I'm sorry I NEED to vent... (long)

I love my husband more than anything or anyone in the whole world but I am very upset with him. Husband will hereby be referred to as DH (Dumb Husband).

Early Friday morning when I was discharged I told him how I felt so STUPID because I told a handful of people I'm close to (let alone LIW/LIF). I said I wasn't ready to tell anyone what had happened for the 4th time after I just opened my mouth and needed some time to let it sink in.

On Friday morning, as soon as he left to drive to school, he called his mom and told her. Now I am very close to my inlaws and I understand if it was that he needed to talk to someone but that was not the case. He knew I didn't want to tell anyone yet. He called her because "you involved her by telling her and she had the right to know." Right to know? I thought I had the right to sit down and take a deep breath before making major announcements. My inlaws are very nice people and really, I lucked out BUT in their support I knew to expect a bunch of phone calls and encouraging messages that I'm not ready for. I don't need to be sitting in my office with a client (I have a home office) and have one of them giving me a pep talk on my answering machine. I wanted to tell them in a few days after it wasn't so fresh and raw. So on Friday afternoon we had a fight because I felt that he didn't respect my wishes or my privacy.

Fast forward to TODAY. He comes home and we are eating dinner and he mentions to me "So you know that teachers aid in my school?" (The one that he has cafeteria duty with). He goes on to tell me that according to her, she almost died because of my new OBGYN. Considering I just saw him yesterday, I ask how this came up. He goes on to tell me that she asked how I was feeling and I ask him how she knew anything was wrong. "Well, she knew I left school early because we thought you might be having a miscarriage". I go on to ask why a teachers aid would know this. He tells me that he told her yesterday. YESTERDAY as in AFTER Friday's blowout argument about not respecting my privacy or feelings he blabs it to some girl at his school who he has known only a few weeks?!WWWWWTTTTTTFFFFFF. His answer is "I knew I shouldn't have told you, you're getting defensive because of what she said about your dr" NO I am getting ****** because you have diarrhea of the mouth and you tell everyone EVERYTHING! After he told this woman that I did, in fact, suffer a m/c but I am going to see a dr today, she has the NERVE to butt in and say "As long as it's not Dr Braverman", which it is. When he says it is, she spent the rest of the period yesterday talking sh!t about him saying things that even I know don't make sense. WHO DOES THAT? Now he claims that she's the only one at school that he told but I don't believe him because he's very close with a lot of people, much closer than this girl.

I'm not even sure who I'm more annoyed at, DH and his big mouth or this girl and the things she had the nerve to say.

If you've read this far, I'm sorry that you wasted 2 minutes of your life because of my and my DH.

Re: I'm sorry I NEED to vent... (long)

awww I am sorry. I totally understand where you are coming from. Sometimes they just dont think :( Take comfort in the fact that my mother in law told my 9 year old sister when I was only 6 weeks. Now my little sister thinks I "lost the baby" which to a 9 year old has her thinking "should she have a baby if shes going to loose it?"

I think its hard for us to understand some peoples responses or to think they are even genuine...I am sorry you are dealing with this all...

Re: I'm sorry I NEED to vent... (long)

I've never gone to Dr B. But ALL I hear are raves about him and how much he helps girls. This is actually the very first negative i've heard of. I think every doctor though, has at least 1 patient who is dissatisfied or something happens. It's just inevitable.
With all the good you hear about him.... I think you should just focus on that. IDK why the girl said anything... if it was out of concern bc she has an issue with this doctor or if she's just a dope (think wedding stuff... you book a vendor or place, tell someone and they trash that vendor or place). Either way... just do what is right for you and go with YOUR gut and feelings. if you met with him and you like him and he is willing to do all the tests no one else is willing to do... then stick it out and follow your instinct.

As far as him telling people.... I know you asked him not to and it's frustrating that he did anyway... but maybe it helps him to talk about it to people? IDK. I tell DH not to tell his mother things... and he goes and tells her. Some guys are like that with their mothers. As far as this girl is concerned... maybe she asked him about it and he just spit out the truth before thinking?

I'm sorry. I do see your side though and it sure can be irritating. And I def know the importance of being able to just know just you and taking your time first before the speeches all come flowing in from people.

edit for huggies -

Message edited 5/5/2010 11:11:48 PM.

Re: I'm sorry I NEED to vent... (long)

First of all even if I knew this doctor was not good I wouldnt TELL A MAN WHO IS CONFIDING IN ME ABOUT HIS WIFE HAVING A M/C.. THAT THE DOCTOR YOU ARE WORKING WITH IS NO GOOD. WHo DOES THAT...

i know your mad at ur DH but I bet he had to open up to someone.....probably shouldnt have been some random teachers aid..

Message edited 5/6/2010 8:52:37 AM.

Re: I'm sorry I NEED to vent... (long)

First of, Vent Away!!! We are always here to listen.


I know you are upset with your DH. He prob just needed someone to confide in and since this women at work asked him what happened, he needed to Open up about what has happened. I know it crazy but somtimes it just helps to let things off your chest, & sometimes it with people we barely know. I know you werent ready to share with the In-Laws. I know my husband did the same thing both miscarriages and Told them immediately. He didnt even let me tell my parents first. I think with men, they dont really talk about it with their friends ( like females do)...so they confide in their parents.

The first people who knew after my mc's were my DH co-workers. They all new he was leaving a lot for appts and emergencies, so he had shared with them That was def annoying.

I'm sorry you are upset with him. Just remember he means well.




His co-worker who made the Comment on Dr. B, should of never said anything. He is a great Dr and everyone loves him on this board!!!! He has had so many success stories here on lifamilies. Keep your chin up!

Here if you need to vent or chat!

Re: I'm sorry I NEED to vent... (long)

Totally feel free to vent!

I'm sorry you are so angry with your DH. I see where you are coming from. But I also can understand wanting to talk it out. I guess it's tough because its your body, and you have to heal, but it was also his baby so he is grieving in his own way. My husband and I are the opposite. I need to talk things out (probably overly so) it helps me, and my husband keeps things to himself.
I guess it's just hard to force him to not talk about it, if that's what is going to get him through this...

But I totally get that you needed some time. I am so sorry you are going through this. I jsut wanted to play devils advocate for a minute.

Lots of

Re: I'm sorry I NEED to vent... (long)

Maybe your husband needs to join LIF so he can talk to people here and not at work just kidding!

Vent all you want...I feel like it only gets worse if you hold it in...

As for your dh telling too many people, I completely understand. My dh hasn't done that, but, he has a HUGE family and because in the past things have spread that I didn't want people to know, I've made a point of saying that I specifically don't want certain things said, because he has told his mom things, and next thing you know all 30 people know my business...

So I totally get where you are coming from...It's your business...your body...and as much as our dh's want / need to talk about things, it's a completely different experience. Being a woman that has gone through loss, I know that I felt so many different emotions, and I needed to get through those on my own before I dealt with other people's emotions too. It didn't work that way for me, but, it would've helped a lot if I wasn't constantly battling with how to handle myself, and how to handle everyone else.

I also understand his need to talk too, as other posters have said. Try to not let it cause too much of an issue right now - you have enough emotional stuff going on as is...

As for the girl at his job, I'm kind of speechless. My mom is the head of the recovery room at a hospital on LI and I know plenty of things about people and dr's there, but if I knew something negative I would NEVER open my mouth about it unless asked. You just don't do that...

If you are comfortable with your dr, then that is ALL that matters. Don't let this girl make you doubt or rethink anything. You are the only person that matters with this right now.

Re: I'm sorry I NEED to vent... (long)

Thanks for listening everyone.

Just to clarify. I am not suddenly concerned about my doctor because of what someone said. I think choosing to say something like that during a delicate time shows enough about her that I couldn't care less what she said. Plus, I checked with my mom and asked her if an undiagnosed ectopic pregnancy could cause internal bleeding and death and she said no. Even more credible.

Secondly, I would totally and completely understand if DH needed to vent to someone or to talk about it. But I flat out asked if that was the case and he said no. With his mom, who would have been on my short list of people to tell after a few days, he felt she had the "right to know because she was involved". And with this woman his response was "well, she asked why I wasn't in school on Friday and I told her." I just couldn't believe that after we had this big fight on Saturday, he went in and told her when he barely even knows this person.

Either way, I know it doesn't bring the baby back, I was just fuming last night.