MIL vent/question..

Is it possible it hasn't occurred to your MIL to offer to help? My MIL has 3 sons so she's a little clueless on this stuff and some people are weird with offering money. I don't think it could hurt to have DH talk to her about the size of her guest list and how she should be helping out.

ETA - My MIL paid for her shower guests and split the cost of all nursery furniture with my parents. My parents still paid more because my mom did all the "little" things for the shower... favors, cake, decor, etc. etc. But at least my MIL did chip in.

Message edited 1/26/2016 10:22:38 AM.

Re: MIL vent/question..

Re: MIL vent/question..

My IL's offered to help my mom with my baby shower, but my mom declined because she and MIL split the cost of my bridal shower evenly so she wanted to do this on her own. Instead, IL's bought DD1's nursery furniture, mattress, and bedding set.

For this DD, my parents bought the nursery furniture and IL's bought the crib bedding and decorations (mobile, lamp, etc). DH and I are in a very fortunate situation when it comes to our parents.

Re: MIL vent/question..

I'm clearly in the minority, but I don't understand at all how a baby shower seems to be up to the woman's family to pay for or host. My DS is not more of my mom's grandchild than my DH's parents. They're both equally grandparents to this child, they should both equally be throwing the shower.

I can tell you that for my DS, both my mom and exMIL split the cost evenly and they both bought pieces of furniture for the nursery. I expect it to be the same for my next child. Honestly, my mom would be furious with my MIL if she just expected that my mom was going to host and pay for the whole thing, and so would I. I might be the one carrying that baby, but it was DH's sperm that got me pregnant. WE are BOTH having a baby, so it's just as much MIL's responsibility as my mom's to throw the shower.

Message edited 1/26/2016 11:21:55 AM.

Re: MIL vent/question..

MIL vent/question..

I'm probably not much help at all -- I'm not having a baby shower (religious reasons) but my MIL threw my bridal shower without my Mother's help last spring, even though I didn't even want to have one (second marriage). She didn't offer to buy furniture specifically but wants to buy something big and was disappointed when we told her we already purchased our UB Vista stroller (which we assumed was more than she wanted to spend) and other people already claimed purchasing our furniture. I think she's going to just give us a check so we can get all of the other items we need.

Maybe she is already purchasing something big for you?

Message edited 1/26/2016 11:38:37 AM.

Re: MIL vent/question..

My MIL didnt contribute to my shower or even attend (they live OOS and I dont think she wanted to pay for a flight -- I told DH we should pay but he felt uncomfortable because while they arent super wealthy they could afford it and he felt it would be insulting). In retrospect she regretted not coming so she "made up for it" by hosting a shower for my SIL. All of DH family lived OOS and none of them attended so its not like she had a big list or anything. I find that when I have really low expectations I am much less likely to be disappointed.

Re: MIL vent/question..

Posted by HomeIsWithU

I'm clearly in the minority, but I don't understand at all how a baby shower seems to be up to the woman's family to pay for or host. My DS is not more of my mom's grandchild than my DH's parents. They're both equally grandparents to this child, they should both equally be throwing the shower.

I can tell you that for my DS, both my mom and exMIL split the cost evenly and they both bought pieces of furniture for the nursery. I expect it to be the same for my next child. Honestly, my mom would be furious with my MIL if she just expected that my mom was going to host and pay for the whole thing, and so would I. I might be the one carrying that baby, but it was DH's sperm that got me pregnant. WE are BOTH having a baby, so it's just as much MIL's responsibility as my mom's to throw the shower.

Re: MIL vent/question..

Posted by Bebelove

Posted by HomeIsWithU

I'm clearly in the minority, but I don't understand at all how a baby shower seems to be up to the woman's family to pay for or host. My DS is not more of my mom's grandchild than my DH's parents. They're both equally grandparents to this child, they should both equally be throwing the shower.

I can tell you that for my DS, both my mom and exMIL split the cost evenly and they both bought pieces of furniture for the nursery. I expect it to be the same for my next child. Honestly, my mom would be furious with my MIL if she just expected that my mom was going to host and pay for the whole thing, and so would I. I might be the one carrying that baby, but it was DH's sperm that got me pregnant. WE are BOTH having a baby, so it's just as much MIL's responsibility as my mom's to throw the shower.

My experience has been that the Parents of the daughter end up shelling out a lot more money for these things. Most of the parties/ showers I have attended were paid for and hosted by the girls parents. My In laws didn't offer a thing for any of my showers and we would never have asked. My parents were the ones willing to host, so be it. They paid for everything and never once complained or even mentioned it. I just wonder if these things are not that important on the boys side.

Re: MIL vent/question..

Help? My b*tch of a MIL didn't even RSVP to my shower.

I never heard of the mil paying for the,furniture though. It would be nice if she offered some shower help. Maybe DH can ask for some assistance with favors or cake?

MIL vent/question..

My mom and MIL split the shower cost and both furnished the nursery between all of the furniture, curtains, mattress, changing pad, etc.

Re: MIL vent/question..

My parents bought us our nursery furniture. My MIL bought me a stroller and knitted DS a blanket. She did not try to help with the shower and only invited a few people cause she claims it was my moms event....ugh don't get me started lol . My in laws are the most selfish people in the world so I was shocked with those presents.

Message edited 1/27/2016 3:17:18 PM.

Re: MIL vent/question..

My family threw the shower, bought a TON of gifts and some of the furniture. My MIL/FIL bought some clothes/books and the rest of the furniture. I don't think there is a 'norm' here - every family dynamic is different. While it would be nice of her to offer, I would not recommend saying anything. The aggravation after that conversation will likely outweigh how annoyed you are now (unless she is a uniquely understanding MIL). I have a keep the peace approach to my in-laws. I can't stand them internally but I smile and nod for everyone's sake.

Re: MIL vent/question..

Posted by mrsanonymous

My family threw the shower, bought a TON of gifts and some of the furniture. My MIL/FIL bought some clothes/books and the rest of the furniture. I don't think there is a 'norm' here - every family dynamic is different. While it would be nice of her to offer, I would not recommend saying anything. The aggravation after that conversation will likely outweigh how annoyed you are now (unless she is a uniquely understanding MIL). I have a keep the peace approach to my in-laws. I can't stand them internally but I smile and nod for everyone's sake.

Re: MIL vent/question..

My ILs and parents split the cost of our co-ed shower. They are very generous.

MIL vent/question..

My MIL paid for the guests on her list and did the favors. For a gift she purchased our car seat and compatible stroller system.

MIL vent/question..

I didn't have a baby shower, but my in laws purchased all of the bedding for the crib and accessories that went with it.
My parents bought us the high chair. each did what they could afford.

MIL vent/question..

My MIL chipped in nothing and didn't even bother to attend. She didn't attend my bridal shower either. She was at Trekkie con for one of the events, I forget which.

And I honestly have no idea what she sent for the baby. I think it was a mets fleece blanket. My FIL and his wish bought us the crib (which was completely unexpected).

MIL vent/question..

My mom, MIL and grandmother split the cost of the shower. ILs got us the dresser, my parents got us the crib/mattress.

On the flip side, my mom paid for my brother and SILs shower by herself otherwise they wouldn't have had one.

MIL vent/question..

I received zero help from my in-laws. They are basically poor yet have money to go on trips. They go away about five times a year. The only things they ever buy is cheap crap from Walmart, which i throw out anyway.

MIL vent/question..

OMG it gets worse... I went to the place my mom booked for my shower to discuss the menu, and my MIL asked to come. We assumed that meant she was going to offer to help, but instead she took over the appt and inquired about having her daughter's (my SIL) bridal there THE WEEKEND BEFORE mine.

My shower is in May, due in July. Her daughter's wedding is in Sept. I don't understand why the shower needs to be four months early???? Luckily, she was not a fan of the price at the place and they did not have the date available... My mom is now even more upset that she came, made it about her child's shower, and still did not offer any help!

Re: MIL vent/question..

My MIL didn't contribute for my shower and my parents were the ones who bought our nursery furniture.

I honestly don't think your MIL should be expected to help. It would be nice if she did but she's not hosting so it's not her responsibility. I don't agree that she should pay for her guests bc again she isn't throwing the shower.

It's always so hard to be in the middle of things like this. I hope that you enjoy your shower and celebrating your baby.'

ETA: Just saw above post. She has a lot of nerve! Ugh! You're probably better off she ins't involved, she'd probably be a nightmare!

Message edited 1/30/2016 10:54:43 AM.

Re: MIL vent/question.. UPDATE on pg 2

If she isn't contributing, I wouldn't feel bad telling her that she can invite x number of people (something your mom is comfortable paying for). It isn't a free for all to invite anyone she wants. If she wants more, she can pay for them.

MIL vent/question.. UPDATE on pg 2

My in laws did an equal, if not greater, amount for my shower. They wanted to upgrade the food, so I believe they paid for the difference to upgrade.

They also gave a larger gift than my parents did, but neither gave a gift equal to the cost of our furniture (and our furniture was quite reasonable). We bought the furniture ourselves.

Message edited 1/30/2016 9:37:00 PM.

Re: MIL vent/question.. UPDATE on pg 2