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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
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Re: Moms of daughters - something I find very RUDE (moms of sons, you can come in too....)
Sorry for Crashing 
By the time DH was driving, we were already together for about two years. He NEVER came to the door once he got his car . . . my parents were super strict but they never said anything about it.
He NEVER beeped though, I just kept an eye out for him. He had to come in and sit for a while when we we first started dating but after a while, it was just getting silly. . . I mean if you are going out every single night with the same person how many times can he say "Hello Mrs I, how about this weather - we will be back before 11PM" LOL
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Posted 5/18/09 11:51 AM  |
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KangaMom
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Member since 1/06 4593 total posts
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Re: Moms of daughters - something I find very RUDE (moms of sons, you can come in too....)
DH was a teen and always came to the door.
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| Posted 5/18/09 12:45 PM |
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dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
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Re: Moms of daughters - something I find very RUDE (moms of sons, you can come in too....)
My father would have never let me out of the house if anyone showed up to pick me up and did not come to the door out of respect for my parents to at least say hello. All heck would have broken loose and he would make sure the person knew why I was not going out for the evening. Otherwise they would have ended up sitting in their car for hours waiting for me because my father would have me sitting waiting for the doorbell to ring.
I doubt my DH would permit either DD to leave the house as well without their escort at least ringing the bell.
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| Posted 5/18/09 12:54 PM |
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Kelly9904
Mommy to 2 amazing little boys
Member since 5/05 9306 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Moms of daughters - something I find very RUDE (moms of sons, you can come in too....)
Posted by AnnBrunoXO
I absolutely don't think you are being old fashioned - coming inside the house and greeting everyone is the polite and right thing to do.
All of our boyfriends (me and my sister's growing up) always rang the doorbell and came inside the house to say hello to everyone. My dad wouldn't let us leave with them let alone date them anymore f he didn't come inside and say hello - its just rude.
I agree, my mom made it quite clear to me when I was young that I wasn not leaving the house for a "honk", didnt matter if it was a friend or a boyfriend it was rude.
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| Posted 5/18/09 1:09 PM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: Moms of daughters - something I find very RUDE (moms of sons, you can come in too....)
Posted by EmmaNick
To be honest, I think it's rude that your SD is using the time she is supposed to be spending at her dad's house, out with her boyfriend.
Eh, I disagree. It's normal for teenagers to go out with friends. The fact that it happens on her dad's days with her is just how it is sometimes. It's not the SD's fault that her parents are divorced-I don't see why she should alter her plans (I'm assuming this happens on her mom's days too).
As for the original question-I think the kid should knock on the door.
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| Posted 5/18/09 1:29 PM |
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Sweets13
Bella Bambini
Member since 5/05 9300 total posts
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Re: Moms of daughters - something I find very RUDE (moms of sons, you can come in too....)
Posted by NinasMommy
I was never allowed out of the house unless my boyfriend came to the door. At the time I hated it and thought my parents were the worst, but now I completely understand.
I plan on doing the same with my daughter and DH agrees. You want to date my daughter then you will come to the door to pick her up and say hello to us.
SAME on both posts!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Posted 5/18/09 2:10 PM |
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MelToddJulia
Love my Family!
Member since 7/05 29064 total posts
Name:
Mel
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Re: Moms of daughters - something I find very RUDE (moms of sons, you can come in too....)
I agree with you and think he should come in a say hello, and show a little more respect to your Step daughter!
My parents were the same with me, and wanted my BF to come to the door to pick me up, and they had no problems saying this to the BF's either--lol My father is an old fashioned Italian, he wouldn't stand for that. I will be the same way with Julia, and I will make sure my son has respect for his GF and her parents!
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| Posted 5/18/09 2:32 PM |
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itkocak
Member since 7/07 7639 total posts
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Re: Moms of daughters - something I find very RUDE (moms of sons, you can come in too....)
Message edited 11/28/2011 9:36:26 PM.
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| Posted 5/18/09 2:35 PM |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: Moms of daughters - something I find very RUDE (moms of sons, you can come in too....)
Posted by imthekevinofcindyandkevin
Unacceptable.
Get out of the car. Come to the door and pick up my daughter.
You don't have to come in for a visit, just show her some respect.
exactly how i feel!
I've been with DH since I was 16 - he ALWAYS rang the bell when picking me up. And he always walked me to the door, too!
I like to think I was worth more than a honk! 
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| Posted 5/18/09 2:41 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
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Re: Moms of daughters - something I find very RUDE (moms of sons, you can come in too....)
When my daughter had boyfriends I didn't need to see them everytime they picked her up. As long as I met him before and every once in a while he came to the door to pick her up I was fine with it.
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| Posted 5/18/09 2:44 PM |
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Re: Moms of daughters - something I find very RUDE (moms of sons, you can come in too....)
Wow - lots of interesting responses...
I think it is interesting that some people interpreted this as an issue with control, wanting to be buddies with him or her, etc.
They seem to care about each other. We have no problem with the relationship, or the fact that an 18 yr old girl (who never had a serious boyfriend before him) wants to spend more time with him than her dad, her stepmom, her 12 year old sister, and 2 year old brother. That is a total no brainer 
I think I said it several times - but this is NOT something I am even choosing as a battle, because:
A. She is in college after last 2 years of hell and heartache with us
B. she has finally "come around" in a lot of ways with us, and I attribute it to her being in love
C. It is no issue with her, it has to do with my perspective of what *I* personally would like to see him do. not for us, but for her.
However, he, for the most part, treats her well, and despite having his issues, we all have some issue somewhere.
I just think it is a respectful thing to do - for her. Not so much for us. This has nothing to do with power, control, letting go, whatever. This has to do with just being a respectful person. And I guess what I assume is respectful to do for a young woman.
I personally would not want Cailen to be that way with his girlfriend when he is ready to date, at 35 years old  Seriously - I guess I have a higher standard for a 19 year old boy, now that I am in a different place. When I was 18 and 19 years old, my stadnards was as long as he kept his piercings clean and had no swastika tattoos, we were good to go.
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| Posted 5/18/09 3:00 PM |
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Re: Moms of daughters - something I find very RUDE (moms of sons, you can come in too....)
Posted by imthekevinofcindyandkevin
Unacceptable.
Get out of the car. Come to the door and pick up my daughter.
You don't have to come in for a visit, just show her some respect.
see - I need the man's perspective here!  Maybe I am becoming more mannish lately? 
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| Posted 5/18/09 3:03 PM |
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Re: Moms of daughters - something I find very RUDE (moms of sons, you can come in too....)
No way, you are so right! My many boyfriends always came inside when they picked me up! If they didn't then I wasn't allowed to leave the house - end of story.
I guess the difficult part is getting your DH on the same page as you, otherwise you may be fighting an uphill battle.
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| Posted 5/18/09 3:04 PM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Moms of daughters - something I find very RUDE (moms of sons, you can come in too....)
Posted by imthekevinofcindyandkevin
Unacceptable.
Get out of the car. Come to the door and pick up my daughter.
You don't have to come in for a visit, just show her some respect.
DITTO.
Liza, I think he may be too embarrassed b/c he has not paid you and your Dh the full amount he owes you for the car. I seriously think your DH should go out ther instead of your step daughter next time and tell him he has nothing to be embarrassed about. Plus, by him not coming in and saying "hi" it bothers you and your DH. KWIM? No need to be cleaning a shotgun in front of him or anything ( ) but let him know that his behavior bothers you.
I was a rebellious teen and HATED when my dad made my BF's come to the door...BUT when I was in college and out on my own I was thankful for it b/c by my dad's actions he showed me how I "should" be treated. In College & after in my own apartment there were a lot of a-holes that I dated. THANK GOD my dad set up that foundation of respect in my brain before I was out on my own. If some one did not show me respect I broke it off and that was THE BEST thing I ever did 100% of the time. I saw an ex BF from HS when dating my DH and he was at a bar wanting to hook up with me and when I told him I had a BF. He said "I have a GF too, but she's not here" he was a POS.
Just my 2 cents. I have a DD and if a boy EVER did that I can tell you this, I would walk out there. Its not being old fashioned it is protecting your teen from herself (and ignorant teen choices...we've all made some bad ones). I would question ANY boy's motives who did not come to our door, I would not care if he was a prince of a small nation. It is disrespectful and a TOTAL "playa move" ...Who knows how many girls he says he "loves" just to have sex with them? I mean, I am not in the dark ages here, but by teaching respect I HOPE and pray my DD waits to have sex until she's 30 (kidding) or at least an age where she UNDERSTANDS reprecussions of actions (like unprotected or protected sex with someone who does not respect you can = pregnancy, disease, sickness, emotional damage, single teen parent hood, dropping out of HS or college, this list is endless) and that teen invincibility "it will not happen to ME" attitude can dissipate a bit. I hope I can show my DD that having respect for yourself is one of the most important things when you are an teen and young adult. I also hope to shower her with so much love and respect that she will not look to some pimply 17yr old boy and run into his arms in order to give her the love she never got from her parents. To me, as she becomes older this is my most important job, showing how to respect her body and soul. Showing her how to be a young adult and woman who can command respect by having a quiet, strong, presence just by walking into a room, by being THE girl out of a college class of thousands that all the guys want to bring home to meet their mom.
Message edited 5/18/2009 3:29:16 PM.
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| Posted 5/18/09 3:22 PM |
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Re: Moms of daughters - something I find very RUDE (moms of sons, you can come in too....)
Dina -
Thank you for that - very well said....
While I wouldn't say he is a playa, what does bother me a little is that he is a bit possessive and wanting her all to himself, and this may be a move to seperate them from us as a couple.
No doubt he loves her. No doubt they are having sex. No doubt she sees all the time the importance of safe sex by the very nature of spending time with Cailen.
I once joked with her about having safe sex, and held up a baby Cailen - screaming and drooling - and said, "Unless you are interested in having one of THESE in about 9 months or so." She said, "Hell NO!" so i think that has sunk in....
I think she has her jead on straight for the most part and will know what she wants in a relationship based on this one. all in all, I'll be honest - i wish I had a relationship like they do when I was growing up, because for teen love, it is a nice one....
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| Posted 5/18/09 3:35 PM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Moms of daughters - something I find very RUDE (moms of sons, you can come in too....)
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Dina -
Thank you for that - very well said....
While I wouldn't say he is a playa, what does bother me a little is that he is a bit possessive and wanting her all to himself, and this may be a move to seperate them from us as a couple.
No doubt he loves her. No doubt they are having sex. No doubt she sees all the time the importance of safe sex by the very nature of spending time with Cailen.
I once joked with her about having safe sex, and held up a baby Cailen - screaming and drooling - and said, "Unless you are interested in having one of THESE in about 9 months or so." She said, "Hell NO!" so i think that has sunk in....
I think she has her jead on straight for the most part and will know what she wants in a relationship based on this one. all in all, I'll be honest - i wish I had a relationship like they do when I was growing up, because for teen love, it is a nice one....
Thanks Liza Hang in there.
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| Posted 5/18/09 3:47 PM |
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MrsRivera
2 under 2...whew!!
Member since 2/07 9876 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Moms of daughters - something I find very RUDE (moms of sons, you can come in too....)
Posted by Shorty
Posted by imthekevinofcindyandkevin
Unacceptable.
Get out of the car. Come to the door and pick up my daughter.
You don't have to come in for a visit, just show her some respect.
exactly how i feel!
I've been with DH since I was 16 - he ALWAYS rang the bell when picking me up. And he always walked me to the door, too!
I like to think I was worth more than a honk!
I absolutely agree on both points. As Jenn said, it's all about respect. DH never just pulled up in front of the house, he always came up to the door. And I would fully expect the same respect to be shown my daughter by anyone that dates her.
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| Posted 5/18/09 4:41 PM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: Moms of daughters - something I find very RUDE (moms of sons, you can come in too....)
Posted by staceyd
I know that my father would have been VERY upset if my boyfriend didnt come to the door to pick me up, even if it was just to get me, not for small talk or anything. My parents see it as just good manners. I know DH is very conservative and would feel the same way, and I agree with the PP, if you let them get away with something, they will continue those behaviors... DH has his faults that I have let him get away with, and now it is very hard to break them.. She should be taught that she deserves more!!! AND that he should have respect for her family and what they expect. JMO...
ITA.
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| Posted 5/18/09 4:45 PM |
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Smileyd17
kids
Member since 5/05 20997 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Moms of daughters - something I find very RUDE (moms of sons, you can come in too....)
Posted by Sweets13
Posted by NinasMommy
I was never allowed out of the house unless my boyfriend came to the door. At the time I hated it and thought my parents were the worst, but now I completely understand.
I plan on doing the same with my daughter and DH agrees. You want to date my daughter then you will come to the door to pick her up and say hello to us.
SAME on both posts!!!!!!!!!!!
This was the same in my house.
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| Posted 5/18/09 4:45 PM |
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Sellazz
LIF Adolescent
Member since 2/09 758 total posts
Name:
Anne
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Re: Moms of daughters - something I find very RUDE (moms of sons, you can come in too....)
Any time a guy (other then one of my friends) came to get me they had to come to the door. Even when I started dating my now DH (and I was in my 20's).
It was a respect thing for me and them. They were the same with both my sisters. Now my brother my father told him if he ever found that he was not going up to the door at a girls house he would personally let the father of the girl take a swing! 
It doesn't hurt to come in and say hello!
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| Posted 5/18/09 5:39 PM |
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Goldi0218
My miracles!
Member since 12/05 23902 total posts
Name:
Leslie
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Re: Moms of daughters - something I find very RUDE (moms of sons, you can come in too....)
As the mother of a daughter, I feel that she is deserving of respect. In MY book, when she is of dating age, I would expect anyone she dates to have enough respect for her to come to the door when she is picked up. I KNOW my DH would not be terribly fond of any young man who did not pick her up at the door and he would voice that to her (possibly him as well)
I was living on my own when I was dating DH and NEVER did he call me from the car and ask me to meet him downstairs. He rang the bell like a gentleman. He also held doors for me as well as demonstrate other gestures of chivalry.
If we are to have a son for DC #2, it will be our responsibiity as parents to TEACH our son how to properly court (Yes, I use the word "court") a young lady. I think it all starts in the home. It can be done. It's a question of how much effort the young person (and the parents) want to put into it. I am sure some people will disagree. That's how I feel - old fashioned or not.
On the other thought previously posted...
I have teenage nieces who spend every other weekend with their father and when they are there, they are like any other teenager - more interested in their teenage world - just like any other. To expect a 15 and a 17 year old to want to hang out with Mom and/or Dad and shoot the breeze is rather atypical and IMO unrealistic. I was very fortunate to have lived with both of my parents and when I was that age, sitting at the kitchen table playing Parcheesi wasn't ever going to happen.
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| Posted 5/18/09 6:00 PM |
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