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Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
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Brittny817
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Brittny
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Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
DH & I are currently house hunting.
We are looking at nice areas but some I ruled out bc they are "too nice." In an effort to be PC, I am not going to mention the really nice areas we are not looking at.
My reasoing is I don't want to live in, raise our children in an area where we can afford the house but not the "lifestyle." We both do quite well but we're not millionaires. I don't want our kids to have to deal with pressure of keeping up with the rich kids and more importantly don't want them exposed to elitist ideas and snobbery.
Any thoughts???
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Posted 12/4/07 3:59 PM  |
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Kara
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
My thoughts are that it's your decision where you raise your children, no matter the reason.
Not all rich people are snobs or elitists, though.
You should live and raise your children where you feel most comfortable.
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:00 PM |
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bicosi
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M
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
Posted by Kara
My thoughts are that it's your decision where you raise your children, no matter the reason.
Not all rich people are snobs or elitists, though.
You should live and raise your children where you feel most comfortable.
Ditto.
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:04 PM |
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Bxgell2
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
I'm grappling with this right now, with my daughter, and it's particularly personal because I grew up in one of those neighborhoods, and truly had an awful, awful experience.
First, about my experience - I grew up in Great Neck. I had an awful experience, I really did. While my parents were well off and certainly could have afforded to buy me anything I wanted, they made it their life mission to teach me every lesson under the book, from understanding the value of money, to having confidence in yourself. I appreciate it, I really do, but getting the point where I am now, took some really difficult times - I was simply RIDICULED by my classmates. Every morning they would throw food on, and PEE on my car, all because I drove a USED VOLVO, not a brand new BMW or Mercedes. I was ridiculed by my own friends because my mom bought me Gap jeans instead of Cavalucci's. It was awful, but at the same time, I stuck to my guns, and it made me the better person that I am today.
Right now, we live in the 'burbs of Philly in a nice area - jewish, diverse and liberal. But the school district isn't the best. We are *considering* moving to the main line area, which is a lot like Great Neck, and when I think about my daughter going through all the crap I went through - all the teasing and bullying just because she doesn't wear a certain brand of jeans - I get a pit in my stomach.
For me, because of what I went through, it's a very real consideration. I'm starting to lean on the side of just staying where we are...
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:05 PM |
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NinaLemon
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
My parents moved for a very similar reason. My Dad lived at home until he was 25 and basically saved every cent he made, so my parents were able to build a very nice home in an affluent area.
My Mom doesn't belive in labels (we were not allowed to wear Jordache in the 80s) - they ended up moving because my Mom really didn't like the attitude of the neighborhood, there was a lot of the "keeping up with the Jones's" and she didn't want us growing up to think that "things" were the measure of success.
I think they made a good move, I wouldn't want my children growing up in a neighborhood like that either.
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:07 PM |
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neenie
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
kids are going to have that pressure no matter where they are. I grew up in a poorer area and still couldn't keep up with the jones'  But, that's where parenting skills, and teaching your kids that there's more to life, comes in.
Still, i can understand the pressure and influence in certain areas, and feel similar in excluding certain areas from our search because of it.
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:08 PM |
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
OMG, I totally grew up in an area that was 'upwardly mobile' (translation: petty and overly competitive in a materialistic way)..... your kids will thank you for your decision!!!! the kids I grew up with were out of control with materialism and other petty judgements of classmates. I found a handful of friends who didn't judge people that way, and we all still  over our HS classmates, and this is almost 2 decades later!
I often wonder what my childhood would be like if we moved instead to lloyd harbor (my parents were VERY close to going there instead, but in the end, didn't  ) That neighborhood looked so peaceful.......  (but I'm sooo grateful for the friends I did meet in HS... we're all still in freuqent contact  )
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:11 PM |
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Kara
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
Posted by Bxgell2
I'm grappling with this right now, with my daughter, and it's particularly personal because I grew up in one of those neighborhoods, and truly had an awful, awful experience.
First, about my experience - I grew up in Great Neck. I had an awful experience, I really did. While my parents were well off and certainly could have afforded to buy me anything I wanted, they made it their life mission to teach me every lesson under the book, from understanding the value of money, to having confidence in yourself. I appreciate it, I really do, but getting the point where I am now, took some really difficult times - I was simply RIDICULED by my classmates. Every morning they would throw food on, and PEE on my car, all because I drove a USED VOLVO, not a brand new BMW or Mercedes. I was ridiculed by my own friends because my mom bought me Gap jeans instead of Cavalucci's. It was awful, but at the same time, I stuck to my guns, and it made me the better person that I am today.
Right now, we live in the 'burbs of Philly in a nice area - jewish, diverse and liberal. But the school district isn't the best. We are *considering* moving to the main line area, which is a lot like Great Neck, and when I think about my daughter going through all the crap I went through - all the teasing and bullying just because she doesn't wear a certain brand of jeans - I get a pit in my stomach.
For me, because of what I went through, it's a very real consideration. I'm starting to lean on the side of just staying where we are...
Everyone has different experiences. I grew up going to private schools, belonging to a Country Club, and hanging out with kids who I guess many on the outside would think are snobs and elistists. They weren't, though. My parents could have afforded to buy me whatever I wanted, too, but they refused to (much like yours). My friends drove brand new cars and had almost anything they wanted. I never had my own car or designer jeans or anything like that -- and no one tortured me for it. I was just fine. Did I wish I had those things sometimes? Yeah, of course. But I think I'd have felt that way no matter where I grew up.
ETA - Bullying is a problem EVERYWHERE, and I don't think it is any more prevalent in more affluent areas.
Message edited 12/4/2007 4:13:41 PM.
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:12 PM |
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Beth
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
it's not something I ever thought about
I don't think it will factor in to my house search
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:12 PM |
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Woodsy
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
Message edited 1/14/2008 10:34:57 PM.
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:14 PM |
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
Posted by Bxgell2
I'm grappling with this right now, with my daughter, and it's particularly personal because I grew up in one of those neighborhoods, and truly had an awful, awful experience.
First, about my experience - I grew up in Great Neck. I had an awful experience, I really did. While my parents were well off and certainly could have afforded to buy me anything I wanted, they made it their life mission to teach me every lesson under the book, from understanding the value of money, to having confidence in yourself. I appreciate it, I really do, but getting the point where I am now, took some really difficult times - I was simply RIDICULED by my classmates. Every morning they would throw food on, and PEE on my car, all because I drove a USED VOLVO, not a brand new BMW or Mercedes. I was ridiculed by my own friends because my mom bought me Gap jeans instead of Cavalucci's. It was awful, but at the same time, I stuck to my guns, and it made me the better person that I am today.
Right now, we live in the 'burbs of Philly in a nice area - jewish, diverse and liberal. But the school district isn't the best. We are *considering* moving to the main line area, which is a lot like Great Neck, and when I think about my daughter going through all the crap I went through - all the teasing and bullying just because she doesn't wear a certain brand of jeans - I get a pit in my stomach.
For me, because of what I went through, it's a very real consideration. I'm starting to lean on the side of just staying where we are...
you just summarized my childhood too  I will say, that enduring that BS for over a decade definitely strengthens a kid's character... but I would NEVER EVER want to relive it 
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:15 PM |
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
My stepdaughters live in plainview - DH and his ex bought the house from his uncle and aunt for practically nothing a long time ago...
the girls try hard to keep up, but cannot afford half of what their friends have... and they are upset by it....
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:15 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
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Beth
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
Posted by Kara
Posted by Bxgell2
I'm grappling with this right now, with my daughter, and it's particularly personal because I grew up in one of those neighborhoods, and truly had an awful, awful experience.
First, about my experience - I grew up in Great Neck. I had an awful experience, I really did. While my parents were well off and certainly could have afforded to buy me anything I wanted, they made it their life mission to teach me every lesson under the book, from understanding the value of money, to having confidence in yourself. I appreciate it, I really do, but getting the point where I am now, took some really difficult times - I was simply RIDICULED by my classmates. Every morning they would throw food on, and PEE on my car, all because I drove a USED VOLVO, not a brand new BMW or Mercedes. I was ridiculed by my own friends because my mom bought me Gap jeans instead of Cavalucci's. It was awful, but at the same time, I stuck to my guns, and it made me the better person that I am today.
Right now, we live in the 'burbs of Philly in a nice area - jewish, diverse and liberal. But the school district isn't the best. We are *considering* moving to the main line area, which is a lot like Great Neck, and when I think about my daughter going through all the crap I went through - all the teasing and bullying just because she doesn't wear a certain brand of jeans - I get a pit in my stomach.
For me, because of what I went through, it's a very real consideration. I'm starting to lean on the side of just staying where we are...
Everyone has different experiences. I grew up going to private schools, belonging to a Country Club, and hanging out with kids who I guess many on the outside would think are snobs and elistists. They weren't, though. My parents could have afforded to buy me whatever I wanted, too, but they refused to (much like yours). My friends drove brand new cars and had almost anything they wanted. I never had my own car or designer jeans or anything like that -- and no one tortured me for it. I was just fine. Did I wish I had those things sometimes? Yeah, of course. But I think I'd have felt that way no matter where I grew up.
ETA - Bullying is a problem EVERYWHERE, and I don't think it is any more prevalent in more affluent areas.
That's true - but there's another element at some of these schools - you can call it materialism, keeping up with the jones', elitism, whatever, but it does exist. Some kids don't feel its effects as much, and others are deeply affected - I think it's hard enough growing up in this day and age that I would prefer to live in a more well-rounded neighborhood for the sake of my children. But, again, that's a personal choice, based on a very personal experience.
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:17 PM |
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Woodsy
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Member since 6/05 241 total posts
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
Message edited 1/14/2008 10:35:20 PM.
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:20 PM |
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Kara
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
Posted by Bxgell2
That's true - but there's another element at some of these schools - you can call it materialism, keeping up with the jones', elitism, whatever, but it does exist. Some kids don't feel its effects as much, and others are deeply affected - I think it's hard enough growing up in this day and age that I would prefer to live in a more well-rounded neighborhood for the sake of my children. But, again, that's a personal choice, based on a very personal experience.
I think you will find that in every school, not just the ones in "rich" neighborhoods. THere will be social pressure and pressure to have the right clothes, the right stuff, etc. everywhere. There will be peer pressure everywhere.
Like I said, people should live and raise their children where they feel most comfortable -- but I guess I don't see the point in trying to "knock" the wealthier areas. When someone tries to do something similar here to neighborhoods that are lower middle class, people are outraged.
All I'm saying is that you should raise your kids where you want and where you are most comfortable and shouldn't have to justify your reasons to anyone. On top of that, I guess I'm also saying that you can't lump all rich neighborhoods or wealthy people into this "snob / elitist" group.
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:21 PM |
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rojerono
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
My biggest concern - when house hunting - was how good the school district was and how clean the neighborhood looked. I wanted my kids to have a nice school district and I wanted them to live in a family oriented place with festivals and events aimed at families. I never considered the median income level for the families there! As it turns out - I wound up in a place that is solidly middle class (Sayville). If there had been a more 'ritzy' town that had a home in my price range and that fit my needs - I would have bought there.
I don't think bullying and elitist behaviour is limited to rich areas. I grew up in Bay Shore and there were snobs there too!
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:21 PM |
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Kara
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
Posted by rojerono
I don't think bullying and elitist behaviour is limited to rich areas. I grew up in Bay Shore and there were snobs there too!
Agreed. There are snobs and bullies everywhere!
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:22 PM |
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bird382
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
Posted by Bxgell2
I think it's hard enough growing up in this day and age that I would prefer to live in a more well-rounded neighborhood for the sake of my children.
This is what it comes down to for me. Many of the affluent neighborhoods I know are very homogenous in terms of house style/size, demographics, income, etc. I want to be a part of -- and have my kids grow up in -- a more diverse community.
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:26 PM |
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Bxgell2
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
Posted by Kara
Posted by Bxgell2
That's true - but there's another element at some of these schools - you can call it materialism, keeping up with the jones', elitism, whatever, but it does exist. Some kids don't feel its effects as much, and others are deeply affected - I think it's hard enough growing up in this day and age that I would prefer to live in a more well-rounded neighborhood for the sake of my children. But, again, that's a personal choice, based on a very personal experience.
I think you will find that in every school, not just the ones in "rich" neighborhoods. THere will be social pressure and pressure to have the right clothes, the right stuff, etc. everywhere. There will be peer pressure everywhere.
Like I said, people should live and raise their children where they feel most comfortable -- but I guess I don't see the point in trying to "knock" the wealthier areas. When someone tries to do something similar here to neighborhoods that are lower middle class, people are outraged.
All I'm saying is that you should raise your kids where you want and where you are most comfortable and shouldn't have to justify your reasons to anyone. On top of that, I guess I'm also saying that you can't lump all rich neighborhoods or wealthy people into this "snob / elitist" group.
I'm not knocking all wealthy areas - I'm speaking from my own personal experience, growing up in a particularly affluent neighborhood. By comparison with many of my friends who grew up outside of LI, my experience growing up was much different, almost surreal and bizarre. For that reason, it's something that I hesitate about - I haven't entirely foreclosed some of the wealthier neighborhoods in our area entirely, but it's merely something that sticks in the back of my mind.
And quite honestly, at this point, what holds me back even more is the lack of diversity in many of the more affluent neighbhoods in my area. That's more of a concern for me than bullying/teasing/harassing. Again, my goal for my children is to find a good, solid school district with a good amount of diversity - a well rounded neighborhood.
Message edited 12/4/2007 4:29:44 PM.
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:27 PM |
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Kara
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
Posted by Bxgell2
I'm not knocking all wealthy areas - I'm speaking from my own personal experience, growing up in a particularly affluent neighborhood. By comparison with many of my friends who grew up outside of LI, my experience growing up was much different, almost surreal and bizarre. For that reason, it's something that I hesitate about - I haven't entirely foreclosed some of the wealthier neighborhoods in our area entirely, but it's merely something that sticks in the back of my mind.
I did not mean to downplay your experiences, and I apologize if my post came off that way. I was just offering another experience which was very different than yours. Trust me, I'm sure no one envies what you went through. 
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:28 PM |
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
I grew up in a lower middle class area, most of the kids I went to hs with thought wearing gap jeans was a big deal. My family did pretty well, and I always wore things from abercrombie, I got a new car at my sweet 16, I used a coach back pack, blah blah blah, and because of that I was popular, my " friends" were only my friends because of what I had, and what that could get them. Today, only 4.5 years from when I graduated hs, I still speak to a grand total of 2 people I went to school with.
No matter where you raise your child, things will never be ideal, its never going to be easy. Kids will be kids, and they are mean sometimes. Live where you think is best for your family, where you think they will be the safest, not based on what may or may not happen in school.
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:29 PM |
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fabrichick
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
Racheeeee and I both grew up in Merrick and know all about the social-pressures, the jeans, the cars, etc. and it didn't play a factor into where I live.
I see it in my friends kids now - really the girls. They live in Merrick and it's still there. The parents don't help either by buying into all the stuff.
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:31 PM |
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MrsR
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
Posted by Bxgell2
I'm grappling with this right now, with my daughter, and it's particularly personal because I grew up in one of those neighborhoods, and truly had an awful, awful experience.
First, about my experience - I grew up in Great Neck. I had an awful experience, I really did. While my parents were well off and certainly could have afforded to buy me anything I wanted, they made it their life mission to teach me every lesson under the book, from understanding the value of money, to having confidence in yourself. I appreciate it, I really do, but getting the point where I am now, took some really difficult times - I was simply RIDICULED by my classmates. Every morning they would throw food on, and PEE on my car, all because I drove a USED VOLVO, not a brand new BMW or Mercedes. I was ridiculed by my own friends because my mom bought me Gap jeans instead of Cavalucci's. It was awful, but at the same time, I stuck to my guns, and it made me the better person that I am today.
Right now, we live in the 'burbs of Philly in a nice area - jewish, diverse and liberal. But the school district isn't the best. We are *considering* moving to the main line area, which is a lot like Great Neck, and when I think about my daughter going through all the crap I went through - all the teasing and bullying just because she doesn't wear a certain brand of jeans - I get a pit in my stomach.
For me, because of what I went through, it's a very real consideration. I'm starting to lean on the side of just staying where we are...
Beth I could have written this post word for word!! I live about 10 minutes from GN. We have always talked about moving there once DD goes to middle school (the elementary school here is great!!). It's either that or sending her to private school...I am not sure which is the lesser of two evils.
That being said - besides the snobby thing - I LOOVE great neck and spend a lot of time there (DD goes to school in GN now actually) and would like to live there.
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:33 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
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Beth
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
Posted by Kara
Posted by Bxgell2
I'm not knocking all wealthy areas - I'm speaking from my own personal experience, growing up in a particularly affluent neighborhood. By comparison with many of my friends who grew up outside of LI, my experience growing up was much different, almost surreal and bizarre. For that reason, it's something that I hesitate about - I haven't entirely foreclosed some of the wealthier neighborhoods in our area entirely, but it's merely something that sticks in the back of my mind.
I did not mean to downplay your experiences, and I apologize if my post came off that way. I was just offering another experience which was very different than yours. Trust me, I'm sure no one envies what you went through.
No offense taken at all, and in fact, I really do agree with you - by the same token, I'm also VERY offended when people make judgments based solely on economic status, whether it be on the lower end, or the higher end - I can't lie, because of my experiences growing up, I have a tendency to judge people who live in certain, more affluent areas, or are associated with a more affluent socioeconomic status, and it's something that I struggle with everyday!
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:33 PM |
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Brittny817
LIF Toddler
Member since 8/07 410 total posts
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Brittny
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Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread
I realize that using the terms elitist and snobbery in my OP were sweeping generalizations. The bottom line is, there are idiots in homeless shelters as well as in posh Park Avenue townhouses.
My point is that I want to avoid areas where the high school parking lot is filled with BMW's and Mercedes' that don't belong to the faculty. Just an unnecessary added pressure for kids to deal with.
I also want to mention when people make statments about the "lower class" neighborhoods it tends to be a bit more hurtful than calling someone a snob. I know people that think being called a snob is complimentary
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| Posted 12/4/07 4:33 PM |
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