"Keeping Up With the Jonses"

Just curious how others feel about this kind of thing. We bought our first home in 2010. We don't make a ton of money, but we do alright. It pays the bills. We live in a modest home, drive older cars, have some cc debt. I just see all these people around getting new cars, doing things to their house etc, going on grand vacations and I just think to myself how do they do it? There are things I want to do that I just don't see us ever having the $$ for. Anyone else feel like this ever?

I tried adding a poll but the iPad wouldn't let me so my real question is do you think about this never? Often? Or do you "get what you get and don't get upset" so to speak?

Re: "Keeping Up With the Jonses"

I don't bother with the Joneses. I'm more of a simple girl myself, so honestly I don't care much about the "stuff" other people have.

The way I see it is--- wealth is defined by what you save, not by what you spend. Now, if the "Joneses" are spending on all these cars and vacas and still have great retirement savings, college funds for their kids, and lots of equity in their house, then damn... wish I had that kind of $$$ to burn! But if it means they're getting into debt and forsaking saving in order to live lavishly... then no, I have no interest in that kind of lifestyle. Makes me too nervous.

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I don't really feel jealousy but I sometimes think life would be easier if we had more $$$. At the same time, I know how quickly things can change and how you can be riding high one day and down and out the next. All it takes is getting laid off or someone in the family getting sick. You just never know. So I try to be happy with what I have right now because nothing is guaranteed. I try not to compare us to anyone else because you never know another's situation entirely.

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yes, I get "jealous" of those people who seem like they have everything. But, I also know that they may be lacking in things that we don't see.
They may have a big house and a fancy car, but unable to get pregnant and would give it all up in a heartbeat to have a child.
They may have a big house and a fancy car, but was just diagnosed with an incurable disease that will make none of that seem worthwhile.
They may have a big house and a fancy car, but bought it all on credit and have it just for show and afraid of the repo man knocking on their door.

I have a small house, but a family that loves each other, no medical hardships and I know that I have worked hard for everything I have.

Yes, sometimes I need to remind myself of what I just wrote, but it is not always easy to remember it.

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I think it's easy to get caught up with "keeping up" bc everything in the media, society, etc tells us to. When I find myself thinking about those things, I try to remind myself that I should be thankful for what we have.

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I'm the same as you.
We drive our cars into the ground, I buy clothes in Target (and get compliments all the time, might I add) we never go on fancy vacations, out to expensive dinners etc
And at the end of the day we are paying our mortgage off early and have no CC debt
We can have all those material things- but we chose not to- and also not to have debt
We live within our means.
It's just a matter of what your priorites are.
To some people, that new car, or fancy purse are VERY important.
To others, not so much.

Re: "Keeping Up With the Jonses"

Eh, I think it's only natural to be a little envious of the people who have it all. I'd love to have it all! That being said, we don't do the "keeping up with the jonses" thing. If we did we'd be pregnant, in a new house, with a 3-D TV and an iPad each. lol! I count myself "current" since I just got an iPhone.

ETA: We don't use credit. At all. Period. Our motto is "If you can't afford it, you don't need it." The one thing we do splurge on is vacations- we take one every year. But that's because we want to travel before having kids. And again, we don't even use credit to book our vacations.

Message edited 3/5/2012 10:29:08 AM.

Re: "Keeping Up With the Jonses"

My whole life, I have hung out with them,but never attempted to keep up.
My mother was a sahm to 7. We lived in a bad neighborhood...but they sent us to private school.
So playdates, bday parties, go on vacation with friends' families...
Then in my teen years, I was a nanny to a wealthy family. They took me on trips, bought me my first car, had horses to ride...I loved them.

Moved to Charlotte...tons of bankers in Charlotte. Many of them with wives who stay at home. That is who I spent the last 5 years with. They were fun. Their bday parties were the best. Me and kids would spend the day at their huge houses with multiple playrooms...then go home to our modest townhouse. If the 4 of us are happy and healthy...that is all i can ask for.

now...i live in a jones free zone for the first time ever. and lost. no one has money to do anything. everyone is stressed over money. they all make the same amount. dh likes this. he thinks it will help us stay on target with goals. i am bored.

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Long Island is FULL of this menality. Hell LIF in general seems to be a big example of this.

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Message edited 3/5/2012 10:43:12 AM.

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I don't try to keep up with the Joneses. I do enjoy material things, but only as much as I'm comfortable spending. I don't buy things to keep up with anyone. I buy things that I want, and offer the best "bang for the buck". That usually means I get things that are better than average, but far from "top of the line", since I think there's a diminishing return as you spend more money.

Re: "Keeping Up With the Jonses"

Posted by Mrs213

Posted by MrsPJB2007

Long Island is FULL of this menality. Hell LIF in general seems to be a big example of this.

This is what I was wondering too if it's a regional thing.

ETA I never even really thought of this kind of thing until I bought a house really

Message edited 3/5/2012 11:10:01 AM.

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I honestly think I can have anything I need or want. I try really, REALLY hard not to focus on what other people have in comparison to myself - sometimes I slip up but over all I make a real effort to pay more attention to all the blessings that *I* have. And if I REALLY want something, I KNOW I will get it - I just meditate and pray for an answer to 'how' and I try VERY hard to give up my own expectations about WHEN it should happen and just let it happen in it's own best time.

Besides.. you never REALLY know the circumstances that other people have, only what they choose to show. And envy is kind of a silly thing - although believe me I am guilty of it more often than I care to admit! I mean the fact that Oprah Winfrey has a shit ton of money does NOT prohibit me from having the same fortune. My neighbor driving a brand new BMW doesn't prevent ME from having that car. There is more than enough prosperity for all of us.

Message edited 3/5/2012 11:25:00 AM.

Re: "Keeping Up With the Jonses"

Posted by jacquig

Posted by Mrs213

Posted by MrsPJB2007

Long Island is FULL of this menality. Hell LIF in general seems to be a big example of this.

This is what I was wondering too if it's a regional thing.

ETA I never even really thought of this kind of thing until I bought a house really

I grew up and still live in Manhattan and find that I see that mentality a lot more on here than I do IRL. I work for a huge corporation and don't see it here either. Many of the higher ups who make $$$ don't carry around LVs and wear $1000 shoes. Of course there are exceptions for those who are truly wealthy that can really afford to buy those things without batting an eyelash.

For me I no longer envy the Joneses because honestly most of them are not that well off financially. I rather live a simple life, do whats important for my family and have a few nicer things here and there. I don't feel the need to always buy the newest car, IPhone, Ipad, purse or shoes because honestly if you live like that you will always be in a race. My security comes when I pay off all my debt and have enough savings to sustain my family for a long time. To me that is more important than keeping up with the Joneses.

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Message edited 3/5/2012 1:17:34 PM.

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its hard not to want to keep up with the jones, but you dont know their situation.

i do know alot of people with new cars, all the new technology, and always going on vacation....but i know for a fact that they have $40,000 plus in credit card debt, i know bc they always complain about money to us!

me and dh personally, we dont try to keep up with anyone. we do what makes us happy, we dont buy anything unless we ahve the cash. we have no credit card debt, we have one small car payment thts almost paid off. but its hard when everyone around you has all new stuff.

sheryl crow says it best....lifes not about having what you want, but wanting what you have

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It took me a while to realize that keeping up with the Jonses made me miserable. Everyone has something that is not so perfect with their life. It does not matter if you are monetarily wealthy or have almost nothing, there is always going to be someone who has more, bigger, better, or less, worse and smaller. I have become happy with what I have and the decisions that we make as a family. We try to spend and save in ways that work for us.
I want my kids to have nice clothing and things to wear, so I shop sales and take hand me downs from friends. They have clothing that fits them and when it does not, I pass it along to either people I know or to charity so it can be used again. I like to take vacations, but we save up for them. We don't go to the most expensive places but we still have fun within our means. For other people eating out and drinking make them really happy. Every so often will will bring a pizza or burger king in, but not all of the time. I can't remember the last time we went out for a fancy meal but I am ok with that. I would rather go on vacation. We don't need new cars all of the time, but other people might want them and that is great for them.

I think LI has a Jonses problem moreso than in other areas. I have lived on LI, and in Boston, DC, and now in NJ. None of the areas that I have lived in since LI has made me feel the way LI did about keeping up with the Jonses.

Message edited 6/4/2012 11:10:21 AM.

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I dont bother keeping up with the joneses. But i do see it alot with my older DD. All of her friends are always going on lavish vacations, go to the movies, out all the time. And we don't do that often. I feel like she gets left out alot because there are alot of things places that her friends have gone or go to that she just doesn't get to do. Along with just stuff and shopping in general. We have a budget. If its in our budget for you to get one of the latest greatest electronics you get it. But you don't get everything that comes out.

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I don't always believe everything I see....
For example: I have a very bad car/driving phobia. TBH I should probably get help - I will ALWAYS be in a brand new vehicle. Since I have started buying my own vehicles, I've never had one more that was more than 3 years old. Not a vanity thing - more of a safety thing. I'm sure an older vehicle would keep me just as safe, but for some reason I feel better if I am in a newer vehicle. Obviously, this isn't cheap so I make other sacrifices in my life. I don't own an iPad, a flat screen TV, etc. I'm still able to get on the internet and watch the same TV shows everyone else does. Someone else may have every top of the line appliance/ piece of electronics out there but have an older vehicle. You just never know the whole story. :)

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I feel exactly like you, bought a home one year ago. HOW do people have 2 leased high end cars? Go on 4 vacays a year? Kids in camp all summer while wife stays home? Always working on the house?

I dont understand. Dh makes a great salary more then mostoil sure.I just wonder if these people plan on working the rest of their lives? Do they have any cash saved?

I wouldn't say I'm envious, I just wonder if they think about the future. Some of my neighbors are close to or even 70 years old still working.

As a PP said, I also grew up in Queens. In the area I just moved from people's house hold income was much higher (over 250k) and they spent much much less. Seemed much more practical.

Message edited 3/5/2012 2:11:26 PM.

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I have lived on LI my whole life and I don't feel like I have this mentality. DH and I have a very happy marriage. We have a healthy, smart, beautiful DD and another DC on the way. We live in a nice home in a nice neighborhood in a nice town. We have good family. We have awesome friends. We both have jobs. We have very little debt and we're working to pay it off.

I consider myself a Jones, because I feel so blssed in my life.