Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

How did you girls survive? My Dh is going back to work
today (he only took a week off )

He works very long hours- at least 50 hours a week and 10 hours a day. I'm feeling really depressed and I'm already doubting myself. How did you girls take care of a newborn all by yourself without feeling completely overwhelmed? I'm terrified. I'm afraid I'll feel like a single mother. My Dh intentions are good (I know he is trying to provide for his family) but I can't help but feel resentment towards him. I've been really upset over this and feel like he will never see his daughter; it breaks my heart. I hate feeling this way but I find myself feeling annoyed and alone.  I just get so annoyed that he has to work like this, now when he has a family. How did you girls do it emotionally and physically? How did you not get mad at Dh and how did you take care of an infant for a good portion of the day alone? 

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

My DH leaves the house before 5AM to catch the train and comes home at 5:20PM. Its hard- both for me and for him. We (he) live for the weekends to spend time with DD.

Believe me, its hard but once you get into a routine, it gets easier. My parents live OOS so I only had some help from my MIL when DD was born, and even then, FIL had major medical issues so I was ALONE 90% of the time. I know how you feel. In the beginning it is very overwhelming and exhausting....I was literally a zombie for over a month, but it gets better. Try not to resent DH!

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

My situation is a little different b/c I live with my mother right downstairs. I really tried to do it all on my own but I am not going to lie, having my mom as a back up definitely helped.

It is very important for me that DH sees DD as much as possible. I take her to his job almost every day. I know that is not possible for most jobs. Can you guys meet up every once in a while for lunch or dinner?

DH works 6AM to 10PM so, if I didn't do this I would go for weeks without seeing him.

You can definitely do this!

PS I feel a HECK OF A LOT MORE RESENTMENT for DH, b/c I have to work - than when I was on leave!! There are days I don't even want to look at him and he KNOWS better than to complain about work in front of me.

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

I know during maternity leave, it felt good to get out (after the weeks we were told to spend out of stores/restaurants). We went out every day, visited family, etc.

I'm surprised that you resent him for working so much--will you be a SAHM? I guess the other option is for him to take a less demanding job, and possibly make less money. That is what DH and I did--I continue to work but he resigned from his manager job for something less demanding that doesn't pay as much.

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

My dh works long hours also. It is tough sometimes but you WILL get into a routine. DH now gives dd her morning bottle while I get ready for work so he spends some quality time with her in the morning. He tries to get home early enough to play with her for a little bit before she goes to bed by 8pm. He even works a few hrs on the weekends, but when he is home he is all about her and at 5 months old she is already a daddys girl.

I know it seems really hard right now, and it IS hard right now but please understand it gets better and easier. Also take help that is offered from family and friends. My aunt would come over once a week and let me nap or clean a lil or run to the store. My mom would come over after work a few times a week and friends were always willing to help out.

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

Oh yes a routine definitely helps! I was at the park almost every single day, at the mall or at stores on bad weather days, church every sunday - my days were really filled up!

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

My dh works on Manhattan and we live in suffolk. He leaves at 6:45 and the earliest he is home is 8:15 most nights he isn't home to 9. I really had to force myself to get into a schedule when dd was born. Dh was off a week after dd was born and than my mom stayed with me for 3 days and than I was on my own. I stood at the front door with my dd crying for almost an hour after dh left the first day mostly because o felt like he was going to miss out on so much of dd baby years. I won't lie he has missed a lot but his job allows me the opportunity to stay home, which dh and I feel is.important. I've got into a good routine now with dd and that's helped. I go out a lot, I do all my shopping in the evenings because those hours go the slowest for me. I.found the newborn stage to be easier, now that dd runs all over its harder I'm exhausted. You will learn what works best for you and your life. In a few weeks you will be so use to caring for the baby you wont even think twice about how you will do it all.

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

First - Don't doubt yourself so much !! You are totally and completely capable of way more than you're giving yourself credit for !! You will fall into a routine and you will be great !!

Second - and this may sound harsh, but you kind of just have to suck it up and deal. I doubt your DH single handedly made the decision re: your family structure, I know mine didn't. - I was on leave for 6 months, and then I went back to work in the city -
Even now, he leaves at 6:15 and gets home between 6:30 and 8:00 - I leave @ 7:15 and get home @ 6:00 - so everything having to do w/ my son is on me ..........every day. I am admitedly exhausted and resentful sometimes, but he makes 3x what I do, so him running out of the office early means he's skipping a meeting w/ the CFO or President of the hospital - and while I still make very good money, I'm not in meetings w/ the CFO - KWIM? ........So I have to put it in perspective and remind myself this is what WE have decided we want for our kids, and this is what we have to do to achieve it -

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

My DH works very long hours. He leaves before we are up and is home long after the kids are in bed every day. I am not going to lie.....it is rough.
But, like someone else said......getting out and having a routine is the best for me. I can't sit home every day b/c then i start to resent him. And it is not his fault, he is doing it all so i can be a SAHM.

We do something every day, even if it is just going to target. But target is a 2hour project with 3 kids so it at least breaks up the day.

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

DH has his own business and most days he is out of the house by 4am - 4pm. He also took off some time the first few days, but did go into work here and there. I Felt the same way, we have no family here (we live OOS), and no one to really help, besides friends, but I wouldnt impose.

The first week or 2, I came down with bronchitis and a high fever. The baby was also so VERY fussy, crying nonstop, that I called DH in tears to come home from work. I was so achy from the fever, she was a lunatic and I was so OVERWHELMED I didnt know what to do. Thankfully he works close by. But yes, it is so hard in the very beginning. It's still hard at 8 weeks old, but it somehow did become more manageable. I think you get to know your baby, and she gets to know you. Then suddenly, there becomes the early formations of a 'routine'. And you kinda know what to expect a bit each day. You will get to read her cues, and it just gets a bit easier.

We agreed he'd chang his schedule slightly, goes to work even earlier, so he can be home a bit earlier. That way, I can escape the house for a couple hours if possible. You have to get out of the house. And understand you are hormonal. God, those first 3 weeks were just very depressing for me. Everything changed, and for me, it was VERY overwhelming.

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

My DH works 12 hour days 5 days a week and usually works Saturday's too. He has a very demanding job and in order to make the kind of $ he is making, it requires him to be there all the time. I am now a SAHM and I know that he is doing it for us, and I am so thankful for that. Of course if he had a choice, he would love to spend more time at home. It really upsets him that he can't spend a lot of time with me and DS. We hang out with him in the morning when he's getting ready for work, but DS is sleeping by the time he gets home at night.

It is not easy, especially in the beginning. Do you have anyone that can drop by a couple of times a week to give you a breather? My parents were such a huge help in the beginning (and still are) and come by if I need to get some things done without dragging the baby around with me.

Don't doubt yourself... you are MORE than capable of doing this!!

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

I am feeling totally overwhelmed as well. I'm reading all of these posts and gaining hope that things will get easier. Just know you are not alone. I'm def right there with you.

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

The first month with a newborn is so overwhelming to begin with. You and the baby will form a routine and it will get easier esp when she starts to sleep more. As the PP said..try to get out everyday even if it's for a walk around the block.

My DH works until 11pm..in the beginning I dreaded when the sun went down. Doing dinner, bath and bedtime alone was so overwhelming. I know people say "sleep when the baby sleeps" but I had to use that time to clean up, get bottles ready, do laundry etc. After a few weeks you will find what works for you. It will get easier

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

A lot of your emotions sounds like the baby blues...I resented everything about DH when JOhn was first born!!
hang in there... you will get thru it and you will find the perfect routine for you and yoru little one!!

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

Posted by jmf423

My DH works very long hours. He leaves before we are up and is home long after the kids are in bed every day. I am not going to lie.....it is rough.
But, like someone else said......getting out and having a routine is the best for me. I can't sit home every day b/c then i start to resent him. And it is not his fault, he is doing it all so i can be a SAHM.

We do something every day, even if it is just going to target. But target is a 2hour project with 3 kids so it at least breaks up the day.

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

dh leaves the house at 6am dd dosnt get up till 7ish and then he goes right to school from work so he dosnt get home till after 9pm. :
It was hard in the begining but you get in a routine it helps ALOT!! Try to get out of the house a couple times a week too. Stayin inside can drive a women crazy! lol

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

My Dh works 4 (10 hour) days and his work is 40 minutes away. So he is out of the house for 12 hours at a time. Dh took 2 weeks off but when he went back to work I was a little concerned with being by myself, but the first week DH went back to work. We had lots of visitors still, my mom, mil etc were still coming by. Then I started taking him to the grocery store, visiting family, having lunch with friends. After a week or so by yourself you will figure it all out. You guys will fall into a routine. Just make sure then when DH gets home you take some time to yourself. Even if it’s to get a peaceful shower, play on the internet, reed a few pages of a book. That time to yourself will really help.

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

I cant really speak for the long hours because DH didnt work late when DS was just born, but also realize that you are also probably still hormonal and feeling overwhelmed is probably steming in part from that as well. The first several weeks are hard (and you are BFing which Im sure makes the stress that much more) and to throw onto the pile that our hormones are so out of wack and we are so sensitive and emotional, makes it that much harder.

hang in there. take it one day or one hour at a time. If you struggling, see if a family member can come over to spend time with you or take over some of the duties (changing diapers etc)

try to get into a routine, not so much baby but YOU! go out! I dont know if you have stores near by but I would walk to CVS or subway or drove myself to kohls and just walked around.

Message edited 5/4/2011 10:33:50 AM.

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

Scotty worked from 7 to 11 some days. With me not working, he had to take care of his family. Through trevor I have seen Scott grow and mature so much. It gets to be second nature after a few weeks but it's for the rest of your life. Scott and I are both working full time, which is even harder. We both get tired and neither one of us gets a break. Enjoy the time not working because when you return to work you will be even more overwhelmed. At the end of the day it isn't about him and me as individuals it's about us as a family. You will as the ladies all say find your schedule but right now she makes the rules.

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

DH also works really long hours. With his commute he is usually out for 13-14 hours a day!! It is very hard. In the beginning i got very lonely but now that I can go out with DD it makes it much better. Take walks, go to stores, etc. Also, it gets much easier as your DC grows a little bit. DD is 3 months and it is MUCH easier now than it was when DH first went back to work b/c she is no longer eating every 2 hour, she is more alert, she can entertain herself, etc. I am not much help b/c I go back to work myself next month and putting DC in daycare. I don't know how it will all work out yet or how i will feel.

I don't resent DH for working such long hours, i feel bad for him b/c i know the commute really drains him. Since DH is working long hours and I am still on leave, I don't expect him to jump in and help the minute he gets home from work. Sometimes it's easy to forget (I think i remind myself every night lol)- but he worked a really long and hard day...he needs some time to relax too (I get to relax now throughout the day when DD is napping...although i am usually cooking, doing laundry, cleaning, etc). Once I return to work I will def need some help at night, although I will still be doing most of the "baby" chores because I will probably be getting DC ready for bed by the time he gets home. I think i will be exhausted but this is what we need to do for our family and for our future goals and ambitions.

I would be resentful if I didn't think DH appreciated everything i do, but I think he knows and understands how difficult it is sometimes. On weekends he always tells me to treat myself to a massage or a mani/ped lol

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

yes those pp and breastfeeding hormones are crazy!

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

I got used to it. It will get easier. I just make sure when my DH is home I let him spend as much time with DS as possible. My DH feeds him the night botle if his home. He also does the morning one sometimes if hes home.

The frist couple of weeks are the hardest. It gets so much better after that. Try to go for walks and get some fresh air. That always helped me.

Message edited 5/4/2011 10:47:35 AM.