| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: 1 [2] |
Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
|
Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
leave baby and dh home
|
Posted 3/25/12 5:04 PM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
I feel for you b/c I have been in this situation quite a few times. You do want to go and you feel obligated to go but, you honestly can't imagine how to make it work. That said, I do think it is rude to ask the bride in this situation. I feel it puts them in an extremely awkward position and makes it their problem which, really, it is not. What I usually do is assume that DC are not invited (which sadly is the norm these days) and wait for them to tell me otherwise. I feel this is the right thing to do. Since you did already ask her I agree with another poster that I wouldn't take her up on her sitter offer. That could be legit but, it could also be her trying to feel less awkward about telling you kids are not welcome at her wedding. It also makes the situation her problem which again it is not.
That said, you have to do what you have to do. And, while it is not her problem I personally feel that when a couple does not invite children to their wedding they have face the fact that some people will not be able to come because of this. What I do when I am invited to a family wedding and the only people I would leave my kids with are at the wedding is DH stays home with the kids and I go. If it is his family or friends - I stay home and he goes. I dont' see it as "partying out" while he suffers. It is what it is - it is a good friend, you "need" to be there so you both take one for the team and your friend will just have to understand that only one of you is coming.
It does complicate things that it is in Lake George. I would either - make a weekend out of it and DH can stay in the hotel with DC or, find a friend to drive up with you and stay with you. Or, leave the reception early (don't drink obviously) and drive home.
HTH!
|
| Posted 3/25/12 5:21 PM |
| |
|
wingsofsong
My 3 little loves <3<3<3
Member since 1/09 7395 total posts
Name:
Maureen
|
Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
Posted by Goobster
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
of course it concerns me that this sitter will be a stranger...but she did say if she does get a sitter it will be on premises and I could visit and check up on him at any time...so that makes me feel better. However she also mentioned 2 of her friends were brining their parents for the weekend to watch kids as an short vaca type of deal as some have stated on here. Thats not an option for me. I just think I'd be embarrassed if she end up finding a sitter and I was the ONLY mom who needed one...I feel like that would make me look bad like I couldn't get my ish together...but in all honesty I really don't have many options. I suppose I could leave DH with DS while I go to the reception but I know I would feel bad. BC DH is friends with her too and I'd feel like I'm dumping the baby on him to go party it up. I'm considering all suggestions...and appreciate them all...I'm just weighing the pro's and cons out loud (sorry if it comes off as me being negative or difficult)
Not sure if I am out of place to say this but I don't actually buy they are getting a sitter. I think she may have said that so as NOT to tell you don't bring him to give you a gentle hint, esp if she followed up with how others are bringing parents with them to watch their DCs.
When she said it I was like "wow, I wasn't even that thorough for MY wedding". so, you could be right. In all honesty...I wouldn't expect or want her to inconvenience herself over other peoples children, including my own. I even told her that. IF by some chance she did in fact offer it...I would of course pay whatever the sitters fee was...IF I decided to go that route
If this is as good a friend as you say she is, i don't see why she would have to lie to you. Seems really odd. It is definitely common practice for the bride/groom to hire a babysitter for their guests' convenience. We did this for our wedding and I also was the babysitter for someone else's wedding.
|
| Posted 3/25/12 6:19 PM |
| |
|
maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
|
Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Posted by wingsofsong
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
Posted by Goobster
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
of course it concerns me that this sitter will be a stranger...but she did say if she does get a sitter it will be on premises and I could visit and check up on him at any time...so that makes me feel better. However she also mentioned 2 of her friends were brining their parents for the weekend to watch kids as an short vaca type of deal as some have stated on here. Thats not an option for me. I just think I'd be embarrassed if she end up finding a sitter and I was the ONLY mom who needed one...I feel like that would make me look bad like I couldn't get my ish together...but in all honesty I really don't have many options. I suppose I could leave DH with DS while I go to the reception but I know I would feel bad. BC DH is friends with her too and I'd feel like I'm dumping the baby on him to go party it up. I'm considering all suggestions...and appreciate them all...I'm just weighing the pro's and cons out loud (sorry if it comes off as me being negative or difficult)
Not sure if I am out of place to say this but I don't actually buy they are getting a sitter. I think she may have said that so as NOT to tell you don't bring him to give you a gentle hint, esp if she followed up with how others are bringing parents with them to watch their DCs.
When she said it I was like "wow, I wasn't even that thorough for MY wedding". so, you could be right. In all honesty...I wouldn't expect or want her to inconvenience herself over other peoples children, including my own. I even told her that. IF by some chance she did in fact offer it...I would of course pay whatever the sitters fee was...IF I decided to go that route
If this is as good a friend as you say she is, i don't see why she would have to lie to you. Seems really odd. It is definitely common practice for the bride/groom to hire a babysitter for their guests' convenience. We did this for our wedding and I also was the babysitter for someone else's wedding.
Is it?? I have never heard of this before (the bride/groom hiring sitters..). I never even thought about that, and none of the LI weddings i've been to ever had that option...
Here is my honest opinion. While my family welcomes kids at weddings and its never a big deal, I would never expect anyone else to be OK with babies at the wedding...unless it was my immediate family, and in that case it's understood that they can come if they want (we usually still get sitters because we want to have fun and not have to chase toddlers around!).
I was going to say at first that its just a few hours (the reception) and your in laws should be a-ok to watch him. But then i read how they can be and with the knee problems etc, so i understand your concern if they aren't the most adaptable.
If your friend ends up getting a sitter/sitters then great. But do you feel comfortable with your kid being watched by someone you don't know? It seems you woudln't prob be able to relax in that case, i don't know...
I would go all go to the church, and then maybe your DH can take the baby and just you go to the reception. I know that isn't "fun" but maybe its the best alternative. Good luck in whatever happens!
|
| Posted 3/26/12 8:15 AM |
| |
|
mbg1007
LIF Adult
Member since 3/09 1247 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
I would use her sitter, Ive been to many weddings where they have hired a sitter to watch the children during the reception.
|
| Posted 3/26/12 9:55 AM |
| |
|
babylove628
mommy of two!
Member since 11/09 2733 total posts
Name:
Maggie
|
Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
IMO, take your son, he's part of your family, if she is a close friend she will understand. Take him to the reception and leave a little earlier, or you stay the whole time and DH can take him back to the hotel earlier. You do what you feel comfortable doing for YOUR family, and again, if she truly cares for you and wants you there then she will understand.
FWIW, for my bridal shower, kids were not invited but a friend of mine had no place to leave her 2 year old daughter, so we told her of course she can bring her, because we wanted her there no matter what!
Good Luck 
|
| Posted 3/26/12 10:58 AM |
| |
|
ruby
you rang?
Member since 6/08 5573 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Leave DH and baby at home, or leave DH with baby at a hotel. Have fun and try and enjoy yourself!
My opinion on whether or not your DS is invited is this: if the invitation did not say his name, or say "and familly", then he was not invited. I'm of the "no kids at weddings" camp, but that's me. I would have been peeved if you just showed up at my wedding with your kid because *you* can't leave him or figure out a solution, and I have two little ones myself. : : When she wrote you back she could have been making up the whole getting a sitter thing because she just really wants you to come because you're a good friend, and now on top of all the other things she has to do for her wedding she has to try and find a babysitter for you. Or, I suppose she reallly could feel the way she wrote and he is welcome. Regardless, in my opinion, it's YOUR job to figure out a solution for your DS, not hers. If you really truly want to go then my two suggestions above are what I'd do.
|
| Posted 3/26/12 11:13 AM |
| |
|
lynnd126
LIF Adult
Member since 3/11 2630 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
I had a sitter at my wedding- but in the room at a table in the corner set up with games etc.
Message edited 3/26/2012 11:23:27 AM.
|
| Posted 3/26/12 11:21 AM |
| |
|
LadyBug1209
Mommy to FOUR little men!
Member since 8/08 9655 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
I was in this same situation last year. My really good friend was getting married up in MASS and I was in the wedding. She made it VERY obvious that my DS was not invited ( - I personally can't stand when brides do this but whatever, not my wedding!) I was supposed to go up on Thursday for the Saturday wedding to be part of the RD and everything. I basically told her that if my DS couldn't come, then I would have to skip all the pre-wedding activities and come just for the wedding. She wasn't budging so that's what I did. DH and I went up Saturday afternoon and left Sunday morning.. we left DS with my parents. If you don't want to leave DS with your ILs, maybe DH can stay home with him? Either way, it's a tough situation, but your DS comes before any wedding!
|
| Posted 3/26/12 11:29 AM |
| |
|
JsWife
His laugh, Her smile
Member since 12/06 2902 total posts
Name:
Patricia
|
Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Posted by ruby
Leave DH and baby at home, or leave DH with baby at a hotel. Have fun and try and enjoy yourself!
My opinion on whether or not your DS is invited is this: if the invitation did not say his name, or say "and familly", then he was not invited. I'm of the "no kids at weddings" camp, but that's me. I would have been peeved if you just showed up at my wedding with your kid because *you* can't leave him or figure out a solution, and I have two little ones myself. :: When she wrote you back she could have been making up the whole getting a sitter thing because she just really wants you to come because you're a good friend, and now on top of all the other things she has to do for her wedding she has to try and find a babysitter for you. Or, I suppose she reallly could feel the way she wrote and he is welcome. Regardless, in my opinion, it's YOUR job to figure out a solution for your DS, not hers. If you really truly want to go then my two suggestions above are what I'd do.
ITA with this post. She's made it clear without hitting you over the head that he's not invited. Whether she really got a babysitter or not for the reception - who knows? I don't think she was lying - maybe she was trying to soften the situation. I know you are in a spot as to what to do with DS but it is not the bride's job to figure it out. Your posts seem to be coming up with every reason your son should go but that is not the bride's wishes. So best to move on and figure out what works given that information. Good Luck!
|
| Posted 3/26/12 1:23 PM |
| |
|
JsWife
His laugh, Her smile
Member since 12/06 2902 total posts
Name:
Patricia
|
Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Posted by babylove628
IMO, take your son, he's part of your family, if she is a close friend she will understand. Take him to the reception and leave a little earlier, or you stay the whole time and DH can take him back to the hotel earlier. You do what you feel comfortable doing for YOUR family, and again, if she truly cares for you and wants you there then she will understand.
FWIW, for my bridal shower, kids were not invited but a friend of mine had no place to leave her 2 year old daughter, so we told her of course she can bring her, because we wanted her there no matter what!
Good Luck
Wow. I think it would be totally inappropriate to do this.
|
| Posted 3/26/12 1:24 PM |
| |
|
babylove628
mommy of two!
Member since 11/09 2733 total posts
Name:
Maggie
|
Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Posted by JsWife
Posted by babylove628
IMO, take your son, he's part of your family, if she is a close friend she will understand. Take him to the reception and leave a little earlier, or you stay the whole time and DH can take him back to the hotel earlier. You do what you feel comfortable doing for YOUR family, and again, if she truly cares for you and wants you there then she will understand.
FWIW, for my bridal shower, kids were not invited but a friend of mine had no place to leave her 2 year old daughter, so we told her of course she can bring her, because we wanted her there no matter what!
Good Luck
Wow. I think it would be totally inappropriate to do this.
I think it really all depends on how understanding her friend is. We can only assume that her friend is trying to be nice, she might actually be trying to get a sitter, who knows.
To the OP....hope it all works out! Enjoy the wedding.
Message edited 3/26/2012 1:40:19 PM.
|
| Posted 3/26/12 1:37 PM |
| |
|
hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
|
Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
you don't think it's rude that DH met her at the same time as me (she is DH's best friend's ex...whom we all LOVED  ) and is also a good friend and yet I'd be leaving him behind so I can go? I feel like thats not right of me to celebrate and enjoy myself with a mutual friend of DH and mine while he's stuck caring for the baby. I kind of feel like if we both can't enjoy ourselves than neither should. KWIM? we still haven't decided what to do since Peter has been sick with pink eye, ear infection, fever...so we haven't even discussed it again. the only thing we know for sure is we will be there for the ceremony...which to me is the most important part of a wedding.
I would never take my son where he wasn't wanted. Although I did think it would be ok to take him to the ceremony at the church (that is, if of course he ended up coming with us in the first place)...is that bad? Peter behaves awesome...he just has an attachment to me...hence my original "freak out" comment. but I've brought him to church before & he's very well behaved
Message edited 3/26/2012 2:03:10 PM.
|
| Posted 3/26/12 1:58 PM |
| |
|
dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
|
Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Obviously there are a lot of different opinions on this, and you are getting all of them. 
I didn't invite kids to my wedding, other than immediate family (4 kids). However, if my cousin from OOT wanted to come, but could not fly in from out of state without his 1 year old son, and called me to ask if he could bring him, I absolutely would have said yes. I didn't want a ton of kids at the wedding, but in certain circumstances, having that family member at my wedding would have trumped my desire to not have kids.
Now that I am a mom myself, and don't have anyone to leave my DS with overnight for a weekend, I feel even more that way. We have a similar issue coming up later this year. We can probably drive up and back to the wedding in the same day, but it would be so much easier to bring DS. I don't think he will be invited, and if I had to have a babysitter, they might have to get to my house at the crack of dawn for us to get there in time. I don't think we can skip the wedding and not sure yet what we will do.
I think people are making a lot of assumptions about you and your friend. I read her response as, "if you need to bring him, bring him, and there will be babysitting here for you to use if you need it."
|
| Posted 3/26/12 2:22 PM |
| |
|
Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
|
Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
I would ask my friends anything I wanted to.
ETA: now reading through the thread (RIF) your friends response was perfect. lovely. she seemed to already be on the ball about the topic of kids. I really don't think you need worry.
let her get the sitter. if you find yourself in the sitter's area more than you are enjoying the reception, then you can leave. but at least you would have tried.
for ME, at MY WEDDING, my goal was to have all attendees happy. I had a NO KID policy but my OOT guests were allowed to bring them. anyone who really asked me would have been fine. but most of my friends were local and wanted the night out.
to me, providing a sitter is no different than providing a slipper basket or whatever new and crazy wedding thing is hot these days it's for the comfort and enjoyment of the people celebrating with you.
go, feel out the sitter, and maybe have a nice meal and a dance with your husband.
Message edited 3/26/2012 2:42:05 PM.
|
| Posted 3/26/12 2:28 PM |
| |
|
Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy
Member since 3/08 10420 total posts
Name:
Momx100
|
Re: Is it rude of me to ask...
Posted by maybebaby
Posted by wingsofsong
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
Posted by Goobster
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
of course it concerns me that this sitter will be a stranger...but she did say if she does get a sitter it will be on premises and I could visit and check up on him at any time...so that makes me feel better. However she also mentioned 2 of her friends were brining their parents for the weekend to watch kids as an short vaca type of deal as some have stated on here. Thats not an option for me. I just think I'd be embarrassed if she end up finding a sitter and I was the ONLY mom who needed one...I feel like that would make me look bad like I couldn't get my ish together...but in all honesty I really don't have many options. I suppose I could leave DH with DS while I go to the reception but I know I would feel bad. BC DH is friends with her too and I'd feel like I'm dumping the baby on him to go party it up. I'm considering all suggestions...and appreciate them all...I'm just weighing the pro's and cons out loud (sorry if it comes off as me being negative or difficult)
Not sure if I am out of place to say this but I don't actually buy they are getting a sitter. I think she may have said that so as NOT to tell you don't bring him to give you a gentle hint, esp if she followed up with how others are bringing parents with them to watch their DCs.
When she said it I was like "wow, I wasn't even that thorough for MY wedding". so, you could be right. In all honesty...I wouldn't expect or want her to inconvenience herself over other peoples children, including my own. I even told her that. IF by some chance she did in fact offer it...I would of course pay whatever the sitters fee was...IF I decided to go that route
If this is as good a friend as you say she is, i don't see why she would have to lie to you. Seems really odd. It is definitely common practice for the bride/groom to hire a babysitter for their guests' convenience. We did this for our wedding and I also was the babysitter for someone else's wedding.
Is it?? I have never heard of this before (the bride/groom hiring sitters..). I never even thought about that, and none of the LI weddings i've been to ever had that option...
Here is my honest opinion. While my family welcomes kids at weddings and its never a big deal, I would never expect anyone else to be OK with babies at the wedding...unless it was my immediate family, and in that case it's understood that they can come if they want (we usually still get sitters because we want to have fun and not have to chase toddlers around!).
I was going to say at first that its just a few hours (the reception) and your in laws should be a-ok to watch him. But then i read how they can be and with the knee problems etc, so i understand your concern if they aren't the most adaptable.
If your friend ends up getting a sitter/sitters then great. But do you feel comfortable with your kid being watched by someone you don't know? It seems you woudln't prob be able to relax in that case, i don't know...
I would go all go to the church, and then maybe your DH can take the baby and just you go to the reception. I know that isn't "fun" but maybe its the best alternative. Good luck in whatever happens!
I am a bridesmaid in a wedding this summer. My friend specifically told me she will hire a babysitter for my kids and her nephews. This is only for bridal party children and close family.
I would not feel comfortable leaving my kids with a stranger. I said that I will probably leave DH with the kids at home or at the hotel because the kids will only be disruptive. I see no need for them to be at the wedding.
|
| Posted 3/26/12 2:42 PM |
| |
|
| Pages: 1 [2] |
