Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

My husband leaves at 4:30 am and usually gets home about 8:30. I also have a puppy here and I work a little as well teaching yoga (mom comes over then). It's give and take. You have to say to yourself, ok, I'm home and it's hard, but he's out working these long hours so that I CAN do this; being home is no joke and it deserves a paycheck (LOL) but a lot of women would kill to be home if they could. Of course you're going to be frustrated at times, but you have to try not to take it out on him. You can do it! Try and rest when the baby rests. On the weekends, see that he plays an active role. My husband tries extra hard to really help me on the weekends, handling the dog or doing more feedings with baby. (not sure if you're going back to work or not; i didn't mean to assume)Oh, and my DH also took that first week off as well. When he went back to work, he actually said to me, "Between the dog, baby and house, I don't envy you. This is gonna be hard." Sometimes he feels guilty he works so much because he also feels like the baby barely knows him (not true), but I look at it like, he's providing for us, and I'm providing the excellent childcare by being a damn good mama!

Message edited 5/4/2011 10:45:13 AM.

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

In the same boat. DH works 80 hr weeks mix of days and nights and needs to have some sort of brain power. He went back to work Monday and it is hard. I'm trying to be positive and accept help from my mom and friends, but I feel as if I'm going at it alone. Taking the dog out yesterday was a 45 minute production, we live in an apt so everyone has to go out. I'm so anxious that I won't be able to manage, but I'm just trying to adjust. No real advice just know you aren't alone!

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

I WAS a single mom & my son's father had NOTHING to do with us...

You can do it.

Remember, your hormones are all out of wack... Little things are going to upset you.

It's not like he's out hanging with his friends or doing extra curricular activities because he just 'feels' like doing it. He's working to support you.

Just take this time and think of it as that special alone time you have with your daughter.

I'm married now, and I have to say I CHERISHED those times where it was just DS & I.

You'll settle into a routine and find out what works for you all as a family. As for how I kept myself from falling off the deep end-
We did a LOT outdoors.. My son was born May 8th so the weather started getting nice. Don't worry about housework, laundry & all that... This is a difficult time to begin with.

Message edited 5/4/2011 11:45:42 AM.

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

My DH leaves 520 and is usually not home until 7. He works with overseas clients so has to be in extra early to deal with them...
It sucks, but I'm very very hands on and tend to do things better myself than when I have too many hands in the pot...now that DD is older it's harder bc she wants to see him and it breaks my heart that most nights shes sleeping when he gets home...Believe me once you get into a routine, you'll be fine!!!

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

You can do it!

DH didn't work every day but, when he did, he worked 24 hr shifts. My ILs would come and help some days but, they would come on their schedule - not really when I needed the help KWIM?

In the beginning, I tried to do a little bit more each day. I started with taking a shower with him in the bouncy seat - and then we worked on going to the mall to walk. We soon got into our routine.

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

I hear you


My DH works 50+ hours a week and sometimes is at his job 7 days a week. Half the time DS is asleep by the time Daddy comes come

It's not easy, I won't lie. You will, however, get good at doing things by yourself. You'll become super efficient at getting things done during nap / bedtime. Try not to get overwhelmed. Do what you can, when you feel comfortable, everyone / everything else can wait!

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

I'm in the same boat and felt that exact same resentment and now when my DD is almost 5 months old I am just getting over it.

My Dh leaves 9-10am and can come home anytime between 10pm-12am.

What saved me and made things so much better was establishing a routine. Once I did this everything is much more manageable and enjoyable. I now find it hard letting my DH step in and take part when he is available or on the weekends because we are in such a groove.

Have faith in your abilities and know like the others said that your DH WANTS to be home with you but is doing what he is for his familiy. I remind myself of this everyday and it helps.

Sending you hugs because I was so recently in your shoes. Please FM if you need to vent or talk...anything!

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

It's not that DH works long hours, more that we are on opposite schedules - I work during the day, he works at night and on the weekends.

I try to stay out of the house as much as possible with DD so I won't feel lonely. We walk a lot, go to the park, if the weather is bad we go to the store/mall. I'll take her to visit my grandparents or her cousins.
You definitely need a routine, otherwise you won't be able to get things done and you'll make yourself crazy.
I get home around 3:30 so we will play or go do something. Around 5 I start making dinner, clean up right after while DD is still in the highchair being good. Then around 7 we relax and get ready for bed. Once she is in bed I straighten up and then I usually head to bed myself.

Re: Ladies with Dh that works long hours?

Do you have a Mom's Club in your neighborhood? I remember how wonderful and helpful it was to be part of a group where activities were organzied and you had mommy friends to hang with. Plus the ones with older kids really know a bunch.

My DH has great hours(he works from home and its really flexible) but travels 10 days a month minimum. There are days when I do resent him since he has many uninterrupted hours to himself(I won't even let him complain about air travel anymore since he gets to be alone

It does get better though. The beginning is so rough but I promise you will feel better and in control again.