I think I snapped, am I off base???

My story- I had a little girl with my ex, never married him. Got back together with a kind gentle man I dated for three years prior to my relationship with ex. We are married, both families get along great..blah blah blah.

Now as good as my MIL is to my daughter, She looooves to take pictures of my husband, the baby and myself. So last night she goes OK you three get together for a pic. To which I think I snapped, I replied NO, you always do that, the family is not the three of us it is the four of us. Now I would not min dif she took pics of the three of us the other way around but she does not. So for the remainder of the evening she snapped only pics of the two kids. I don;t want her to feel she can not take pics of just the baby, but I want to make it clear it is not acceptable to leave out our big girl.

Did I cross that line????

By the way- Husband did not say a word.

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???

That is kind of sad. You are NOT NOT NOT off base! They are both YOUR children and should be treated equally. I would discuss it a little with your husband but ultimately make sure your kids feel equally loved by their grandmother, which she is to your daughter.

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???

No you did not cross the line. You need to put your foot down and make her understand and realize that your family consists of the 4 of you. Your little girl is just as important as everyone else and she should not feel left out by your MIL. You did the right thing and I would have done the same!

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???

You are right. Your daughter will end up feeling like she is not a part of the family and that's unfair.

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???

Did your DH adopt the other child? I can kind of see why she would want a pic. of her grandchild along with her son and his wife. It is really insensitive to leave out the other child, but honestly, when people see the pics. and ask if they are her grandkids, what would she say--well, the older one, but the younger one is from DIL's ex-boyfriend, not my son? But she definitely should be more sensitive even if she deletes the other pics later.

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???

no no, like I said for the most part she is really good. She refers to them both as her grandchildren with no distinction. This is the only one spot where she (in my opinion) is wrong. He has not adopted her, as we have good relationship with my ex and his wife, they stay away we don't ask for anything. If I mentioned anything of adoption her dad would get all self rightous on me.

I don't mind her having pics of the baby and my husband, or the baby and me, it's just the constant family of three refernce when it comes to picture taking. I have tons of pics of each of them alone and with other family members but when we take a family pic it is all four of us. I have spoken to my husband about this before and he responded, if it bothers you, you should say something. For the most part he is fairly oblivious.

I also firmly believe a blood line has nothing to do with the amount of love you feel in your heart. If it did Adoption would never work. Every child is born into this world and deserves the best, I do not mean monetarily, I mean from your heart and your time and dedication. Never should a child feel shunned or misplaced, I would do my best to compensate for someone elses feeling that way I will not allow someone to do it to mine. As long as it is within my control, I will indeed control it.

sorry- my fingers just kept going.

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???

I think you were 100% right. You have to let her know it bothers you. Its HER problem, not yours. Thats a shame. I would tell DH too that in that situation her should have agreed with you, said SOMETHING, even afterwards to know hes behind you on this one!

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???

not at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am in a simmular situation. my sister-in-law is due in oct. and with this baby being the first"real -grandchild" i am worried. they do love her(my daughter) but i am worried how this will go. i am hoping it won't go there and dh keeps telling me it wount but i do worry!

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???

No you are not off base. That is very rude of her to leave out your daughter like that.

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???

I TOTALLY agree with you. I am in the same situation, have a son from a previous marriage. Luckily, my MIL treats him just like a grandson and includes in him in everything.

I would be very upset if I was in your situation...you have every right to have reacted the way you did.

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???

YOu didn't over react nor where you off base! Your DH however, should of spoken up or take mil to the side.

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???

No, you did not cross the line.

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???

no i dont think you were off base at all i agree with you!

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???

I think you were right! I would be ticked if they ignored her as well.

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???

I agree with you 100%. My brother and SIL have two children. The baby is theirs and their daughter is hers from a previous relationship.

I love them both equally, as does my entire family. We are blessed that my SIL came into our lives and the fact she brought someone with her into the family was just viewed as a "bonus baby". There is never a distinction made between the kids.

Your children are very lucky, though I think your husband should have backed you up a little.

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???

I don't think you snapped and now she knows how you feel so hopefully she won't do it anymore.

Sorry

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???

NO! good for you, this wil only help your mil realize it, if she doens't already and hopefully fix the problme so your precious daughter doesn't get hurt as she gets older.....

sorry you have to go through this but good that you put it out there!!

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???

You had every right to do what you did.

Re: I think I snapped, am I off base???