Moms - WWYD re bday party

My son is very excited about having his first "friend" bday party. He wants to invite everyone in his kindergarten class except for one kid. He has been complaining about this child all year. Based on what he tells me, it sounds to me like he has some severe behavioral issues.

I do not think it's okay to exclude one kid from a party. It's not the right thing to do. But every time I mention it, my son gets so upset, sometimes to the point of crying, saying he doesn't want him at his party because he will ruin it. So while I do not think its right to exclude someone, I also don't think it's right to do something that is going to cause my son stress at his own birthday party. That's not fair. So, I really don't know what to do.

WWYD? If it matters, I have to mail the invitations. They are not to be handed out in school. I am concerned about my son or other kids talking about his party in school. I would never want a child to feel left out but I obviously can't control what is said at school.

Re: Moms - WWYD re bday party

Give him a choice - invite everyone, invite only a handful of kids or no party.

Sets a terrible example to leave out one kid.

Message edited 5/5/2021 4:28:09 PM.

Re: Moms - WWYD re bday party

Moms - WWYD re bday party

That's a tough one. I would say that he can't leave out only one kid. Ask him to pick his best 10-12 friends and only include them. It's either all, a few, or none. You can't leave out just one. JMO

Re: Moms - WWYD re bday party

Re: Moms - WWYD re bday party

Moms - WWYD re bday party

As the mom of a kindergartener myself, I don’t know that I’d risk ruining my child’s birthday party in the name of inclusiveness.

If the child has actual behavioral issues and is unable to control his behavior, then I agree he shouldn’t be excluded over something he cannot control. But if he’s a purposefully mean kid then I wouldn’t hesitate to exclude.

Granted, my opinion might be colored by the fact that my kid’s class is full of little aholes with big ahole parents.

Re: Moms - WWYD re bday party

I would invite the whole class and explain to my DD that it is the right thing to do and how would she feel if she was excluded.
On the bright side - maybe the kid won't go.

Moms - WWYD re bday party

You can't exclude one child. How old is your son? Are parents staying or is it a drop off? I think you either have to ask everyone or have him pick a few kids.

As the mom of a former behavioral child, I was fully aware of what she was doing and if she was invited somewhere I always went, id pay for myself it it was at a place. She has special needs and needed the support but I would have been really pissed if she wasn't included because people did not understand she had a disability and just thought she was a pain in the ass.

Moms - WWYD re bday party

I understand not wanting to have your child upset and definitely don't think they should have to invite someone they don't like to their birthday party. That said, I don't believe it is right to exclude one kid from the rest of the class. They will all for sure talk about it in school. I would suggest a smaller party (10 kids). It's not "fair" but it's right.

Moms - WWYD re bday party

Invite the whole class. I’m sure the parents are aware of her child’s behavioral issues and they may have never been invited to a party before and this could mean the world to that child (and parent). When they rsvp try to see if a parent will be staying....I always stayed at kindergarten parties.

Re: Moms - WWYD re bday party

Invite the whole class. Can you imagine your child Being the only one excluded?


The only way I can see you getting away with this if the invites and party are after school is out so chance of the child knowing they were the only on excluded would be really low but I still don’t think it’s right to do that.

You don’t even really have to tell your son you invited him so he is not stressing out. Hopefully at the party he will behave himself and if he is not I would hope the parents would be reprimanding him.

Re: Moms - WWYD re bday party

That's a tough one and I feel you.
But you kind of have to invite the whole class in this case.
It sucks, but hopefully it will be ok. There will be a lot of other kids there as a buffer and hopefully the parents will stay and watch him too

Re: Moms - WWYD re bday party

Re: Moms - WWYD re bday party

Re: Moms - WWYD re bday party

Moms - WWYD re bday party

I would tell him that he can invite a few friends and leave it at that.

Moms - WWYD re bday party

Whos the boss? Tell him you invite everyone or no one. This is the time you teach kids the meaning of respect and being a nice person.

Re: Moms - WWYD re bday party

Re: Moms - WWYD re bday party

Re: Moms - WWYD re bday party

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by FirstMate

Posted by LuckyStar

Granted, my opinion might be colored by the fact that my kid’s class is full of little aholes with big ahole parents.

SAME! I'm trying to figure out if he's truly a behavioral kid or if he's just a sh!t.

I am also jaded because I have previous experience with my older son...it always seems like the kids who require the most supervision have parents who are huge fans of the drop and run. Party = free babysitting. Then DH or I spend the entire party following the kid around making sure they don't hurt themselves or someone else. One year, a kid told me he didn't like fondant and pushed my son's birthday cake onto the floor. In front of my mother. Who spent hours making fondant Fort night figures.

No, some kids are pricks and they usually have prick parents.

Kids in my DD’s class are excluded all the time. There’s a group of moms who stand around talking about sleepovers, trips, birthdays, etc the kids take together in front of all the others. The rest of us cringe because a. that’s mean and b. 3 of the 4 kids in this group have quarantined the class 3 separate times. And not surprisingly the kids are mean, too. One of them calls my DD “an idiot girl” all the time. Which, I mean, if I had his mom for a role model I’d think girls were idiots, too.

My DD didn’t get to do anything for her birthday because she was quarantined for it (see above). I will begrudge these families until hs graduation and you guys are welcome to judge me for it

Re: Moms - WWYD re bday party

Posted by lululu

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by FirstMate

Posted by LuckyStar

Granted, my opinion might be colored by the fact that my kid’s class is full of little aholes with big ahole parents.

SAME! I'm trying to figure out if he's truly a behavioral kid or if he's just a sh!t.

I am also jaded because I have previous experience with my older son...it always seems like the kids who require the most supervision have parents who are huge fans of the drop and run. Party = free babysitting. Then DH or I spend the entire party following the kid around making sure they don't hurt themselves or someone else. One year, a kid told me he didn't like fondant and pushed my son's birthday cake onto the floor. In front of my mother. Who spent hours making fondant Fort night figures.

No, some kids are pricks and they usually have prick parents.

Kids in my DD’s class are excluded all the time. There’s a group of moms who stand around talking about sleepovers, trips, birthdays, etc the kids take together in front of all the others. The rest of us cringe because a. that’s mean and b. 3 of the 4 kids in this group have quarantined the class 3 separate times. And not surprisingly the kids are mean, too. One of them calls my DD “an idiot girl” all the time. Which, I mean, if I had his mom for a role model I’d think girls were idiots, too.

My DD didn’t get to do anything for her birthday because she was quarantined for it (see above). I will begrudge these families until hs graduation and you guys are welcome to judge me for it

Kids are excluded all the time but to invite the entire class except one is so completely inappropriate.

Re: Moms - WWYD re bday party

Message edited 5/6/2021 4:32:23 AM.

Moms - WWYD re bday party

I don't believe in leaving anyone out. I'm wondering if you should speak to the teacher and find out if this there are issues between him and your son. Does he pick on your son, is his personality stronger than your son causing him to feel uncomfortable. I'm wondering the reason your son gets so upset when just speaking of this boy

Message edited 5/6/2021 2:46:42 AM.

Moms - WWYD re bday party

The moms will stay at a k party. Hopefully, the mom can control his behavior at the party. The chances if the entire class responding yes is very slim so he most likely wouldn't be the only one ot going. But at the same time, he can't be the only one excluded.