Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread

I agree 100%

I am very happy we did not buy a house in the area from where my FH grew up.
The people have lots of money, and alot of his neighbors are millionaires.

We choose to buy in a nice area, but not to nice. No one is stuck up, i love all my neighbors they are all very down to earth.

My FMIL said the area was always like that.
When she would take FH to the park when he was a baby, she was the ONLY mom there. It was filled with all Nannies....not that there is anything wrong with that, but these women did not work, they just had nannies so they could go shopping and all their activities like lunch, nails, hair appts.

Message edited 12/4/2007 10:41:52 PM.

Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread

We have been considering similar things while house-hunting. We can't afford the really expensive areas to begin with, but even within the solidly middle-class areas that we are considering, I have concerns about our future children competing with the other kids about materialistic things. We plan on instilling the best values in them that we can, but no matter what, children will be influenced by what others around them have. I would like my children to be surrounded by others with similar statuses to them, and not be the poorest kids in a wealthy area.

It really is all relative, and i'm sure no matter where we end up, there will be the "keeping up with the Joneses" mentality. As long as the school district is good and well-regarded, I don't care if it's the top-top. I'd rather be somewhere where my family fits in.

Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread

I just spoke to a parent on the phone today whose daughter is trying to get into all of the top NE prep schools and he doesn't want her to go to boarding school. He said he doesn't want her to get wrapped up in a life of privilege at this age, and that it's bad enough where he lives in Greenwich. Obviously he has money, but he seemed really down to earth. I'd like to think that if I were rich, my kids would not really know it. I don't want them to get caught up in that lifestyle and I want them to know the value of a dollar and working hard for what you have.

Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread

Message edited 1/14/2008 8:56:37 AM.

Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread

Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread

Honestly, compared with other parts of the country, I dont think there are any parts of LI that are middle class. What we pay in taxes is unreal!

That being said, DH and I bought a houes in the town I grew up in. It's what I would call middle and upper middle class - though I know there are more and more professionals moving in with full time nannies, etc. I just dont want to live in an area where there is an assumption that I have a ski chalet or a summer house, etc.

I didnt know anyone who got a new car in high school. Getting mom or dad's old station wagon was a pretty big deal back in 1991.

Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread

Message edited 12/4/2007 11:59:24 PM.

Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread

Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread

In regard to the HS kids' cars-I grew up in a car business family & my parents still made me learn to drive on a 10 year old two-tone poop brown monte carlo. After a while I got a better car, in fact I had the best car in my school & people were envious of it & I often felt almost embarrassed. I had a teacher say "hey Kelly, your car is way nicer than mine"
I'm talking 20 years ago though.
In 2005 my son was driving his explorer that his grandparents bought for him (he pays all the insurance in its his name since day one) and he slid on the ice in Connetquot(not really an affluent area) HS student parking lot. He hit TWO Cadillac escalades that were parked belonging to two students, both of them were registered & insured in the parents names.
I'm sorry but I disagree with that mentality. A 50,000 gas guzzling truck is not safer than a 25,000 truck, what does it really teach a kid to start out a notoriously luxurious vehicle?


Yesterday at work I was with a patient that is the wife of a very successful surgeon. She happens to be totally down to earth & lovely. They live in Lloyd harbor but they have plenty of money & its not a stretch. However she has told me numerous times that it bothers her that kids don't "play in the street" like we did when we were kids. The houses are spread out & set back so its not like a neighborhood feeling. They only play by going to organized activities. She also said that she feels the middle school/high school combo it goes from 7th to 12th grade is horrible.
Her daughter is very immature & its really hard for her to fit in a big school with kids of such different ages.
According to her there is a ton of pressure with clothes, shoes & pocketbooks & she was telling me about how competitive the mothers are with their weight.
She & her husband have been doing Jenny Craig for a couple of months because according to her they were the "fattest couple in town". Neither of them are/were even CLOSE to being fat.

I just know that settting would make my skin crawl. That's why we all have choices.

Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread

I suppose the "us and them" signs were there while I was growing up but I just never realized it.

We grew up in Levittown and and didn't want for much. House was always in good condition and being upgraded, we always had one "work" truck for Dad and a nice car for Mom. We had nice clothes and although the trends then were more about Champion sweatshirts and Cavariccis, we had those too if we wanted them.

But I was always seperated from that, by choice. I don't recall ever having an overwhelming desire to fit in, be a popular girl or have material posessions.

When I was 16, my parents were doing so well financially that they put our house up for sale. They were looking for a new house in Oyster Bay, Brookville, etc.

My mother confessed recently that that move had more to do with seeing how the other half lived. That she was somewhat jealous and wanted more. I suppose it didn't help that we had relatives in Stony Brook that not only had nicer houses but things like inground pools, which we didn't have the land for.

I never knew about the school district in Stony Brook. Or that my Aunt and Uncle must have considered themselves better off than we were because of the school district, where they lived, and the "things" they had.

I never bought into the "We're different from you because of where we live or how much money we have" idea then and I don't now. So my working middle class parents must have done something right.

Message edited 12/5/2007 8:14:23 AM.

Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread

Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread

Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread

I don't think a town's perceived "snobbiness" would deter me from buying a home. I think you will find all kinds of people in all kinds of neighborhoods. However, I would certainly not one to be the "poorest" in any town, just like I do not want to be the wealthiest in any given town.

That being said I think you can provide your kids with material possessions and still have them learn good values and teach therm to be compassionate people.

I actually had a new BMW as my first car but I am not snobby, I was always a hard worker and as I look back I realize I was a really good kid.

however, I believe that if you make a decision to live in one of those towns then sometimes you do have to buy them those "cool" material things. Many adolescent psychologists agree that you do more damage from allowing your kids to be ostracized than the lesson it teaches. Teenage years are all about acceptance and it is a difficult time to teach a lesson in individuality.

Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread

Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread

if someone peed on my car they would have been effing BALD.

that said, I grew up in Park Slope Brooklyn.

I went to a public school, but was in a magnet program popular with the yuppy parents in my neighborhood, who deigned to send their kids to a public school, but they were all rich and snobby. and I was poor.

I made friends sure. but I made enemies too. with girls that wore the right jeans and had the right hair cuts.

it was their low self esteem that made them single me out for these things. I was different. people are usually afraid of different.

these lessons teach you A LOT about self worth and self respect.

anyone that thinks I am conceited has those girls to thank. b/c I knew then as I knew now that it's what you have/see when you are stripped down to the bone that counts.

b/c they made me realize how awesome I truly am

and no pricey jean or designer handbag can make up for an empty head or a shallow heart.

or a buttaface

Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread

I think where I grew up, it was the best of both worlds. There were people with "money to burn" but then there were people who just scraped by. I went to Catholic school, and in my class there was never ONE person who didn't have. You had a group of kids who had and group who didn't have and then you had a bunch of kids in the middle somewhere, like I was.

I had this conversation with my cousin. She refuses to move to a nicer neighborhood than she is currently living for the same reasons you stated above. When she grew up, her and her brother were the ONLY kids who didn't have. And she doesn't want to move to a more upscale neighborhood and continue her modest lifestyle. She does not want her children to be the only ones without.

Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread

Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread

I grew up in Merrick which was pretty snobby but I was certainly not one to have a brand new car or the most expensive bag. My parents were comfortable and I did get the cavaricci's and hot doggers (remember those) but those were special - not everyday purchases. I am happpy that I grew up there because I got a great education and lived in a really nice neghborhood. Sure, I'm sure I whined to my parents when I didn't get what the other girl had, but my parents also taught me to not think materialistic things were the be all end all. Although I do think it's harder now for kids to compete with "stuff." I mean elementary school kids now have cell phones and i-pods. THat stuff just wasn't available to us back then.

That being said, we live in a nice community in NJ now. We've talked about moving in the future and the towns we like are extremely snobby and I'm not sure if I want to put my kids directly into that. I know I would try to teach them right from wrong and not to buy into everything, but it's really hard.

Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread

i grew up in an affluent area and while my parents were always able to give me almost anything i wanted, i was not in the same league with a lot of the other kids. there was a large crowd of jappy girls but also a fair amount of more down to earth girls and those were my friends. but, it wasn't always easy to watch some kids get tons of expensive stuff - new bmws, lots of prada bags, energie jeans, etc. but i had a great childhood and i appreciate everything my parents gave me.

what the experience taught me is not to be impressed by money. i've been in so many huge, fancy houses growing up that i'm not going to drowl and oh and ah at them now. same with expensive cars.

Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread

Posted by BlondeJD

I think affluent areas and the attitudes of the people that live there vary a lot. I grew up in Huntington and NONE of us had brand new BMWs, Mercedes, etc. If you saw a BMW in the student parking lot, chances are it was 5-10 years old and belonged to someone's mom or dad. It just wasn't a snobby environment. It's been awhile since I graduated, so things may have changed.

ETA: Now that I'm thinking back, I remember that we actually used to make fun of the kids from one of the neighboring towns. It seemed like they all drove Cadillacs and BMWs and were very flashy about how much money they had. We were like W T F We thought it was comical because it seemed that they were just trying to show everyone how much money they had. One of my friends went to school in this neighboring town and she said it was absolutely awful.

Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread

I grew up in one of the nicer neighborhoods in Brooklyn in a beautiful big old house. When my father passed away, my Mom was left with 5 kids, a mortgage and emerging MS. I absolutely could not keep up with the kids in my neighborhood. I had NOTHING!!! I remember the girls used to keep a mental log of all of my outfits, and make sure to tell me that I wore that sweater last Tuesday too. The agony I went through...sigh...

The upside was that it happened in Brooklyn, A wonderful, diverse borough and I wasn't limited to those biitches that made it a point of putting those with less through hell.

So, does bullying, teasing etc. happen everywhere...yes...but the opportunity to escape it does not...

(does that make sense??)

Re: Living in an Upper-Class Area, Inspired by Great Neck thread

Posted by Ophelia

if someone peed on my car they would have been effing BALD.

that said, I grew up in Park Slope Brooklyn.

I went to a public school, but was in a magnet program popular with the yuppy parents in my neighborhood, who deigned to send their kids to a public school, but they were all rich and snobby. and I was poor.

I made friends sure. but I made enemies too. with girls that wore the right jeans and had the right hair cuts.

it was their low self esteem that made them single me out for these things. I was different. people are usually afraid of different.

these lessons teach you A LOT about self worth and self respect.

anyone that thinks I am conceited has those girls to thank. b/c I knew then as I knew now that it's what you have/see when you are stripped down to the bone that counts.

b/c they made me realize how awesome I truly am

and no pricey jean or designer handbag can make up for an empty head or a shallow heart.

or a buttaface