic outcome, I would think differently. But even in a case that hits home & rips my heart out when I think that my 5 year old daughter closed her eyes & wished for magic to help her out before she passed out - I still consider it an ACCIDENT. Is there blame to be tossed around? You bet. The counselors, the bounce house operators, the people I entrusted with my daughter's care. But at the end of the day, I have no doubt that every single person had their best intentions to care for the children in their care.
I am not excusing the parents & saying they are not to blame. I am not saying they *should* have known their child was in the backseat. I am saying it was a horrible, tragic accident. They are not despicable human beings. They are not disgusting. They are human beings - who made a horrific mistake.
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| Posted 7/9/10 2:16 PM |
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Teachergal
We made a snowman!
Member since 1/08 3239 total posts
Name:
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
Posted by sleepie76
There is an article about this in last month's parenting magazine.
It was a gut wrenching article. Hard to read.
Here is the article if anyone would like to read about what is happening before bashing.
Although I dont think I would EVER leave my child in the car, neither did these parents. It has great tips on how to avoid this.
I can tell you I triple check since reading that article.
tragedy in the backseat
That article is just...whoa. I couldn't get through the whole thing. I will say that this post is going to make me extra vigilant about checking the back seat. I like the idea of putting the pocketbook there so you have to open the back door. Great idea!
And to those that say, "I would never do it", just wait until you have a crying, colicky baby who never sleeps and then see how clear your head is on a daily basis. The first few months of having a newborn you are just in a fog. While I don't think that is an excuse, per se, I can understand how sleep-deprivation could make some people lose their marbles. What a terrible loss for those babies and parents.
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| Posted 7/9/10 2:18 PM |
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lullabella
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 2246 total posts
Name:
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
I am as busy as the next.. mother of 3, work full time, etc... But I just can not evern for one second imagine leaving my chld in the car and thinking I left them someplace else. I dont care how tired or preoccupied I am. That being said it is absolutely horrible and I have compassion because if I were that mother I would probably kill myself because I could not live with the guilt/pain.
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| Posted 7/9/10 2:32 PM |
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Jenn627
Laaaaaaaambert!
Member since 5/08 9818 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
I read the Parenting article and I just read the Washington Post article as well.
It's incredibly scary. I CAN see it happening.
I don't have kids, but I plan on it. But I'm a scatterbrain. I forget everything. This scares the shitt out of me.
Those poor children and their poor parents. It's heart-breaking. 
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| Posted 7/9/10 2:45 PM |
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maybemommy10
Big Brothers to Be !
Member since 2/10 3868 total posts
Name:
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
Posted by Jenn627
I read the Parenting article and I just read the Washington Post article as well.
It's incredibly scary. I CAN see it happening.
I don't have kids, but I plan on it. But I'm a scatterbrain. I forget everything. This scares the shitt out of me.
Those poor children and their poor parents. It's heart-breaking.
ITA. I HATE the fact that this has happened to ONE child, but am grateful for the awareness, heated debate and all, it KEEPS it at the forefront of everyones mind, which is a good thing.
I am all over the place all the time, always have 900 things going on at once, and i can see how this could happen to me. I would like to think NEVER ME, but i know better.
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| Posted 7/9/10 2:59 PM |
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mommy2bella
Where does time go?
Member since 12/05 9747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
In the previous thread, a brilliant poster pointed out "haven't you ever arrived somewhere & not remember driving there? Because you're on automatic pilot...
I have done this so many times...I can't imagine ever forgetting a child for a full day, but I have been torn in so many directions at times that I don't even know what I am doing.
I do agree with a previous poster how their can be little to say to someone to hurt more than they are probably hurting.
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| Posted 7/9/10 3:09 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
Posted by pinkandblue
Posted by Goldi0218
The "we all make mistakes and forget sometimes" excuse will NEVER fly with me. Shame on these people.
you know, I was RIGHT where you were in opinion a year ago BUT then I heard what all the other mommies have said on here and REALLY thought about the circumstances.
I cannot imagine the pain that those parents have to live with, I cannot imagine going through that and dealing with that guilt
I think at the end of the day, it was a mistake with tragic consequences
I do respect your opinion though cause like I said, I shared it with you for a while
ITA Steph! I believe a year ago I was one of the people who said "It would never happen to me"
Well, I have really opened up my eyes, and I see how accidents can happen. As devastating as they are - they are just that - tragic accidents.
My heart goes out to all of the families involved, and their poor angel babies.
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| Posted 7/9/10 3:11 PM |
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
Welp- I am here to tell you that it CAN happen- even to good, normally attentive parents. It just happend to us this afternoon.
We went grocery shopping and got the girls' hair cut. When we got home I got out and got Maddie out of her seat and walked her inside and put her on the potty. I heard DH come in and he put the groceries on the table. I put a movie on for the kids and I then started putting the groceries away. He came in and started helping me.
Then DH noticed and said, "Hey, you left the van door open on Eliza's side..." To which I said, "I didn't get Eliza out, you did!."
We BOTH thought the other had gotten her because we BOTH had different assumptions of how unloading the car should go. It just so happend that the way he parked the car, he was passing Maddie's (closed) side and didn't see Eliza. We BOTH assumed that she was in the other room watching Toy Story with her sister.
THANK GOD the door had been left open. I KNOW in my heart we would have noticed soon enough because his next move would have been to go into the living and hang with the girls until dinner was ready. But for about 3-4 minutes she was left out in the van and we had NO idea.
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| Posted 7/9/10 5:43 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
Posted by Porrruss
Welp- I am here to tell you that it CAN happen- even to good, normally attentive parents. It just happend to us this afternoon.
We went grocery shopping and got the girls' hair cut. When we got home I got out and got Maddie out of her seat and walked her inside and put her on the potty. I heard DH come in and he put the groceries on the table. I put a movie on for the kids and I then started putting the groceries away. He came in and started helping me.
Then DH noticed and said, "Hey, you left the van door open on Eliza's side..." To which I said, "I didn't get Eliza out, you did!."
We BOTH thought the other had gotten her because we BOTH had different assumptions of how unloading the car should go. It just so happend that the way he parked the car, he was passing Maddie's (closed) side and didn't see Eliza. We BOTH assumed that she was in the other room watching Toy Story with her sister.
THANK GOD the door had been left open. I KNOW in my heart we would have noticed soon enough because his next move would have been to go into the living and hang with the girls until dinner was ready. But for about 3-4 minutes she was left out in the van and we had NO idea.
glad she is ok.
As for the OP, I hate the thought of either of my DD's stuck in the car because either me or DH forgot them. I cannot even fathom that type of pain in that happening to us.
But I can see how parents do it. So, since I am not perfect, I will take a tip I got from this board and leave my bag in the back seat so I have to see them to get it.
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| Posted 7/9/10 6:24 PM |
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mosh913
baby boy coming spring '11
Member since 5/05 3133 total posts
Name:
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Re: I heard on the local news that 19 babies
Thank you for posting this article. It really can happen to anybody. I remember this being a heated thread a few years ago. I took the same stand that I take now, ACCIDENTS CAN HAPPEN. Especially to sleep deprived, stressed out parents. Unfortunately, people were using that thread as a forum to explain why they were a better mother than the mother who was on Oprah...how they could never let that happen because their child is on their mind every minute of every day. I have only been a mother for 2 1/2 years. I have made mistakes and I know I will make more mistakes. I will never judege another parent for the mistakes they make (abuse, neglect, etc. is another story).
Fortunately, I have never forgotten my dd in the car, but just today at Stop and Shop I put her into the cart that looks like a car, so she's "driving". Do you know for a split second I forgot she was with me because she wasn't sitting in the normal seat of the cart. Yes this was a fraction of a second, but the thought still crossed my mind.
Also, my mom picked my dd up from the babysitter every day except for Thursdays. I can't tell you how many Thursdays I almost forgot to pick her up because I would forget it was Thursday.
Changes in routine can really throw a person off. I'm not going to sit here and say I can't see how anybody could do that blah blah blah. It's an accident. A very very tragic, terrible accident and I hope we all learn from it and become a bit more cognizant of changes in our busy, crazy lives. God bless, those poor babies
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| Posted 7/9/10 11:01 PM |
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