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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Is it rude of me to ask...
A very close friend of mine who was a BM in my wedding is now getting married in June. DH and I are invited but I don't know if DS is. Normally I wouldn't even ask but DH says the wedding is near lake george and we would have to stay in a hotel overnight. I have never left DS overnight with anyone and last time he stayed with IL's he cried for an hour straight. IL's are older and I just don't know if they have the patience to deal with DS if he cries all night long (not to mention I don't know if I'M ready to be so far from him overnight)
is it rude of me to even ask if my son is welcome at the wedding? I really want to be there and am so happy for her... here is the message I sent to her
"Hey mama, I so don't mean to be rude by even asking this. Is Peter allowed to come to the wedding too? Joe says the wedding is pretty far so we'd have to stay overnight somewhere. I don't want to leave Peter with Joe's parent's overnight bc he might freak out & his parents don't have patience for that.If not we'll figure something out...maybe we'll just drive back right after the wedding."
what would you think if you got that message? I don't want to put her on the spot but I'd LOVE to be there on her special day but if Peter isn't invited it will be very hard for me to attend.
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Posted 3/24/12 11:30 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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ddunne2
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 4189 total posts
Name:
Doreen
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
I don't think its rude per se, but more awkward in putting your friend in a hard situation. In my opinion, you should go to the wedding and bring your son and maybe your inlaws to watch him while you are at the wedding. You could make it a nice weekend vacation. That way, you get to go to the wedding and you don't have to leave your son for a whole weekend.
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| Posted 3/24/12 11:42 AM |
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Mia
LIF Infant
Member since 1/12 133 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Can you bring him with you, but also bring someone to watch him while you are at the wedding, like a niece or something, This way he is with you, but not at the actual wedding.
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| Posted 3/24/12 11:48 AM |
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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Posted by ddunne2
I don't think its rude per se, but more awkward in putting your friend in a hard situation. In my opinion, you should go to the wedding and bring your son and maybe your inlaws to watch him while you are at the wedding. You could make it a nice weekend vacation. That way, you get to go to the wedding and you don't have to leave your son for a whole weekend.
Sounds like a great idea but I'm 99% certain they would not be up for this. IL's care for MIL's mother who lives upstairs from them. She's 90+ years old and FIL doesn't feel comfortable anywhere but his own home (unless of course it's vegas or AC  ) I'll ask anyway though.
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| Posted 3/24/12 11:49 AM |
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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Posted by Mia
Can you bring him with you, but also bring someone to watch him while you are at the wedding, like a niece or something, This way he is with you, but not at the actual wedding.
niece is only 10 yrs old...SIL has her own business and busy schedule even on the weekends. I think MY sister is also invited to this wedding and if she isn't might be offended we are asking her to go as a babysitter when she knew the bride and worked with her at one point too.
My mom lives in VA and...my dad...well... 
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| Posted 3/24/12 11:52 AM |
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Naturalmama
Love my boys!!
Member since 1/12 3548 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Is there anyone you can ask to come with you? We just got back from a friends wedding in San Diego this morning. DS is 10 months and he was not invited. The groom is a VERY good friend of DH's, they met in college. We couldn't imagine not going. So what we did is bring my mom and stepdad and they watched DS in the resort the night of the wedding. I know you said your inlaws would not be interested, but what about siblings or a close friend who doesn't know the friend who is getting married?
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| Posted 3/24/12 12:04 PM |
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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
ugh...I don't even think we can afford to stay on site if we do stay overnight. The condo's & villas for 2 nights are $695 or the castle for $300-400 a night
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| Posted 3/24/12 12:29 PM |
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noworlater
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 1528 total posts
Name:
Now!
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
A very close friend of mine who was a BM in my wedding is now getting married in June. DH and I are invited but I don't know if DS is. Normally I wouldn't even ask but DH says the wedding is near lake george and we would have to stay in a hotel overnight. I have never left DS overnight with anyone and last time he stayed with IL's he cried for an hour straight. IL's are older and I just don't know if they have the patience to deal with DS if he cries all night long (not to mention I don't know if I'M ready to be so far from him overnight)
is it rude of me to even ask if my son is welcome at the wedding? I really want to be there and am so happy for her... here is the message I sent to her
"Hey mama, I so don't mean to be rude by even asking this. Is Peter allowed to come to the wedding too? Joe says the wedding is pretty far so we'd have to stay overnight somewhere. I don't want to leave Peter with Joe's parent's overnight bc he might freak out & his parents don't have patience for that.If not we'll figure something out...maybe we'll just drive back right after the wedding."
what would you think if you got that message? I don't want to put her on the spot but I'd LOVE to be there on her special day but if Peter isn't invited it will be very hard for me to attend.
honestly if I was a bride (and not a mom) I would see that message as the baby can't be with relatives and its a good possibility he can "freak out" and now he'll be at my wedding freaking out! She may not realize that u will leave with him if he acts up etc. but I tend to be very literal. If you didn't already send that email I would just write "Can I bring the baby since we'll have to stay overnight" with no other details and explanations. Sounds like she is a good friend, hope she understands. Maybe your mom wants to come from VA anyway for it to spend time with him - make it a long weekend trip for her, go with you there and back home and spend more time with baby?
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| Posted 3/24/12 3:16 PM |
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MrsW326
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 1132 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Do you know if kids are invited? I didnt have any children at my wedding, except the ring bearers. If there are no kids invited as a bride with no kids my reaction would probably be 'really' ?
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| Posted 3/24/12 4:37 PM |
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KangaMom
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Member since 1/06 4593 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Not rude at all... We wouldn't go if our DC weren't invited. Would phone her and ask if he can attend. That you don't feel comfortable overnight without him and that it is a bit much to ask of your inlaws.
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| Posted 3/24/12 5:46 PM |
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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Ok, well...I had already sent it and she did respond here's what she said:
"Peter can come we are trying to get available sitters durring the reception for anyone bringing kids, and they will be right on the property so you can go visit if you want."
She also mentioned the option of inviting DH's parents as babysitters, but thats never going to happen. I'm so torn on what to do! DH & I even said we could take turns watching DS in the hotel room but now we realize we can't even afford to stay in the hotel they have blocked rooms in. So it's not like we are going to take turns driving back and forth from another hotel, that would be crazy LOL. I told her we don't want her to worry about finding babysitters. (Although She was doing that regardless...but I don't want to be the ONLY one needing the services of a babysitter) My mom won't travel from VA just so we can go to a wedding. She's not even coming here for Peter's first birthday because we are going to her a week before for HER birthday so she's doing a joint party for him in VA instead of coming here.
I really have nobody...if it were easy for me to find people to care for him I wouldn't have had to quit my job to be a SAHM. 
Maybe we'll just go to the church and nixx the reception. reception starts at 7 and it's a 4 hour ride home with no traffic. Just sucks because I really would love to be there for her and celebrate her entire wedding with her.
Message edited 3/24/2012 8:27:43 PM.
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| Posted 3/24/12 8:27 PM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
I would do a practice run sleep over with the inlaws and see how your son does, he might surprise you and if not, at least you know not to goovernight 4 hours away.
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| Posted 3/24/12 10:10 PM |
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Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy
Member since 3/08 10420 total posts
Name:
Momx100
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Why don't you go to the wedding together and have DH drive back to the hotel with DS? Then you can stay behind at the reception. I'm sure someone will drive you to your hotel.
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| Posted 3/24/12 11:09 PM |
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kn2011
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/10 537 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Is it possible for you to go by yourself and leave your son with your husband? Maybe you can split a room with someone else, like another friend.
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| Posted 3/25/12 2:20 AM |
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lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Do you have a friend that can go with you and watch DS while you and DH go to reception?
If the bride is offering babysitting and you have no other options, I'd honestly use her sitter(s).
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| Posted 3/25/12 10:05 AM |
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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
Member since 5/05 16253 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
I think you are definitely putting your friend on the spot to either feel uncomfortable and say no he can't come or feeling like she has to say yes or find that you not attend. I would assume that my child wasn't invited and it is easy to bring him if you find that he is invited when it gets closer.
What about if you go without your DH - or maybe you could all go and DH could stay in the hotel with your DC while you attend the wedding if you don't feel comfortable going alone.
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| Posted 3/25/12 11:14 AM |
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MrsDrMatt
Live and RUN like a Ninja!
Member since 5/06 3104 total posts
Name:
MrsDrMatt
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
To me, its obvious you don't want to go and are trying to place the blame on her. If you really want to go, you WILL find a way.
I don't think it was rude to ask if your child was invited however, I think it was unnecessary to go into the long story about child care etc. It is almost like you are trying to "guilt" her into it.
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| Posted 3/25/12 11:22 AM |
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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Posted by MrsDrMatt
To me, its obvious you don't want to go and are trying to place the blame on her. If you really want to go, you WILL find a way.
I don't think it was rude to ask if your child was invited however, I think it was unnecessary to go into the long story about child care etc. It is almost like you are trying to "guilt" her into it.
WHAT?!?! 
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| Posted 3/25/12 11:29 AM |
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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
here's the deal...we're going. no matter what. I wouldn't miss it for the world. I just don't know if we can stay for the reception. This is the first time I've ever been invited to anything away since having my baby so I've never been through this before.
My in-laws have never asked to watch DH overnight...so it's just never happened. He's only 8 mos old. They watched him twice once while DH & I went to a hockey game and the other when I had to work and DH went to a hockey game. Both times were only about 3 hours. Both times I came back to "oh, he cried and cried for an hour straight" and the first time was told DS is "Difficult" to watch bc he's attached to me. I think my IL's think I never ever put this child down or never let him cry. (false) So thats why I'm afraid to leave him with them. Also, They are older, enjoy their privacy and aren't interested in taking a 4 hour drive to be babysitters. They love their grandson...I know that...but he is very active. MIL gets injections in her knees so she can't really be running after him and picking him up like I do. FIL is the type that likes to wait til they are older to enjoy them. he doesn't like to hold him for too long. as soon as Peter squirms he hands him right back. So I'm sure you can understand why leaving him with my IL's isn't the best idea. Thats even assuming they AGREE to keep him overnight.
As far as not wanting to go and trying to BLAME her? I don't even know how someone came up with all that from my little blurb...but um...ok. She moved to CT and we haven't seen each other since I was 9 months pregnant. BUT we have both said "we understand that our lives get hectic but no matter what we will always be there for each other". She is an AWESOME person who I DOUBT very much would take offense to me asking...but I know this wedding was planned in zero time and she might be under stress and thats why I was concerned if it was rude of me to ask. I never said I WOULDN'T go if my son wasn't invited...just that it would definitely make things more difficult to figure out.
As for the $ thats a separate issue...but DH and I have already discussed that we will figure it out. We both really want to go. DH is just as close to her as I am. She even refers to her DH to be as her "joe" which is my husband. I know she would want him there too.
ETA: funny enough I was talking about this with another friend and we discussed the whole "trial" overnight thing and then I came on here to see that someone posted that. We will most likely do this (although I'm still afraid if things go south on the actual day I'll be 4 hours away )
Message edited 3/25/2012 11:57:10 AM.
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| Posted 3/25/12 11:55 AM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
If it were me I. Would rather go by myself to the reception then skip it. Let Dh watch DS and then you can go to reception alone.
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| Posted 3/25/12 3:29 PM |
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wingsofsong
My 3 little loves <3<3<3
Member since 1/09 7395 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Posted by MrsDrMatt
To me, its obvious you don't want to go and are trying to place the blame on her. If you really want to go, you WILL find a way.
I don't think it was rude to ask if your child was invited however, I think it was unnecessary to go into the long story about child care etc. It is almost like you are trying to "guilt" her into it.
This is ridiculous and clearly not the case here. Talk about coming out of left field! The OP obviously wants to go, as she stated multiple times. She merely said it will be more difficult if her son can't come. She was looking for advice, that's all. What is your deal?
To the OP- I definitely don't think it's rude to ask, though as others said, I probably wouldn't have added in all that detail. Would you be comfortable leaving with a hired sitter, like the bride said? If not, I think I would leave him with your husband (and a nearby hotel) after the church, while you go to the reception.
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| Posted 3/25/12 3:52 PM |
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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Posted by wingsofsong
Posted by MrsDrMatt
To me, its obvious you don't want to go and are trying to place the blame on her. If you really want to go, you WILL find a way.
I don't think it was rude to ask if your child was invited however, I think it was unnecessary to go into the long story about child care etc. It is almost like you are trying to "guilt" her into it.
This is ridiculous and clearly not the case here. Talk about coming out of left field! The OP obviously wants to go, as she stated multiple times. She merely said it will be more difficult if her son can't come. She was looking for advice, that's all. What is your deal?
To the OP- I definitely don't think it's rude to ask, though as others said, I probably wouldn't have added in all that detail. Would you be comfortable leaving with a hired sitter, like the bride said? If not, I think I would leave him with your husband (and a nearby hotel) after the church, while you go to the reception.
Thank you!
of course it concerns me that this sitter will be a stranger...but she did say if she does get a sitter it will be on premises and I could visit and check up on him at any time...so that makes me feel better. However she also mentioned 2 of her friends were brining their parents for the weekend to watch kids as an short vaca type of deal as some have stated on here. Thats not an option for me. I just think I'd be embarrassed if she end up finding a sitter and I was the ONLY mom who needed one...I feel like that would make me look bad like I couldn't get my ish together...but in all honesty I really don't have many options. I suppose I could leave DH with DS while I go to the reception but I know I would feel bad. BC DH is friends with her too and I'd feel like I'm dumping the baby on him to go party it up. I'm considering all suggestions...and appreciate them all...I'm just weighing the pro's and cons out loud (sorry if it comes off as me being negative or difficult)
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| Posted 3/25/12 4:29 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
I would go, and make your DH watch him in the hotel room. I would find a cheaper hotel and just stay there.
I know you may not have the $$$ but if you feel obligated to go, then to me that's the only way. I would NOT leave my child with a sitter hired by them, no way. And I would not bring him since they probably do not want kids (and that is their right). And I would not lug family with me to watch him....so for me, going alone and having DH nearby to drive there and back with is the only option.
Who's friend was it first? If yours, then you go, plain and simple, whether DH knows her or not. JMO
Message edited 3/25/2012 4:41:40 PM.
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| Posted 3/25/12 4:36 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
of course it concerns me that this sitter will be a stranger...but she did say if she does get a sitter it will be on premises and I could visit and check up on him at any time...so that makes me feel better. However she also mentioned 2 of her friends were brining their parents for the weekend to watch kids as an short vaca type of deal as some have stated on here. Thats not an option for me. I just think I'd be embarrassed if she end up finding a sitter and I was the ONLY mom who needed one...I feel like that would make me look bad like I couldn't get my ish together...but in all honesty I really don't have many options. I suppose I could leave DH with DS while I go to the reception but I know I would feel bad. BC DH is friends with her too and I'd feel like I'm dumping the baby on him to go party it up. I'm considering all suggestions...and appreciate them all...I'm just weighing the pro's and cons out loud (sorry if it comes off as me being negative or difficult)
Not sure if I am out of place to say this but I don't actually buy they are getting a sitter. I think she may have said that so as NOT to tell you don't bring him to give you a gentle hint, esp if she followed up with how others are bringing parents with them to watch their DCs.
Message edited 3/25/2012 4:42:43 PM.
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| Posted 3/25/12 4:40 PM |
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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Posted by Goobster
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
of course it concerns me that this sitter will be a stranger...but she did say if she does get a sitter it will be on premises and I could visit and check up on him at any time...so that makes me feel better. However she also mentioned 2 of her friends were brining their parents for the weekend to watch kids as an short vaca type of deal as some have stated on here. Thats not an option for me. I just think I'd be embarrassed if she end up finding a sitter and I was the ONLY mom who needed one...I feel like that would make me look bad like I couldn't get my ish together...but in all honesty I really don't have many options. I suppose I could leave DH with DS while I go to the reception but I know I would feel bad. BC DH is friends with her too and I'd feel like I'm dumping the baby on him to go party it up. I'm considering all suggestions...and appreciate them all...I'm just weighing the pro's and cons out loud (sorry if it comes off as me being negative or difficult)
Not sure if I am out of place to say this but I don't actually buy they are getting a sitter. I think she may have said that so as NOT to tell you don't bring him to give you a gentle hint, esp if she followed up with how others are bringing parents with them to watch their DCs.
When she said it I was like "wow, I wasn't even that thorough for MY wedding". so, you could be right. In all honesty...I wouldn't expect or want her to inconvenience herself over other peoples children, including my own. I even told her that. IF by some chance she did in fact offer it...I would of course pay whatever the sitters fee was...IF I decided to go that route
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| Posted 3/25/12 4:48 PM |
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