Re: MIL in the delivery room?

Thanks again for all the support - I just don't feel comfortable with my who-ha out for the world to see and my MIL in the room!

I'm just going to have to explain it to her or use the excuse that they don't let more than one person in the room.

I am DEFINITELY going to make my wishes known to the staff - I could see her trying to barge her way into the room!

I guess we'll have to play it by ear - who knows how long the labor will be? Maybe DH can call when things are getting close...

Thank you so much! At least I know I'm not in the minority in feeling this way!

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

I'm having enough trouble getting her to not stay with us right after the baby is born!! I can't imagine if she wanted to be in the delivery room!!

I will tell you... that there should be NO negativity in that delivery room with you. SO do everything you can to get your point across about who is to be and who is NOT to be in that room with you.

BEST of luck!!

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

There was a time when nobody but the mother was allowed in the room. I realize times have changed and I for one would need the support of DH when I am ready to deliver, but thats about it.

Sometimes, I watch Baby Story on TV and everyonce in a while, it seems as if a birth becomes as intimate as a neighborhood block party. It is something so far beyond my comprehension but to each their own.

Since we are not PG yet, it hasn't been a topic of conversation. My mother is disabled and would not be able to be present because she uses a wheelchair and/or a walker - the logistics do not make sense. My MIL, I am pretty sure, would not even ask. She is very respectful of our privacy. If anything, I would ask one of my sisters to be a "back-up" in the event that DH is at work or not home when I go into labor.

However, if I were ever in your situation, I would handle it in one of two ways:

1) I would say that my own mother will not be there and she would feel hurt.

or

2) You could say the hospital allows only one person and that is DH. (But be careful with this one, she may be savvy enough to call the hospital and check their policies.)

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

No way! The only one I wanted there was DH, possibly my sister, but in the end it was just the two of us. It's your delivery, who is she to be offended that she can't be there? Ridiculous!

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

only person I wanted in my delivery room was dh...do what makes you most comfortable. I can't believe someone would just expect that...

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

OMG... NO WAY....

For me, it is a moment about a family starting and I want me and DH only...... we did make that clear and intend to do so with the staff..... everyone else can sit in the waiting room, as I have plenty of times....

But, I think you need to be sure that she is understanding of that pre-delivery.... and I would have DH have the conversation and explain your uncomfortable......

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

Wow! I feel the exact same way you do. I only want my DH in the delivery room with me. I would write down your wishes in a birthing plan and make sure every person in the hospital who is handling the birth of your child to have a copy. I would also bring the subject up with your OBGYN at an office visit and have him mark it on your chart so he/she knows this before the stress of the big day. As for calling, I would still have your DH call (if there is time and you are in a long/normal labor) so they can wait outside. I would still specify to the nurses on duty that no one except your DH and the hospital staff are to be with you during labor and the rest of the family can wait outside.

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

I wouldn't feel comfortable with my MIL there. My mom was in the room with the birth of my DD but I don't plan on having my MIL in the room.

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

I don't want MY mother in there, I certainly wouldn't want my MIL in there. If YOU aren't comfortable with it, speak up. Her expectations really don't matter, you need to be comfortable in the delivery room.

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

No way - no how! I don't even want my mom in there...I think it's something that's nice between a husband and a wife to share.

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

I didn't even want my mom in the delivery room. It was just DH and me, which is what I wanted. You are not wrong! My MIL has boundary issues big time and tries to make me feel guilty for standing my ground on issues.

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

NO WAY, are you kidding? Was she there for the conception?

I love my MIL she's a sweetie BUT there is no way I would let her in the room.

This is a special private moment for you & DH to share

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

The words HELL NO spring to mind.

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

I don't think it's cultural. My son is puerto rican and my x's mother was not in the delivery room. She was in her daughters when she had her baby 2 weeks after me.

It's your time you decide that would be a little akward to me.

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

Not a chance!

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

no thanks!!!!

Message edited 5/28/2007 1:18:21 PM.

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

What hospital are you delivering in? Do they even allow an "audience"? Im delivering at Huntington Hospital and they only allow one other person in the room with you..They may allow a couple of visitors here and there but basically that's it. I know when I was at LIJ it was basically the same type of thing...maybe this is something that you wont even have to get into..maybe you can blame the powers that be?

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

no way!

Here's the thing I don't understand about her tradition. She said that HER MOTHER NOT MIL was in the delivery room with her. So if it was tradition - YOUR mother should be in there and she should be waiting somewhere else.

That being said, if anything does happen to get her in there, if you are delivering in NYS, they will clear the room at some point of everyone except you and a nurse and ask about domestic abuse. This happens pretty quickly once you get there, so I would tell the nurse then that you don't want your MIL in there and they should be able to take care of it.

I think we called our parents when we were at the hospital (not leaving for it though) and then right after the baby was born. We'll do it the same way. You can also say that your Dr told you to come in, but didn't think you were in labor, so that's why you didn't tell anyone.

good luck!

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

There are compromises to the situation if you both were willing to do it.

She can be there while you're laboring (which could be hours) but when you push the doctor can tell her she has to leave.

Otherwise I would say if she really wanted to be there during the birth of all of her grandchildren, she should have recognized the importance of having a great relationship with her daugther-in-law well before now.

As you can see, even those with the best MIL relationships would have a hard time with it.

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

Thanks girls - I'm delivering at north shore manhasset and I'm really hoping that the rule is only one other person.

My SIL's mother was at the birth of all of her grandchildren - whether they were born to her daughter or her daughter in laws. Unfortunately, my MIL knows this - they had a long talk about one DIL who didn't want her MIL in the room and how "unfair" she was to deny the MIL to witness the birth of her child. I was SHOCKED to hear this. SIL suggested it might be a cultural thing, but judging by your posts, I guess not.

I am so glad that you guys are as outraged as I am that she "expects" to be there. I really think it is an intimate moment when a family is born and I really only want DH there and I'm going to take your advice and make sure everybody knows that.

To be honest, I really don't want anyone there even for the laboring part. I hope I can make that clear to the hospital. It's just the way that I am - it's not to spite her in any way. I don't even want my own mom or sister there!

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

Definitely make your wishes known to her, and thank her for offering, but firmly let her know that you just want DH in there. I think others are right and you should let the hospital know too, just in case she trys to get in the room.

I would never want MIL in the room! Just not something I would want to deal with at all. DH and my mom, or my sister if my mom can't get up here in time, that's it.

To each their own, but I don't get these large groups of extended relatives either that I see on TLC sometimes.

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

I would "blow" her off for as long as possible & try to never give her an answer.

I'd be sure to let the nurses & dr's know that DH is the only person allowed in the delivery room.
They are really great & will make up something to tell her. Blame it on the hospital/staff.

Re: MIL in the delivery room?

I don't think it's a cultural thing.
My MIL is PR and she didn't ask to be in the delivery room.

I think it's just weird when someone other than your own mother would want to witness this. No privacy at all. I also think that it's a special moment that should be shared between husband and wife. This is JMHO.