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evrythng4areason
And then there were 4
Member since 1/10 5224 total posts
Name:
Kayla
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lending money to family
I don't know if I would ever loan anyone, even my children, 25k in one lump sum
I'm pretty open with money, so my parents and in laws know our financial position, but neither would ever ask us for our entire savings. That's absurd to even ask of someone!
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Posted 2/10/17 7:22 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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BabySurprise
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/13 556 total posts
Name:
Me
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lending money to family
I loaned my bro 4K over the years, and he promised to pay it back. It's been about 8-9 years and he still hasn't. I reminded him a few years ago and he acted like he had forgotten, but promised to give it back. Still nothing. 25k is a lot to lose.
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| Posted 2/10/17 7:26 PM |
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PhyllisNJoe
My Box Is Broken
Member since 6/11 9145 total posts
Name:
Phyllis
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Re: lending money to family
I would only lend someone money I am ok with never seeing again. Even people with the best intentions to pay back sometimes can't. Also, if it was my entire savings - absolutely not unless it was for a life saving operation.
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| Posted 2/10/17 7:32 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: lending money to family
I want to add if it was really medical debt, then a person could enter into a payment plan with a doctor or hospital. In addition they offer discounts if you ask. I think your family member may be lying to you.
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| Posted 2/10/17 7:51 PM |
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alexb
LIF Adult
Member since 5/13 960 total posts
Name:
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lending money to family
Pretending i had millions in the bank, i still wouldnt lend the money. Peoples problems are their own problems... Dont make them yours. You worked hard for your money and should respect that. Dont freely give it away because you will never see it again from your family member. Good luck and dont worry about what your family will think of you!
Message edited 2/10/2017 10:28:34 PM.
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| Posted 2/10/17 10:27 PM |
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RainyDay
LIF Adult
Member since 6/15 3990 total posts
Name:
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lending money to family
Nope absolutely not. I would offer them a small amount if I could spare it but only if I was okay with never seeing it again
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| Posted 2/10/17 10:35 PM |
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MrsM-6-7-08
<3
Member since 8/06 4249 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: lending money to family
25k is a lot of money. It is almost your families entire savings. You can not lend/give someone your last dollar.
You have to realize no matter how close you are there is a very good chance you will never see it back.
Please don't give away your money, you are not responsible for anyone's financial choices but your own.
Message edited 2/10/2017 11:14:50 PM.
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| Posted 2/10/17 11:14 PM |
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Re: lending money to family
Let her work it out with the creditors. It will hurt your family much more if she doesn't pay you back than if she doesn't pay them back.
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| Posted 2/11/17 6:17 AM |
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StarsStripes
LIF Adult
Member since 12/12 1192 total posts
Name:
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lending money to family
Hell NO. They can take out a loan or get second or third jobs. The only people I would loan money to are my own children when they are older.
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| Posted 2/11/17 8:17 AM |
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StarsStripes
LIF Adult
Member since 12/12 1192 total posts
Name:
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Re: lending money to family
Posted by incog2
Posted by luvbuffet
you also mentioned that the ENTIRE family is expecting you to help? Why is everyone in each others business?? damned if you do, damned if you dont. what a crappy situation to be in.
I would never ever deplete my savings unless it was to save someones LIFE
There is no one else in our family that would be able to help. Trust me I have asked everyone to chip in even something.
Just saying NO NO NO one more time. Money has hurt my family tremendously and it is NOT your responsibility because you were responsible. You are putting your own family in jeapordy if you deplete your savings. If she has already declared bankruptcy you will never see this money again. Sorry to be so blunt but this is not a good situation for her but it isn't for you either,...how is this fair????
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| Posted 2/11/17 8:21 AM |
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BsMomma2014
Fly high little one
Member since 6/10 2662 total posts
Name:
nicole
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Re: lending money to family
No way, that is practically all your savings. God forbid something happened to you like a medical emergency or you lost a job what would you do? Borrow money from someone else?
Tell the relative you are not in the position to lend that type of money out. You need to look out for yourself.
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| Posted 2/11/17 8:37 AM |
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Chai77
Brighter days ahead
Member since 4/07 7364 total posts
Name:
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Re: lending money to family
No. way.
I would consider maybe a $5000 loan tops in that situation. What is the cause of her financial problems? I would offer to help her find debt consolidation services, counseling, job counseling etc to address whatever the underlying issue is.
I'm sorry you are being put in that position. I don't think it is fair or right to ask for that kind of money from someone.
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| Posted 2/11/17 9:06 AM |
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Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4287 total posts
Name:
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Re: lending money to family
send you FM.
Read it.
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| Posted 2/11/17 2:37 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: lending money to family
 Holy Sh!t! That's some loan.
They've already been in bankruptcy.
AND It's all your savings.
This wouldn't even be a discussion.
Sorry I'm not a bank. No way.
And I would be very upset someone put me in this position!
Message edited 2/11/2017 2:41:24 PM.
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| Posted 2/11/17 2:40 PM |
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Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4287 total posts
Name:
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Re: lending money to family
Posted by incog2
Posted by luvbuffet
take care of your family first. offer what you can. also offer without expecting to ever see it again
This is what worries me the "never seeing it again" She swears she will be able to pay back and will put together terms for repayment but I am hesitant.
I also feel though if I do not loan it, there will be a large break in my family. This is a very close family member and we are really the only ones in remotely a possible situation to help them out.
I feel like everyone in my family is expecting us to help out.
This pisses me off. Everyone "expects". Well then THEY should take out personal loans to help them. Why should YOU finance them?
Yes, it might lead to bad blood and cause a rift. But they are TERRIBLE for putting you in this position. They are emotionally blackmailing you and that shit should not fly.
Let it cause a rift. Or, if someone says something say to them "I cant afford it and I'm sorry you are upset. Why don't you take out a loan to help them then?"
Honestly, I just sent you a lengthy email about not doing it.
Don't do it no matter what the personal cost. You CANT put your future in jeopardy.
I just
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| Posted 2/11/17 2:53 PM |
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Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4287 total posts
Name:
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Re: lending money to family
Posted by incog2
Posted by luvbuffet
you also mentioned that the ENTIRE family is expecting you to help? Why is everyone in each others business?? damned if you do, damned if you dont. what a crappy situation to be in.
I would never ever deplete my savings unless it was to save someones LIFE
There is no one else in our family that would be able to help. Trust me I have asked everyone to chip in even something.
So everyone is willing to spend YOUR money, not theirs.
The answer needs to be no.
This is your ENTIRE savings to help someone who cant pay you back.
and you put your whole life on hold, as YOU said. And it will be on hold because the person WONT pay you back.
You will not be paid back. I'm sure of it.
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| Posted 2/11/17 2:57 PM |
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Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4287 total posts
Name:
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Re: lending money to family
This was the FM I sent:
The short answer is this. Don't do it.
For MANY reasons.
My DH and I were approached my cousin about a year ago. They needed to borrow 10k. There was some issue with an insurance check being held, and once it came through they would pay us back.
We talked about it and I felt TERRIBLE. But we had to say no in the end. I'm going to give you the rational reasons to say no.
1. First. You have realize that any money you lend is a gift. You have to consider it a gift. Because in all honestly there is a GOOD possibility you wont get it back. So, can you afford to give them a $25k gift?
2. You said it would be all of your savings. And then you do have a cushion of your 401k. What happens if you or DH is out of work for some reason? You have a car accident. You have YOUR savings for YOUR rainy day and YOUR emergency. You will put your family at risk by giving away all of your savings. Think about it. What happens if YOU have an emergency? Then you are borrowing against your future (401k) but your family member is ok. KWIM? You CANT put your family in that position.
3. I know, without a shadow of a doubt my cousin would pay us back. No question. I trust her and KNOW she would do the right thing.
But..here is the issue.
She is borrowing $10k because they don't have enough to pay for college, power. They don't have money to literally pay for anything until that check comes in.
So I lend them $10k (lets say). Then lets say they get into a car accident and have to replace a car that under insured? Or the water heater goes in the house? Or there is burst pipe? You can bet the water heater will be replaced before I get paid back. Their emergency becomes my problem.
They will ALWAYS pick their family, and THEIR emergency over paying you back. One month the kids need braces. One month the power bill might be $500. One month there might be an emergency vet visit.
I am TELLING you no matter how terrible you feel for them its not your problem to solve AT THE EXPENSE OF YOUR FAMILY.
And the fact is its all or nothing. If you cant give them $25k you give them NOTHING. Not 1K. Not 3K. Nothing.
It was the most uncomfortable call I had to make to say "I am so sorry, we just cant do it, we cant afford it". That is all the information you need to give.
I am TELLING you don't do it. Their emergency will ALWAYS trump paying you back.
Good luck
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| Posted 2/11/17 3:00 PM |
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Sunny10
LIF Adult
Member since 10/10 1287 total posts
Name:
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Re: lending money to family
Absolutely not! And I would be upset that they put me on the spot to have to say no. For many of the points all the people responded, I would never do this. If they didn't pay back and I saw them going on a vacation or buying a new car or whatever it is, I would feel resentful. I've heard this story many times and most were not paid back. It's shocking how people can just go on and forget the loan they were given, but THEY DO.
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| Posted 2/11/17 3:09 PM |
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LI12345
LIF Infant
Member since 10/07 193 total posts
Name:
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lending money to family
from personal experience, no, don't do it for all of the reasons above. the family member and i no longer speak because of it.
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| Posted 2/11/17 3:21 PM |
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Blazesyth
*yawn*
Member since 5/05 8129 total posts
Name:
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lending money to family
How do they know for sure that you have the money to lend? I would just say that I don't have any money to lend, and thats the end of the conversation.
This is another situation where people may want to not share as much as they do with others. There is no reason for your family to know that you have XXX in savings. That is your immediate family's information, not theirs.
My family - everyone - my sisters, father, mother in law have no idea how much we make, how much we have in savings, etc. That way there is no questions to be answered. They would never come into my wallet and be able to tell me that I can spare to loan this one or that one XX dollars.
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| Posted 2/11/17 4:24 PM |
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Sparrow
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 6826 total posts
Name:
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lending money to family
To answer the OP, no way. Someone that has problems with money will likely always have problems with money. You'll never see it again. Also, why on earth do they need so much? I could see asking for a mortgage payment and a few bills but $25k??
Also, I'm curious as to why so many are saying never tell your family what you have in savings? We don't because we're private but I never thought of it as in worrying about them wanting to borrow (or keep all together) my money. . . Is this the reasoning?
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| Posted 2/11/17 4:33 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: lending money to family
Posted by Sparrow
To answer the OP, no way. Someone that has problems with money will likely always have problems with money. You'll never see it again. Also, why on earth do they need so much? I could see asking for a mortgage payment and a few bills but $25k??
Also, I'm curious as to why so many are saying never tell your family what you have in savings? We don't because we're private but I never thought of it as in worrying about them wanting to borrow (or keep all together) my money. . . Is this the reasoning?
jealousy, them expecting you to always pick up the tab or entertain, their getting angry over how much or little you give as a gift, an expectation that you will be their retirement instead of helping pay it forwards to your children. Others have to deal with narcissism, or theft, or hoarding.
I would give personal finance tips and tricks, I would advise them on how to save, but I would not share how much I have in the bank. It is none of their business.
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| Posted 2/11/17 4:44 PM |
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Blazesyth
*yawn*
Member since 5/05 8129 total posts
Name:
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Re: lending money to family
Posted by Sparrow
Also, I'm curious as to why so many are saying never tell your family what you have in savings? We don't because we're private but I never thought of it as in worrying about them wanting to borrow (or keep all together) my money. . . Is this the reasoning?
I think that is a large part of it. If someone can't count your pennies for you, then there are no more questions and 'whys' if they don't know your financial details.
But really, why should your family need to know? If you're going around sharing your financial info you're doing 1 of 2 things.
1. Complaining you don't have enough money.
2. Gloating that you have so much money.
Neither is a good look.
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| Posted 2/11/17 4:46 PM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: lending money to family
The only way I would hand it all over is if it was something like so and so needs this surgery or will die.
Would 5k
Help or buy them more time
If they know it's pretty much all
Your savings and still
Asked. That's balls
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| Posted 2/11/17 4:48 PM |
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tagkit
LIF Infant
Member since 10/12 361 total posts
Name:
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Re: lending money to family
A wise woman once said , if you want to make an enemy just lend someone money....
You will never get it back and if you ask they get all upset at you!!
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| Posted 2/11/17 11:52 PM |
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