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Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

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missrock
Beautiful!!!!

Member since 5/06

3808 total posts

Name:
Jennifer

Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

Sorry for the vent, but my mom is driving me nuts with this. Everything I do is wrong in her eyes because “back then” she never did anything that us moms do now. In her eyes my 4 month old is spoiled because I always hold him. The thing is that I don’t know what else to do with him when he is crying. He likes to be held and I hate to hear him scream his head off. My mom never swaddled us either and we went to sleep no problem, but my DS has to be swaddled for everything, including naps. Nothing pleases her these days and she doesn’t understand that its not 1970 anymore. Things have changed since then.

Thanks for listening if you got this far.

Posted 8/19/09 3:01 PM
 
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Palebride
I am an amazing bakist

Member since 5/05

13673 total posts

Name:
Lori

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

Remind her we're no longer allowed to smoke in hospitals anymore either because things change!

Posted 8/19/09 3:02 PM
 

Wendy
Wheeee!

Member since 5/05

13736 total posts

Name:

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

It's the opposite here - my mom won't put her down for a minute!!!!!!

But she is all "give her some warm water for her gas", "who cares if she lays on her belly" blah blah Chat Icon

Message edited 8/19/2009 3:04:44 PM.

Posted 8/19/09 3:04 PM
 

FreeButterfly
hum...

Member since 5/05

6263 total posts

Name:

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

Maybe she was just blessed to have such a wonderful sleeper.

Posted 8/19/09 3:04 PM
 

Alex110879
craziness

Member since 8/06

3762 total posts

Name:
Alexandria

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

sorry for the frustration... i was very actively seeing my parents (2-3 days a week) and just recently started pulling away for that very reason.... when ds was around 9 months i had had it and i blew up at them... it is frustrating when your parents don't always agree. I got alot of complaints about the fact that i was nursing ds instead of using formula because all of their kids were formula fed and did well... at 9 months when they gave me an attitude about it i just turned to them andtold them that it was stressful enough nursing and that i didnt need to hear the constant peanut gallery comments from them.....


sometimes you have to try and just have a deaf ear to it all....but i think sometimes it helps to just tell them that you prefer to not hear any comments as you are trying your best to make your baby happy

Posted 8/19/09 3:07 PM
 

dpli
Daylight savings :)

Member since 5/05

13973 total posts

Name:
D

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

I think some of it is that they did things differently back then, but I also think you forget a lot of what REALLY happened when the kids get older. Chat Icon Chat Icon

My son is not quite 2 and I always say that he sleeps through the night. Generally, that is true, but we do have periods of time when he is teething, or sick, or whatever that I have still had to get up a few times per night. I am sure a year from now, I will forget about those times. 20 years from now, I hope I won't be telling my DIL that I never had a problem getting him to sleep. Chat Icon

I will ask my sister or my friends who have kids who are 8, 10, 15 years old if they remember when their DS or DD did something and I usually hear, "oh, I don't remember exactly when that happened...."

Message edited 8/19/2009 3:13:20 PM.

Posted 8/19/09 3:11 PM
 

aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys

Member since 4/06

11426 total posts

Name:
Ali

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

Oh i hear you! Loud and clear! Chat Icon

My in laws are like this. We swaddled ds (it was the only way he'd sleep) and they didn't agree with it and wouldn't do it when they watched him (they said it was like putting him in a straight jacket). Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

But this wasn't the only issue with them. It feels like we never do anything right by them and they make it known. It took me a long time to stop resenting them. Finally at almost 14 months, things are much better as ds is getting older, walking, etc.

But it was so bad for so many months with them (and their comments Chat Icon), that dh and I decided we won't be having another until i can go PT because we don't want to subject baby #2 to that or ourselves. Chat Icon

**Honestly i don't think people understand what it's like to have a hard, difficult, needy baby/child. Unfortunately that only makes it worse for you who's living through it. The last thing you need are the comments. Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 8/19/09 3:16 PM
 

eroxgirl
My Loves

Member since 5/05

15697 total posts

Name:
Rebecca

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

I start quoting infant mortality rates when I hear that nonsense...

it was 20/1000 in 1970 vs. 3/1000 in 2008. source

Tell your mom she got lucky.

Posted 8/19/09 3:22 PM
 

Charly
LOVE!

Member since 5/05

12578 total posts

Name:

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

sorry Jen!Chat Icon Chat Icon but I totally understand (seeing as we were brought up togetherChat Icon ) I will say that although my mom and I disagreed alot with things I was doing with Hannah, she has backed off. Maybe it's the distance or the fact that everyone is alive and well without bottles at 2 year old or good sleepers after swaddling them for 6 months, etc etc etc. Sometimes you just have to let them say what they need to say and bite your tongue.

I'll never forget my mom saying something about not giving Jack enough attention when he was first born and that we were over compensating for our guilt with Hannah. At first I was so mad and hurt that she could say that, but on the other hand when I stepped back and looked at the situation she was right.

ETA look we all turned out great, so they did do something right. However times change and they need to be shown that there are other ways!!!

I'm so NOT saying your mom is right, but sometimes they just give another perspective. Try not to let it bother you. In the end you know what is right for your DC and she will see they are growing up happy whether or not you took her adviceChat Icon But also keep an open mind, sometimes they see things we don't and can be right.

Message edited 8/19/2009 3:32:27 PM.

Posted 8/19/09 3:31 PM
 

karacg
Babygirl is 4!

Member since 5/05

17076 total posts

Name:
Kara®

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

Maybe your mom sees how frustrated you are and is just trying to give some suggestions -- that just might help.

My mother is 82. She doesn't give a lot of advice but she had a few gems that actually worked.

Posted 8/19/09 3:38 PM
 

LIMOMx2
...

Member since 5/05

24989 total posts

Name:

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

I don't think things are different really. I think there are just more options now. I don't swaddle and I let her self soothe because I too have the mentality that you can spoil at a young age.

Maybe she is just trying to help you but going about it the wrong wayChat Icon I would just let her say what she has to say and ignore itChat Icon

Posted 8/19/09 6:59 PM
 

Angel321
...

Member since 4/08

15553 total posts

Name:

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

my mom has made a few comments to me as well and i shut her up quickly asking her, 'when did you get your medical degree?'

when she looks at ya weird or says what are you talking about - you tell her that you will only take advice from someone with a degree - like your pediatrician...end of story!

i'm so sorry you're having a rough time of it with her!

Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 8/19/09 7:00 PM
 

lovemy2boys
LIF Adult

Member since 10/07

3915 total posts

Name:

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

the first time my dad saw me swaddle DS, he ran over horrified, and said oh god why are you tying him up like that ?!?!?! LOL

my mom is big on letting DS cry which I don't so it Pizzes me off that she does when she watches him

Posted 8/19/09 7:01 PM
 

headoverheels
s'il vous plaît

Member since 6/07

42079 total posts

Name:
LB

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

Posted by dpli

I think some of it is that they did things differently back then, but I also think you forget a lot of what REALLY happened when the kids get older. Chat Icon Chat Icon



i 1000% agree with this!

i cannot mention anything in front of my mother without her saying "we didn't do that for you and you turned out fine" Chat Icon

i cannot even have a thought about POSSIBLY doing something without a negative comment from her about how i am too neurotic.

sorry i want to put my son in a onesie just in case he decides to go exploring in his diaper while napping at YOUR house! just because i didn't doesn't mean he won't!

my mother actually told me to "get over it" when i disagreed with her. i got really mad and she later apologixed - but i know she doesn't get it because later on that day both she and ym dad told me i was wrong for not making my 11 months old pick up his own toys Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon they told me that they were teaching me and my sisters to pick up toys at that age and they snapped at me when i told them that was 24 years ago and how could they possibly remember Chat Icon Chat Icon

to the OP, sorry for the rant, but this is a sore spot with me, and i totally get where you are coming from. it shouldn't matter what anyone else did. as long as your baby is happy, or you are doing everything you can to make him happy, then that is all anyone should care about!

Posted 8/19/09 7:42 PM
 

DCMommy
LIF Zygote

Member since 6/09

25 total posts

Name:

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

I'm in the same boat, only with my in-laws. They were here to "help" last week while DH was away (big mistake) and EVERY time I put DS down for a nap or bed, MIL would say "oh, but he just got up!"(um, yeah, 2 hours ago) or "but he doesn't look tired!" I tried to explain that the idea is to get him down BEFORE all hell breaks loose. FIL then told me "don't worry, pretty soon he'll just fall asleep where he's playing when he's tired." I had this really sad mental picture of DH and his brothers as kids, slumped over their toys on the floor, fast asleep. Chat Icon

Posted 8/19/09 9:05 PM
 
 

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