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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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MIL vent/question.. UPDATE on pg 2
My mother will be hosting my baby shower, and assumed/hoped that my MIL would offer to help in some way. My MIL's list is almost double the length of my side, because she has 6 sisters and many nieces that would be coming. My mom was hoping for either monetary help, favors, cake, centerpieces, anything really. My mom is throwing my sister's shower a month after me, and her MIL will be paying for her invited guests, which my mother truly appreciated.
My mom was/is a little annoyed about it, but said that maybe my MIL was planning on buying our nursery furniture set. According to my mom, this is something that the in-laws typically do. The last time I spoke to my MIL about the furniture set I planned on purchasing, she made a comment that I better save my money because that will be an expensive purchase. So based on that, I think it is safe to say we may not be getting any help there, either!
My DH keeps telling how embarrassed he is. Part of him wants to say something to his mom about how she hasn't offered to help anyone out, but the other part of him doesn't want to say anything at all because he does not want to put her on the spot or look selfish. I truly do not expect anyone to give me anything, but I would appreciate any help she could give my mother. I think more than anything else, I am sad and disappointed in my in-laws for not offering any sort of help (big or small).
So I guess my question for everyone is what help (if any) did you receive from your in-laws? Thank for you listening to me vent- I really needed to get it out, as it's been bumming me out lately
Message edited 1/30/2016 12:17:57 PM.
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Posted 1/25/16 5:25 PM  |
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Bebelove
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/12 742 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/question..
Nothing from In laws. My Mother paid for the whole shower, my Father purchased all of the nursery furniture. Many parents of boys are completely off the hook for this stuff 
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| Posted 1/25/16 5:50 PM |
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Hopefulmama
LIF Adult
Member since 4/14 1014 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/question..
It would be nice of her to help but my mother paid for my shower herself, although my inlaws did buy my bedroom set.
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| Posted 1/25/16 6:29 PM |
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Mara1017
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/11 696 total posts
Name:
Mara
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MIL vent/question..
I am in a different situation because my inlaws are not alive so obviously they did not contribute.
If your inlaws are inviting a lot of people maybe your husband can ask his parents if they can offer to pay for the family members that are being invited. I don't think there is any rule regarding the husbands side paying for the bedroom furniture. Every situation is different. If I were in your situation I would not be asking your MIL or having my husband ask for specific things as a gift. You have a registry and they can pick what they want and the amount they want to spend. Obviously if they ask you if there is something special that you want them to get you can point them towards the furniture
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| Posted 1/25/16 6:49 PM |
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ElizaRags35
My 2 Girls
Member since 2/09 20494 total posts
Name:
Me
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MIL vent/question..
Mil made a diaper cake and chipped in with my 2 sils to get the baby monitor and some clothes.
My parents paid for the shower and each bought a piece of furniture.
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| Posted 1/25/16 7:27 PM |
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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/question..
Posted by Mara1017
I am in a different situation because my inlaws are not alive so obviously they did not contribute.
If your inlaws are inviting a lot of people maybe your husband can ask his parents if they can offer to pay for the family members that are being invited. I don't think there is any rule regarding the husbands side paying for the bedroom furniture. Every situation is different. If I were in your situation I would not be asking your MIL or having my husband ask for specific things as a gift. You have a registry and they can pick what they want and the amount they want to spend. Obviously if they ask you if there is something special that you want them to get you can point them towards the furniture
yes I totally agree- Dh and I don't want to say anything unless they offer to help us out.
And I never heard of the "in-laws buying the crib" rule, lol... My mom swore it was a thing haha
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| Posted 1/25/16 8:03 PM |
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MrsB612
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/12 784 total posts
Name:
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MIL vent/question..
My MIL and my mom split our shower. DH's family is twice the size than mine. My MIL also bought all of DS's furniture.
Is your MIL financially able to contribute? Maybe that's the case?
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| Posted 1/25/16 8:44 PM |
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mrsg121314
LIF Infant
Member since 4/15 89 total posts
Name:
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MIL vent/question..
I've never heard about the in laws buying the furniture but my mom is basically covering my shower herself. apparently my MIL offered to have it at her house but there is no way that 50+ people would fit and we're not guaranteed outside space because weather in late march/early april is so insane... that my mom said 'thank you, but it probably won't work' ESPECIALLY because I know my MIL would crap her pants if that many people were in her house. So it was basically like a "Well, if its not my way then you can do whatever you want without my help" from my MIL.
We'll see what happens.
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| Posted 1/25/16 9:20 PM |
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Pinkisles
<3
Member since 11/13 2868 total posts
Name:
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MIL vent/question..
My MIL gave nothing. I can't even remember if she brought a gift.
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| Posted 1/25/16 9:56 PM |
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MrsG823
Just call me Mommy.
Member since 1/11 5570 total posts
Name:
S
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MIL vent/question..
My MIL bought a gift off of my registry--it was about $100. She did absolutely nothing special for me or my dd--DH just shrugged it off so at least your DH acknowledges his mother's behavior is unexpected.
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| Posted 1/25/16 10:11 PM |
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laurend22
LIF Infant
Member since 11/08 228 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: MIL vent/question..
My MIL gave me a gift at my shower but didn't contribute to the actual party. She also didn't offer or buy the nursery furniture either. My parents bought the crib and dresser.
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| Posted 1/25/16 10:20 PM |
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islandersgirl74
Love Being A Mommy!
Member since 6/06 5804 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: MIL vent/question..
My in laws paid for nothing. Didn't even offer. They bought the travel system.
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| Posted 1/25/16 10:21 PM |
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MrsZ2014
LIF Adult
Member since 2/15 909 total posts
Name:
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MIL vent/question..
My in-laws bought all the furniture for the nursery including the bassinette for our room. My sister threw the shower and said my in-laws offered to chip in as well.
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| Posted 1/26/16 2:23 AM |
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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/question..
Posted by MrsB612
My MIL and my mom split our shower. DH's family is twice the size than mine. My MIL also bought all of DS's furniture.
Is your MIL financially able to contribute? Maybe that's the case?
Yeah, they do very well finanically. This is the first grandchild for them, so we thought that they would be jumping for joy and asking what they could help with!
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| Posted 1/26/16 7:10 AM |
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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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MIL vent/question..
while it stinks that many of you kind of went through the same thing as me, it makes me feel a little bit better knowing that I am not the only one..
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| Posted 1/26/16 7:11 AM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/question..
I never heard about in-laws purchasing furniture. For both of my children, my parents purchased the furniture, but that's because they're generous. Not because of any tradition.
If your mom is throwing the shower she can certainly limit the number of guests your MIL can invite. Or, she can ask for some financial help. Honestly? IMO your husband should say something to your mom. If she has such a large family, amd expects them all to be invited, then she should certainly extend an offer to help.
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| Posted 1/26/16 8:41 AM |
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Kitten1929
LIF Adult
Member since 1/13 6040 total posts
Name:
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MIL vent/question..
My MIL rented the linens and china/glassware (it was an outdoor shower). My mom and sisters did all the food, cake and most of the decor, and my SIL rented the tent. I got the tables and chairs from my job. So it was definitely a joint effort.
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| Posted 1/26/16 8:49 AM |
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BabyM416
LIF Infant
Member since 8/15 159 total posts
Name:
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MIL vent/question..
My parents are paying for my shower too. My MIL only offered to buy a cake. And yet she is claiming she doesn't feel included and my mom is excluding her. In laws are just so much drama!
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| Posted 1/26/16 9:19 AM |
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SnickNNick
In our new house!!
Member since 8/08 2119 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: MIL vent/question..
My Mom and MIL split the cost of the shower. But they are on great terms with each other and live close to each other and also got together to do the DIY decorations, bake cookie favors, etc. So, I think I'm just very lucky!
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| Posted 1/26/16 9:19 AM |
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AliceCullen
LIF Adult
Member since 6/08 1497 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/question..
My parents and in laws split the cost of my shower and each bought some furniture for the nursery. We are lucky; our parents are very generous.
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| Posted 1/26/16 9:23 AM |
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stillasecret
LIF Infant
Member since 2/12 370 total posts
Name:
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MIL vent/question..
My Mom and Aunt threw my shower.
My MIL helped with dessert, decorating beforehand and my SIL made the wishing well and diaper cake.
My MIL also purchased all the nursery furniture. She is very generous (obviously) and does for my husband and I what her mother did for her.
That said. Did you Mom consult your MIL about the shower beforehand? If she didn't reach out to her and say "we'd love your input" type thing and she just made all the decisions, put only her name on the invite and then was looking for financial help I can see why your MIL didn't offer.
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| Posted 1/26/16 9:27 AM |
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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/question..
Posted by SnickNNick
My Mom and MIL split the cost of the shower. But they are on great terms with each other and live close to each other and also got together to do the DIY decorations, bake cookie favors, etc. So, I think I'm just very lucky!
This is how my mom and MIL are too! they live down the block from each other and my mom grew up with their family. For my wedding, my MIL was a great help, so I am a bit surprised
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| Posted 1/26/16 9:36 AM |
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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/question..
Posted by stillasecret
My Mom and Aunt threw my shower.
My MIL helped with dessert, decorating beforehand and my SIL made the wishing well and diaper cake.
My MIL also purchased all the nursery furniture. She is very generous (obviously) and does for my husband and I what her mother did for her.
That said. Did you Mom consult your MIL about the shower beforehand? If she didn't reach out to her and say "we'd love your input" type thing and she just made all the decisions, put only her name on the invite and then was looking for financial help I can see why your MIL didn't offer.
Yeah, my mom called her to give her some input on dates and whatnot. We have alot of family events going on this spring/summer, so they sat down and had a conversation on what dates would work best. My Dh and I also had both sets of parents over for dinner 2 weeks ago, and the shower was a big discussion. She had alot of input on what should and shouldnt be done, but has yet to make an offer to help on anything.. Maybe she will soon. I will have to keep you all updated
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| Posted 1/26/16 9:39 AM |
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EandF
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 1674 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/question..
My parents paid for the shower and bought DD's crib and DH's mom bought the combo dresser/changing station. His parents are divorced and his dad is remarried so they bought their own gifts.
They didn't offer help and we didn't ask. I would have your DH say something. I know it may be awkward but your MIL may be thinking something and it will bother both of you so an honest conversation is just the best and easiest way.
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| Posted 1/26/16 9:53 AM |
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clotheshorse
LIF Adult
Member since 5/12 1293 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/question..
My in laws bought us the crib, mattress, & pack/play for our first. They split the shower cost evenly. For our second, so far nothing but know they will get us something. My mother already bought us the double stroller & crib sheets.
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| Posted 1/26/16 9:53 AM |
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