Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

thanks i will send it now.

tourist... no not at all, were shocked shes lasted this long

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

I think with the two changes made it is perfect! Did you send it yet? Good Luck- I hope all works out for the best!

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

JUST sent it.

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

here was his reply.

he just doesnt get it.

and please note teh molestation accusations are NOT true. he lives in a fantasy world.






Jessica,

I don't know what to say or how to start off. A lot of accusations to answer. Funny how you seem to feel you are the only one hurting here and how this is all about me and my decisions. Jessica, how can I say this nicely, this .........., any man who ever walked this earth and is a father would acknowledge that a 28 year old man who is preying on a 17 year old girl, who has never had a relationship in her life, is a sexual predator. There are many temptations in life that are not morally correct to react to, and any man, any man on this earth worth anything, would understand that you do not prowl on a 17 year old daughter of another man. It would have been totally illegal in this country, if only you were a few months younger. He would have been put in jail. So for you, who already made the wrong decision, to decide whether or not my daughters should be exposed to a person like that, thank God it's not your decision. Your grandmother has sat by for many, many years doing nothing while her daughters, and now granddaughter, gets molested. Your mothers uncle, neighbors, young boys, whatever, Memere' always ignored it. She does not know the real story about this guy. If she did, she would probably go on feeling like it was o.k to accept and expose another for peace. She is and was a very loving mother and grandmother. She comes from a different country with a different set of values.

Jessica, you made this decision. You didn't care about our feelings or thoughts or anything, just that you were in love, so **** the world. That has not shown me you can make a decision or are grown up. You are not going to school, not making a single advancement in life and this guy doesn't put you through college, but marries you? You work a job with no future, you guys don't even have a car. I'm supposed to feel that he's good for you? If he was good to you he would get your *** in gear, whether you wanted it or not, and get you in college, working towards a career. You were a child when he met you and he is responsible in supporting you now. You feel your happy now, but your living in bliss, not reality. This is a very tough world that an assistant manager in a retail store and a waitress will have to struggle in.

To think that this has anything to do with stubbornness is childish to state. It has to do with being disgusted with the likes of people like your husband that you chose. If your mother has given you some clue that she is happy with your arrangement, she is doing you a disservice, because she is just as disgusted with this individual in our conversations. The kids don't know about the situation nor does your grandmother, so who are all these people who want to see him at Christmas Eve? Your mother is just concerned for her mother and daughter and wants everyone to be happy. She believes I should try and fake this like she does. We disagree about that issue. The kids will see Memere' on Christmas and can open their presents then. No one is depriving Memere' here. I have accepted the fact that he will be with you, but he will not be with me or my other children. I never denied you to be with your "own blood and siblings," you make that choice. I offered to pick you up and bring you home. Your choice is being made and I will live with your choice, I just won't be a party to it. Your hurt can in no way exceed mine, nor can your anger and frustration. I know I will rip the organs out of that guy if I see him, and that would not be in anyone's best interests, mainly Sammy, Shaela or Joey's.

I have sacrificed for you for nearly 20 years, when I was your age I started taking responsibility for you as mine, it was not easy nor was/have I been perfect, but I did it because I love you and your mother more than life itself. I love my whole family and have worked hard to provide the best I can/could for them. You did not choose me as a father, but I did choose you as my daughter. I have been deprived of being asked for the hand of my daughter, I have been deprived of having a father/daughter dance at her wedding, I have been deprived the right to put her through college and help set her up with a career and an opportunity to be independent; instead of dependent. I have been deprived of seeing my daughter on the holidays. Your claim to love your family very much was not a consideration when you rushed to marry someone, when your family, especially your mother and father, were totally against it. That has caused many ugly moments in this house and will continue to do so.

Your mother is an adult, and I will never stand in her way of making her own decisions. If she wants to be there for her mother, and you are forcing this on her, because you know she has to be there, I respect her for that. But we do not have to be there. It's not because of any decision I make, it's because of the decision you make. You have always known my feelings on that. This back door approach has me even more ******. You never even called me to talk about it. I called you. I too have respected you by trying to keep at least our relationship alive. But eventually you will chose to not have a relationship with me, because of a decision you made, not me. Again, you will make the wrong decision and not think of others, just Jessica. You are the one making the decision about memere's Christmas Eve, it's real simple for you to tell memere' he has to work, and bring him the next day. Your looking to force this issue, which at this pace will never go away, just because of your feelings; I am being a father.

I love you and I told you I knew this was going to hurt you. That was the first thing I said to you the other a.m. I just don't understand your selfishness in again not thinking of others before you make a decision, I guess it's just easier to blame me........Dad

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

sorry to bring so much out in hte open about my perosnal life, i just wanted you all to see what im dealing with here!
hes impossible!

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

Its ok jess we are here for you!

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

I am so sorry you have to go through this. Never apologize for asking advice on personal issues, that is what we are all here for

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

thakns everyone. i just dont even know how to repsond! oh well.

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

Jess,
I felt his letter was very eloquent and he obviously cares for you so much. He does make some good points:
#1 What was a 28 year old man doing with a 17 year old girl?
#2 It will be a hard life for you in retail or as a waitress. He wants you to succeed and flourish and not to be stuck in dead end jobs and on your feet the whole day
#3 he seems very hurt that he wasn't asked his permission to marry you. Maybe your DH could call him or write him a letter to say where he was coming from.

I can understand you wanting to be there for your husband but maybe what your Dad suggested is the best thing. Come by yourself to see your family and bring him later or the next day. Good luck

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

I am sorry Jess that he wont meet you half way and give you Dh a chance! we are here for you.

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

ive decided to go early by myself while dh is at work. i will do lunch not dinner with them. this way i get to see the kids, then my mom will drive me home and i will spend the rest of the night wiht DH.

i hope my dad isnt there and if he is i will ignore him.

all i will be missing is dinner and the opening of presents. as long as the kids open mine when im there thats all that matters

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

Jess

Although i agree with some of the things he said. You got to understand partly where he is comming from. He lived a life where the man takes care of the woman. He is right, retail/waitressing isn't a career that should be thought of in the long run.

I would be ****** too if my 17 year old daughter was dating a 28 year old guy...

But the guy has got to get over his anger. What's done is done. You are not going to be leaving your DH. So although maybe he needs more time eventually he has got to accept HIS reality. His daughter is married and an adult now. And if he loves her like he says...He needs to come to terms with the decisions you have made for your life that he hasn't been able to control!

My best advice.....continue the talking !

Message edited 12/21/2005 12:48:54 PM.

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

Message edited 12/21/2005 1:40:15 PM.

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2

Posted by melijane

I see your points I am not sure about her Husband not being a man due to not talking to her father ...but YES he does have the control. Now he should know where his daughters stubborness comes from Apple does not fall far from the tree...as we see in this scenario but the manipulation in this is just mind boggling Its sad AND I WISH YOU JESS ALL THE BEST

I wasn't saying he wasn't a man in life-just in this situation. If you read her fathers letter his main point is that he feels this man is a pedophile and he doesn't feel that he should be around his younger children-perhaps if he got to know him on a man to man basis and some of these decisions were explained it would smooth the way for Jess. Thanks for the poilte discourse buy the way. It's nice to know people can disagree on this forum without all the personal bashing I've seen lately

Re: MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! update at bottom/ letter on page 2