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rmdrn125
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/07 497 total posts
Name:
mom mom
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
At the risk of sounding horrible, My DH & I have totally ruled out adoption. We came to this decision long before my fertility issues. I applaud all those who can/will I just can't bring myself to do it. I come from a large family(many brothers&sisters) one of whom is adopted, never treated differently but put our family through hell to this day and just can't/won't have my DS exposed to it. I know that is a rare case, but I never want that for my family. Sorry if its harsh, this entire idea has always scared me.
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Posted 11/29/07 8:22 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
Ladies - thank you very much for all of your honest answers!!! 
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| Posted 11/29/07 10:11 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
Both DH and I are open to adoption. We actually had a conversation recently about it and both agreed if we had the money and resources we'd love to adopt even if we have children of our own.
Obviously, we want to have children biologically, but if it's not in the cards, we would consider it.
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| Posted 11/29/07 11:44 PM |
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KellyDance
Merry Christmas!
Member since 6/07 2153 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
Over the summer, I thought that I may not be able to conceive children. I kept saying that worse case scenario...we would adopt. I would do it in a heartbeat...but wanted to try on my own for awhile. It made me feel better knowing that I would be a mom...whether it was a child a carried or a child I adopted.
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| Posted 11/30/07 11:01 AM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
Posted by melijane
This has been something that has been discussed between my husband and i and we are open to it. But for us it is a "last resort." My issue is I can get pregnant-I just can not hold a pregnancy(yet!)It is very frustrating when I have done all my research and know I have not reached the end of my road and people are rushing me to the end.
Just like many of the other posters I want to feel my own baby, made from my husband and I, rolling around inside my belly. I want to give birth and have that baby laid on me and stare into his or her eyes and know how hard and long we worked for that and it is finally a reality. I want to see my husbands eyes and smile when I look at our babies. I want to know that my baby makes the faces I have inherited from my Dad.
this got me  mel......gosh, I cannot wait for the day when you get to experience all of that, and more  
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| Posted 11/30/07 3:05 PM |
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Gertyrae
Peace out Homies!
Member since 5/05 20046 total posts
Name:
Gerty ®
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
Posted by melijane
Just like many of the other posters I want to feel my own baby, made from my husband and I, rolling around inside my belly. I want to give birth and have that baby laid on me and stare into his or her eyes and know how hard and long we worked for that and it is finally a reality. I want to see my husbands eyes and smile when I look at our babies. I want to know that my baby makes the faces I have inherited from my Dad.
I totally agree with this...I have gone through extensive fertility treatments..IUI/IVF/FET and all because I want a child that is a product of DH and me.
If I didn't get that, I'm not sure that I would want to adopt. I don't have a burning desire for a baby, I have a burning desire for our baby...if that makes any sense.
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| Posted 12/1/07 7:37 AM |
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LisaW
Time for me to FLY!
Member since 5/05 13199 total posts
Name:
Did I ever tell you that I hate people?
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
Posted by Gertyrae
Posted by melijane
Just like many of the other posters I want to feel my own baby, made from my husband and I, rolling around inside my belly. I want to give birth and have that baby laid on me and stare into his or her eyes and know how hard and long we worked for that and it is finally a reality. I want to see my husbands eyes and smile when I look at our babies. I want to know that my baby makes the faces I have inherited from my Dad.
I totally agree with this...I have gone through extensive fertility treatments..IUI/IVF/FET and all because I want a child that is a product of DH and me.
If I didn't get that, I'm not sure that I would want to adopt. I don't have a burning desire for a baby, I have a burning desire for our baby...if that makes any sense.
perfectly said
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| Posted 12/1/07 8:38 AM |
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Chai77
Brighter days ahead
Member since 4/07 7364 total posts
Name:
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
Posted by LisaW
Posted by Gertyrae
Posted by melijane
Just like many of the other posters I want to feel my own baby, made from my husband and I, rolling around inside my belly. I want to give birth and have that baby laid on me and stare into his or her eyes and know how hard and long we worked for that and it is finally a reality. I want to see my husbands eyes and smile when I look at our babies. I want to know that my baby makes the faces I have inherited from my Dad.
I totally agree with this...I have gone through extensive fertility treatments..IUI/IVF/FET and all because I want a child that is a product of DH and me.
If I didn't get that, I'm not sure that I would want to adopt. I don't have a burning desire for a baby, I have a burning desire for our baby...if that makes any sense.
perfectly said
I think asking the adoption question on the ttc board is going to get a lot of responses similar to this. We are all hoping to have children of our own or we wouldn't be here.
That said, right now I feel the same way as the above posters. I want mine and DH's own baby. Adoption is not on the table. Until I'm told there is no chance of us having our own, we aren't going to fully consider adoption. And I don't know if we would definitely adopt even if we were in that position.
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| Posted 12/1/07 8:47 AM |
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SupportACop
Momma's Boy & Lovin' it!!
Member since 5/06 2579 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
As an adopted child I applaud  those considering adoption IF you could not conceive your own child.
I feel very sad for those who would rather not even have a child if they "cannot have their own"
I guess people are the way they are and it is sad 
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| Posted 12/1/07 1:29 PM |
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Gertyrae
Peace out Homies!
Member since 5/05 20046 total posts
Name:
Gerty ®
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
Posted by SupportACop
As an adopted child I applaud those considering adoption IF you could not conceive your own child.
I feel very sad for those who would rather not even have a child if they "cannot have their own"
I guess people are the way they are and it is sad
I debated wether to respond to this and decided that I should...not to start anything but to try to make you understand.
I applaud anyone who is willing to adopt, I truly do. It's just not for me.
As another poster pointed out, you don't know genetically what you are getting when you adopt and sometimes there are behavioural problems. If you are the type of person who doesn't worry about that sort of thing then kudos to you.
There is no reason to comment on the fact that it is sad someone doesn't want to adopt...it's an extremely personal choice and a lifelong decision. If I don't feel that I could do it, it's my personal choice...if you feel that you can, that is a wonderful thing.
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| Posted 12/1/07 2:31 PM |
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LisaW
Time for me to FLY!
Member since 5/05 13199 total posts
Name:
Did I ever tell you that I hate people?
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
Posted by SupportACop
As an adopted child I applaud those considering adoption IF you could not conceive your own child.
I feel very sad for those who would rather not even have a child if they "cannot have their own"
I guess people are the way they are and it is sad
I have to say that this comment REALLY REALLY bothers me, and I take it personally
I have spent almost 6 years and upwards of 100k trying to get pg...
We have discussed adoption during this time and decided it just wasn't for us
for MANY reasons. That decision did not come easily. It came from years and years of research, discussions, crying, screaming, etc. Plenty of people adopt and I think it's wonderful...but it's just not in our plan.
Adoption is VERY different than it was 20 plus years ago. Domestic adoption laws don't protect you, and to adopt internationally takes years and tens of thousands of dollars...
I am 40 years old, and my husband will be 43. We are tired of waiting. We have spent almost our whole marriage consumed with this. It is a very PERSONAL decision, and unless you have gone through what we have HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT IT IS SAD.
I am truly offended
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| Posted 12/1/07 2:39 PM |
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CAT215
The Merlster
Member since 10/06 2540 total posts
Name:
Cathie
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
I just want to say, I am adopted and when I was 16 I gave up my own child for adoption, it is by far the hardest thing that I have ever had to do in my life.
I have an amazing relationship with my Mum & Dad and have always known that I am adopted, I cannot remember being told, and I am sure like the rest of you cannot remember being born, my Mum & Dad are just that.
I am now luckily almost 7 months pregnant with "our" first child after 6 years of financial, mental & physically exhausting fertility treatments. Considering my "background" I am very pro adoption as you would expect. However, my DH and I wanted to have a child of our own, that was a little bit me and a little bit him. We were willing to go through whatever it took to try to achieve our dream.
The desire to have a child of your own is a very personal thing and not being able to do that easily is a pain so unbearable that you will only know if you too have been through it yourself.
Adoption is right for some people but not everyone. I can see it from both sides and still wanted desperately to have a child of my own, to the point where I would have considered a life without children should I not have been as lucky and blessed as I am now.
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| Posted 12/1/07 3:12 PM |
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runlikethewind
Love my babies!
Member since 12/06 2941 total posts
Name:
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
DH and I both do not want to adopt, so I guess there is no debate for us. I applaud anyone who does, but it's not for us, for our own reasons.
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| Posted 12/1/07 3:13 PM |
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hopin4baby
LIF Adolescent
Member since 4/07 759 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
Posted by SupportACop
As an adopted child I applaud those considering adoption IF you could not conceive your own child.
I feel very sad for those who would rather not even have a child if they "cannot have their own"
I guess people are the way they are and it is sad
I debated whether or not to respond to this either, and like Gerty, I decided to in order to try and make you understand.
Adoption is not an easy process either. It can take years and years and tens or hundred of thousands of dollars. It is not for everyone. Adoption is a very altruistic thing to do, to raise someone else's child. I am not saying that once you have this child, you always see him as someone elses. I know that parents who adopt love their children just as much they would their own biological children. Its just until you are in the situation where you are facing infertility issues, its very difficult to say what you would do in the situation.
Adoption is a very personal choice. To mention adoption to someone who is going through IF is like asking them if they are ready to give up on having their own child.
And for some couples, after going through the heartbreak and expensive of fertility treatments, they decide that they do not want any children. They do not want to go through more heartache and expense, both of which are very real in the adoption process. To say that it is sad for someone to not want to put themselves through this is very narrow minded and hurtful.
Adoption is a wonderful thing, but it is not for everyone.
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| Posted 12/1/07 3:28 PM |
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06bride
LIF Toddler
Member since 1/07 422 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
Posted by hopin4baby
Posted by SupportACop
As an adopted child I applaud those considering adoption IF you could not conceive your own child.
I feel very sad for those who would rather not even have a child if they "cannot have their own"
I guess people are the way they are and it is sad
I debated whether or not to respond to this either, and like Gerty, I decided to in order to try and make you understand.
Adoption is not an easy process either. It can take years and years and tens or hundred of thousands of dollars. It is not for everyone. Adoption is a very altruistic thing to do, to raise someone else's child. I am not saying that once you have this child, you always see him as someone elses. I know that parents who adopt love their children just as much they would their own biological children. Its just until you are in the situation where you are facing infertility issues, its very difficult to say what you would do in the situation.
Adoption is a very personal choice. To mention adoption to someone who is going through IF is like asking them if they are ready to give up on having their own child.
And for some couples, after going through the heartbreak and expensive of fertility treatments, they decide that they do not want any children. They do not want to go through more heartache and expense, both of which are very real in the adoption process. To say that it is sad for someone to not want to put themselves through this is very narrow minded and hurtful.
Adoption is a wonderful thing, but it is not for everyone.
ITA. Adoption comes with a whole set of issues and after going through IF, I can imagine some couples just don't want to deal with red tape and waiting anymore. Adoption is just as difficult of a process as IF and can be very $$ which is another huge consideration. Please think before you speak, no one was being judgemental here. These women are very strong and are going through h*ll so before you start calling people "sad" try to put yourself in their shoes. They sure are sad, they are sad they can't carry their own child right now
As for me, I would probably consider adoption if I was told I could not carry my own child (although I would probably exhaust all options before we got there). It's just something I never thought I would have to think about. I applaud those who choose to adopt, it's a wonderful thing, but it just isn't for everyone.
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| Posted 12/1/07 3:38 PM |
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KateDevine
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Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
I'd like to respond to this as well. My friend just gave birth to her first child yesterday ( ) but for two years prior she and her DH have been trying to adopt and it is NOT an easy process. They keep getting passed over b/c they aren't old enough, because her DH has some bs fight related arrest on his record from when he was 18 (he is 32 now) and these are the kindest, nicest family anyone could ever meet.
For them, adoption has been harder than conceiving (and she m/c too) and it has been utterly frustrating to them, especically since they bonded with one particular six year old girl
I don't know that DH and I would ever adopt, I don't know if DH would be able to (similar record as my friend's DH) but I know that I will never get pregnant again and most likely, DS will be our only child.
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| Posted 12/1/07 4:11 PM |
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SupportACop
Momma's Boy & Lovin' it!!
Member since 5/06 2579 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
I meant no offense and thought about posting my opinion. As I see so MANY times on these boards many post their opinions and others were posting theirs on a subject that is very close to me...I guess wanting to adopt and actually being adopted are coming from two differnt sides of the pond...I meant not to hurt but for myself, and my opnion, for what it is worth, I am sadded that people would not want to adopt and offer a better life for a child and would rather prefer the "if I can't have my own I don't want any"
I still stand by what I typed and again, that is my opinion.
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| Posted 12/1/07 6:19 PM |
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runlikethewind
Love my babies!
Member since 12/06 2941 total posts
Name:
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
Posted by Gertyrae
There is no reason to comment on the fact that it is sad someone doesn't want to adopt...it's an extremely personal choice and a lifelong decision. If I don't feel that I could do it, it's my personal choice...if you feel that you can, that is a wonderful thing.
Very well said - I agree, it's way too much of a personal choice and nobody should be looked down on if they choose not to adopt.
I commend Brad & Angelina because they have the resources to support many children and that is great. They also have lots of hired help!!
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| Posted 12/1/07 6:36 PM |
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BunnyWife
Insert Witty Comment Here
Member since 5/07 8274 total posts
Name:
BunnyWife
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
Interesting question. DH and I are not TTC at the moment but we have discussed children and the idea of adopting.
I feel in some way in the minority because as a woman, I feel no real desire to have my own biological children. You can have children with behavioral and other issues if they are biologically yours as well. This has never really played into our choice to hopefully adopt one day.
There are so many children in this world who need loving parents (or parent).
It's a very personal decision and I wouldn't fault anyone for not wanting to adopt.
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| Posted 12/1/07 6:42 PM |
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browneyedgirl
family is all that matters
Member since 6/06 6513 total posts
Name:
browneyes
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
my cousin (who is one of my best friends) is adopted and i can't imagine my life without her. she is an international adoptee
i would ABSOLUTELY adopt if/when the time presents itself. although i want my own biological children, when you adopt, they become your child--problems or not, biological or not--and i know i could love him/her unconditionally and without reservation that he's not "really mine". he/she WOULD be mine, i just wouldn't have given birth.
i'm in no position to adopt now, but i've thought about it for many years, and it is something i will definitely consider if the time is right.
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| Posted 12/1/07 7:28 PM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
Posted by SupportACop
I meant no offense and thought about posting my opinion. As I see so MANY times on these boards many post their opinions and others were posting theirs on a subject that is very close to me...I guess wanting to adopt and actually being adopted are coming from two differnt sides of the pond...I meant not to hurt but for myself, and my opnion, for what it is worth, I am sadded that people would not want to adopt and offer a better life for a child and would rather prefer the "if I can't have my own I don't want any"
I still stand by what I typed and again, that is my opinion.
opinion I believe is one thing. To make a JUDGEMENT out loud in your early statement that your opinion is its sad not to want to adopt but only have a biological child is harsh and IMO naive , since you have not been on both sides of the coin, so you cant speak of it as if you understand b/c you simply cannot.
You could have said something like, "It would be nice if everyone wanted to adopt"...
But a big part of pro creation is the desire to have your own child, YOUR baby, your blood. THATS why people have babies.
Some people love chilcren so much, and want a child so much they can open their hearts to adoption, others simply still have and ONLY have the desire to have that life inside them and that experience. It is NOT SAD.
I dont think you meant to hurt with your words, but I think your not really trying to understand how the world is made up of different people.
If you tried to understand the response might be different.
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| Posted 12/1/07 9:38 PM |
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Candy Girl
Candy girl- you are so sweet!
Member since 11/07 6349 total posts
Name:
erin
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
Posted by rmdrn125
At the risk of sounding horrible, My DH & I have totally ruled out adoption. We came to this decision long before my fertility issues. I applaud all those who can/will I just can't bring myself to do it. I come from a large family(many brothers&sisters) one of whom is adopted, never treated differently but put our family through hell to this day and just can't/won't have my DS exposed to it. I know that is a rare case, but I never want that for my family. Sorry if its harsh, this entire idea has always scared me.
DH has an adopted sister who has kind of done the same thing. They love her beyond belief, but she just can't seem to accept that love. It is so heartbreaking to see her use her adoption against them. It is only because of witnessing this situation that I was turned off to adoption. (Though DH is definitely not.)
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| Posted 12/1/07 11:01 PM |
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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
Posted by SupportACop
I meant no offense and thought about posting my opinion. As I see so MANY times on these boards many post their opinions and others were posting theirs on a subject that is very close to me...I guess wanting to adopt and actually being adopted are coming from two differnt sides of the pond...I meant not to hurt but for myself, and my opnion, for what it is worth, I am sadded that people would not want to adopt and offer a better life for a child and would rather prefer the "if I can't have my own I don't want any"
I still stand by what I typed and again, that is my opinion.
Having your own opinion is one thing, calling others "sad" because of theirs is quite a different story, and honestly, i found it to be completely out of line.
I'm glad it worked out for you, and i applaud those that do go through the tedious adoption process based on the fact that they have THAT much love to offer another child, but for DH and I, its just not something we would consider. Maybe part of that it because we're not even 100% sure about having kids, but regardless, the decision is OURS to make, and not for anyone else to judge as "sad".
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| Posted 12/1/07 11:23 PM |
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Goldi0218
My miracles!
Member since 12/05 23902 total posts
Name:
Leslie
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
Posted by SupportACop
As an adopted child I applaud those considering adoption IF you could not conceive your own child.
I feel very sad for those who would rather not even have a child if they "cannot have their own"
I guess people are the way they are and it is sad
I suppose I could be destined to live a life of sadness. But after reading that, I feel like I was just kicked in the gut and it hurts like hell. The implications of such statements would have us all becoming parents out of obligation and not out of true desire. It is all well and good to have an opinion, but please try to be sensitive to your probable audience considering we are TTC and some of us with great difficulty.
Every day at 5:30 in the morning when I take my temperature I am reminded that I simply cannot have kids naturally. When we started TTC almost a year and a half ago I never dreamed that I would be one of "those people" who had would need help to conceive.
But I am.
I never thought I'd be that one in four women who miscarry.
But I was.
I never thought that I wouldn't be able to make love with my husband who I love more than anything in the world to create a life that we would nurture with every ounce of our souls.
But I can't.
For DH and I to conceive, we have to go through a very unnatural process. If and when that process comes to an end and we do not have a child, we will still feel fulfilled as people and as a family. I do not feel that something is missing because we do not have children now nor will I in the future. I have the love of a wonderful man who is my entire heart. Now that we are one of "those couples", with each step in our process, I become more positive and more driven to have children of our own. It is going to happen for us. And it will add to what we already have - not fill in something that is missing.
I hope not to bring anyone down by what I have written, that was not my intent. Nor am I looking for pity as that messes up my focus. I just had a need to reiterate my feelings.
Message edited 12/1/2007 11:42:28 PM.
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| Posted 12/1/07 11:35 PM |
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MrsPornStar
Partners in crime
Member since 10/05 14656 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: Just a question re:opinions on adoption...
Posted by dm24angel
Posted by SupportACop
I meant no offense and thought about posting my opinion. As I see so MANY times on these boards many post their opinions and others were posting theirs on a subject that is very close to me...I guess wanting to adopt and actually being adopted are coming from two differnt sides of the pond...I meant not to hurt but for myself, and my opnion, for what it is worth, I am sadded that people would not want to adopt and offer a better life for a child and would rather prefer the "if I can't have my own I don't want any"
I still stand by what I typed and again, that is my opinion.
opinion I believe is one thing. To make a JUDGEMENT out loud in your early statement that your opinion is its sad not to want to adopt but only have a biological child is harsh and IMO naive , since you have not been on both sides of the coin, so you cant speak of it as if you understand b/c you simply cannot.
You could have said something like, "It would be nice if everyone wanted to adopt"...
But a big part of pro creation is the desire to have your own child, YOUR baby, your blood. THATS why people have babies.
Some people love chilcren so much, and want a child so much they can open their hearts to adoption, others simply still have and ONLY have the desire to have that life inside them and that experience. It is NOT SAD.
I dont think you meant to hurt with your words, but I think your not really trying to understand how the world is made up of different people.
If you tried to understand the response might be different.
I agree with you completely, Donna. I don't think you meant any harm, but your statements appear to be passing judgement on others. Being on the other side of the coin, trying desperately to get pregnant, is extremely difficult. Most women assume that they'll get pregnant when they want to. This is not the case for MANY of us on these boards. Each person/couple decides how long they can wait and how far they will go to have their own child. I don't think it's fair to call them sad if they decide not to adopt. Again, I understand that you feel strongly about adoption but it's not fair to look down on those who don't.
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| Posted 12/2/07 12:05 AM |
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