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mom2aidan
2 boys & 1 girl :)
Member since 11/06 1874 total posts
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MIL in the delivery room?
I have a very strained relationship with my mil. yesterday, BIL (DH's brother) and his wife, my SIL came over for a bbq. I have a good relationship with my SIL. SIL told me that MIL wants to be in the delivery room!
She said that her mom was in the delivery room when all of her grandchildren were born and that it is just expected.
Now MIL was kind of p*ssed that she wasn't asked to be at the 20 week sono....
I think this is ridiculous!
I only want DH there and I have no idea WHY she would think I would want her there at my most difficult hour.
Please give me honest opinions and reactions to this. Am I wrong?
PS - When I told SIL that I had never heard of this being an "expected" thing, she said that maybe it's cultural - DH's family is puerto rican and I'm Irish.
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Posted 5/27/07 9:54 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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jes81276
summer fun!
Member since 3/06 4962 total posts
Name:
Jaime
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
Honestly, I wouldn't want my MIL in there and I have a good relationship with her. The only people I want in there are DH and my mom.
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| Posted 5/27/07 9:56 AM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
No way! Unless YOU WANT HER there, don't cave in.
I don't want anybody else but DH with me. Just the 2 of us experiencing the birth of our child. Just us as a family!
The rest can wait and see the baby later.
I really feel birth is so "intimate" and is so magical it should not become an expected thing for anyone else but me and DH.
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| Posted 5/27/07 9:58 AM |
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Palebride
I am an amazing bakist
Member since 5/05 13673 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
I have a great relationship with my mother-in-law and my mother...and NEITHER one of them are coming near the delivery room!!!
It's a personal choice for YOU to make. Not for her to decide. Let her know you're just not comfortable with her being there...
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| Posted 5/27/07 9:58 AM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
oh, hell no!!! i already told my il's that the only person in the room will be my dh. and i get along with my il's, but to have my fil in the delivery room, gross. my own father whom i love dearly does not want to be in there.
i would tell her you only want dh in there with you and she needs to deal with it.
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| Posted 5/27/07 9:59 AM |
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mom2aidan
2 boys & 1 girl :)
Member since 11/06 1874 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
Posted by smdl
No way! Unless YOU WANT HER there, don't cave in.
I don't want anybody else but DH with me. Just the 2 of us experiencing the birth of our child. Just us as a family!
The rest can wait and see the baby later.
I really feel birth is so "intimate" and is so magical it should not become an expected thing for anyone else but me and DH.
I agree - it is very intimate - I felt the same way about the 20 week sono where we found out the sex of the baby!!
NOW - since you aren't having your MIL's in the room, when are you calling them? When you go into labor or after the baby is born?
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| Posted 5/27/07 10:00 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
Posted by Scared710
PS - When I told SIL that I had never heard of this being an "expected" thing, she said that maybe it's cultural - DH's family is puerto rican and I'm Irish.
DH is PR and I am Irish. Same situation. My mother never asked to be in the room...before I was ever even pregnant DH's mother talked about how she was going to help me in the room. We don't have a good relationship at all.
DH said he did not see the big deal of letting his mom in. I said when you are ready to be in stirups barebottomed and going #2 on a table in front of my dad, we can talk.
I had a c-section, so it was a no go anyway. She always threw it in my face that my SIL said she could be in the room for the birth of her kid.
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| Posted 5/27/07 10:00 AM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
Posted by Janice
She always threw it in my face that my SIL said she could be in the room for the birth of her kid.
Yes... whatever!!!!
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| Posted 5/27/07 10:02 AM |
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mom2aidan
2 boys & 1 girl :)
Member since 11/06 1874 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
Posted by Janice
Posted by Scared710
PS - When I told SIL that I had never heard of this being an "expected" thing, she said that maybe it's cultural - DH's family is puerto rican and I'm Irish.
DH is PR and I am Irish. Same situation. My mother never asked to be in the room...before I was ever even pregnant DH's mother talked about how she was going to help me in the room. We don't have a good relationship at all.
DH said he did not see the big deal of letting his mom in. I said when you are ready to be in stirups barebottomed and going #2 on a table in front of my dad, we can talk.
I had a c-section, so it was a no go anyway. She always threw it in my face that my SIL said she could be in the room for the birth of her kid.
That's what I told SIL last night - It's going to be so gross and I am going to be so naked - why would I want her there? Maybe it is a cultural thing....
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| Posted 5/27/07 10:02 AM |
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christy
Mommy of 2
Member since 5/05 6787 total posts
Name:
Christy
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
My MIL has expressed a desire to be in the room, and the answer is NO! She also wanted to come to our sonograms, once again NO!
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| Posted 5/27/07 10:03 AM |
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AOMom
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/06 856 total posts
Name:
j
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
Absolutely positively no way in h e l l is my MIL coming anywhere near me during labor. I think we'll probably call he after the baby is born (maybe when the baby is 18  ).
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| Posted 5/27/07 10:04 AM |
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Palebride
I am an amazing bakist
Member since 5/05 13673 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
Posted by Scared710
NOW - since you aren't having your MIL's in the room, when are you calling them? When you go into labor or after the baby is born?
I'm having my husband call them when we leave for the hospital to let them know what's going on. If they want to go to the hospital at that point, they can, or they can wait until we get there to see what's going on. We all live about 45 minutes from the hospital, and this is the first grandchild for both families, so I have a feeling they'll all be at the hospital before we even get there!
If they don't go to the hospital, he'll call and give them updates as we get them.
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| Posted 5/27/07 10:04 AM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
Posted by Scared710
NOW - since you aren't having your MIL's in the room, when are you calling them? When you go into labor or after the baby is born?
Depending on the length of labor, we will start calling if we know this is the "real' deal. We may not even have time.
Otherwise, right away after the baby is born. Within the next few hours or so. But you know what. We don't have a set time frame. Whatever is right for us at that time. If it takes 4 hours to be with our baby after delivery, recovery, etc.. we are not going to rush and "ruin" our moment.
Message edited 5/27/2007 10:06:51 AM.
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| Posted 5/27/07 10:05 AM |
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mom2aidan
2 boys & 1 girl :)
Member since 11/06 1874 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
Thanks girls! You've made me feel so much better! I'm not even having my own mother - there is no way his mother will be there!
I think I will have DH call after the baby is born. Do you think this will cause a war?
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| Posted 5/27/07 10:06 AM |
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christy
Mommy of 2
Member since 5/05 6787 total posts
Name:
Christy
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
Posted by Scared710
Thanks girls! You've made me feel so much better! I'm not even having my own mother - there is no way his mother will be there!
I think I will have DH call after the baby is born. Do you think this will cause a war?
Maybe have him call as things get close. That way they can be there in time for the birth....and hear about it in the waiting room.
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| Posted 5/27/07 10:07 AM |
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mom2aidan
2 boys & 1 girl :)
Member since 11/06 1874 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
Posted by Rooster
Absolutely positively no way in h e l l is my MIL coming anywhere near me during labor. I think we'll probably call he after the baby is born (maybe when the baby is 18 ).
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| Posted 5/27/07 10:07 AM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
Posted by Scared710
I think I will have DH call after the baby is born. Do you think this will cause a war?
Then that's too bad! Really don't be cheated of your own birthing experience to please someone else.
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| Posted 5/27/07 10:07 AM |
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Palebride
I am an amazing bakist
Member since 5/05 13673 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
Posted by Scared710
I think I will have DH call after the baby is born. Do you think this will cause a war?
I think it all depends on how quickly it happens...if you are at the hospital laboring for a while, it can't hurt to call them then to let them know what's going on.
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| Posted 5/27/07 10:08 AM |
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
Look- you MUST make your wishes known to the hospital staff. Perhaps allow her in for the laboring part, but when it comes to pushing, have the nurses chase everyone out. This is YOUR birth. NO ONE should be permitted to make you feel the least bit uncomfortable.
Thankfully, my hospital only allows 2 people in the room during delievery- otherwise we'd be building bleachers for all the spectators.....
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| Posted 5/27/07 10:12 AM |
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
Posted by smdl
Posted by Scared710
I think I will have DH call after the baby is born. Do you think this will cause a war?
Then that's too bad! Really don't be cheated of your own birthing experience to please someone else.
I agree. This is the most imprtant moment of your lives, the birth of your child. Don't feel obligated to have anyone in there but you.
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| Posted 5/27/07 10:18 AM |
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ziamaria
I love this boy!
Member since 4/07 3372 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
I had the same issue w/my husband - his mother made it sound to me, as though she was going to be in the room, i clarified w/him and he wants just the two of us in there. part of me wants my mom in b/c im her only daughter and this is her first grandchild, but i def. dont want his mom in there. shes a great woman, but she spoke in vivid detail about her daughter's birth and genetials, and i dont feel like having my nani discussed for the rest of our lives.
just tell them its the most important and intimate day of urs n ur hubby's life and u want to keep it btw u two
good luck!!
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| Posted 5/27/07 10:24 AM |
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dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
Forget the delivery room! Since I am a planned c-section my IL's are planning on coming to the hospital the same time as us. Ummm, maybe your son would like to be with his wife in recovery and share their child's first few hours together as a family.
We told my IL's that even though the schedule is set for the morning, it may not happen until late that night (like a friend of mine). DH is planning on waiting until I am given a room to make phone calls so I can recover and get ready for the stream of visitors.
I understand that this may be their tradition to have Moms and MIL's in the delivery room but if it is not YOUR tradition and/or a tradition you find uncomfortable, then they need to understand this on your end as well. Don't give in to the pressure if it is what you really don't want!
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| Posted 5/27/07 10:50 AM |
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karacg
Babygirl is 4!
Member since 5/05 17076 total posts
Name:
Kara®
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
No way, you are so right about this.
If you have a hard time, tell MIL the hospital will only alow one person to be with you and that is DH.
Fortunately I don't have this problem. Neither his nor my mom have expressed any desire to be there, lol!
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| Posted 5/27/07 10:54 AM |
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Bugaboo
Relax!
Member since 5/05 2133 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
No way would I want my MIL in there with me. I love her and all but the less people I have in there with me the happier I'll be.
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| Posted 5/27/07 10:57 AM |
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debsey75
My two best friends!
Member since 11/06 5879 total posts
Name:
Debbie
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Re: MIL in the delivery room?
NO way, you do what you want.
Nerve of her to even assume that you would want here there.
I would never want my MIL in there with me.
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| Posted 5/27/07 11:23 AM |
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